Prepare to have your childhood crushed....
What the heck guys, what the hell! I didn't know humanity was so fu*ked up! I am warning you right now, this Fanfiction is very disturbing, it is intensely SCARY, and actually made me vomit AND it gave me a nightmare. Today in Toxic Fanfic Reviews, we are starting out with a bang, with,,,,,,,,,,,, Creation Of A Dry Bones, a Mario Fanfiction By the demented, I don't know his name, the Fanfic was so Arceus Awful that Fanfic.Net Took it down. Enough Messing around, because I may be going down, but I'm taking this fucker down with me.
Screw that, I don't want it anywhere NEAR ME. I'm sorry guys, but this isn't just a bad fanfic, it had the ability to kill hope, sanity, and it can change who you are. I don't even think I am old enough to read this, but let's just hurry this up. WORST FANFIC EVER, Creation Of A Dry Bones.
"A red koopa sat alone in his home, anxiously awaiting his lover's return from the castle. He stared at the tired reflection in his cup of coffee and wondered why the enlistment process was lasting into the AM. ..."
I didn't edit anything, this is how the author wrote this. He put a space after a period, and it only gets worse.
"The green soldier stood silent in the doorway for a moment, a letter clutched tightly in hand. Slowly and dragging his feet as he did, the koopa made his way from the door to the bed, climbing in and falling asleep without a word to his red partner. ... "
GOD DAMN IT HE DID IT AGAIN! *Sigh* Let's ignore that and really get to why this fanfic is so bad.
"Frustrated, the red koopa resigned to simply wretch the letter from his lover's hands. He took his seat once again and began to smooth out the sheet, noting the bright red Bowser insignia before turning it over to the side written on. With bags heavy under his eyes, the crimson turtle began to read the letter to himself."
Doesn't seem terrible at first, maybe I was wro-
"It was a formal letter at least by the Koopa Army's standards. First and foremost, it congratulated the green koopa for accepting enlistment in the largely volunteer Dry Bones troops. Secondly, it informed him of his new living quarters deep in a submerged castle outpost. Finally, it commended his bravery in accepting death to enter the troop be it by suicide or standard procedure."
Fuck you writer, what world do you live in? Suicide and death in a Mario fanfic? And it STILL gets MUCH worse.
"The red koopa's stomach churned the coffee that threatened to come back up. The thought of his lover dying by any means was enough to chill him, but to know it was willingly done threatened psychosomatic illness. ... As his stomach finally began to settle, the red turtle made his way back to the shared bed. He huddled up close to his lover, wrapped his arms around his waist, and fell into uneasy slumber as dawn came."
There is love in this? Alright that is kind of creepy, and does anybody know what's going on?
"It wasn't until late midday that one of the two began to wake up. The green soldier's eyes opened slowly and with a long yawn, he climbed out of the bed. He took a seat opposite from where the red koopa sat before and looked around their living space with new eyes. Everything in the room could kill him if he wished. The sink could be filled and drowned in, chemical cleaners underneath it gorged on to the point of a fatal poisoning, burn alive in the oven, or cut himself in a variety of ways with a variety of knives."
FUCK YOU WRITER! And readers of this review, this is your last chance. This is where the fanfic sends us to hell. If you are squeamish, or don't like pain or anything scary, PLEASE stop reading. Those who are staying, I am not going to censor ANYTHING. That would defeat the purpose of this review.
"He found it all not nearly dramatic enough until a look at his lover inspired him. A hanging with the bed cloth would proceed nicely with him taking the sheet, forming a noose to tie around the overhead lamp and having his corpse greet his soon to be cold lover. Wasting no time with an excitement not felt since he first entered Bowser's castle to enlist, the green soldier took the sheet from the bed and began to work."
Life can always get worse guys, this fanfic has taught me that the second I finished it when I was little, but more on that later....
"The plan fell apart within moments, the red koopa's eyes snapping open as soon as the sheet was pulled from him. ... His lover was suddenly sad enough to die and needed an emotional boost now. He pulled the green soldier's shoulder to bring him face to face and quickly sputtered what he wanted to save for later.
"W-we have to fuck, now!"
There is rape in this. I am not joking. I was never kidding, still not grossed out? WELL THIS IS FOR YOU!
"Using natural strength superior to his partner's, the red koopa quickly pinned the other's hands down against the sink cabinet, ready to do anything needed to save his boyfriend.
The throe of desperate passion gave the red turtle to strength for morally justified rape."
Fine, for the sake of keeping this review up, I will now start censoring words. IT'S THAT BAD.
"His heart raced as his free hand began to furiously pump at his own soft p**is, panting from effort and emotional pressure. The green koopa could only watch on, a hint of anger slowly building on his face, as waves of musk from the other began to waft toward him. It was almost sickening."
Saying fuck you to the writer now is like saying, "Here! I made you a pineapple smoothie! :)" And if you don't see anything wrong yet, IT STILL GETS WORSE.
