Okay so it’s been awhile since I've updated my Numb Novel but I think I’d take a break from that old story and bring you a new one... this is set after Blair told Chuck it was over in "Gone with the Will" so enjoy...
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Her words kept echoing in his head like a broken record "It's too late, Chuck. I stood by you through all of this but I can't watch you self-destruct any longer." He understands though. He actually thought it was funny because he knew that she would come back to him. She always did. But a little voice in the back of his head kept saying "This time it was different." But he ignored it. He knew she would come back. He actually laughed out loud because all his crazy thoughts had only been in his head while he was exiting her place. So now he was alone and outside in the cold. He had told his driver not to wait for him because he thought that he was going to be spending the night with Blair. But that didn’t happen. He decided to take a walk but he kept away from the road, remembering how his father died made him shiver.
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She couldn’t stop crying for an hour after Chuck left. AN HOUR. She had only shed a couple of tears when she and Nate broke up; actually because she was too busy sleeping with Chuck in his limo. She had not shed one tear when she and James/Marcus broke up. But when she saw those elevator doors close she knew this time it was different. He didn’t try to smirk and make snide comments about how much she still wanted him. He certainly didn’t fight her on her decision which made her tears worse at the time. He just accepted it. Maybe it was a good thing. But she knew it wasn’t. She loved him! And even though he didn’t say he loved her, she knew he did. She knew him. Then she felt it. The burning in her throat, the gargle in her stomach. She hadn’t eaten since breakfast. But she knew what she was going to do. She had tried to stop it in the past but this time it was different. It was like a drug. She just had to. She NEEDED to.
She ran to the bathroom turned on the bathtub and grabbed her tooth brush. She locked the door and stumbled to the ground. She stuck the toothbrush so far down her throat that it hurt more than ever. She started to cry again. She didn’t care. She just would rather think about something other than CHUCK. She would rather be in pain then think about him. After she threw up he clouded her mind again so she kept going. She had never done it twice in a row before. So she did. And then a third time. And a fourth. God how much had she ate? She stopped. She couldn’t see straight. She was thirsty and had a killer headache. Then she felt her side hit the ground. And she went into a deep sleep.
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"Miss Blair?" 10 minutes after Blair had passed out Dorota was knocking furiously at the door. "Miss Blair I need to clean bathroom. Miss Blair?" Dorota grew worried. She grabbed the key ring. She stuck the spare key in the lock. She opened the door. "Oh Gosh Miss Blair?!" she tapped her cheeks. She reached for Blair’s cell phone and dialed 911.
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"Serena?" Eleanor cooed into her phone. She was sitting in her hotel room in Milan trying to calm down. "Yes hello Eleanor. Is something wrong? How is your trip?" Cyrus stood by Eleanor. Their hands intertwined. "Well the trip is fine thank you, Im calling about Blair she is in the hosp-" she sobbed. "Th-the hospital." she finished. "Oh my god?! Which hospital?" after they finished their conversation Serena grabbed her purse and coat and ran to the hospital. Unfortunately she had a call to make. "Chuck?" she asked into the phone. "Why are you calling me at 6:30 in the morning?" he asked still half asleep. "Blair is in the hospital." she said choking the words out. He shot out of bed and was fully awake. "Wait, what?! Why? Where? When did this happen?" he got dressed with one hand as Serena explained. "Chuck, Blair has had Bulimia for a long time. It’s nothing new. But she has never been this bad. She has never had to be hospitalized." Chucks mouth dropped open. "Blair has what?"
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A day after she had passed out she woke up in the hospital. She didn’t open her eyes. She just tried to listen. "Im sorry Mr. Bass I have told you it was the dehydration mixed with the Bulimia. She is suffering from malnutrition and her throat has been temporarily scarred." a deep voice said. Apparently a doctor. Chuck was here? Ugh... the person who techinically was the reason behind this was here? "Okay, sorry for bothering you...again. When Ms.van der Woodsen comes back just tell her I went to the cafeteria." he said. "Yes." the doctor said and she heard a door slam. Then open and slam again. She opened one eye then the other. She took a deep breath. But it hurt. What had she done to herself? She heard heels then a door open and slam again. "Blair?" the tall blonde stepped into view. She looked perfect as ever just her face was in an expression of worry. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. "Blair, it’s me Serena. Are you okay?" She grabbed her hand and sat down next to her bed. "What happened?" she asked shakily her voice cracking and sounding dry.
"Blair you should have called me or texted me. I would have been there for you. You made yourself sick repeatedly." Serena said her eyes glossy. "Im sorry. I just was feeling so..." she looked around the room. Serena raised her eyebrows. "So I don’t know. Heartbroken? Guilty? Stupid?" it was starting to hurt less when she said longer sentences but her voice was still dry. "Chuck hasn’t left. All he does is stay in this room and stare at you then pace. Then does it again. It got annoying after awhile." she smiled. "He really cares Blair. He told me what you said." She said gripping Blair’s hand tighter. "I didn’t mean it." Now that she thought about it. She actually didn’t mean it. She was just mad. "He knows that. He should be back any second." she smiled her sweet smile. Blair smiled back. Just as she let go of her hand Chuck walked in. And just in that instant. Serena stroked her hand and smiled again. She left but pet Chucks shoulder on the way out. He sat down next to her bed where Serena was just a second ago.
