Dear Michael, our dearest Michael, I'm sorry for the way I am. I'm sorry for being so negative. I don't try to be this was, to be frank. I'm doing this because I mean it. I really mean it. I hope you're not disappointed or displeased of me. Believe me, I really don't try to be mean. It's either because of my Asperger syndrome I have (which I consider an illness even though it's not) or that the devil is trying to take over my me. But deep in my soul and heart I'm NOT evil or cold hearted and I don't want anybody especially you thinking that I am cause that's not right. It's just that the fact that you're gone is making so tense ever sense. I'm just in pain right now. Depression and loneliness and emptiness and nothingness inside me and I got nobody to help me out. Michael, I know you're not going to like what I'm about to say and that goes to whomever is reading this too. I am much much more than sorry about the day I tried to cu... Well,you know what. I did it for two reasons: 1. I felt like I needed it. I needed something to express how I feel. 2. I wanted to take the pain for whomever is suffering in this world. But no worries. Even though I'm still so lonely and so sad, I'm not an emo anymore. What I did to myself is what emos do to themselves and it's completely wrong ( and painful. Literally).You taught us a lot, Michael. What love and kindness is all about, how to smile even though I'm sad, I can go on 24/7. I feel like I took all what you taught for granted. I even feel like I sinned. If I did I really didn't mean to. I wish there was some way I can make it up to you. But what? I'm thinking about joining the ASPCA thing but I don't know how like you do. You see, I love planet earth too. Just like you do. I want to help but I need help myself but who would be willing to help me? I feel useless. You are the most popular, successful, and nicest and wonderful man that ever set foot on the planet and me...I'm just a sketch artist, a pianist and a beginners contortionist. Michael, even though this world is a mess, you still didn't give up on it. You had whatever it took to make the world a better place. And you nkow what, I say you did make it a better place but without you now, what do we do? See what I mean? The fact that you're not here anymore is beating me and beating me so hard and I can't fight back....like I said before: even though this world is a mess, you still had the courage to change that and make us happy and I have faith in you for that along with Christ. Thank you, Michael. And once again, I'm so so very sorry. Please forgive me!!!!! :'(
His first goal in life must have been to own a candy store because he loved to play storekeeper. After Joe began giving him and his brothers a weekly allowance, he would spend every cent of it on candy and gum. He’d come home with an armful of it, take a board and two bricks and place them in the doorway to the boys’ bedroom, place a cloth over the board, lay the candy on top of it, and sell it to his brothers and sisters and friends for the same price he’d paid for it.
Michael was also a serious candy-eater and gum-chewer. Before he opened his “store,” he’d save his pennies so that he could purchase bubble gum at the concession stand at the Little League ball park behind our house. One night, however, he couldn’t find his penny for gum and he was so upset he started crying. “Mother, do you know what happened to my penny?” he asked. I knew the answer when I saw Marlon @Marlon_Jackson happily chewing away on a wad of bubble gum nearby.
Michael was also a serious candy-eater and gum-chewer. Before he opened his “store,” he’d save his pennies so that he could purchase bubble gum at the concession stand at the Little League ball park behind our house. One night, however, he couldn’t find his penny for gum and he was so upset he started crying. “Mother, do you know what happened to my penny?” he asked. I knew the answer when I saw Marlon @Marlon_Jackson happily chewing away on a wad of bubble gum nearby.
“There’s too much pressure, pressure, pressure … pressure everywhere I turn …” a diary entry dated Nov. 17, 2008 is alleged to say in part.
“I don’t know who I am, not anmore (sp). Maybe I’m just a father to my children. Maybe I’m washed up.
“The drugs are (illegible) a toll … (illegible) … I’m not addict. But I can’t stop …
“If Elvis … (illegible) … so can I.
“I’ll have a ‘heart attack’ from drugs like he did (yeah, right!)
“I’ll come back, but only when I’m ready. Bigger than Elvis in ‘69.
“Maybe 2009 at Christmas. Or maybe the New Year is better.
“A back-from-dead tour, a real Thriller. But I have to rest. I’m tired. I’m not (thinking) clearly.
“It’s the drugs.
“A lot of fans still love me. (Some) people hate me. Thing (sp) will be different (after this) …”
“I don’t know who I am, not anmore (sp). Maybe I’m just a father to my children. Maybe I’m washed up.
“The drugs are (illegible) a toll … (illegible) … I’m not addict. But I can’t stop …
“If Elvis … (illegible) … so can I.
“I’ll have a ‘heart attack’ from drugs like he did (yeah, right!)
“I’ll come back, but only when I’m ready. Bigger than Elvis in ‘69.
“Maybe 2009 at Christmas. Or maybe the New Year is better.
“A back-from-dead tour, a real Thriller. But I have to rest. I’m tired. I’m not (thinking) clearly.
“It’s the drugs.
“A lot of fans still love me. (Some) people hate me. Thing (sp) will be different (after this) …”