Chapter 3,
March 16, 1996,
I turned two years old yesterday and dad is having a hard time with my temper tantrums. He loves me to death; I just don’t think he knows what to do with me half the time! Grace is getting more and more frustrated with every day that goes by. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me but sometimes I wonder if I’m not what he bargained for!
There was a knock at the front door and a blonde haired woman that I did not recognize walked through the door. I had this strange feeling that I knew she was but, I couldn’t put a name to her face. Dad plopped me down on the couch and sat in between her and I. He said “listen Debbie, I know things didn’t leave on the right foot last time but, I’m ready for another baby and I want to put all of those feelings behind us!” She said “I was just being way too sensitive and I apologize for what happened!” She looked at my hair and looked at hers while smiling. She smirked at dad and said sarcastically “I wonder where she gets that hair from?” He said “yeah I don’t know where she gets it either!”
I ran around the living room screaming and Debbie asked “are you sure you’re ready to deal with Alanna and a newborn baby Michael?” He said “I think I know what to expect now at least the first year of the next child’s life!” I ripped one of my new books that I got for my birthday and dad asked “why would you do that?” He picked me up and put me in the corner facing the wall. Debbie looked it dad and asked “does she normally act like this or is it only because I’m here?” He laughed and said “no, she started her terrible twos a few months ago!” I tried to get out of the corner and he said “don’t you even try to move from that spot till I tell you that you can!”
Debbie said “I have to say that I’m shocked to see this side of you!” He asked “what do you mean?” She said “well, I expected you to be a laid-back father but, what you just said to Alanna proved me wrong!” He picked me up and asked “are you sorry for ruining your new book?” I kissed him and said “I’m sorry daddy.” He put me down and said “it’s okay but, don’t do that again.” He came back over to the couch and sat down. He said “it took me a while to be stern with her but, I’ve learned that I have to be because if I’m not she feels she can get away with anything.” He cleared his throat and said “believe me I felt terrible the first time I had to punish her!”
After a few hours of talking about having another baby, Debbie grabbed her jacket and gave dad and I each a hug before she left. I climbed onto his lap and he said “I don’t know about you but, I think you need a sibling!” I had no idea what he was talking about and I sat there with a blank look on my face. He said “I know you don’t understand what I’m saying but, you will soon enough!” As he held me he said quietly “I can’t believe you are already two years old… You are growing up way too fast for me!!!”
March 24, 1996,
It was almost 3 o’clock in the in the morning and I woke up to dad taking me out of my crib and bringing me outside to the car. He said “hey sleepyhead, we’re going to go to Disney World to see Mickey Mouse!” He buckled me into my car seat and sitting next to me was my uncle Macauley Culkin. He isn’t really my uncle but, dad and he are really close so I’ve always called him uncle Mac. He starred in the movie “home alone” which is one of my dad’s favorite movies!
We arrived at the airport and boarded our flight. While dad flipped through one of his parenting books, I watched the in-flight movie of the lion King. Uncle Mac played his hand held video games and I ended up falling asleep. When we got to our destination I was wondering where we were going. A few minutes later I saw a huge castle and immediately knew where we were…at Disney World!
I started to get very excited and said “I want to go see Pinocchio!!!” After we had gotten our park passes we went to go see some of the new rides. I gravitated toward the rides that I was familiar with and uncle Mac started to get bored with all of the kiddie rides. Dad let him go off on his own while he took me on the Dumbo ride. The two of us rode it about seven times before I had had enough and we went off to go find Pinocchio. After about 20 min. of searching we finally found him and I was so happy. Besides the preschool nickelodeon shows, most of what I watch is Disney movies because dad likes them too.
Then dad took me to get something to eat because I was hungry. He was hoping that we would bump into Uncle Mac on the way because he had not seen him in a few hours. While dad was ordering us some sweet potato fries and cheese burgers uncle Mac showed up. Dad asked “did you have fun?” Uncle Mac took me out of my stroller and said “yeah, thank you Michael for taking me on this trip with you guys!” Dad put the trays of food on the table and said “you know you don’t have to thank me… Alanna and I love to hang out with you!” Uncle Mac passed me a sweet potato fry and I said “thank you.”
After we had eaten, we spent four more hours shopping for souvenirs and watching a parade of characters. Then it was time for the three of us to get back on the plane and fly back home because dad has to continue rehearsing for the tour tomorrow morning. He’s trying to fit in as many memorable moments for me before we have to travel the world because it’ll be at least a year before we completely move back home. Sure we’ll spend a couple weeks at the ranch every couple of weeks but, we will mostly be living out of hotels.
April 10, 1996,
I had money from a few family members for my birthday and dad decided to take me to Toys “R” Us to spend it. Very rarely do I get to go to a toy store because dad does not want me to become spoiled, so I am really excited! I had over $150 to spend at the store and was excited to get my hands on some new toys. Before the tour starts dad gave nanny Grace a couple of weeks off because once we are heading all over the world she won’t be able to go see her family. Today she was packing her bags and getting ready to head back home to her mother’s house.
After Grace had left, dad and I were all alone in our huge home. He took me out to the car and sat next to me in the backseat. When the bodyguard who was driving us pulled up in front of Toys “R” Us I became more and more excited! Dad helped me into a shopping cart and we went into the store. The first thing I saw was a giant stuffed animal of Spiderman. Beside the Spiderman stuffed animal was one of Cinderella and dad asked “wouldn’t you rather have the Cinderella one?” I said “no; I want Spiderman!” He wasn’t trying to change my mind but, I think he was shocked when I picked the one I did.
Dad took me out of the cart and let me show him where I wanted to go. I walked down the Lego section and grabbed 1000 piece Lego racecar set. He looked at the amount of pieces and said “let’s get the big mega blocks set instead, because I think they are more for two-year-olds!” I picked out the red mega blocks instead of the option of pink and light purple colored ones. He put them in the shopping cart and I saw a display of toy dump trucks out of the corner of my eye. I ran towards them and said “daddy I want one of these please!” He said “okay… If that’s what you really want!” I carried it around the store and said “I want to go home now… I’ll save the rest of the money for next time.” He put me back in the cart and said “that’s fine, I’ll put it in a safe place for you so it doesn’t get lost!”
I think dad is starting to learn now that I’m definitely not a girly girl. I already know that I am a tomboy all the way. I can sit through a Princess movie but, it’s not very entertaining to me. I think now dad gets that and is going to gravitate away from those types of things. He knows a lot of people with kids that are tomboys so, I know that me being a tomboy isn’t going to bother him one bit because he’s accepting to those sorts of things!
April 18, 1996,
When I woke up from my nap this afternoon my uncle Jermaine was here with my five-year-old cousin Jermaine Junior. They had just gotten there because they were still wearing their jackets. Dad put me down and helped Jermaine Junior unzip his jacket. I went into the living room and Junior followed me. I have not had as much contact with other kids because of my father’s busy schedule but, he definitely thinks that I need to!
Dad pulled out my toy box from the closet and opened it up. I saw that Jermaine Junior was grabbing one of my favorite toys and took it from him. He picked out another toy and I took that one from him too. I said “no; these are all my toys… You can’t play with them!” He looked at me and sat down on the floor feeling defeated. Dad noticed that it was extremely quiet in the living, which usually means I’m up to no good room!
