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Source: http://www.fanpop.com/spots/random/picks/results/888993/canned-bread-vs-justin-bieber
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posted by BlackSunshine
Something I got in an e-mail. Still pretty funny. Especially since I've done a few...

1. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

2. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

3. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

4. Do Tai Chi exercises.

5. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

6. Meow occasionally....
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"We need" means "I want"

"It's your decision" means "The correct decision should be obvious by now"

"Do what you want "means" You'll pay for this later

"We need to talk" means "I need to complain


"Sure...go ahead" means"I don't want you to.

"I'm not upset"means "Of course I'm upset, you moron."

"You're...so manly "means" You need a shave and you sweat a lot."

"You're certainly attentive tonight." means     "Is sex all you ever think about?"

"I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!" means     "I'm on my period."

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" means     "I...
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Source: Twitter
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Source: Dei
added by tanyya
posted by Nick16
Why did I get divorced????

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I goin to the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling,"SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
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