Ralphie: *Having dinner with his family*
Every family has a pony that won't eat. My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.
Mother: Oh Randy! Don't play with your food, eat it!
Randy: Oh jeez.
Mother: Starving ponies would be happy to have that.
Dad: Can I have some more red cabbage?
Mother: *Goes to get red cabbage*
Dad: *Angry at Randy* You stop playing with your food, or I'll give you something to cry about.
Ralphie: Mom, when you're done getting the red cabbage for dad, may I please have some?
Randy: Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.
Dad: All right, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screw driver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in.
My mother had a more subtle approach.
Mother: Randy. How do the little piggies?
Randy: *Snorting like a pig*
Mother: *Smiles* That's right, oink oink. Now show me how they eat. *Points to Randy's dinner* This is your trough, show me how the little piggies eat. Be a good colt, show mommy how the piggies eat.
Randy: *Stuffs his face into the dinner, and eats while making pig noises*
Mother: *Laughing*
Ralphie: *Looks away*
Randy: *Continues eating with his face in the dinner*
Mother: My!! *Laughing*
Dad: *Sees Randy eating like a pig* Ugh. *Reads newspaper*
Mother: Mommy's little piggy! *Laughing*
Randy: *Laughing*
Dad: *Hears five knocks on the door*
Randy: *Finishes eating dinner, then hears four knocks on the door*
We all sat down as if we were trapped in ice. Then, after five more knocks, we ran to the door.
Delivery Pony: *Knocks on door five times*
Dad: *Opens door* Yeah?
Delivery Pony: You Bob Parker?
Dad: Yeah, yeah.
Delivery Pony: *Holding clipboard with paper on it* Sign here please.
Dad: *Signing paper* What's in it?
Delivery Pony: I don't know.
Dad: What's in it?
Delivery Pony: *Shrugs*
Dad: *Finishes signing paper* Here.
Delivery Pony: *Takes paper* Okay boys, bring it in.
Delivery Ponies: *Pushing lift with big box on it*
Mother: *Gets nervous*
Dad: Watch the lady.
Delivery Ponies: *Puts box on ground* Here you are.
Dad: Yeah, thanks a lot. Merry christmas.
Delivery Ponies: *Leaving*
Dad: Do you know what could be in here?
Mother: It could be anything.
Dad: Ralph, get my hammer, and crowbar.
Ralphie: I got it. *Runs to get hammer, and crowbar*
Dad: *Looks at the word fragile* Ah. Fra-gee-le. It must be Italian.
Mother: No, I think that says fragile honey.
Dad: Oh yeah.
Ralphie: *Returns with hammer, and crowbar*
Dad: Thanks. *Puts crowbar under lid of box, and hits it with hammer* Boy. They really put this lid on tight. *Gets lid off*
Mother: *Looks at straws in box*
Dad: There could be anything in there!
Mother: Maybe they forgot.
Dad: They couldn't have. It's gotta be in there! *Throwing straws out of box, and finds a mare's leg* Do you know what this is?
Mother: No..
Dad: Well. It's a leg.
Mother: Yes it's a leg, but what's it supposed to be?
Dad: I dunno, it could be a statue.
Ralphie: *Feeling the mare's leg* Yeah, a statue.
Mother: Ralphie. *Puts his hoof off of the statue*
My mother was trying to insinuate herself between us and the statue.
Dad: *Gets a lampshade* You know what this is?! *Puts lampshade on mare's leg* This is a lamp! I know the perfect spot for this. Right in front of the living room window! *Goes to put lamp in front of living room window*
Mother: Ooh, *Really nervous* Ah! Uh! Ummm.
Dad: *Puts lamp between plants, and plugs in the lamp. However, a fuse goes out for two seconds*
Mother: AH!
Ralphie: Whoa.
Dad: *Blows on plugs, and taps it twice, causing sparks to fall*
Mother: Honey?
Dad: It's alright dear, it's alright. You know, I guess it's only, one too many. *Plugs lamp in again*
The snap of a few sparks, a quick whiff of ozone, and the lamp blazed forth in unparalleled glory.