He walked into the room and looked at me surrounded by a pile of toys. Jermaine Junior was watching Nickelodeon and dad asked “how come you’re not playing with Alanna Junior?” He replied by saying “she won’t let me play with any of her toys!” Dad said “Alanna; you need to share your toys with Junior!” I said “but they’re mine… You bought them for me!” He sighed and said “I know I bought them for you but, it doesn’t mean you can’t share them!” I passed Junior a plastic baseball and said “there; you can play with that because it’s boring!” Dad said while desperately trying not to laugh “no you have to share all your toys with him, not just the boring ones!”
Dad got up and said “you better share your toys with him or I’m not going to buy you anymore!” He walked out of the room and sat at the kitchen table with my uncle Jermaine. Dad looked at him and asked “please tell me these terrible twos to come to an end?” Jermaine said “she’s barely 2 so, you better get used to it now because you’ve got a long way to go before they’re over!” Dad laughed and said “she’s just so stubborn; it drives me nuts!” Jermaine sarcastically replied “wow… I wonder where she gets that from?” Dad said laughing “well it’s not from me; I’m easy-going and passive!” Jermaine said “Michael if you weren’t so stubborn you wouldn’t have the best-selling album of all time… You’re the guy who stayed overnight in the studio to make sure everything on the album is perfect. You wouldn’t take no for an answer even when MTV didn’t want to show your thriller video because you were an African-American artist, but they did end up showing it didn’t they?” Dad smiled and said “okay maybe I’m a little stubborn, but not near as much a she is!” Jermaine said “you watch; she’s going to be just like you when she grows up…Stubborn as hell but, an amazing person because of that!”
Jermaine Junior shouted from the living room saying “Uncle Michael; Alanna isn’t sharing her toys with me!” Dad asked “do you want to come here and sit on my lap while he plays with your toys?” I walked into the kitchen and came up to dad. He said “if you don’t want to come in here and listen to me and uncle Jermaine talk; you better behave… I told you that you need to share!” I looked at him and stomped out of the room. Dad said “she needs more interaction with the kids because preschool is only a few years away! Jermaine didn’t say anything and took a sip of his soda. Then he asked “do you know what you are doing Michael?” Dad said “I don’t want this to come off wrong but, Alanna’s my trial and error child… I don’t really know what I’m doing and I’m just hoping something will work with her!” Jermaine said “I know exactly how you feel; parenting takes real skill and time!” Junior grabbed his jacket and said “you have to drop me off at mom’s house in a few minutes, don’t forget dad!”
As uncle Jermaine was putting his jacket on, dad said “I just don’t want her to become a brat!” Jermaine walked towards the door with my cousin in his arms and said “she won’t Michael; you need to have faith in yourself as a father!” The door slammed shut and I ran up to dad!” He said “I don’t like it when you act like that… I’m not happy with you!”
Dad will always be grateful to have me for his daughter but, he knows how he wants me brought up. It bothers him that I constantly disobey him and he is embarrassed when I act out because he’s trying so hard to make sure I understand right from wrong! He is too tough on himself because of that though! He’s hoping that I’ll catch on soon so, it doesn’t get worse in the future when I’m a teenager!
April 21, 1996,
Dad came home around six o’clock and walked upstairs to my room where I was watching TV. He sat down on the floor next to me and noticed that I was sweating. I started to shiver and he asked “do you feel okay?” He felt my forehead and said “you feel a little warm!” I looked at him and started to cry. He picked me up and asked “what’s wrong?” I pointed to my ears and he said “you must have an ear infection!”
He carried me downstairs and said “I think I still have those drops from the last time I had an ear infection.” He rummaged through the medicine cabinet in one of the bathrooms downstairs and said “here they are!” Grace held me down while dad put the drops in my ears. That was quite the ordeal I was determined that those drops were not coming anywhere near me and definitely not near my ears! Every time he would try to put them in my ears I would pull away and one time I actually broke free of her grip!
I ran upstairs and into my room. Dad and Grace had to chase me into a corner so he could put the drops in my ears! Of course I acted like it was the end of the world because I was having a two-year-old meltdown and on top of all that I didn’t feel very good! Dad managed to calm me down by reading me a book while Grace tried to catch her breath after following me around the whole house for 45 min.
A few hours later, dad took me to his room and put a movie in the VCR for us to watch. I laid there next to him with his arm around my shoulders and watched Peter Pan. We chuckled and rewound parts of the movie over and over again and this is definitely a moment that I’ll never forget!
June 6, 1996,
It was the middle of the day and I was playing with my Legos in the playroom when there was a knock at the door. Dad answered it surprised to see Debbie on the other side. He asked “what are you doing here?” Out of the corner of his eye he could see that she was holding an unidentified white stick in her hands. She said “I have some news!” Looking puzzled he asked “what kind of news?” She passed him the white stick and he said “oh my gosh; a positive pregnancy test!!!” He jumped up and down with joy and hugged her.
Being two years old, I had no idea what he was so excited about so, I just continued to play. He eventually came over to me and said “you’re going to have a little brother or sister soon!” I said “a baby?” Dad smiled as he said “yes… Another baby!” Debbie smiled and said “I can’t believe I’m pregnant again!” Dad hugged her and said “I can’t thank you enough for what you’re doing for me, you’ve made me the happiest person in the world!”
I don’t know what compelled me to do what I did next. I got up off the floor and asked Debbie to pick me up. She did and that was the first time I willingly let her hold me since I was born. Dad asked “can you give Ms. Debbie a kiss on the cheek?” He was shocked when I kissed her and said “wow; she rarely kisses anyone but me!” Debbie seemed really happy to have me in her arms but, she also looked a little uncomfortable. I think she was feeling like she was missing out on being a parent but, she knew deep down that she didn’t really want to be a hands-on mother and that dad was doing a really good job as a single parent!
For reasons I don’t understand yet; dad became very emotional seeing the two of us together. He loves being a single father but, his heart was hurting for me because I would never know what it was like to have a mother! He started to tear up and took me from her so he didn’t get more upset because he doesn’t like to cry in front of me! Debbie quickly said “well; I better get going, I just wanted to tell you that you’re going to be a father of two in nine months!” As she left dad kissed my forehead and said “wow… Two kids!”
June 12, 1996,
Since dad found out he was going to be a father of two kids soon he decided to slowly start helping me reach certain milestones that a toddler should accomplish. He thought a good place to start was by getting rid of my crib. A delivery truck was going to be at the ranch in a few hours and dad went upstairs with me to get my room ready and move things around so there was room for my new bed.
He put me down on my bedroom floor and said “I know I’m not very handy but, at least you’ll have something to laugh at while you watch me try and take apart your crib!” He kneeled down and started to unscrew the bolts that hold it together. It took him forever to take it apart but, I don’t blame him because he would much rather be cooking something in the kitchen then building or taking things apart! At one point Grace walked into my room and busted out laughing. She asked “oh my God there’s so many screws scattered everywhere and the crib looks like a trapezoid!” Dad laughed and said “yeah, yeah, yeah (blushes) I know I’m no Mr. fix-it!”
