A good porn fanfiction. Enough said, now look at the picture. :D
A GOOD PORN FANFICTION.
So yeah, before you think, "WTF THIS IS SO GROSS JARED WTH YOU ARE SO MESSED UP THIS IS ADMIRABLE?"
1 Thing, this fanfiction, which you can read here,
link
Is MEANT to be bad. It's one of those so bad it's funny fanfics and I actually laughed at it's horribleness quite a lot. This fanfiction is good because of that, and the author knows it's bad.
I know that pointing out you're problems doesn't fix it, but this guy knows how to make a good fanfiction.
And no, I am not a pervert at ALL. Don't believe me? Read my Toxic Fanfics Series. AND THIS SAYS EPISODE 2.
I won't comment over it, because it IS pretty gross,
(And don't think I am getting lazy and don't want to comment over fanfics anymore, because some fanfics you just need to read for yourself.)
But just read it, it's hilarious. Very perverted and disturbing, but he WANTS it to be bad.
And of course, the guys grammar.....IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
So here we go, Latifah27's fanfiction, You Want Lemon? Here we, no, YOU go. :D
"Ok, I had said I don't do sex-scenes unless it involves rape or molestation, but I really, really need to make a point here. And this is not to get anyone off. I didn't get aroused by it, and I doubt anyone else will, though I really have my doubts now. Anyone reading this had better take your hands off their crotch and put away that vaseline. Right now."
THE GRAMMAR AND SPELLING, IT'S BEAUTIFUL!
(Ok, NOW here you go. :D)
"One day, Sonic woke up and realized he had an erection. It was a big erection for such a little hedgehog, so he decided to make it go away. And there was only one way to do that. Yep. You guessed it.
What, pray tell, would he do about that, you may ask.
He masturbated, you idiot!
Sonic whacked off for a few minutes, and nothing happened. So he decided to think about someone who made him horny. And pretty much everyone made Sonic horny.
So he thought about someone.
Knuckles.
...
What? Did you really think he would be thinking about his true love Sally?
Dumbass!
Sonic's gay! Everybody knows that!
So Sonic tossed-off some more, until, of course, he came. Or cummed. Or whichever way you would prefer to spell it. This is a lemon anyway, and not a good one.
He looked at the mess on the floor, and then realized he was still horny, and still had one helluvan erection.
Yep. You were probably expecting that. After all, this is a Sonic-lemon. No room for good taste here.
Sonic started whacking-off again, thinking of Knuckles, and then making another mess on the floor. He thought about all his friends, who made him soooo damn horny, and whacked until his great big hedgehog-member was red and smoking.
He was knee-deep in hedgehog-sperm. And he was still horny. He had never been so horny in his life.
Then Tails walked in, and noticed the big sea of white substance. Then he looked at Sonic, who's penis was still about as big as his head...
Ok, dumbass, you can stop laughing now. Yeah, it's a damn-funny pun, and I'm sure you're pissin' your pants laughing at how cleaver you are to have gotten that pun.
Well I got news for you, pal. Everyone else has already gotten it. Go back to your broom-closet and finish what you were doing before you happened upon this fic. You got way too much free time anyway.
Anyway, Tails saw Sonic's big penis, and he got horny. He got so horny that his twin penises started to come out of their sheaths.
What?
You didn't expect that? Don't you know that Tails has two tails, so the laws of nature dictate that he would also have two members?
Yes. Dictate. Dick-tate. Penis-tate even.
Go get a job and a life, loser.
Tails' penises grew even bigger, and he decided to have sex with Sonic. He walked up to his friend, and said "Hey, Sonic, wanna bend over so I can fuck your ass?"
And Sonic said "Sure. Go right ahead"
He bent over, and Tails stuck both his penises inside. And it didn't hurt.
It didn't hurt, of course, because it's a fucking lemon!
In fact, it felt so good, Sonic came immediately on the floor several times. He began thinking about pounding on Knuckles' echidna-behind, especially since ol' hard-ass Knux won't let him.
Yeah. Hard-ass. I made another funny. Ha ha ha ha ha. Now let's get on with the damn story, OK???
Tails was very experienced for a fourteen-year-old. He had been having sex ever since the people who took him in found out he had penises. In fact, the people who adopted him would have sex with anything that had a penis, including Michelangelo's "David". Yep. They were very horny people.
