Caretaker:Look in your toilet, I left you a surprise.
Paul Crewe:You took a shit in my toilet?
Caretaker:No, that's what I left in Brucey's toilet.
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Paul Crewe:[after being pulled over by cops]:Here, you can finish this beer for me... I've got five more!
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Cheeseburger Eddy:Gimme that chesseburger. You acting like a real McAsshole.
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Big Tony:[reading sign] Foot... ball... tree... outs. What the hell's a tree-out?
Brucie: It's try-out, you half a meatball.
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Caretaker:Check me, check me.
Half a star? Check it again.
Uh ah. That aint right. I'm gonna have to stab somebody to get my rep. up.
Skitchy RiversHow about we have a maniacal pillow fight tonight? That should boost your rep.
Superstar vs. Half-a-Star.
Caretaker:Hey old man. How bout you shut-up before I slit your throat and watch the dust come out?
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Switowski:Will you teach me to football?
Paul Crewe:Sure we'll teach you to football. Won't we Caretaker?
Caretaker:I'll teach you anything. Just don't eat me.
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Caretaker:Yo man, that's my flyer, man. I worked hard on that. You see he ran like a little bitch right? You saw that right?
[Cheeseburger Eddy gets in his face]
Caretaker:Yo, the team needs you. Team needs you. You-you should come-come to the tree-outs.
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Cheeseburger Eddy:It ain't easy, being cheesy!
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Caretaker:[introducing himself to Crewe]Whatever your pleasure, I can facilitate. You need weed, you need meth- hey, you need Prozac, I'm your man. I know how you white boys always deal with that depression. I mean me personally, I don't understand what you white boys are all depressed about. Hey, you're white! Smile!
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Caretaker:Who we gonna crush?
Prisoners:The guards!
Caretaker: Who we gonna kill?
Prisoners:The guards!
Caretaker: Who we gonna kiss?
Brucie:The guards!
Caretaker:Gotcha.
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Caretaker:I don't give a shit! O.J chopped his wife's head off and still got some ass!
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