Grace let the delivery crew in and bring my bed frame and mattress upstairs to my room. To dad’s relief; the bed frame was already assembled and all he had to do was put the mattress in. I helped dad put my brand-new Mickey Mouse bedding on my bed and he put my Mickey Mouse stuffed animal at the end of my bed. Grace walked into my room and said “I was wondering when you would ever get rid of that crib!” Dad said “it’s just hard for me to let my baby grow up!” I hugged him and said “thank you for my bed daddy!” He said “you’re welcome; I love you!” Grace said “you know that you’re probably not going to get much sleep tonight because she is going to keep getting out of her bed!” Dad said “yeah, that’s part of the reason why I didn’t get rid of her crib right after she turned two!”
At eight o’clock it was time for me to go to bed and dad brought me upstairs to my bedroom. He put me under the covers and kissed my forehead. He said “okay, I’m going to be downstairs if you get out of this bed I will hear you!” He shut off the lights and left my bedroom door open so the hallway light when shine in my room. I got out of bed and walked to the top of the stairs. Dad didn’t notice me at first but, when he got up to get a drink of water he saw me and asked “what are you doing out of your bed?” I said “I want to come down there daddy!” He walked up the steps and picked me up. He put me back in my bed and said “I love you, but it’s time to go to sleep!” He went into his bedroom and I could see him watching TV on the edge of his bed.
I waited about 5 min. to see if he saw me looking at him before I got out of bed again and went into his room. He looked at me and said “you better get back in that bed before I have to put you in time out!” I started to cry as I slowly made my way back to my bedroom and into my bed. After a while of me sitting in my bedroom crying; dad came in and lay down next to me. I think he realized that I was used to having the security of my crib and tried to comfort me. The first few times I did get out of my bed was because I was testing dad to see if he was going to bring me back but, I only got out of bed two more times before I got the message that he wasn’t going to give in. When I woke up the next morning I was in my bed alone and he was sprawled cross his bed on his stomach with the remote in his hand.
July 26, 1996,
It was the middle of the afternoon and I was upstairs in my room. Dad noticed that it was awfully quiet and normally I would be making some sort of noise. He went upstairs to investigate and saw me in the corner of the room holding something. When he came closer he noticed I had cut my hair with scissors.
He took the scissors out of my hands and asked “oh my gosh, what did you do to your hair?” I said “I was just giving myself a haircut like Karen does!” At first dad was mad but, a few minutes later he couldn’t help but laugh because I looked so weird with a chunk of my hair shorter than the other parts. Luckily my hair is really short so it didn’t look that bad and it wouldn’t take a long time to grow back.
Dad took me downstairs and showed Grace my hair and she said “you have to admit that it’s kind of cute that she tried to cut her own hair!” Dad laughed as he looked down at my head and said “yeah I know… I tried to be serious with her but, I couldn’t because she looked so adorable!” Dad said “just don’t do it again and we’ll be all good!” Let’s just say I think I’ll be wearing a baseball cap for a very long time!
July 28, 1996,
When I woke up this morning dad was at work, like he usually is at this time. Grace is still getting used to the fact that my crib is gone because now I walk downstairs and wait for her to get up in the morning. She was surprised the first time I was down there by myself because she wasn’t expecting me to be up and playing. She went into my room this morning and I had already gone downstairs.
She went downstairs and found me sitting in front of the TV, which I managed to somehow turn on Nickelodeon. She patted my bed headed hair and got me a bowl of cereal for breakfast. She said “I just talked to you daddy on the phone and he said we could visit him on the set of his new music video ghosts.” I began to get very excited and started jumping around. She said “were going to go there for a couple of hours so, daddy can ride home with us when he’s done working!” I hurried to finish my cereal and Grace said “you don’t have to rush; we won’t be leaving for a while!”
A few hours later we drove to an undisclosed location where my dad was filming a music video. Grace helped me out of the car and we walked inside. I looked around for dad but, he was nowhere to be found. Then an overweight man wearing glasses, kneelt down in front of me and said “hi Alanna!” He sounded like dad but, definitely didn’t look like him. I started to cry and reached out for Grace to pick me up. She asked “Michael; is that you?” He said “yeah, this is just a costume that I wear when I play that mayor!!! I didn’t mean to make her cry!!!” Grace passed me to him and said “it’s okay; it’s just daddy in a costume.” I shook my head and said “that doesn’t look like daddy!” I screamed out of sheer terror and clung to her as tightly as I possibly could!
Grace followed the man with me in her arms and went into a dressing room. He sat in the chair and people began to remove a rubber mask from his face. When the mask was off I finally realized that it really was dad under all that makeup!” He looked at me and smiled. I climbed onto his lap and said “I love you daddy!” He said “I love you more!!!”
August 1, 1996
I was playing with my toys in the playroom while Grace was doing dishes in the kitchen. The phone rang and she picked it up. She had a shocked look on her face as she listened to the person on the other side of the call and raced upstairs to pack her suitcase. I was wondering what was going on because I saw her crying as she ran to her room. I decided to lay low for a while so I didn’t make her any sadder than she already was!
20 min. later dad came home oblivious to what was going on. He saw that I was downstairs by myself and then Grace came to greet him carrying her suitcase. Dad looked at her as tears streamed down her face and asked “what’s wrong?” She said “my sister called and told me she was just diagnosed with lung cancer and asked if I could keep her company until my other sister was able to quit her job and stay with her full-time!” He hugged her and said “you take as much time as you need and tell her I’ll keep her in my thoughts!” She asked “who will watch Alanna while you’re at work because I will probably be gone for a month?” He said “I will stay home with her… It will give me some time to spend with her before the new baby comes!” She hugged me and sobbed as she walked out the door.
I asked “where is she going daddy?” He picked me up and said “she will be back in a few weeks!” He kissed me and said “that’s okay, me and you’re going to have fun together because I’m not going to work until she gets back!” I said “daddy I want to take a bath!” Even though dad tries his best to be home from work in time to give me a bath and put me to bed, he had not been able to in three months because of his busy schedule!” He said “okay, we can do that!”
October 31, 1996,
I am so excited because I’m going to get to go trick-or-treating today for my first time! Dad came up with a plan so, we don’t have a repeat of last year! He brought a costume for himself to where when we go house to house because people won’t know that it’s him. He brought himself a Spiderman costume and I picked out a Batman costume. Grace thought that it was a really good idea to have the two of us dressed up and she really thinks we’ll pull it off!”
After we had put our costumes on, we went out to find houses that were giving out candy. When we found a house with the porch lights on I noticed that there was just a bowl of candy on their doorstep. At that point we had been looking for hours for a house that was celebrating Halloween and dad was starting to get discouraged. He said “apparently these other rich and famous people like me are too good to celebrate Halloween!” Dad said “come on; I’m done with this, I have another idea!”
When we got back to the ranch Grace asked “what are you doing back here?” I said “no one was giving out candy!” Dad quickly went to the pantry and pulled out a big bag of assorted candies and poured it in five separate bowls. He whispered in Grace’s ear and then carried me upstairs. He said “if we can’t go trick-or-treating, you can at least pretend that we are! He said “knock on that door!” When I did Grace opened it and said “happy halloween!” I opened my bag and said “trick-or-treat!” She passed me some candy and we went door to door in the house getting more until my bag was full!
This will definitely be a moment that I look back on when I am older. Dad always strives for me to have as normal life as I possibly can! He didn’t want me missing out on trick-or-treating for the second time in a row so, he came up with this within minutes. I was so excited and he couldn’t handle having to let me down again! Sure; this wasn’t what I had in mind but, it is probably as close as I’ll ever get to doing the real thing! This is just more proof that my father is the most amazing father in the world and is nothing like what the media show him to be! I wish they would just leave him alone! Its one thing to say something nice about someone that you can back up but, on the other hand their favorite things to is say something completely false and all it does is eat away at my dad’s self-esteem!