"Blair are you okay?" she smiled. "Yeah just fine." She moved a stray lock out of her face. "Why didn’t you ever mention it?" he asked sounding desperate. A look of surprise and excitement and pain crossed her face. "I don’t know I was embarrassed." she shrugged. "You could have told me. I would have liste-" she interrupted him "Don’t. Please don’t say you would have listened. You were too caught up in yourself all this time. Especially after your dad died. To listen to me. You never listen Chuck. I think that’s your problem. It’s not the booze or the drugs and not the womanizing it’s the fact that you don’t listen. Not because you can’t it’s because you don’t want to!" She squeaked and grabbed her throat. "It hurts doesn’t it?" he asked. She didn’t know whether he was talking about her throat or what he put her through. "What?" she asked confused. "Your throat." Great not what she expected. "Well yeah, duh." she smiled. "Why did you do it Blair? Serena and your mother both said you haven’t in awhile. Was it me?" he asked looking desperate again. She didn’t know why. "Well," she started but the look on his face now was pure guilt and shame.
"Kind of but not totally the reason." she said. "I didn’t mean it." she forced herself to say. "Didn’t mean what?" he asked. "What I said when you came yesterday. I was just mad. Im sorry." she said, she was the desperate one now. "You don’t have anything to apologize for. It was me. Everything. Since the night at Victrola last year. It was all me. Im the sorry one." she smiled. "I guess we are both sorry then?" she asked. "Can we start over? Can I start by saying how bad it was of you to do that to yourself?" he asked raising his eyebrows. She looked at him and raised her eyebrows back. "I know it was. By the burn in my throat I really know it was." he smiled like only Chuck Bass can and said “I will always be here, even though I know you'll always try and fight me off. I will, and I will also start by acting more...self-less?" he said. She giggled. "Chuck Bass? Self-less? Well now, now look whos gotten more interesting!" he grabbed her hand and caressed it against his cheek. "Well I'll be here too." she said when he lay her hand back on the bed. "I love you." she choked out the words. He took a deep breath and said "I love you, too"
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TO BE CONTINUED...
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Her words kept echoing in his head like a broken record "It's too late, Chuck. I stood by you through all of this but I can't watch you self-destruct any longer." He understands though. He actually thought it was funny because he knew that she would come back to him. She always did. But a little voice in the back of his head kept saying "This time it was different." But he ignored it. He knew she would come back. He actually laughed out loud because all his crazy thoughts had only been in his head while he was exiting her place. So now he was alone and outside in the cold. He had told his driver not to wait for him because he thought that he was going to be spending the night with Blair. But that didn’t happen. He decided to take a walk but he kept away from the road, remembering how his father died made him shiver.
~~~~~~~~~
She couldn’t stop crying for an hour after Chuck left. AN HOUR. She had only shed a couple of tears when she and Nate broke up; actually because she was too busy sleeping with Chuck in his limo. She had not shed one tear when she and James/Marcus broke up. But when she saw those elevator doors close she knew this time it was different. He didn’t try to smirk and make snide comments about how much she still wanted him. He certainly didn’t fight her on her decision which made her tears worse at the time. He just accepted it. Maybe it was a good thing. But she knew it wasn’t. She loved him! And even though he didn’t say he loved her, she knew he did. She knew him. Then she felt it. The burning in her throat, the gargle in her stomach. She hadn’t eaten since breakfast. But she knew what she was going to do. She had tried to stop it in the past but this time it was different. It was like a drug. She just had to. She NEEDED to.
She ran to the bathroom turned on the bathtub and grabbed her tooth brush. She locked the door and stumbled to the ground. She stuck the toothbrush so far down her throat that it hurt more than ever. She started to cry again. She didn’t care. She just would rather think about something other than CHUCK. She would rather be in pain then think about him. After she threw up he clouded her mind again so she kept going. She had never done it twice in a row before. So she did. And then a third time. And a fourth. God how much had she ate? She stopped. She couldn’t see straight. She was thirsty and had a killer headache. Then she felt her side hit the ground. And she went into a deep sleep.
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"Miss Blair?" 10 minutes after Blair had passed out Dorota was knocking furiously at the door. "Miss Blair I need to clean bathroom. Miss Blair?" Dorota grew worried. She grabbed the key ring. She stuck the spare key in the lock. She opened the door. "Oh Gosh Miss Blair?!" she tapped her cheeks. She reached for Blair’s cell phone and dialed 911.
