A/N: So, it didn’t take THAT long to get around to writing another chapter…see? Lol. I’m psyched about the next episode on Monday…even if I can’t watch it till Tuesday. Lol. *grumbles about stupid lack of TV* Anyways! It would be an understatement if I said I was ‘frustrated’ by the lack of reviews on my ‘so what if I’m jealous’ latest chapter. (*sighs*) And people say that’s their favorite story of mine…HONESTLY. But, I’m trying to get past it! (*laughs nervously*) On with this chapter! It’s in Blair’s POV since that’s who Georgina went with at the end of the last chapter…it only makes sense. Lol. I apologize for the previous chapter, if anybody was offended by how rashly I had Chuck react to the Christian camp. I too, am a Christian, and so was not meaning to offend anybody in the least…regarding the religious aspect of that chapter. It was in his POV though, so I had to write it according to how he would consider things. Also…make sure to vote on my profile page for what CB story you would have me continue on with after ‘swiij’ is done. Two of my stories are actually tied at the moment, and we need one of them in the lead so I can know which to start with first. Heh. And…if I can remember, I will put a link up on my profile, so you can see the icon which inspired this story. I believe that’s everything? CB FTW! ;p
*I OWN NOTHING!!!!!!
…ok, so one more thing. XD
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Ch.2--Accidental Awareness (Blair’s POV)
“Serena?!” I nearly shrieked, and forgive me if I was panicking… more than usual.
“Nice talking to you too, B.” I could hear the confusion in her voice, but Georgina was only down the hall, and Dorota could only keep her occupied for so long. Or rather, Georgina could only find her amusing for so long. “What’s going on over there? Are you all right?” she asked.
Was I all right…HA! I was on the verge of emotional suicide and she was asking—
“Yes, everything’s fine, S. How’s Spain?” I asked, quickly changing the subject, and refusing to run my hand nervously through my hair again. It was bound to give me split ends anyways, and that was the last thing I needed.
I knew she was furrowing her eyebrows. I could just sense it by the short, dry chuckle she gave me. Followed by giggles and a ‘stop!’ Believe me, the demand was not…demanding.
So, I laughed along with her. “S?” I asked again.
She cleared her throat, but I was sensing the smile…and the tall, dark and handsome no doubt responsible for it.
“S…did you meet someone?” the smile was no longer forcing itself on my face. If I could imagine someone other than Humphrey with Serena than I could almost forget Georgina existed entirely, let alone that she had been staying in my house for a whole 24 hours and the world hadn’t caved.
“Well, you could say that, I guess,” she was smiling.
I could sense it!!!
And I smiled with her. I mean, really, how could I not? She’s my best friend and—
“Blaaaaaaaaaaaair!!!!!!!!”
My smile fell. My eyes widened. And I heard…skipping.
“Is there someone with you?” she asked, still smiling.
Oh man. If she only knew.
And just before the shut and locked door opened—I really had to talk to Dorota about the doors actually locking when you supposedly lock them—“Uh…I’ve gotta go, S, bye!”
CLICK.
WHOOSH!
“Hey Georgie, what’s up?” I asked, smiling brightly. She wouldn’t have to know I had just chucked my phone to the other side of the room—behind my bed obviously.
“Uh…” she looked at me suspiciously, totally not buying the fake plastered smile on my face. It was definitely draining, having to remind myself of the possibility of her manipulations being better than my own. “Who was on the phone?” she asked, pointing to the blinking device making patterns on my wall.
I sighed, but kept the smile vivid and bright on my face. Walking towards her, I placed my arm around her shoulder and led her out of my room, informing her that phone calls equal privacy, especially within bedroom walls.
She obviously didn’t respect that enough to revert from eye-rolling, but she did inform me that Dorota didn’t want her destroying the kitchen anymore with her lack of cooking skills, and that we had to get out of the house.
The last thing I wanted was to be with Georgina in public, but Dorota had suffered enough. I would take my turn. I had hardly spent a spare second with Georgina since I brought her home the previous afternoon. In truth, I had really not been thinking when I enforced her arrival into my own home, obviously, but Chuck’s gaze does that to people, females in particular. And since I’m actually supposed to be raving mad at him and in love with Nate, I’m not going to think any further about what his eyes boring into mine may have reawakened—at least not for the moment.
“Shopping?” I suggested, holding out my credit cards like they were a stack of playing cards. She almost declined, I swear. She was half-way to shaking her head and wrinkling her nose, but something stopped her. I don’t know what it was, and for that exact second I didn’t try to think about it.
“Ok,” she said, sounding intrigued. And I just knew I was in for it then.
I ushered her into the elevator, grabbing my purse on the way out. So help me, god, if I were notified for identity theft later in the week…
…………………………….
Two hours and ten stores later here I was, barely noticing a single item. All of them had his face…or his hair…or that damn smirk of his emblazoned in my mind. It was like the end of summer all over again. I didn’t know how or why this was even possible. He had done so much to me, had hurt me so bad. There was no logical reason why I should even be allowing that Basstard to enter my thoughts again. He hadn’t even said ‘I love you!’
But there he was, as intensely blinding as if he had never left.
“Blair?” she asked, gesturing to a multi-colored scarf.
My eyes bulged. “No!” and I turned away. Granted a few heads were turned at that moment, and Georgina herself must’ve found my reaction quite curious, but I couldn’t help myself.
Nate just wasn’t doing it for me.
Sure, he was hot, an amazing kisser, and he seemed to genuinely care for me. It was so much better this time around. Not to mention that we in fact did have history, which is always helpful, but…
“Ok, no more scarves,” I heard her say, and almost felt a little embarrassed in her presence for my outburst. “A different store?” she asked, cautiously, after the few awkward seconds I forcefully rocked back and forth from heel to toe.
I halted, and turned to her. I knew the tears were reaching my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them fall. I wouldn’t let the sudden jealousy I felt at being around Georgina overcome me. Just because she had been the one to take Chuck’s virginity didn’t mean I had to let it get me. We didn’t both have to take each other’s virginity. That certainly wasn’t the case with Nate and me.