September 7, 1996,
I woke up this morning to dad putting me in an SUV and Grace was sitting next to me. Grace must have come back last night because I haven’t seen her since she left to keep her sister company a week ago. I also noticed that we were in a different country, which means I slept through the whole plane ride to Spain. Today’s dad’s first concert for his history tour and it starts in an hour. He will be doing four shows a week and the rest of the time he will be spending with me!
We pulled up in front of a concert arena and Grace followed dad inside with me in her arms. Dad ran as fast as he possibly could to go change into his first outfit for the show. I tried to follow him and Grace said “daddy is busy; we’re going to get to see him sing on that stage over there!” She picked me up and I said “WOW… That’s going to be so cool! Are people going to scream for him?” She said “yes, really loud!” I rested my head on her shoulder and said “I love my daddy so much!” She said “I know you do; he loves you more though!” We playfully argued back and forth about who loved who more and then dad came out of his dressing room. He kissed me and said “okay; it’s time for me to do my thing!”
I sat backstage and watched the concert. Dad would occasionally come back there for a last-minute costume change and the entire time he would talk to me. Even though he’s on tour he knows that he needs to be there for me no matter what! He doesn’t want me to forget that he’s my father and that I can come to him with anything! As I watched him dance across the stage I absolutely loved when he was doing and thought it was so awesome!
When the show was over he came backstage to get me and he was dripping with sweat. He picked me up and asked “did you like the concert?” I said “daddy I want to do that when I grow up!” He said “you can do whatever you want to, just as long as you try your best and work hard!!!” I knew from that moment on that that was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life! Just seeing him on the stage and how magical his dance moves were mesmerized me! We went back to the hotel and I fell asleep in his arms!
December 1, 1996,
It was three o’clock in the morning and I walked into dad’s bedroom. I climbed on the bed and shook him until he woke up. He turned on his light that was next to his bed and rubbed his eyes. He asked “what are you doing awake this early?” I said “I had a bad dream again daddy… I am really scared!” He said “this is the 5th time in a row that you have had a bad dream!” I put the blanket over me and said “it was about a monster chasing me this time!” Dad said “monsters aren’t real… You have nothing to be afraid of sweetheart!”
I knew very well that monsters were not real; the real reason I wanted to be with him was because the new baby will be here soon and I’m worried that I’m going to miss out on doing stuff like this after he is born! I think dad is starting to catch on to my tricks and I don’t think he will let me sleep in his room anymore!
He hugged me and said “I need to go back to sleep because I have a concert tomorrow so, go back to your bed, I love you but, you’re not scared and it’s time to go to sleep!” I looked at him shocked and climbed off the bed. As I walked back to my room (in the hotel we were staying at) I said “I just don’t want to give you up!”
Afterwards I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling wondering if my dad was truly going to treat me the same as my baby brother! I don’t know what made me doubt that he wouldn’t but, here I was starting to grow up and learn new things. My brother would be the baby of the family and I would just be me! I know dad loves me but, what if the new baby would listen to him and stay out of trouble? Most times when I get in trouble I don’t think before I act and what if the new baby was everything he ever wanted in a child? I can’t change who I am, which most of the time was a troublemaker and ignored everything that was said to me!
December 19, 1996,
It was about an hour and a half after my dad’s concert and we were just getting settled in at a new hotel. I am slowly getting used to life on the road and dad tries to make each bedroom that I have in the hotels comfortable for me. He takes posters that are normally in my bedroom at home and puts them in each hotel room. Something that I’ll never forget is the fact that he always puts a poster of himself in my bedroom, no matter where we are so I can always look at him; even if he’s not there in person!
I heard dad watching a movie in his bedroom and went in to see him. I looked at the TV screen captivated by what I was seeing. I asked “daddy; what are you watching?” He said “this is Star Wars, one of my favorite movies!” I asked “what are those colorful things those people are fighting with?” He said “those are light-sabers!” I said “Lifesavers?” He laughed and said “no, light sabers!” I said “yeah; that’s what I said, Lifesavers!” He chuckled and said “okay, I guess they are Lifesavers!” I climbed on the edge of his bed and onto his lap. He smiled as I really became interested in what was happening in the movie.
I asked questions about tons of different things about the characters and he would quickly jump to answer them. I don’t know what it was about that Star Wars movie that was so special but, I really felt like that was a good way for us to bond even after my brother is born!
December 21, 1996,
It’s getting closer and closer to the birth of my baby brother so, Debbie is coming over again today to help dad get prepared to be a father of two! Dad was busy getting ready for the day when she arrived and Grace let her inside our hotel room. Grace then when to her room so, she could fold our laundry. I was playing in my room and watching a Disney movie.
Debbie came in my room and sat down on my small twin sized bed. She asked “how are you, I can’t believe you’re almost 3 years old now… I remember when you were just a little baby!” I ignored her and searched through a pile of toys for my pacifier. She looked at me shocked as I casually put it in my mouth. She said “wow; I’m surprised your daddy still lets you have a pacifier!” I heard dad walking down the hallway and ran to him.
He scooped me up and said “hi Debbie!” He walked over to the couch and sat down next to her. Grace came over to the three of us and passed me a bottle of chocolate milk. Debbie looked at dad and asked “don’t you think Alanna is getting too old to be using pacifiers and baby bottles?” He ran his fingers through my hair and said “I’ll deal with that when it comes, for now she can stay my baby girl for a few weeks!” She said “I just figured since she is almost 3 years old you would have got rid of those things a while ago!” Dad said while beginning to get irritated “I really don’t appreciate you giving me parenting advice; when you are not with her every single day and you are not theoretically her mommy!” She said “okay; I don’t want this to turn into a fight so, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself!” Dad said “thank you!”
Debbie put a gift bag filled with baby clothes on the coffee-table and started to take them out. Dad asked “what’s all this for; you don’t have to buy anything!” She said “well, I thought because he is going to be your first son; I would get you some boys clothing.” I said “wow, new clothes for my baby brother!” Debbie asked “are you sure you want to name him Prince?” Dad said “yeah, because it was my grandfather’s name and because I think it’s adorable!” Debbie asked “Alanna, are you excited to be a big sister?” I said “yeah, he’s going to cry a lot!” She laughed and said “I’m sure he is!”
After she had left, dad sat down on the couch with me his lap and said “only a little bit longer to go and your little brother will be coming!” To me dad looked happy but; I think he’s a little bit nervous because he didn’t expect to have another baby while he is still on tour! I don’t know how he’s going to balance going to concerts and being a father of two but… I know he will figure it out!
March 16, 1996,
I turned two years old yesterday and dad is having a hard time with my temper tantrums. He loves me to death; I just don’t think he knows what to do with me half the time! Grace is getting more and more frustrated with every day that goes by. I have no doubt in my mind that he loves me but sometimes I wonder if I’m not what he bargained for!
