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Sarcasm is an art. It's one of those little yet big things in life which can only be expressed beautifully when mastered correctly. Though sarcasm may be funny, it may also hurt many people, so use it wisely.

Last week, I decided to collect as many sarcastic and funny remarks as I could, just for the fun of it. So, here's the list! The format of the list is like this:

1. When someone says, "No"... <--- this is the "situation".
Yeah, right. <--- this is your sarcastic response.

Sometimes, there will be "no situation". You should be able to figure out when to use the sentence in italics then....

•    A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
•    Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
•    Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
•    Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
•    Don't let your mind wander; it's far too small to be let out on its own.
•    Don't thank me for insulting you; it was a pleasure.
•    Don't...

1. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
2. Well, aren't we just a ray of frigging sunshine?
3. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
4. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
5. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
6. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
7. Do I look like a frigging people person?
8. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
9. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
10. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
11. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
12. You! Off my planet !!
13....

f you'rIe too open-minded, your brains will fall out. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. If you look like your passport...

•    A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
•    Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
•    Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
•    Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
•    Don't let your mind wander; it's far too small to be let out on its own.
•    Don't thank me for insulting you; it was a pleasure.
•    Don't...

And your crybaby whinny opinion would be...?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cats.

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them....