A painful heat overcame my face at the reaffirmation of Nate cheating on me with Serena, my best friend, close to two years ago. I huffed. Chuck never cheated on me. Not directly. Not when we were ever really together. Were we ever together?
“Are you okay?” Georgie asked, and I don’t know why I hadn’t taken the time to realize she was watching my reactive thoughts taking place on my face. I allowed the wrinkles in my forehead and the weak tendencies left around my eyes to smooth over instantly, and nearly disappear if possible. I blinked my tears away, and cursed silently to myself when one slipped down the side of my face.
“Yes, of course, I’m fine,” I chirped.
She chuckled lightly. “Oh sweetie, I’d have to be stupid to be unaware of how upset you are. You’ve been this tense for nearly an hour and a half, and that was when I was watching you.”
I scoffed, and stepped back a foot or two when she tried to wrap a stray strand of my hair around my left ear. “Okay, besides the fact that it is beyond weird that you were watching me for that long, we’re not friends, Georgina. What you did to Serena last year was—”
“Unforgivable, I know,” she finished.
I gaped at her, having been rendered completely speechless.
How dare she try to finish my sentences. How dare she even think she has any right to be back here to begin with!
“Just hear me out,” she began. I crossed my arms against my chest and glared at her. There was no decent reason why I should give her a second word on the matter, but I was still so completely broken over Chuck. I was weak and after pouring levels of Nate fluffiness on top of my Chuck pain, I had been thrown for a loop. Georgina was back in town. She was staying with me, and Chuck was looking at me again. Looking at me like he wanted me, like there was something he had to tell me. Something important.
“I’m listening,” I rolled my eyes.
She folded her hands delicately across her would-be lap. “You’re hurting, snow white,” she said, emphasizing every word. I wrinkled my nose at her. “And since your seven dwarves aren’t here to accommodate you, nor your Prince Charming, you’re going to have to dig up those aching emotions,” she said, half-mockingly, “to your evil stepmother.” The fake brilliance of her plastered smile did not comfort me. She placed her arm around my shoulders in a similar way I had done to her when leaving the apartment some hours ago. I slipped out of it easily and walked to the car that had been supplied to us for our afternoon activities. I stopped just before slipping inside and said, “Snow White never confided in her evil stepmother. Shall we?”
I elegantly allowed my body’s entrance into the vehicle and waited as she came around to the other side and crept in as well. The doors shut and the car began its drive away, turning into the main street. An unusual heat began to creep up inside me, centering itself in the pulses of my face.
“No need to be jealous, Queen B,” she smirked, refusing to look at me. “I’m sure he was much better with you.”
“What? You slept with Nate?” I asked, not believing how blunt she was being so suddenly.
She laughed, turning to me. “No, of course not,” she said, extending her hand to my knee briefly. I was not amused. “He was only yours, dear. Well…and Serena’s,” she smirked, but then turned to looking back out the window.
My mouth opened, but then snapped shut at the sudden realization that she had not mentioned Catherine or Vanessa or even Little Jenny Humphrey….not that they had done anything.
But yet she knew about…Chuck?
I was beyond confused.
Perhaps she only knew of what happened before coming to pay visits to Serena the previous year. That would make sense. Wouldn’t it?
“I mean,” she laughed, and I turned a glare to her as she continued to speak, “I saw the way you two were looking at each other. Clearly something has happened. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife!” she was practically giggling by now. I couldn’t take it anymore. His smile, his laugh, the feel of his arms around me and his lips on my skin, it was all finally…too much. My eyes snapped shut, going as inwardly tight as they could go.
“Just admit it!” she nearly shouted, still in a laughing fit. “You’re still in love with him!”
“Fine!” I shouted in retort, hardly able to control myself. “Just stop! I’m in love with Chuck, all right?!”
I was hyperventilating now. My chest rose and fell with the silent eruption of twisted memories whirling around in my brain.
“Stop it…stop it…stop it,” I cursed whatever voice had been following me around all day.
“Blair?” I couldn’t hear the voice. I couldn’t hear anything but my damn heart beating faster than I would have ever allowed naturally.
“No…no….no,” the tears flew down my face.
“Blair?” This time it was louder, but barely recognizable, even as my heartbeat began to resume its normal pace. “Do we have some water in here, sir?” I heard her ask, and with that my eyes opened.
A glass of water was passed back from the driver to Georgina and she held it up to my mouth, tilting my head back slightly, as the liquid found its way into my mouth and down my throat. She put her hand to my forehead, feeling to see if I had a fever. I didn’t stop her.
“What’s going on Blair?” she asked, searching my eyes for an answer. After a few moments, I looked away.
“Is everything okay, Miss Waldorf?” I heard the driver ask. I simply nodded in response, not completely comprehending the fact that he probably couldn’t look back and see the action I made.
“Yes, she’s fine, sir,” I heard Georgina vocalize, “We’ll be heading back to the Waldorf penthouse. I think she just needs some rest.”
“Very well, Miss Sparks,” he spoke, warmly.
The glass wall between us and the driver began rising. I turned my face back to a worried-looking Georgina. But I spoke before she had the chance to.
“What was the last thing you said to me, before just now?” I asked.
She looked at me strangely, and I knew something weird had just happened.
“What?” I asked, “What is it?”
She licked her lips a bit nervously, and I really hoped, for my own sake, I wasn’t opening up more than necessary to the supposedly reformed psycho.
“What?!” I asked, getting frantic.
She sighed. “I haven’t said anything,” she said, nearly a whisper.
“What?” I asked, mostly to myself, entirely too confused for my own good, and now falling back against the seat. I put a hand up to my forehead, brushing it through my hair. “Nothing? Nothing at all?” I asked, breathlessly.
“Not since we were just outside the store,” she said, appearing helpless.