There was a knock at the front door and a blonde haired woman that I did not recognize walked through the door. I had this strange feeling that I knew she was but, I couldn’t put a name to her face. Dad plopped me down on the couch and sat in between her and I. He said “listen Debbie, I know things didn’t leave on the right foot last time but, I’m ready for another baby and I want to put all of those feelings behind us!” She said “I was just being way too sensitive and I apologize for what happened!” She looked at my hair and looked at hers while smiling. She smirked at dad and said sarcastically “I wonder where she gets that hair from?” He said “yeah I don’t know where she gets it either!”
I ran around the living room screaming and Debbie asked “are you sure you’re ready to deal with Alanna and a newborn baby Michael?” He said “I think I know what to expect now at least the first year of the next child’s life!” I ripped one of my new books that I got for my birthday and dad asked “why would you do that?” He picked me up and put me in the corner facing the wall. Debbie looked it dad and asked “does she normally act like this or is it only because I’m here?” He laughed and said “no, she started her terrible twos a few months ago!” I tried to get out of the corner and he said “don’t you even try to move from that spot till I tell you that you can!”
Debbie said “I have to say that I’m shocked to see this side of you!” He asked “what do you mean?” She said “well, I expected you to be a laid-back father but, what you just said to Alanna proved me wrong!” He picked me up and asked “are you sorry for ruining your new book?” I kissed him and said “I’m sorry daddy.” He put me down and said “it’s okay but, don’t do that again.” He came back over to the couch and sat down. He said “it took me a while to be stern with her but, I’ve learned that I have to be because if I’m not she feels she can get away with anything.” He cleared his throat and said “believe me I felt terrible the first time I had to punish her!”
After a few hours of talking about having another baby, Debbie grabbed her jacket and gave dad and I each a hug before she left. I climbed onto his lap and he said “I don’t know about you but, I think you need a sibling!” I had no idea what he was talking about and I sat there with a blank look on my face. He said “I know you don’t understand what I’m saying but, you will soon enough!” As he held me he said quietly “I can’t believe you are already two years old… You are growing up way too fast for me!!!”
March 24, 1996,
It was almost 3 o’clock in the in the morning and I woke up to dad taking me out of my crib and bringing me outside to the car. He said “hey sleepyhead, we’re going to go to Disney World to see Mickey Mouse!” He buckled me into my car seat and sitting next to me was my uncle Macauley Culkin. He isn’t really my uncle but, dad and he are really close so I’ve always called him uncle Mac. He starred in the movie “home alone” which is one of my dad’s favorite movies!
We arrived at the airport and boarded our flight. While dad flipped through one of his parenting books, I watched the in-flight movie of the lion King. Uncle Mac played his hand held video games and I ended up falling asleep. When we got to our destination I was wondering where we were going. A few minutes later I saw a huge castle and immediately knew where we were…at Disney World!
I started to get very excited and said “I want to go see Pinocchio!!!” After we had gotten our park passes we went to go see some of the new rides. I gravitated toward the rides that I was familiar with and uncle Mac started to get bored with all of the kiddie rides. Dad let him go off on his own while he took me on the Dumbo ride. The two of us rode it about seven times before I had had enough and we went off to go find Pinocchio. After about 20 min. of searching we finally found him and I was so happy. Besides the preschool nickelodeon shows, most of what I watch is Disney movies because dad likes them too.
Then dad took me to get something to eat because I was hungry. He was hoping that we would bump into Uncle Mac on the way because he had not seen him in a few hours. While dad was ordering us some sweet potato fries and cheese burgers uncle Mac showed up. Dad asked “did you have fun?” Uncle Mac took me out of my stroller and said “yeah, thank you Michael for taking me on this trip with you guys!” Dad put the trays of food on the table and said “you know you don’t have to thank me… Alanna and I love to hang out with you!” Uncle Mac passed me a sweet potato fry and I said “thank you.”
After we had eaten, we spent four more hours shopping for souvenirs and watching a parade of characters. Then it was time for the three of us to get back on the plane and fly back home because dad has to continue rehearsing for the tour tomorrow morning. He’s trying to fit in as many memorable moments for me before we have to travel the world because it’ll be at least a year before we completely move back home. Sure we’ll spend a couple weeks at the ranch every couple of weeks but, we will mostly be living out of hotels.
April 10, 1996,
I had money from a few family members for my birthday and dad decided to take me to Toys “R” Us to spend it. Very rarely do I get to go to a toy store because dad does not want me to become spoiled, so I am really excited! I had over $150 to spend at the store and was excited to get my hands on some new toys. Before the tour starts dad gave nanny Grace a couple of weeks off because once we are heading all over the world she won’t be able to go see her family. Today she was packing her bags and getting ready to head back home to her mother’s house.
After Grace had left, dad and I were all alone in our huge home. He took me out to the car and sat next to me in the backseat. When the bodyguard who was driving us pulled up in front of Toys “R” Us I became more and more excited! Dad helped me into a shopping cart and we went into the store. The first thing I saw was a giant stuffed animal of Spiderman. Beside the Spiderman stuffed animal was one of Cinderella and dad asked “wouldn’t you rather have the Cinderella one?” I said “no; I want Spiderman!” He wasn’t trying to change my mind but, I think he was shocked when I picked the one I did.
Dad took me out of the cart and let me show him where I wanted to go. I walked down the Lego section and grabbed 1000 piece Lego racecar set. He looked at the amount of pieces and said “let’s get the big mega blocks set instead, because I think they are more for two-year-olds!” I picked out the red mega blocks instead of the option of pink and light purple colored ones. He put them in the shopping cart and I saw a display of toy dump trucks out of the corner of my eye. I ran towards them and said “daddy I want one of these please!” He said “okay… If that’s what you really want!” I carried it around the store and said “I want to go home now… I’ll save the rest of the money for next time.” He put me back in the cart and said “that’s fine, I’ll put it in a safe place for you so it doesn’t get lost!”
I think dad is starting to learn now that I’m definitely not a girly girl. I already know that I am a tomboy all the way. I can sit through a Princess movie but, it’s not very entertaining to me. I think now dad gets that and is going to gravitate away from those types of things. He knows a lot of people with kids that are tomboys so, I know that me being a tomboy isn’t going to bother him one bit because he’s accepting to those sorts of things!
April 18, 1996,
When I woke up from my nap this afternoon my uncle Jermaine was here with my five-year-old cousin Jermaine Junior. They had just gotten there because they were still wearing their jackets. Dad put me down and helped Jermaine Junior unzip his jacket. I went into the living room and Junior followed me. I have not had as much contact with other kids because of my father’s busy schedule but, he definitely thinks that I need to!
Dad pulled out my toy box from the closet and opened it up. I saw that Jermaine Junior was grabbing one of my favorite toys and took it from him. He picked out another toy and I took that one from him too. I said “no; these are all my toys… You can’t play with them!” He looked at me and sat down on the floor feeling defeated. Dad noticed that it was extremely quiet in the living, which usually means I’m up to no good room!
He walked into the room and looked at me surrounded by a pile of toys. Jermaine Junior was watching Nickelodeon and dad asked “how come you’re not playing with Alanna Junior?” He replied by saying “she won’t let me play with any of her toys!” Dad said “Alanna; you need to share your toys with Junior!” I said “but they’re mine… You bought them for me!” He sighed and said “I know I bought them for you but, it doesn’t mean you can’t share them!” I passed Junior a plastic baseball and said “there; you can play with that because it’s boring!” Dad said while desperately trying not to laugh “no you have to share all your toys with him, not just the boring ones!”