Dad: Oh, look at that! Will you look at that? Isn't that glorious? It's... it's... it's indescribably beautiful! It reminds me of the Fourth of July! Turn off all the lights, I wanna see what it looks like outside.
Ralphie: I'll go get the dining room. *Runs to turn off dining room lights*
Dad: *Runs outside*
Mother: Randy. *Cleans his face from dinner*
Dad: *Runs to street, and looks at lamp. He points to the right* Move it that way to the right!
Mother: *Points to the right*
Dad: That's right. Move it that way!
Mother: *Slowly moves lamp to the right*
Dad: Stop right there! That's perfect!
Pony 64: Hey Parker. What is that?
Dad: Don't bother Zudock. Can't you see I'm busy here?
Pony 64: Yeah, I know, but what is that?
Dad: It's a major award. I won it.
More ponies started to gather around when they heard the old stallion talking about his major award.
Pony 64: A major award? Shucks I know that, it looks like a lamp.
Dad: Well of course it's a lamp you nincompoop, but it's also a major award. I won it.
Pony 64: Damn hell. You said you won it?
Dad: That's right.
The lamp could be seen all over Cleveland Street.
Dad: Oh you should see what it looks like from out here!
Ralphie: *Touching the lamp*
My mother still trying to prevent us from enjoying it.
Mother: Isn't it about time for somepony's favorite radio program?
Ralphie: Yeah.
Holy smokes, it was 6:45. Only one thing could drag me away from electric sex gleaming out the window.
Ralphie: *Turns on radio, and sits next to Randy*
Kids, it's Little Orphan Annie! Brought to you by Rich Creamy Chocolaty Ovaltine. I could still taste it.
Dad: *Walking back to house*
Mother: *Turns lamp off*
Dad: *Sees lamp off* Hey, you turned the lamp off!
Every family has a pony that won't eat. My little brother had not eaten voluntarily in over three years.
Mother: Oh Randy! Don't play with your food, eat it!
Randy: Oh jeez.
Mother: Starving ponies would be happy to have that.
Dad: Can I have some more red cabbage?
Mother: *Goes to get red cabbage*
Dad: *Angry at Randy* You stop playing with your food, or I'll give you something to cry about.
Ralphie: Mom, when you're done getting the red cabbage for dad, may I please have some?
Randy: Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double-beatloaf. I hate meatloaf.
Dad: All right, I'll get that kid to eat. Where's my screw driver and my plumber's helper? I'll open up his mouth and I'll shove it in.
My mother had a more subtle approach.
Mother: Randy. How do the little piggies?
Randy: *Snorting like a pig*
Mother: *Smiles* That's right, oink oink. Now show me how they eat. *Points to Randy's dinner* This is your trough, show me how the little piggies eat. Be a good colt, show mommy how the piggies eat.
Randy: *Stuffs his face into the dinner, and eats while making pig noises*
Mother: *Laughing*
Ralphie: *Looks away*
Randy: *Continues eating with his face in the dinner*
Mother: My!! *Laughing*
Dad: *Sees Randy eating like a pig* Ugh. *Reads newspaper*
Mother: Mommy's little piggy! *Laughing*
Randy: *Laughing*
Dad: *Hears five knocks on the door*
Randy: *Finishes eating dinner, then hears four knocks on the door*
We all sat down as if we were trapped in ice. Then, after five more knocks, we ran to the door.
Delivery Pony: *Knocks on door five times*
Dad: *Opens door* Yeah?
Delivery Pony: You Bob Parker?
Dad: Yeah, yeah.
Delivery Pony: *Holding clipboard with paper on it* Sign here please.
Dad: *Signing paper* What's in it?
Delivery Pony: I don't know.
Dad: What's in it?
Delivery Pony: *Shrugs*
Dad: *Finishes signing paper* Here.
Delivery Pony: *Takes paper* Okay boys, bring it in.