I couldn’t think any better than that she was telling the truth, that she was behaving truthfully.
Was it possible that I just blacked out? From the stress of it all?
The thought of it was ridiculous.
I didn’t ask if I had said anything. Clearly I had made too many things aware already. I didn’t want to take the chance she knew something, but I didn’t want to ask either. I couldn’t be vulnerable, especially not to Georgina Sparks.
“Well, maybe I just need a snack or two,” I chirped, smiling brightly.
She nodded faintly, and smirked. “Yes, I’m sure that’s it.”
I looked towards my window and slunk deep into soft seating, realizing all too well how her confusion and cautiousness had slipped away.
She knew something.
I felt around in my pocket for my phone, and pulled it out, calling Nate immediately. I mouthed this to Georgina, not that I really needed to. But I suppose some part of me thought it was necessary, since she seemed so concerned.
“Nate?” I asked, hoping this wouldn’t be a bad time for him.
It wasn’t.
“Hey Blair, how are you doing?” I smiled into the phone, preventing giggles if I could help myself.
“I’m all right. I had a bit of a black out, but—”
“What?!” he asked, so clearly concerned.
My heart ached for him in that moment and I could tell it was written all over my face. Immediately he started asking about Georgina, if she was the cause and what had all been going on. I told him I simply must have been overheated. He didn’t need to know the real reason. Soon after, he was piling on the compliments like he wouldn’t have another chance or something. I found it unbelievably sweet and Chuck had to be the farthest thing from my mind. Nate offered to come over. He offered many things of assistance, but I declined them all and told him I was completely fine. He finally conceded and said his goodbyes. When I hung up, I was smiling like an idiot, and I swear Georgina had gotten even quieter.
It was quite a distance though, before we would arrive back home. And in the next few minutes, my last thoughts had re-circulated. Chuck. Chuck. Chuck.
God, it was giving me a headache.
By the time we arrived, the glass of water had been completely emptied.
……………………………………
The elevator ride up was a bit unnerving. I could feel her looking at me, and as bitchy as I wanted to be, my energy had in fact drained, and so thus prevented me from even slightest glare or harsh word. I didn’t even want to turn my head in her direction to see if she was attempting to be villainous or caring. Either way I didn’t trust her now, not that I did before…I just….
Being in love with Chuck sucks.
Nobody had asked me where my feelings lie for Chuck post re-hooking onto Nate again. I suppose they might have thought it would be unreasonable for them to think I could relinquish those intense feelings so soon, even if I had carelessly claimed to have passed through that phase in my life. I never meant it, not seriously. Not if I was being true to myself.
Sigh.
She turned to me, I could feel it. This time she probably meant it in a caring way, but I just cleared my throat to cover up for it and she resumed her former position.
This had to be the longest elevator ride ever.
The last elevator type scenario I experienced that seemed to last so long…it…
“So, how long are you going to be in town?” I asked her, turning in her direction. She seemed unenthused, but I kept my happy face on. To anyone else it would seem we were the best of friends.
Except, of course, for the fact that she was unresponsive.
The elevator ride finally came to a stop and the doors opened. It was a great relief to see Dorota come rushing towards me. Apparently the driver had called ahead and informed her of my ‘illness’.
“Miss Blair! Miss Blair!” she got herself all worried and starting rambling off in a foreign language. I really am supposed to know where she’s from and what other language she tends to burst off into, but…it was lost on me this time around.
Georgina simply walked out of the elevator and past the two of us, making herself comfortable in the sitting room. I narrowed my eyes at her amongst Dorota’s far too tight hug, and pulling myself away from her, charged into the open-area.
“Georgina, how about we go in my room for a quick chat?”
She turned her gaze up at me and plastered a huge, fake smile on her face. It matched my own and almost impressed me.
“Of course, Blair. I’m always eager to spend more time with you,” she stood as she spoke, and I could hear Dorota’s worried moans a few feet behind us.
I turned to her. “Don’t worry, Dorota. We’ll be out soon. Everything’s fine,” I assured her.
“Yes, Miss Blair,” she said, sighing, and heading back into the kitchen.
Georgina had gotten ahead of me because of my brief conversation with Dorota, thus making me the one to close the door behind me once I had gotten in. I found the schemer sitting on my bed, scrolling down past messages on my phone. Or she was fiddling with something on that phone that she had so obviously discovered with ease.
“Okay, listen here, Whoregina,” I spat, walking towards her slowly, “You have been far too quiet this afternoon.”
She crinkled her nose and looked up at me, “And you’ve been far too noisy. I might not have said anything during your little black out, but you sure as hell did.”
“What?” I asked, hating that I was confused again.
“You love Chuck?” she said, in that idiotic sweet-song voice she always seems to manage. “That is so adorable! Miss Innocent falls for the Bad Boy,” she commented further, playing with my hair again.
I gaped, and snapped away once I had fully comprehended the seriousness of the situation.
“Okay, you can’t…well,” I was speechless. I tried hard to think of something to say, but nothing would come. It was all a blur and I honestly thought a blackout would not be the worst of my worries this time around.
She stood up and took one step towards me. “What? You don’t want me to tell?” she snickered, “If that’s what you’re worried about, princess, don’t be. I have better things to do than spread around how Miss Perfect really spends her time,” she moved past me, and started heading for the door again. She stopped only briefly before exiting, turning towards me. “Oh, and Blair?” she asked.
I turned to look up at her and knew she could see the existence of tears settling in my eyes once again.
“Watch your back.”
The door shut swiftly behind her, and I crumbled to the floor against my bed. The tears came and they flew swiftly down my face. I sobbed hard and grasped my phone instinctively, which I had only been so grateful that she had left on the safety of my comforter.
I didn’t even hear her call for Dorota.
I couldn’t care less.