Dad got up and said “you better share your toys with him or I’m not going to buy you anymore!” He walked out of the room and sat at the kitchen table with my uncle Jermaine. Dad looked at him and asked “please tell me these terrible twos to come to an end?” Jermaine said “she’s barely 2 so, you better get used to it now because you’ve got a long way to go before they’re over!” Dad laughed and said “she’s just so stubborn; it drives me nuts!” Jermaine sarcastically replied “wow… I wonder where she gets that from?” Dad said laughing “well it’s not from me; I’m easy-going and passive!” Jermaine said “Michael if you weren’t so stubborn you wouldn’t have the best-selling album of all time… You’re the guy who stayed overnight in the studio to make sure everything on the album is perfect. You wouldn’t take no for an answer even when MTV didn’t want to show your thriller video because you were an African-American artist, but they did end up showing it didn’t they?” Dad smiled and said “okay maybe I’m a little stubborn, but not near as much a she is!” Jermaine said “you watch; she’s going to be just like you when she grows up…Stubborn as hell but, an amazing person because of that!”
Jermaine Junior shouted from the living room saying “Uncle Michael; Alanna isn’t sharing her toys with me!” Dad asked “do you want to come here and sit on my lap while he plays with your toys?” I walked into the kitchen and came up to dad. He said “if you don’t want to come in here and listen to me and uncle Jermaine talk; you better behave… I told you that you need to share!” I looked at him and stomped out of the room. Dad said “she needs more interaction with the kids because preschool is only a few years away! Jermaine didn’t say anything and took a sip of his soda. Then he asked “do you know what you are doing Michael?” Dad said “I don’t want this to come off wrong but, Alanna’s my trial and error child… I don’t really know what I’m doing and I’m just hoping something will work with her!” Jermaine said “I know exactly how you feel; parenting takes real skill and time!” Junior grabbed his jacket and said “you have to drop me off at mom’s house in a few minutes, don’t forget dad!”
As uncle Jermaine was putting his jacket on, dad said “I just don’t want her to become a brat!” Jermaine walked towards the door with my cousin in his arms and said “she won’t Michael; you need to have faith in yourself as a father!” The door slammed shut and I ran up to dad!” He said “I don’t like it when you act like that… I’m not happy with you!”
Dad will always be grateful to have me for his daughter but, he knows how he wants me brought up. It bothers him that I constantly disobey him and he is embarrassed when I act out because he’s trying so hard to make sure I understand right from wrong! He is too tough on himself because of that though! He’s hoping that I’ll catch on soon so, it doesn’t get worse in the future when I’m a teenager!
April 21, 1996,
Dad came home around six o’clock and walked upstairs to my room where I was watching TV. He sat down on the floor next to me and noticed that I was sweating. I started to shiver and he asked “do you feel okay?” He felt my forehead and said “you feel a little warm!” I looked at him and started to cry. He picked me up and asked “what’s wrong?” I pointed to my ears and he said “you must have an ear infection!”
He carried me downstairs and said “I think I still have those drops from the last time I had an ear infection.” He rummaged through the medicine cabinet in one of the bathrooms downstairs and said “here they are!” Grace held me down while dad put the drops in my ears. That was quite the ordeal I was determined that those drops were not coming anywhere near me and definitely not near my ears! Every time he would try to put them in my ears I would pull away and one time I actually broke free of her grip!
I ran upstairs and into my room. Dad and Grace had to chase me into a corner so he could put the drops in my ears! Of course I acted like it was the end of the world because I was having a two-year-old meltdown and on top of all that I didn’t feel very good! Dad managed to calm me down by reading me a book while Grace tried to catch her breath after following me around the whole house for 45 min.
A few hours later, dad took me to his room and put a movie in the VCR for us to watch. I laid there next to him with his arm around my shoulders and watched Peter Pan. We chuckled and rewound parts of the movie over and over again and this is definitely a moment that I’ll never forget!
June 6, 1996,
It was the middle of the day and I was playing with my Legos in the playroom when there was a knock at the door. Dad answered it surprised to see Debbie on the other side. He asked “what are you doing here?” Out of the corner of his eye he could see that she was holding an unidentified white stick in her hands. She said “I have some news!” Looking puzzled he asked “what kind of news?” She passed him the white stick and he said “oh my gosh; a positive pregnancy test!!!” He jumped up and down with joy and hugged her.
Being two years old, I had no idea what he was so excited about so, I just continued to play. He eventually came over to me and said “you’re going to have a little brother or sister soon!” I said “a baby?” Dad smiled as he said “yes… Another baby!” Debbie smiled and said “I can’t believe I’m pregnant again!” Dad hugged her and said “I can’t thank you enough for what you’re doing for me, you’ve made me the happiest person in the world!”
I don’t know what compelled me to do what I did next. I got up off the floor and asked Debbie to pick me up. She did and that was the first time I willingly let her hold me since I was born. Dad asked “can you give Ms. Debbie a kiss on the cheek?” He was shocked when I kissed her and said “wow; she rarely kisses anyone but me!” Debbie seemed really happy to have me in her arms but, she also looked a little uncomfortable. I think she was feeling like she was missing out on being a parent but, she knew deep down that she didn’t really want to be a hands-on mother and that dad was doing a really good job as a single parent!
For reasons I don’t understand yet; dad became very emotional seeing the two of us together. He loves being a single father but, his heart was hurting for me because I would never know what it was like to have a mother! He started to tear up and took me from her so he didn’t get more upset because he doesn’t like to cry in front of me! Debbie quickly said “well; I better get going, I just wanted to tell you that you’re going to be a father of two in nine months!” As she left dad kissed my forehead and said “wow… Two kids!”
June 12, 1996,
Since dad found out he was going to be a father of two kids soon he decided to slowly start helping me reach certain milestones that a toddler should accomplish. He thought a good place to start was by getting rid of my crib. A delivery truck was going to be at the ranch in a few hours and dad went upstairs with me to get my room ready and move things around so there was room for my new bed.
He put me down on my bedroom floor and said “I know I’m not very handy but, at least you’ll have something to laugh at while you watch me try and take apart your crib!” He kneeled down and started to unscrew the bolts that hold it together. It took him forever to take it apart but, I don’t blame him because he would much rather be cooking something in the kitchen then building or taking things apart! At one point Grace walked into my room and busted out laughing. She asked “oh my God there’s so many screws scattered everywhere and the crib looks like a trapezoid!” Dad laughed and said “yeah, yeah, yeah (blushes) I know I’m no Mr. fix-it!”
Grace let the delivery crew in and bring my bed frame and mattress upstairs to my room. To dad’s relief; the bed frame was already assembled and all he had to do was put the mattress in. I helped dad put my brand-new Mickey Mouse bedding on my bed and he put my Mickey Mouse stuffed animal at the end of my bed. Grace walked into my room and said “I was wondering when you would ever get rid of that crib!” Dad said “it’s just hard for me to let my baby grow up!” I hugged him and said “thank you for my bed daddy!” He said “you’re welcome; I love you!” Grace said “you know that you’re probably not going to get much sleep tonight because she is going to keep getting out of her bed!” Dad said “yeah, that’s part of the reason why I didn’t get rid of her crib right after she turned two!”