Delivery Ponies: *Pushing lift with big box on it*
Mother: *Gets nervous*
Dad: Watch the lady.
Delivery Ponies: *Puts box on ground* Here you are.
Dad: Yeah, thanks a lot. Merry christmas.
Delivery Ponies: *Leaving*
Dad: Do you know what could be in here?
Mother: It could be anything.
Dad: Ralph, get my hammer, and crowbar.
Ralphie: I got it. *Runs to get hammer, and crowbar*
Dad: *Looks at the word fragile* Ah. Fra-gee-le. It must be Italian.
Mother: No, I think that says fragile honey.
Dad: Oh yeah.
Ralphie: *Returns with hammer, and crowbar*
Dad: Thanks. *Puts crowbar under lid of box, and hits it with hammer* Boy. They really put this lid on tight. *Gets lid off*
Mother: *Looks at straws in box*
Dad: There could be anything in there!
Mother: Maybe they forgot.
Dad: They couldn't have. It's gotta be in there! *Throwing straws out of box, and finds a mare's leg* Do you know what this is?
Mother: No..
Dad: Well. It's a leg.
Mother: Yes it's a leg, but what's it supposed to be?
Dad: I dunno, it could be a statue.
Ralphie: *Feeling the mare's leg* Yeah, a statue.
Mother: Ralphie. *Puts his hoof off of the statue*
My mother was trying to insinuate herself between us and the statue.
Dad: *Gets a lampshade* You know what this is?! *Puts lampshade on mare's leg* This is a lamp! I know the perfect spot for this. Right in front of the living room window! *Goes to put lamp in front of living room window*
Mother: Ooh, *Really nervous* Ah! Uh! Ummm.
Dad: *Puts lamp between plants, and plugs in the lamp. However, a fuse goes out for two seconds*
Mother: AH!
Ralphie: Whoa.
Dad: *Blows on plugs, and taps it twice, causing sparks to fall*
Mother: Honey?
Dad: It's alright dear, it's alright. You know, I guess it's only, one too many. *Plugs lamp in again*
The snap of a few sparks, a quick whiff of ozone, and the lamp blazed forth in unparalleled glory.
Dad: Oh, look at that! Will you look at that? Isn't that glorious? It's... it's... it's indescribably beautiful! It reminds me of the Fourth of July! Turn off all the lights, I wanna see what it looks like outside.
Ralphie: I'll go get the dining room. *Runs to turn off dining room lights*
Dad: *Runs outside*
Mother: Randy. *Cleans his face from dinner*
Dad: *Runs to street, and looks at lamp. He points to the right* Move it that way to the right!
Mother: *Points to the right*
Dad: That's right. Move it that way!
Mother: *Slowly moves lamp to the right*
Dad: Stop right there! That's perfect!
Pony 64: Hey Parker. What is that?
Dad: Don't bother Zudock. Can't you see I'm busy here?
Pony 64: Yeah, I know, but what is that?
Dad: It's a major award. I won it.
More ponies started to gather around when they heard the old stallion talking about his major award.
Pony 64: A major award? Shucks I know that, it looks like a lamp.
Dad: Well of course it's a lamp you nincompoop, but it's also a major award. I won it.
Pony 64: Damn hell. You said you won it?
Dad: That's right.
The lamp could be seen all over Cleveland Street.
Dad: Oh you should see what it looks like from out here!
Ralphie: *Touching the lamp*
My mother still trying to prevent us from enjoying it.
Mother: Isn't it about time for somepony's favorite radio program?
Ralphie: Yeah.
Holy smokes, it was 6:45. Only one thing could drag me away from electric sex gleaming out the window.
Ralphie: *Turns on radio, and sits next to Randy*
Kids, it's Little Orphan Annie! Brought to you by Rich Creamy Chocolaty Ovaltine. I could still taste it.
Dad: *Walking back to house*
Mother: *Turns lamp off*
Dad: *Sees lamp off* Hey, you turned the lamp off!
The lamp.