…………………………………………
It occurred to me sometime later, and though I’d like to say hours…so I could sound like a true fairytale princess or something of that sort, it was really only ten minutes at most, that I hadn’t declined her statement. I hadn’t said that I actually wasn’t in love with Chuck and that it was just a slip. A slip of the tongue. I could have said it. I could have had good back up for it. Serena and Nate would totally defend my honor, no matter what she actually thought. That was it wouldn’t matter if she spread it around, because people would know the truth.
I don’t know why I didn’t say anything. Maybe I didn’t want to hurt Chuck anymore, even if I believed deep down that he couldn’t possibly be hurting more than I was. Even if there was no visible evidence of that.
And maybe I do still love him.
And maybe I just like saying maybe so I don’t hurt so much…or feel so much.
I sighed, grasping the phone tighter, and bringing it closer to me. I needed to talk to someone. I was in over my head. I should’ve known better than to take in the girl I personally blackmailed, with the boy I was entangled with and yet so completely not. I felt around on the buttons and made my way to the contacts list. In truth I had meant to call either Serena, or Nate again. But that’s not who I called.
CALLING CHUCK BASS.
I gaped at the phone, hardly believing my eyes. I got up on my knees and turned around, placing my elbows along the edge of the bed and just stared.
I don’t know what got into me, but I couldn’t move my fingers.
STARE.
That’s all I could do.
“Blair?” I heard him say, and my eyes slid shut slowly at hearing his voice. My fingers trembled and there was an intense chilled shiver that ran up and down my spine.
“Blair?” he asked again.
Gulp.
I pressed END, and hoped to God he wouldn’t call back. My mind was racing and my heart was beating far faster than it had in the midst of the previous black out.
BZZ.
I sighed. Obviously it was too much to expect to have Bass ignore my spontaneous phone call. I could always refuse to answer it, but then he would know something was going on. I always answer my phone. Unless, of course, I’m trying to ignore somebody…and although we are not at a good place at the moment…ignoring is not on my to-do list concerning Chuck Bass.
BZZZ.
BZZZZZ.
I huffed, growing annoyed by his persistence.
“What do you want, Bass?” I asked. And I swear to God, that smirk he was sure to be sporting was going to kill me alive.
There was a long pause.
“Actually, I think it’s me who should be asking what you want, Waldorf. And believe me; I’ll be happy to accommodate any of your specific interests.”
I rolled my eyes, but could not find it in me to apologize. Sighing, and deeply regretting the action…though only to a certain extent, I’m sure, I explained to him. “I meant to call either Nate or Serena. It was simply a slip of the fingers.” I smiled as I ended, hoping it would convince him, since it was the honest truth.
“Hmmm,” he said, clearly pondering the information. “And why might you be needing to talk to them? Besides the fact that you’re trying to make up for losing a certain individual in your life?”
I definitely glared into nothingness at that particular moment. I was losing him? Wasn’t it the other way around? And since when were we on good enough terms with each other to be witty?
I sighed dramatically. “Bass!” I cried out.
“Ooo, I love when you cry out my name like that…though I do prefer it in certain other situations,” he growled.
“Chuck!” I yelled at him, ignoring how the heat had suddenly flushed up in my face again, “I had a black out, all right?”
The line grew silent.
“And Georgina…kind of…threatened me,” I said, playing absentmindedly with the lengths of my hair.
“What?” he asked, his voice dark and threatening, itself.
“Yeah…I kind of let it slip about…us,” I bit my lip, hoping he wouldn’t yell at me beyond reason. I had been through far too much already, and was already feeling guilty for my stupidity and lack of vision. But I prepared myself nonetheless, cringing at the thought. I was so far gone from the normal in-control bitchy Blair Waldorf. It pained me to think of it, and to know that Chuck would also be aware of it was not a comforting thought.
“What did you say?” I heard him ask, this time more from curiosity than anything. It surprised me and gave me some sort of super-strength.
“I don’t think I can discuss this sort of thing with you. We’re not at a good place, Chuck, especially not after you made out with Vanessa right in front of me at Jenny’s party,” I spat.
I knew he wanted to say something to disregard that whole event, but he said nothing, and it completely confused me. He didn’t apologize though and that might have irritated me further.
“Blair,” he began.
And I raised my eyebrows, truly curious to what he might have to say. It didn’t matter if he could see my reactions or not. Nothing certainly could’ve been better than an apology coming from him…or you know….certain confessions.
“Nobody understands you better than I do,” he said.
I disregarded the weakness in his voice, and just scoffed. “Chuck, you’ve tried this before. What are you really trying to say?”
A sigh. From both of us. It drained me alive knowing that we might both be possibly struggling with ourselves in a similar way.
There was no way I was going to say anymore about what happened, unless he was willing to meet me half way and break the ridiculous tension between us.
But he still couldn’t do it.
And maybe that was a good thing. Maybe my loyalty to Nate would’ve been threatened had Chuck given in and spoken what I know he wants to say so badly.
“Have you been crying?” he asked.
“Chuck,” I warned. But I knew he knew I had been.
It was in his voice.
“I’ll talk to Nate,” he said, and my eyebrows furrowed, because I wasn’t exactly sure what he was planning on discussing with his blonde best friend.
“About?” I asked, slightly panicked.
“About Georgina’s living situation.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“I’ll make sure within the day that she’s staying with the Archibalds.”
“Oh, Chuck, you don’t have to do that,” I almost whined it, but I didn’t want to be a burden, especially not with Chuck.
“I don’t want to hear it, Waldorf. I’ll be by later to pick up the broad, okay?” he said, cockily.
A sighed, with a brief smile hanging on my lips.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
I giggled, faintly.
“Goodbye Blair,” he said.
CLICK.
I tucked the phone back into my pocket and noticed just then Georgina standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame.
“Who was that?” she asked, smirk heavy on her face.
My eyes widened when I saw her, but some sort of strength had been rebuilt in me, and I stood up confidently. “That, was Nate,” I said proudly.
“Ah,” she said, curiously, “so that’s why you’re smiling like a love sick idiot again,” she chuckled.
“Yeah,” I agreed, “that would be the reason.”