And Sonic has been having sex ever since he was little. Tails gave him head when they were just kids, and then Sonic had sex with Sally.
Then Sally did it with with a woman when she was a kid. Sally's a lesbian now. And she's probably doing it with Bunnie, or Amy. Or both.
Amy's a she-male. Yep. She's a she-male, a hermaphrodite, like most innocent girls in hentai. And she's got a big penis. So big, it's a wonder she can hide it under that starched pink dress of her's.
You may wonder how Bunnie can have sex. "But she's roboticized from the waist-down!" you're probably saying.
Don't you know anything??? This is a lemon! This is a Sonic-lemon, folks! Bunnie-rabbot has a vagina under her metal-plating. Or whatever other names you so like to call it. She has it.
And it's wide, and can fit several penises and toys at once.
...
Anyway, Sally walks into Sonic's hut, where the sperm is now waist-deep.
Damn. I wouldn't want to go in there. Don't wanna get pregnant with Sonic's baby, and have to explain to it that his daddy like guys and jerks-off several times a day. I don't wanna warp a kid's mind.
Besides, he would probably want to join his daddy, since Sonic's only eighteen years old.
I think I just went hysterically blind now.
So Sally is watching Sonic and Tails doing it, and she gets horny. She gets so horny, that she touches herself. In both places. And moans, before releasing woman-juice where she's standing.
Sonic watches her doing that, and starts getting really horny.
What? What now? Don't you know that Sonic's bisexual? This is a lemon, after all! And how would Sonic know what she's doing, since she's standing in a big pool of semen?
It's a lemon, you dolt. You don't have to make sense, or have a point. It just has to be all sex, all the time.
Sonic is watching her, and his erection is getting bigger, and bigger. Almost as big as his whole body. Head and all.
Yes, his head, you moron. The one with his face on it. Not the one that's growing bigger.
And Sally is so entranced by his enormous hedgehog-meat, that she immediately walks up to him and Tails, and bends over, showing her butt, which is still bleeding from the three-way she had with Amy and Bunnie just a few minutes ago.
Sonic, of course, enters her, and immediately climaxes. Several times. And Sally enjoys it.
She's having a fantasy about being gang-banged by a bunch of horny men like Sonic. Maybe she should take up a job as a phone-sex operator, since she would be better at that then ruling Knothole.
Amy walks in. Naked. With the biggest erection ever seen on a girl. It's about as big as Geoffrey St. John's ego.
Nope. Even bigger. She just saw them doing it.
Suddenly, there's a loud crash, and a big flash of light. Guess who it is?
*Jeopardy-theme plays*
It's Shadow, you idiot. Shadow has survived, and now he wants to fuck Sonic's brains out.
In fact, he want's to fuck everyone's brains out, 'cause that's why most writers revive him, right? To write about him sucking Sonic off and getting it in the butt from Knuckles.
Or even doing it with Amy and her member. He likes she-males. And Maria.
He did her good before the GUN-bastards killed her. Got her pregnant too. Would've had a litter of baby hedgehogs that looked just like him.
Shadow walks into the hut, his body still smoking from the fall. Luckily, he's the ultimate life-form, and he heals faster than Sonic can come.
And he's not alone. Nope. Rouge and Knuckles are with him. And they want to have sex.
Of course they want to! Look at Rouge! She's a slut! She's almost naked, and claims to be a 'government-spy'. With jugs like those? FAT-CHANCE!!! All she want's to do is slut around with the men and women in the Sonic-verse.
She's already got Knuckles up her back-side. After she had been up his ass, stealing the Master-Emerald and all... And Shadow's next. Because it's obvious that the two would hook up, what with them both being villains.
And besides, doesn't everybody want to see Shadow and Rouge having sex? Isn't it better than doing it yourself and wasting the energy?
So Shadow, Rouge, and Knuckles start having a big three-way, like they did all the way here, before Shadow decides to have Sonic give him the intern-treatment.
And Shadow's the ultimate life-form, so he has the ultimate penis, and the ultimate erection. And don't forget that Sonic has been having wet-dreams about Shadow ever since they met, and fantasized about fucking his brains out and getting fucked by Shadow.
What? You didn't expect that? Come on! Don't you know that in every good Sonic-lemon, it has to be totally plotless and just about sex? And it has to be between your favorite characters, especially if the pairing is popular?
Where would we be without the sonadow? Without the sonuckles, the sails, the shails? What would we do without our daily dose of slash and smutt??? Huh???
