f you'rIe too open-minded, your brains will fall out. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. If you look like your passport...

•    A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind.
•    Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you any worse advice.
•    Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today.
•    Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?
•    Don't let your mind wander; it's far too small to be let out on its own.
•    Don't thank me for insulting you; it was a pleasure.
•    Don't...