I walked out of the room, and this time she was quick to follow me. There were no more tears on my face, and for the most part Georgina seemed to be non-threatening.
Maybe being in love with Chuck doesn’t suck.
“Dorota…!”
………………………………………………………………….
A/N: Ok, so I hope you loved this chapter. It took me freaking forever….and I could probably post each of these scenes as separate chapters, but then I’d never finish this story on time. So I hope you loved this and PLEASE review and PLEASE review my ‘so what if I’m jealous’ chapters….I will love you forever!
If you have any questions, just ask! ;p
*I OWN NOTHING!!!!!!
…ok, so one more thing. XD
……………….
Ch.2--Accidental Awareness (Blair’s POV)
“Serena?!” I nearly shrieked, and forgive me if I was panicking… more than usual.
“Nice talking to you too, B.” I could hear the confusion in her voice, but Georgina was only down the hall, and Dorota could only keep her occupied for so long. Or rather, Georgina could only find her amusing for so long. “What’s going on over there? Are you all right?” she asked.
Was I all right…HA! I was on the verge of emotional suicide and she was asking—
“Yes, everything’s fine, S. How’s Spain?” I asked, quickly changing the subject, and refusing to run my hand nervously through my hair again. It was bound to give me split ends anyways, and that was the last thing I needed.
I knew she was furrowing her eyebrows. I could just sense it by the short, dry chuckle she gave me. Followed by giggles and a ‘stop!’ Believe me, the demand was not…demanding.
So, I laughed along with her. “S?” I asked again.
She cleared her throat, but I was sensing the smile…and the tall, dark and handsome no doubt responsible for it.
“S…did you meet someone?” the smile was no longer forcing itself on my face. If I could imagine someone other than Humphrey with Serena than I could almost forget Georgina existed entirely, let alone that she had been staying in my house for a whole 24 hours and the world hadn’t caved.
“Well, you could say that, I guess,” she was smiling.
I could sense it!!!
And I smiled with her. I mean, really, how could I not? She’s my best friend and—
“Blaaaaaaaaaaaair!!!!!!!!”
My smile fell. My eyes widened. And I heard…skipping.
“Is there someone with you?” she asked, still smiling.
Oh man. If she only knew.
And just before the shut and locked door opened—I really had to talk to Dorota about the doors actually locking when you supposedly lock them—“Uh…I’ve gotta go, S, bye!”
CLICK.
WHOOSH!
“Hey Georgie, what’s up?” I asked, smiling brightly. She wouldn’t have to know I had just chucked my phone to the other side of the room—behind my bed obviously.
“Uh…” she looked at me suspiciously, totally not buying the fake plastered smile on my face. It was definitely draining, having to remind myself of the possibility of her manipulations being better than my own. “Who was on the phone?” she asked, pointing to the blinking device making patterns on my wall.
I sighed, but kept the smile vivid and bright on my face. Walking towards her, I placed my arm around her shoulder and led her out of my room, informing her that phone calls equal privacy, especially within bedroom walls.
She obviously didn’t respect that enough to revert from eye-rolling, but she did inform me that Dorota didn’t want her destroying the kitchen anymore with her lack of cooking skills, and that we had to get out of the house.
The last thing I wanted was to be with Georgina in public, but Dorota had suffered enough. I would take my turn. I had hardly spent a spare second with Georgina since I brought her home the previous afternoon. In truth, I had really not been thinking when I enforced her arrival into my own home, obviously, but Chuck’s gaze does that to people, females in particular. And since I’m actually supposed to be raving mad at him and in love with Nate, I’m not going to think any further about what his eyes boring into mine may have reawakened—at least not for the moment.
“Shopping?” I suggested, holding out my credit cards like they were a stack of playing cards. She almost declined, I swear. She was half-way to shaking her head and wrinkling her nose, but something stopped her. I don’t know what it was, and for that exact second I didn’t try to think about it.
“Ok,” she said, sounding intrigued. And I just knew I was in for it then.
I ushered her into the elevator, grabbing my purse on the way out. So help me, god, if I were notified for identity theft later in the week…
…………………………….
Two hours and ten stores later here I was, barely noticing a single item. All of them had his face…or his hair…or that damn smirk of his emblazoned in my mind. It was like the end of summer all over again. I didn’t know how or why this was even possible. He had done so much to me, had hurt me so bad. There was no logical reason why I should even be allowing that Basstard to enter my thoughts again. He hadn’t even said ‘I love you!’
But there he was, as intensely blinding as if he had never left.
“Blair?” she asked, gesturing to a multi-colored scarf.
My eyes bulged. “No!” and I turned away. Granted a few heads were turned at that moment, and Georgina herself must’ve found my reaction quite curious, but I couldn’t help myself.
Nate just wasn’t doing it for me.
Sure, he was hot, an amazing kisser, and he seemed to genuinely care for me. It was so much better this time around. Not to mention that we in fact did have history, which is always helpful, but…
“Ok, no more scarves,” I heard her say, and almost felt a little embarrassed in her presence for my outburst. “A different store?” she asked, cautiously, after the few awkward seconds I forcefully rocked back and forth from heel to toe.
I halted, and turned to her. I knew the tears were reaching my eyes, but I wouldn’t let them fall. I wouldn’t let the sudden jealousy I felt at being around Georgina overcome me. Just because she had been the one to take Chuck’s virginity didn’t mean I had to let it get me. We didn’t both have to take each other’s virginity. That certainly wasn’t the case with Nate and me.
A painful heat overcame my face at the reaffirmation of Nate cheating on me with Serena, my best friend, close to two years ago. I huffed. Chuck never cheated on me. Not directly. Not when we were ever really together. Were we ever together?
“Are you okay?” Georgie asked, and I don’t know why I hadn’t taken the time to realize she was watching my reactive thoughts taking place on my face. I allowed the wrinkles in my forehead and the weak tendencies left around my eyes to smooth over instantly, and nearly disappear if possible. I blinked my tears away, and cursed silently to myself when one slipped down the side of my face.
