Phil: Don't talk black to me!

Claire: Who's our dumbest kid?
Phil: Luke.

Phil: The little snowflake makes it cold, cold, cold. Set Temperature makes it hold, hold, hold...

Phil [from the port-o-potty]: Just concluding a little business. Successfully, I might add!

Phil: Some people call me a salesman, I call myself a salesfriend, so obviously I need strangers to trust me. I don't take it kindly when someone Tom Sellecks my bus bench.

Phil: Just test-driving my new soup strainer. I dug it out of the Halloween stuff to see what people think.

Phil: You know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion...

One is Fizbo, the other fussy.

On ABC's Modern Family, Eric Stonestreet, 38, is the flashy and affectionate Lion King-loving Cameron Tucker, who moonlights as Fizbo the clown. His longtime partner, the tightly wound and Fizbo-loathing lawyer Mitchell Pritchett, is played by Jesse Tyler Ferguson, 34. Together, they make up one of the most high-profile gay couples on prime time.

And like any couple, real or fictional, these two have their pet peeves with each other.

Stonestreet: "I know what Jesse's is of mine."

Ferguson: "You're Pollyanna."

Stonestreet: "Go ahead."

Ferguson: "He has this very Southern...