And then there's everyone's favorite Sally-the-lesbian, with Bunnie as her bitch.
Yeah. Bunnie's walking in now, and she starts touching Sally and making her come and....
Awww shit! Why would you want to see that? Why would you want to see someone drinking another person's fluids? You should really go get professional help. Now.
I think I'm gonna retch. This is just so sick, what Bunnie's doing. These lemon-writers really have to get a life.
And now Antoine and Rotor are coming in, with St. John or skunk-butt, or whatever you like to call that scum-bag. And they have a three-way, taking turns pounding away at St. John, and he likes it. It's better than doing it with Sally, and they had gone through the whole Kama Sutra last night.
And they are coming. Yep. The instant they start doing it, they come. Because this is a lemon, of course.
Then, Robotnik runs in, and is followed by his mother, yes, "Mama-Robotnik", who is naked, and wearing a...
Nope. I'm not gonna gross you out anymore. Just the thought of Mama-Robotnik naked... and her son...
...and possibly Snively.
Yes. This is a lemon.
So anyway, the hut gets so full of sperm and girl-juice, that it explodes, but not before everybody drowns while going through the throes of ecstacy. Even Dulcy the dragon watches, gets hit by the juices, and dies from a killer dragon-climax.
...and somewhere, some dude is sitting in the corner now, mentally composing another porn-fic involving sexual-antics from characters of all ages, while simultaneously drooling on his own over-sized man-meat.
His pants are un-zipped and he has no lubricant.
THE END"
Gross, but it's meant to be, and it isn't demented.
This is how to make a gross porn fanfiction good, it's just so FUNNY!
This guy's sense of humor is actually really entertaining, and if you can get over the porn, IT'S FREAKING HILARIOUS!
Seriously, I know I am going to get a bunch of weird looks for this, BUT IT'S SO FUNNY! I can't get over it!
Now the reason it's ADMIRABLE is because this is one of the best examples of a gross porn fanfiction done right.
And the guy even said in the beginning that it isn't for fapping and he doesn't seem to be a demonic pervert from hell, so yeah!
I KNOW that you guys are probably thinking this is god awful, but I like it's comedy, CORRECT Grammar, and how much logic doesn't exist.
And again, it's MEANT to be bad! Not everything that's meant to be bad is good, but this sure is.
Not even lying, I LIKED this. Enough said. :D
Well that was embarrassing, so....SEE YA!
And random meme because WHY NOT? :D
Dean carried Cas to the entrance, where Zoey blocked their way.
“You’re not going anywhere” she said.
“Right, because you’re going to stop me” Dean said sarcastic. He pushed Zoey away and walked further to the entrance.
Zoey jumped his back. She tugged his hair and scratched his face.
Dean lay Cas down as careful as possible. He grabbed Zoey’s hair and pulled her off. He smacked her on the ground and kicked her wherever he could.
“I think you’re losing your angel juju” Dean said.
Zoey crawled towards Cas. She grabbed his collar and dragged him away, closer to the edge of the holy circle.
“What are you doing?” Dean asked scared.
He got his answer as Zoey emptied a few bottled of alcohol she had kept their in stock. She conjured a lighter and smiled evil at Dean.
“No!” Dean shouted, but Zoey dropped the lighter and caused another fire.
“You’re not going anywhere” she said.
“Right, because you’re going to stop me” Dean said sarcastic. He pushed Zoey away and walked further to the entrance.
Zoey jumped his back. She tugged his hair and scratched his face.
Dean lay Cas down as careful as possible. He grabbed Zoey’s hair and pulled her off. He smacked her on the ground and kicked her wherever he could.
“I think you’re losing your angel juju” Dean said.
Zoey crawled towards Cas. She grabbed his collar and dragged him away, closer to the edge of the holy circle.
“What are you doing?” Dean asked scared.
He got his answer as Zoey emptied a few bottled of alcohol she had kept their in stock. She conjured a lighter and smiled evil at Dean.
“No!” Dean shouted, but Zoey dropped the lighter and caused another fire.
The first witness was the mother of the seven year old boy Cas had healed from a life threatening fever.