“Yes, of course, I’m fine,” I chirped.
She chuckled lightly. “Oh sweetie, I’d have to be stupid to be unaware of how upset you are. You’ve been this tense for nearly an hour and a half, and that was when I was watching you.”
I scoffed, and stepped back a foot or two when she tried to wrap a stray strand of my hair around my left ear. “Okay, besides the fact that it is beyond weird that you were watching me for that long, we’re not friends, Georgina. What you did to Serena last year was—”
“Unforgivable, I know,” she finished.
I gaped at her, having been rendered completely speechless.
How dare she try to finish my sentences. How dare she even think she has any right to be back here to begin with!
“Just hear me out,” she began. I crossed my arms against my chest and glared at her. There was no decent reason why I should give her a second word on the matter, but I was still so completely broken over Chuck. I was weak and after pouring levels of Nate fluffiness on top of my Chuck pain, I had been thrown for a loop. Georgina was back in town. She was staying with me, and Chuck was looking at me again. Looking at me like he wanted me, like there was something he had to tell me. Something important.
“I’m listening,” I rolled my eyes.
She folded her hands delicately across her would-be lap. “You’re hurting, snow white,” she said, emphasizing every word. I wrinkled my nose at her. “And since your seven dwarves aren’t here to accommodate you, nor your Prince Charming, you’re going to have to dig up those aching emotions,” she said, half-mockingly, “to your evil stepmother.” The fake brilliance of her plastered smile did not comfort me. She placed her arm around my shoulders in a similar way I had done to her when leaving the apartment some hours ago. I slipped out of it easily and walked to the car that had been supplied to us for our afternoon activities. I stopped just before slipping inside and said, “Snow White never confided in her evil stepmother. Shall we?”
I elegantly allowed my body’s entrance into the vehicle and waited as she came around to the other side and crept in as well. The doors shut and the car began its drive away, turning into the main street. An unusual heat began to creep up inside me, centering itself in the pulses of my face.
“No need to be jealous, Queen B,” she smirked, refusing to look at me. “I’m sure he was much better with you.”
“What? You slept with Nate?” I asked, not believing how blunt she was being so suddenly.
She laughed, turning to me. “No, of course not,” she said, extending her hand to my knee briefly. I was not amused. “He was only yours, dear. Well…and Serena’s,” she smirked, but then turned to looking back out the window.
My mouth opened, but then snapped shut at the sudden realization that she had not mentioned Catherine or Vanessa or even Little Jenny Humphrey….not that they had done anything.
But yet she knew about…Chuck?
I was beyond confused.
Perhaps she only knew of what happened before coming to pay visits to Serena the previous year. That would make sense. Wouldn’t it?
“I mean,” she laughed, and I turned a glare to her as she continued to speak, “I saw the way you two were looking at each other. Clearly something has happened. You could cut the sexual tension with a knife!” she was practically giggling by now. I couldn’t take it anymore. His smile, his laugh, the feel of his arms around me and his lips on my skin, it was all finally…too much. My eyes snapped shut, going as inwardly tight as they could go.
“Just admit it!” she nearly shouted, still in a laughing fit. “You’re still in love with him!”
“Fine!” I shouted in retort, hardly able to control myself. “Just stop! I’m in love with Chuck, all right?!”
I was hyperventilating now. My chest rose and fell with the silent eruption of twisted memories whirling around in my brain.
“Stop it…stop it…stop it,” I cursed whatever voice had been following me around all day.
“Blair?” I couldn’t hear the voice. I couldn’t hear anything but my damn heart beating faster than I would have ever allowed naturally.
“No…no….no,” the tears flew down my face.
“Blair?” This time it was louder, but barely recognizable, even as my heartbeat began to resume its normal pace. “Do we have some water in here, sir?” I heard her ask, and with that my eyes opened.
A glass of water was passed back from the driver to Georgina and she held it up to my mouth, tilting my head back slightly, as the liquid found its way into my mouth and down my throat. She put her hand to my forehead, feeling to see if I had a fever. I didn’t stop her.
“What’s going on Blair?” she asked, searching my eyes for an answer. After a few moments, I looked away.
“Is everything okay, Miss Waldorf?” I heard the driver ask. I simply nodded in response, not completely comprehending the fact that he probably couldn’t look back and see the action I made.
“Yes, she’s fine, sir,” I heard Georgina vocalize, “We’ll be heading back to the Waldorf penthouse. I think she just needs some rest.”
“Very well, Miss Sparks,” he spoke, warmly.
The glass wall between us and the driver began rising. I turned my face back to a worried-looking Georgina. But I spoke before she had the chance to.
“What was the last thing you said to me, before just now?” I asked.
She looked at me strangely, and I knew something weird had just happened.
“What?” I asked, “What is it?”
She licked her lips a bit nervously, and I really hoped, for my own sake, I wasn’t opening up more than necessary to the supposedly reformed psycho.
“What?!” I asked, getting frantic.
She sighed. “I haven’t said anything,” she said, nearly a whisper.
“What?” I asked, mostly to myself, entirely too confused for my own good, and now falling back against the seat. I put a hand up to my forehead, brushing it through my hair. “Nothing? Nothing at all?” I asked, breathlessly.
“Not since we were just outside the store,” she said, appearing helpless.
I couldn’t think any better than that she was telling the truth, that she was behaving truthfully.
Was it possible that I just blacked out? From the stress of it all?
The thought of it was ridiculous.
I didn’t ask if I had said anything. Clearly I had made too many things aware already. I didn’t want to take the chance she knew something, but I didn’t want to ask either. I couldn’t be vulnerable, especially not to Georgina Sparks.
“Well, maybe I just need a snack or two,” I chirped, smiling brightly.
She nodded faintly, and smirked. “Yes, I’m sure that’s it.”
I looked towards my window and slunk deep into soft seating, realizing all too well how her confusion and cautiousness had slipped away.