At eight o’clock it was time for me to go to bed and dad brought me upstairs to my bedroom. He put me under the covers and kissed my forehead. He said “okay, I’m going to be downstairs if you get out of this bed I will hear you!” He shut off the lights and left my bedroom door open so the hallway light when shine in my room. I got out of bed and walked to the top of the stairs. Dad didn’t notice me at first but, when he got up to get a drink of water he saw me and asked “what are you doing out of your bed?” I said “I want to come down there daddy!” He walked up the steps and picked me up. He put me back in my bed and said “I love you, but it’s time to go to sleep!” He went into his bedroom and I could see him watching TV on the edge of his bed.
I waited about 5 min. to see if he saw me looking at him before I got out of bed again and went into his room. He looked at me and said “you better get back in that bed before I have to put you in time out!” I started to cry as I slowly made my way back to my bedroom and into my bed. After a while of me sitting in my bedroom crying; dad came in and lay down next to me. I think he realized that I was used to having the security of my crib and tried to comfort me. The first few times I did get out of my bed was because I was testing dad to see if he was going to bring me back but, I only got out of bed two more times before I got the message that he wasn’t going to give in. When I woke up the next morning I was in my bed alone and he was sprawled cross his bed on his stomach with the remote in his hand.
July 26, 1996,
It was the middle of the afternoon and I was upstairs in my room. Dad noticed that it was awfully quiet and normally I would be making some sort of noise. He went upstairs to investigate and saw me in the corner of the room holding something. When he came closer he noticed I had cut my hair with scissors.
He took the scissors out of my hands and asked “oh my gosh, what did you do to your hair?” I said “I was just giving myself a haircut like Karen does!” At first dad was mad but, a few minutes later he couldn’t help but laugh because I looked so weird with a chunk of my hair shorter than the other parts. Luckily my hair is really short so it didn’t look that bad and it wouldn’t take a long time to grow back.
Dad took me downstairs and showed Grace my hair and she said “you have to admit that it’s kind of cute that she tried to cut her own hair!” Dad laughed as he looked down at my head and said “yeah I know… I tried to be serious with her but, I couldn’t because she looked so adorable!” Dad said “just don’t do it again and we’ll be all good!” Let’s just say I think I’ll be wearing a baseball cap for a very long time!
July 28, 1996,
When I woke up this morning dad was at work, like he usually is at this time. Grace is still getting used to the fact that my crib is gone because now I walk downstairs and wait for her to get up in the morning. She was surprised the first time I was down there by myself because she wasn’t expecting me to be up and playing. She went into my room this morning and I had already gone downstairs.
She went downstairs and found me sitting in front of the TV, which I managed to somehow turn on Nickelodeon. She patted my bed headed hair and got me a bowl of cereal for breakfast. She said “I just talked to you daddy on the phone and he said we could visit him on the set of his new music video ghosts.” I began to get very excited and started jumping around. She said “were going to go there for a couple of hours so, daddy can ride home with us when he’s done working!” I hurried to finish my cereal and Grace said “you don’t have to rush; we won’t be leaving for a while!”
A few hours later we drove to an undisclosed location where my dad was filming a music video. Grace helped me out of the car and we walked inside. I looked around for dad but, he was nowhere to be found. Then an overweight man wearing glasses, kneelt down in front of me and said “hi Alanna!” He sounded like dad but, definitely didn’t look like him. I started to cry and reached out for Grace to pick me up. She asked “Michael; is that you?” He said “yeah, this is just a costume that I wear when I play that mayor!!! I didn’t mean to make her cry!!!” Grace passed me to him and said “it’s okay; it’s just daddy in a costume.” I shook my head and said “that doesn’t look like daddy!” I screamed out of sheer terror and clung to her as tightly as I possibly could!
Grace followed the man with me in her arms and went into a dressing room. He sat in the chair and people began to remove a rubber mask from his face. When the mask was off I finally realized that it really was dad under all that makeup!” He looked at me and smiled. I climbed onto his lap and said “I love you daddy!” He said “I love you more!!!”
August 1, 1996
I was playing with my toys in the playroom while Grace was doing dishes in the kitchen. The phone rang and she picked it up. She had a shocked look on her face as she listened to the person on the other side of the call and raced upstairs to pack her suitcase. I was wondering what was going on because I saw her crying as she ran to her room. I decided to lay low for a while so I didn’t make her any sadder than she already was!
20 min. later dad came home oblivious to what was going on. He saw that I was downstairs by myself and then Grace came to greet him carrying her suitcase. Dad looked at her as tears streamed down her face and asked “what’s wrong?” She said “my sister called and told me she was just diagnosed with lung cancer and asked if I could keep her company until my other sister was able to quit her job and stay with her full-time!” He hugged her and said “you take as much time as you need and tell her I’ll keep her in my thoughts!” She asked “who will watch Alanna while you’re at work because I will probably be gone for a month?” He said “I will stay home with her… It will give me some time to spend with her before the new baby comes!” She hugged me and sobbed as she walked out the door.
I asked “where is she going daddy?” He picked me up and said “she will be back in a few weeks!” He kissed me and said “that’s okay, me and you’re going to have fun together because I’m not going to work until she gets back!” I said “daddy I want to take a bath!” Even though dad tries his best to be home from work in time to give me a bath and put me to bed, he had not been able to in three months because of his busy schedule!” He said “okay, we can do that!”
October 31, 1996,
I am so excited because I’m going to get to go trick-or-treating today for my first time! Dad came up with a plan so, we don’t have a repeat of last year! He brought a costume for himself to where when we go house to house because people won’t know that it’s him. He brought himself a Spiderman costume and I picked out a Batman costume. Grace thought that it was a really good idea to have the two of us dressed up and she really thinks we’ll pull it off!”
After we had put our costumes on, we went out to find houses that were giving out candy. When we found a house with the porch lights on I noticed that there was just a bowl of candy on their doorstep. At that point we had been looking for hours for a house that was celebrating Halloween and dad was starting to get discouraged. He said “apparently these other rich and famous people like me are too good to celebrate Halloween!” Dad said “come on; I’m done with this, I have another idea!”
When we got back to the ranch Grace asked “what are you doing back here?” I said “no one was giving out candy!” Dad quickly went to the pantry and pulled out a big bag of assorted candies and poured it in five separate bowls. He whispered in Grace’s ear and then carried me upstairs. He said “if we can’t go trick-or-treating, you can at least pretend that we are! He said “knock on that door!” When I did Grace opened it and said “happy halloween!” I opened my bag and said “trick-or-treat!” She passed me some candy and we went door to door in the house getting more until my bag was full!
This will definitely be a moment that I look back on when I am older. Dad always strives for me to have as normal life as I possibly can! He didn’t want me missing out on trick-or-treating for the second time in a row so, he came up with this within minutes. I was so excited and he couldn’t handle having to let me down again! Sure; this wasn’t what I had in mind but, it is probably as close as I’ll ever get to doing the real thing! This is just more proof that my father is the most amazing father in the world and is nothing like what the media show him to be! I wish they would just leave him alone! Its one thing to say something nice about someone that you can back up but, on the other hand their favorite things to is say something completely false and all it does is eat away at my dad’s self-esteem!