“I went to the kitchen and when I came back Mr. Allen, as he presented himself, had his hands all over my son. I…I think he was taking advantage of my son’s weakness”
“Objection!” Craig said. “I think everyone in Castle Rock knows about my client’s special abilities? Castiel can heal people with his bare hands, which is why Mrs. Jones had him come over in the first place. But to do his job he needs to touch his patient. He doesn’t even charge them”
“Of course he wouldn’t” Evan Trumble, Daphne’s attorney, said. “That’s because he knows that what he’s doing is wrong”
While Craig and Evan where quibbling, Cas looked sharp at Mrs. Jones.
“I never touched your son and you know it. I saved your son and this is not the right way to thank me”
Mrs. Jones seemed to cringe and looked around to find support or a way out.
“I went to the kitchen and when I came back Mr. Allen, as he presented himself, had his hands all over my son. I…I think he was taking advantage of my son’s weakness”
“Objection!” Craig said. “I think everyone in Castle Rock knows about my client’s special abilities? Castiel can heal people with his bare hands, which is why Mrs. Jones had him come over in the first place. But to do his job he needs to touch his patient. He doesn’t even charge them”
“Of course he wouldn’t” Evan Trumble, Daphne’s attorney, said. “That’s because he knows that what he’s doing is wrong”
While Craig and Evan where quibbling, Cas looked sharp at Mrs. Jones.
“I never touched your son and you know it. I saved your son and this is not the right way to thank me”
Mrs. Jones seemed to cringe and looked around to find support or a way out.
Night fell and Meg was playing with her phone. She had gotten so used to the sound of wings, she didn’t bother to look up when Balthazar and Anna appeared.
“We just heard Castiel’s trial’s tomorrow, which is very unusual” Balthazar said. “Whatever Crowley’s up to, it’ll happen tomorrow”
Meg shrugged. Why did everyone expect her to care?
“That means you’ll have to be prepared” Anna said sharp.
Meg stopped playing games with her phone.
“We’re getting you out tonight” Anna said.
Meg looked up, happy as a child. “Finally” she said.
Balthazar conjured his sword, but then a bright light shone from somewhere ahead of them.
“Oh no” Meg said. “Oh no no no no no no!”
That didn’t exactly help, because an instant later both Balthazar and Anna were gone.
Meg sunk to the bottom of her cell.
“Great” she said grumpy. “Juuuust great”
“We just heard Castiel’s trial’s tomorrow, which is very unusual” Balthazar said. “Whatever Crowley’s up to, it’ll happen tomorrow”
Meg shrugged. Why did everyone expect her to care?
“That means you’ll have to be prepared” Anna said sharp.
Meg stopped playing games with her phone.
“We’re getting you out tonight” Anna said.
Meg looked up, happy as a child. “Finally” she said.
Balthazar conjured his sword, but then a bright light shone from somewhere ahead of them.
“Oh no” Meg said. “Oh no no no no no no!”
That didn’t exactly help, because an instant later both Balthazar and Anna were gone.
Meg sunk to the bottom of her cell.
“Great” she said grumpy. “Juuuust great”
Sam and Cas were at a motel in Colombia Falls, while Dean and Jo were outside. They were in front of the car and Dean had opened the hood. He was maintaining the Impala while Jo watched him.
“Can I help?” Jo offered.
“No” Dean said sharp. Jo gave him a strange look. “Not because you’re a girl. I’m sure you know how to fix a car. It’s personal, really”
“I get it” Jo said. “This is your baby. It’s hard to let go”
“Exactly” Dean said, glad Jo got the picture so quickly. He wiped his hands off a cloth and shut the hood. “I think we’re done here” He turned around. “Let’s get those two monkeys on their feet. We’re leaving town”
It happened in a flash. One moment Dean was standing on his two feet, the next he crashed against the car and fell on the ground.
“Dean!” Jo exclaimed. She bent on her knees and noticed blood coming out of his side.
“Can I help?” Jo offered.
“No” Dean said sharp. Jo gave him a strange look. “Not because you’re a girl. I’m sure you know how to fix a car. It’s personal, really”
“I get it” Jo said. “This is your baby. It’s hard to let go”
“Exactly” Dean said, glad Jo got the picture so quickly. He wiped his hands off a cloth and shut the hood. “I think we’re done here” He turned around. “Let’s get those two monkeys on their feet. We’re leaving town”
It happened in a flash. One moment Dean was standing on his two feet, the next he crashed against the car and fell on the ground.
“Dean!” Jo exclaimed. She bent on her knees and noticed blood coming out of his side.