She knew something.
I felt around in my pocket for my phone, and pulled it out, calling Nate immediately. I mouthed this to Georgina, not that I really needed to. But I suppose some part of me thought it was necessary, since she seemed so concerned.
“Nate?” I asked, hoping this wouldn’t be a bad time for him.
It wasn’t.
“Hey Blair, how are you doing?” I smiled into the phone, preventing giggles if I could help myself.
“I’m all right. I had a bit of a black out, but—”
“What?!” he asked, so clearly concerned.
My heart ached for him in that moment and I could tell it was written all over my face. Immediately he started asking about Georgina, if she was the cause and what had all been going on. I told him I simply must have been overheated. He didn’t need to know the real reason. Soon after, he was piling on the compliments like he wouldn’t have another chance or something. I found it unbelievably sweet and Chuck had to be the farthest thing from my mind. Nate offered to come over. He offered many things of assistance, but I declined them all and told him I was completely fine. He finally conceded and said his goodbyes. When I hung up, I was smiling like an idiot, and I swear Georgina had gotten even quieter.
It was quite a distance though, before we would arrive back home. And in the next few minutes, my last thoughts had re-circulated. Chuck. Chuck. Chuck.
God, it was giving me a headache.
By the time we arrived, the glass of water had been completely emptied.
……………………………………
The elevator ride up was a bit unnerving. I could feel her looking at me, and as bitchy as I wanted to be, my energy had in fact drained, and so thus prevented me from even slightest glare or harsh word. I didn’t even want to turn my head in her direction to see if she was attempting to be villainous or caring. Either way I didn’t trust her now, not that I did before…I just….
Being in love with Chuck sucks.
Nobody had asked me where my feelings lie for Chuck post re-hooking onto Nate again. I suppose they might have thought it would be unreasonable for them to think I could relinquish those intense feelings so soon, even if I had carelessly claimed to have passed through that phase in my life. I never meant it, not seriously. Not if I was being true to myself.
Sigh.
She turned to me, I could feel it. This time she probably meant it in a caring way, but I just cleared my throat to cover up for it and she resumed her former position.
This had to be the longest elevator ride ever.
The last elevator type scenario I experienced that seemed to last so long…it…
“So, how long are you going to be in town?” I asked her, turning in her direction. She seemed unenthused, but I kept my happy face on. To anyone else it would seem we were the best of friends.
Except, of course, for the fact that she was unresponsive.
The elevator ride finally came to a stop and the doors opened. It was a great relief to see Dorota come rushing towards me. Apparently the driver had called ahead and informed her of my ‘illness’.
“Miss Blair! Miss Blair!” she got herself all worried and starting rambling off in a foreign language. I really am supposed to know where she’s from and what other language she tends to burst off into, but…it was lost on me this time around.
Georgina simply walked out of the elevator and past the two of us, making herself comfortable in the sitting room. I narrowed my eyes at her amongst Dorota’s far too tight hug, and pulling myself away from her, charged into the open-area.
“Georgina, how about we go in my room for a quick chat?”
She turned her gaze up at me and plastered a huge, fake smile on her face. It matched my own and almost impressed me.
“Of course, Blair. I’m always eager to spend more time with you,” she stood as she spoke, and I could hear Dorota’s worried moans a few feet behind us.
I turned to her. “Don’t worry, Dorota. We’ll be out soon. Everything’s fine,” I assured her.
“Yes, Miss Blair,” she said, sighing, and heading back into the kitchen.
Georgina had gotten ahead of me because of my brief conversation with Dorota, thus making me the one to close the door behind me once I had gotten in. I found the schemer sitting on my bed, scrolling down past messages on my phone. Or she was fiddling with something on that phone that she had so obviously discovered with ease.
“Okay, listen here, Whoregina,” I spat, walking towards her slowly, “You have been far too quiet this afternoon.”
She crinkled her nose and looked up at me, “And you’ve been far too noisy. I might not have said anything during your little black out, but you sure as hell did.”
“What?” I asked, hating that I was confused again.
“You love Chuck?” she said, in that idiotic sweet-song voice she always seems to manage. “That is so adorable! Miss Innocent falls for the Bad Boy,” she commented further, playing with my hair again.
I gaped, and snapped away once I had fully comprehended the seriousness of the situation.
“Okay, you can’t…well,” I was speechless. I tried hard to think of something to say, but nothing would come. It was all a blur and I honestly thought a blackout would not be the worst of my worries this time around.
She stood up and took one step towards me. “What? You don’t want me to tell?” she snickered, “If that’s what you’re worried about, princess, don’t be. I have better things to do than spread around how Miss Perfect really spends her time,” she moved past me, and started heading for the door again. She stopped only briefly before exiting, turning towards me. “Oh, and Blair?” she asked.
I turned to look up at her and knew she could see the existence of tears settling in my eyes once again.
“Watch your back.”
The door shut swiftly behind her, and I crumbled to the floor against my bed. The tears came and they flew swiftly down my face. I sobbed hard and grasped my phone instinctively, which I had only been so grateful that she had left on the safety of my comforter.
I didn’t even hear her call for Dorota.
I couldn’t care less.
…………………………………………
It occurred to me sometime later, and though I’d like to say hours…so I could sound like a true fairytale princess or something of that sort, it was really only ten minutes at most, that I hadn’t declined her statement. I hadn’t said that I actually wasn’t in love with Chuck and that it was just a slip. A slip of the tongue. I could have said it. I could have had good back up for it. Serena and Nate would totally defend my honor, no matter what she actually thought. That was it wouldn’t matter if she spread it around, because people would know the truth.
I don’t know why I didn’t say anything. Maybe I didn’t want to hurt Chuck anymore, even if I believed deep down that he couldn’t possibly be hurting more than I was. Even if there was no visible evidence of that.
And maybe I do still love him.
And maybe I just like saying maybe so I don’t hurt so much…or feel so much.