September 7, 1996,
I woke up this morning to dad putting me in an SUV and Grace was sitting next to me. Grace must have come back last night because I haven’t seen her since she left to keep her sister company a week ago. I also noticed that we were in a different country, which means I slept through the whole plane ride to Spain. Today’s dad’s first concert for his history tour and it starts in an hour. He will be doing four shows a week and the rest of the time he will be spending with me!
We pulled up in front of a concert arena and Grace followed dad inside with me in her arms. Dad ran as fast as he possibly could to go change into his first outfit for the show. I tried to follow him and Grace said “daddy is busy; we’re going to get to see him sing on that stage over there!” She picked me up and I said “WOW… That’s going to be so cool! Are people going to scream for him?” She said “yes, really loud!” I rested my head on her shoulder and said “I love my daddy so much!” She said “I know you do; he loves you more though!” We playfully argued back and forth about who loved who more and then dad came out of his dressing room. He kissed me and said “okay; it’s time for me to do my thing!”
I sat backstage and watched the concert. Dad would occasionally come back there for a last-minute costume change and the entire time he would talk to me. Even though he’s on tour he knows that he needs to be there for me no matter what! He doesn’t want me to forget that he’s my father and that I can come to him with anything! As I watched him dance across the stage I absolutely loved when he was doing and thought it was so awesome!
When the show was over he came backstage to get me and he was dripping with sweat. He picked me up and asked “did you like the concert?” I said “daddy I want to do that when I grow up!” He said “you can do whatever you want to, just as long as you try your best and work hard!!!” I knew from that moment on that that was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life! Just seeing him on the stage and how magical his dance moves were mesmerized me! We went back to the hotel and I fell asleep in his arms!
December 1, 1996,
It was three o’clock in the morning and I walked into dad’s bedroom. I climbed on the bed and shook him until he woke up. He turned on his light that was next to his bed and rubbed his eyes. He asked “what are you doing awake this early?” I said “I had a bad dream again daddy… I am really scared!” He said “this is the 5th time in a row that you have had a bad dream!” I put the blanket over me and said “it was about a monster chasing me this time!” Dad said “monsters aren’t real… You have nothing to be afraid of sweetheart!”
I knew very well that monsters were not real; the real reason I wanted to be with him was because the new baby will be here soon and I’m worried that I’m going to miss out on doing stuff like this after he is born! I think dad is starting to catch on to my tricks and I don’t think he will let me sleep in his room anymore!
He hugged me and said “I need to go back to sleep because I have a concert tomorrow so, go back to your bed, I love you but, you’re not scared and it’s time to go to sleep!” I looked at him shocked and climbed off the bed. As I walked back to my room (in the hotel we were staying at) I said “I just don’t want to give you up!”
Afterwards I laid in my bed staring at the ceiling wondering if my dad was truly going to treat me the same as my baby brother! I don’t know what made me doubt that he wouldn’t but, here I was starting to grow up and learn new things. My brother would be the baby of the family and I would just be me! I know dad loves me but, what if the new baby would listen to him and stay out of trouble? Most times when I get in trouble I don’t think before I act and what if the new baby was everything he ever wanted in a child? I can’t change who I am, which most of the time was a troublemaker and ignored everything that was said to me!
December 19, 1996,
It was about an hour and a half after my dad’s concert and we were just getting settled in at a new hotel. I am slowly getting used to life on the road and dad tries to make each bedroom that I have in the hotels comfortable for me. He takes posters that are normally in my bedroom at home and puts them in each hotel room. Something that I’ll never forget is the fact that he always puts a poster of himself in my bedroom, no matter where we are so I can always look at him; even if he’s not there in person!
I heard dad watching a movie in his bedroom and went in to see him. I looked at the TV screen captivated by what I was seeing. I asked “daddy; what are you watching?” He said “this is Star Wars, one of my favorite movies!” I asked “what are those colorful things those people are fighting with?” He said “those are light-sabers!” I said “Lifesavers?” He laughed and said “no, light sabers!” I said “yeah; that’s what I said, Lifesavers!” He chuckled and said “okay, I guess they are Lifesavers!” I climbed on the edge of his bed and onto his lap. He smiled as I really became interested in what was happening in the movie.
I asked questions about tons of different things about the characters and he would quickly jump to answer them. I don’t know what it was about that Star Wars movie that was so special but, I really felt like that was a good way for us to bond even after my brother is born!
December 21, 1996,
It’s getting closer and closer to the birth of my baby brother so, Debbie is coming over again today to help dad get prepared to be a father of two! Dad was busy getting ready for the day when she arrived and Grace let her inside our hotel room. Grace then when to her room so, she could fold our laundry. I was playing in my room and watching a Disney movie.
Debbie came in my room and sat down on my small twin sized bed. She asked “how are you, I can’t believe you’re almost 3 years old now… I remember when you were just a little baby!” I ignored her and searched through a pile of toys for my pacifier. She looked at me shocked as I casually put it in my mouth. She said “wow; I’m surprised your daddy still lets you have a pacifier!” I heard dad walking down the hallway and ran to him.
He scooped me up and said “hi Debbie!” He walked over to the couch and sat down next to her. Grace came over to the three of us and passed me a bottle of chocolate milk. Debbie looked at dad and asked “don’t you think Alanna is getting too old to be using pacifiers and baby bottles?” He ran his fingers through my hair and said “I’ll deal with that when it comes, for now she can stay my baby girl for a few weeks!” She said “I just figured since she is almost 3 years old you would have got rid of those things a while ago!” Dad said while beginning to get irritated “I really don’t appreciate you giving me parenting advice; when you are not with her every single day and you are not theoretically her mommy!” She said “okay; I don’t want this to turn into a fight so, I’ll keep my thoughts to myself!” Dad said “thank you!”
Debbie put a gift bag filled with baby clothes on the coffee-table and started to take them out. Dad asked “what’s all this for; you don’t have to buy anything!” She said “well, I thought because he is going to be your first son; I would get you some boys clothing.” I said “wow, new clothes for my baby brother!” Debbie asked “are you sure you want to name him Prince?” Dad said “yeah, because it was my grandfather’s name and because I think it’s adorable!” Debbie asked “Alanna, are you excited to be a big sister?” I said “yeah, he’s going to cry a lot!” She laughed and said “I’m sure he is!”
After she had left, dad sat down on the couch with me his lap and said “only a little bit longer to go and your little brother will be coming!” To me dad looked happy but; I think he’s a little bit nervous because he didn’t expect to have another baby while he is still on tour! I don’t know how he’s going to balance going to concerts and being a father of two but… I know he will figure it out!
Jayla eyes turn red
Jayla with her new cherry red hair
Michael holding Little Wendy (I know its him holding Prince, but pretend it's Wendy he's holding)
what he wore
Welcome to Neverland
Michael's Sheet Music for Speechless
MY BEAUTIFUL MICHAEL
Michael in his favorite color, red
rain on mj's window....
I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH!!!!
I know I'm your biggest fan
I don't ever have to ask
Who's that man behind the mask
While in this world you made HISTORY
But left behind a whole lot of mystery
People are still trying to belittle your name
But I know they're just jealous of your fame
They liked to play with your feelings like a toy
But I always loved you my precious boy
People tried to hurt you and I'd scream NO!!
Stop talking bad about my hero
I bet they all wanted you to come out confessing
But I'm glad you left them all guessing
I love you Michael you're FOREVER in my heart
You and I NEVER will we part!!!
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Michael and rosie on his bed kissing