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"Serena?" Eleanor cooed into her phone. She was sitting in her hotel room in Milan trying to calm down. "Yes hello Eleanor. Is something wrong? How is your trip?" Cyrus stood by Eleanor. Their hands intertwined. "Well the trip is fine thank you, Im calling about Blair she is in the hosp-" she sobbed. "Th-the hospital." she finished. "Oh my god?! Which hospital?" after they finished their conversation Serena grabbed her purse and coat and ran to the hospital. Unfortunately she had a call to make. "Chuck?" she asked into the phone. "Why are you calling me at 6:30 in the morning?" he asked still half asleep. "Blair is in the hospital." she said choking the words out. He shot out of bed and was fully awake. "Wait, what?! Why? Where? When did this happen?" he got dressed with one hand as Serena explained. "Chuck, Blair has had Bulimia for a long time. It’s nothing new. But she has never been this bad. She has never had to be hospitalized." Chucks mouth dropped open. "Blair has what?"
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A day after she had passed out she woke up in the hospital. She didn’t open her eyes. She just tried to listen. "Im sorry Mr. Bass I have told you it was the dehydration mixed with the Bulimia. She is suffering from malnutrition and her throat has been temporarily scarred." a deep voice said. Apparently a doctor. Chuck was here? Ugh... the person who techinically was the reason behind this was here? "Okay, sorry for bothering you...again. When Ms.van der Woodsen comes back just tell her I went to the cafeteria." he said. "Yes." the doctor said and she heard a door slam. Then open and slam again. She opened one eye then the other. She took a deep breath. But it hurt. What had she done to herself? She heard heels then a door open and slam again. "Blair?" the tall blonde stepped into view. She looked perfect as ever just her face was in an expression of worry. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. "Blair, it’s me Serena. Are you okay?" She grabbed her hand and sat down next to her bed. "What happened?" she asked shakily her voice cracking and sounding dry.
"Blair you should have called me or texted me. I would have been there for you. You made yourself sick repeatedly." Serena said her eyes glossy. "Im sorry. I just was feeling so..." she looked around the room. Serena raised her eyebrows. "So I don’t know. Heartbroken? Guilty? Stupid?" it was starting to hurt less when she said longer sentences but her voice was still dry. "Chuck hasn’t left. All he does is stay in this room and stare at you then pace. Then does it again. It got annoying after awhile." she smiled. "He really cares Blair. He told me what you said." She said gripping Blair’s hand tighter. "I didn’t mean it." Now that she thought about it. She actually didn’t mean it. She was just mad. "He knows that. He should be back any second." she smiled her sweet smile. Blair smiled back. Just as she let go of her hand Chuck walked in. And just in that instant. Serena stroked her hand and smiled again. She left but pet Chucks shoulder on the way out. He sat down next to her bed where Serena was just a second ago.
"Blair are you okay?" she smiled. "Yeah just fine." She moved a stray lock out of her face. "Why didn’t you ever mention it?" he asked sounding desperate. A look of surprise and excitement and pain crossed her face. "I don’t know I was embarrassed." she shrugged. "You could have told me. I would have liste-" she interrupted him "Don’t. Please don’t say you would have listened. You were too caught up in yourself all this time. Especially after your dad died. To listen to me. You never listen Chuck. I think that’s your problem. It’s not the booze or the drugs and not the womanizing it’s the fact that you don’t listen. Not because you can’t it’s because you don’t want to!" She squeaked and grabbed her throat. "It hurts doesn’t it?" he asked. She didn’t know whether he was talking about her throat or what he put her through. "What?" she asked confused. "Your throat." Great not what she expected. "Well yeah, duh." she smiled. "Why did you do it Blair? Serena and your mother both said you haven’t in awhile. Was it me?" he asked looking desperate again. She didn’t know why. "Well," she started but the look on his face now was pure guilt and shame.
"Kind of but not totally the reason." she said. "I didn’t mean it." she forced herself to say. "Didn’t mean what?" he asked. "What I said when you came yesterday. I was just mad. Im sorry." she said, she was the desperate one now. "You don’t have anything to apologize for. It was me. Everything. Since the night at Victrola last year. It was all me. Im the sorry one." she smiled. "I guess we are both sorry then?" she asked. "Can we start over? Can I start by saying how bad it was of you to do that to yourself?" he asked raising his eyebrows. She looked at him and raised her eyebrows back. "I know it was. By the burn in my throat I really know it was." he smiled like only Chuck Bass can and said “I will always be here, even though I know you'll always try and fight me off. I will, and I will also start by acting more...self-less?" he said. She giggled. "Chuck Bass? Self-less? Well now, now look whos gotten more interesting!" he grabbed her hand and caressed it against his cheek. "Well I'll be here too." she said when he lay her hand back on the bed. "I love you." she choked out the words. He took a deep breath and said "I love you, too"
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TO BE CONTINUED...