I sighed, grasping the phone tighter, and bringing it closer to me. I needed to talk to someone. I was in over my head. I should’ve known better than to take in the girl I personally blackmailed, with the boy I was entangled with and yet so completely not. I felt around on the buttons and made my way to the contacts list. In truth I had meant to call either Serena, or Nate again. But that’s not who I called.
CALLING CHUCK BASS.
I gaped at the phone, hardly believing my eyes. I got up on my knees and turned around, placing my elbows along the edge of the bed and just stared.
I don’t know what got into me, but I couldn’t move my fingers.
STARE.
That’s all I could do.
“Blair?” I heard him say, and my eyes slid shut slowly at hearing his voice. My fingers trembled and there was an intense chilled shiver that ran up and down my spine.
“Blair?” he asked again.
Gulp.
I pressed END, and hoped to God he wouldn’t call back. My mind was racing and my heart was beating far faster than it had in the midst of the previous black out.
BZZ.
I sighed. Obviously it was too much to expect to have Bass ignore my spontaneous phone call. I could always refuse to answer it, but then he would know something was going on. I always answer my phone. Unless, of course, I’m trying to ignore somebody…and although we are not at a good place at the moment…ignoring is not on my to-do list concerning Chuck Bass.
BZZZ.
BZZZZZ.
I huffed, growing annoyed by his persistence.
“What do you want, Bass?” I asked. And I swear to God, that smirk he was sure to be sporting was going to kill me alive.
There was a long pause.
“Actually, I think it’s me who should be asking what you want, Waldorf. And believe me; I’ll be happy to accommodate any of your specific interests.”
I rolled my eyes, but could not find it in me to apologize. Sighing, and deeply regretting the action…though only to a certain extent, I’m sure, I explained to him. “I meant to call either Nate or Serena. It was simply a slip of the fingers.” I smiled as I ended, hoping it would convince him, since it was the honest truth.
“Hmmm,” he said, clearly pondering the information. “And why might you be needing to talk to them? Besides the fact that you’re trying to make up for losing a certain individual in your life?”
I definitely glared into nothingness at that particular moment. I was losing him? Wasn’t it the other way around? And since when were we on good enough terms with each other to be witty?
I sighed dramatically. “Bass!” I cried out.
“Ooo, I love when you cry out my name like that…though I do prefer it in certain other situations,” he growled.
“Chuck!” I yelled at him, ignoring how the heat had suddenly flushed up in my face again, “I had a black out, all right?”
The line grew silent.
“And Georgina…kind of…threatened me,” I said, playing absentmindedly with the lengths of my hair.
“What?” he asked, his voice dark and threatening, itself.
“Yeah…I kind of let it slip about…us,” I bit my lip, hoping he wouldn’t yell at me beyond reason. I had been through far too much already, and was already feeling guilty for my stupidity and lack of vision. But I prepared myself nonetheless, cringing at the thought. I was so far gone from the normal in-control bitchy Blair Waldorf. It pained me to think of it, and to know that Chuck would also be aware of it was not a comforting thought.
“What did you say?” I heard him ask, this time more from curiosity than anything. It surprised me and gave me some sort of super-strength.
“I don’t think I can discuss this sort of thing with you. We’re not at a good place, Chuck, especially not after you made out with Vanessa right in front of me at Jenny’s party,” I spat.
I knew he wanted to say something to disregard that whole event, but he said nothing, and it completely confused me. He didn’t apologize though and that might have irritated me further.
“Blair,” he began.
And I raised my eyebrows, truly curious to what he might have to say. It didn’t matter if he could see my reactions or not. Nothing certainly could’ve been better than an apology coming from him…or you know….certain confessions.
“Nobody understands you better than I do,” he said.
I disregarded the weakness in his voice, and just scoffed. “Chuck, you’ve tried this before. What are you really trying to say?”
A sigh. From both of us. It drained me alive knowing that we might both be possibly struggling with ourselves in a similar way.
There was no way I was going to say anymore about what happened, unless he was willing to meet me half way and break the ridiculous tension between us.
But he still couldn’t do it.
And maybe that was a good thing. Maybe my loyalty to Nate would’ve been threatened had Chuck given in and spoken what I know he wants to say so badly.
“Have you been crying?” he asked.
“Chuck,” I warned. But I knew he knew I had been.
It was in his voice.
“I’ll talk to Nate,” he said, and my eyebrows furrowed, because I wasn’t exactly sure what he was planning on discussing with his blonde best friend.
“About?” I asked, slightly panicked.
“About Georgina’s living situation.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“I’ll make sure within the day that she’s staying with the Archibalds.”
“Oh, Chuck, you don’t have to do that,” I almost whined it, but I didn’t want to be a burden, especially not with Chuck.
“I don’t want to hear it, Waldorf. I’ll be by later to pick up the broad, okay?” he said, cockily.
A sighed, with a brief smile hanging on my lips.
“I’ll take that as a yes.”
I giggled, faintly.
“Goodbye Blair,” he said.
CLICK.
I tucked the phone back into my pocket and noticed just then Georgina standing in the doorway, leaning against the frame.
“Who was that?” she asked, smirk heavy on her face.
My eyes widened when I saw her, but some sort of strength had been rebuilt in me, and I stood up confidently. “That, was Nate,” I said proudly.
“Ah,” she said, curiously, “so that’s why you’re smiling like a love sick idiot again,” she chuckled.
“Yeah,” I agreed, “that would be the reason.”
I walked out of the room, and this time she was quick to follow me. There were no more tears on my face, and for the most part Georgina seemed to be non-threatening.
Maybe being in love with Chuck doesn’t suck.
“Dorota…!”
………………………………………………………………….
A/N: Ok, so I hope you loved this chapter. It took me freaking forever….and I could probably post each of these scenes as separate chapters, but then I’d never finish this story on time. So I hope you loved this and PLEASE review and PLEASE review my ‘so what if I’m jealous’ chapters….I will love you forever!
If you have any questions, just ask! ;p