"The green solder's gag warning of incoming bile did nothing to avert the red koopa from his frenzied approach, as his flushed face and drop of precum from his e**ct pe**s indicated. He was a ready as he'd be for this until the green koopa began to scream."
"Stop!" And the red koopa was shaken just enough to not force his way into the resisting soldier.
"I should," The crimson turtle began. "but this is for your own good."
First of all, did you ever do any spelling tests in the 1st Grade? Second, did Jesus even make you? Seriously, who....ARE you? To make something so Disgusting! So Evil! So.....Soul Crushing! Are you even a human being? What reality do you live in? And I can't believe I am going to say this, BUT EVEN THE MODERN SPONGEBOB WRITERS WOULDN'T DO THIS! Moving on..... *Gags and Cries*
"With his eyes shut tight and his lover's screams beginning to shrill, the red koopa shoved little more than half his c**k into an unwilling and ill-fitting hole. He repressed a moan with grit jaw as he tried to fit more of it in, all the while hoping they would both have pleasure from this in time. Yellow thighs clashed into each other as the turtle thrust himself in and out of his victim. The red koopa tried not to show his enjoyment, instead favoring an expression torn between guilt and fear. Not a moment later, the red koopa's face contorted into a look of physical pain, the green koopa finally resisting with a free knee cap and a harsh blow to the other's crotch. The pain momentary subsiding, the green soldier began to yell again."
Guys, I am actually scared right now. I am writing this at 1:30 in the morning and I am terrified right now. If I disappear somehow, YOU KNOW WHAT TO BLAME.
"With that, the green turtle bought just enough time in shocking his lover again to painfully stretch his leg between their bodies, knee pressed into his stomach and clawed foot into the other's chest, and push off his oppressor. The green turtle got up with all speed and readied himself for a fight hoped to be personally destructive. The red koopa slowly got to his feet as well, wincing from fresh claw marks his lover's foot had put into his chest, er**tion still hard and ready to continue once his partner was under control."
WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS!? Oh I Know, IT'S BECAUSE THE WRITER IS FROM HELL! I am not kidding at all when I say I would rather die than be like the person who wrote this! This is GROSS!
"The crimson turtle wasted no time in tweaking and retrying his plan, charging the other at full force from where he had been pushed to. The green turtle put down his fists, attempting a new approach to suicide, ready to be knocked to the ground by his furious partner. Both plans began as intended, the red koopa immediately knocking down the other with a blow to one eye strong enough to blacken it."
*o____O* I am not even trying to be funny, somebody wrote this. I will show proof later, but somebody, no, SOMETHING wrote this! Screw it moving on!
"Without a cry of pain, the green koopa let himself hit the ground once again and be dominated by the red one, welcoming all violence that was in store.
The red koopa pounded at the other's face with all his might, hoping to knock him unconscious long enough to properly plan another step. However, even as bruises were formed and bones barely dented, the green koopa began to laugh softly. Smiling as best he could with a bloody and swollen mouth, he began to speak as he was pounded on."
Oh my god guys, if you thought anything was bad so far, this next paragraph will change your life. I am literally crying in fear right now. *Sigh* M-M-m-Moving On!
"It's almost done. I can't feel anything."
The green koopa brought a hand to his face, gripped the freshly bruised eye through engorged eyelid, and pulled it from its socket with an audible rip and a visible gush of fluids. The red turtle backed away in shock and fear, his eyes transfixed upon the gaping hole that had been a left eye. His will to fight had died along with his lover's body. Entranced by terror to the point of losing bladder control, the turtle watched his partner slowly tear himself apart. Muscle tissue littered the ground as the green koopa bared every part of himself. His every vital organ he revealed and then spilled out onto the floor slowly working from the top down. His other eye was tossed to join the other, his esophagus was torn with lungs in tow to be thrown just over the red koopa's head, his barely beating heart crushed between his fingers and let slide down to rest on his intestines, the intestines themselves allowed to be pulled like a scarf out from their original position down to the floor, and testicles with the other sexual organs violently ripped off and presented as a cruelly made gift to his lover before dropping those to the floor too.
The other koopa had long since spewed his coffee-blackened bile onto the floor, gripping his wounds and crying in failure and grieving as he did.
After discarding much of the flesh on his feet, the new and bloody Dry Bones approached the sickened survivor.
A skull began to speak from atop the skeleton.>"It's done."
My god guys I just threw up and IT'S NOT OVER YET!
"The red koopa only sobbed to himself, surrounded by biological filth as he did.
"Come now," the Dry Bones said with as close a sneer as he could manage "this is for your own good."
I will never EVER look at Mario, or even LIFE, OR EVEN HORROR, the same way again. This is so scary that if a person had no confidence and read this, they would go suicide, but please don't, I am here with you, and I hope you still are with me.
"He pushed on the koopa's shoulder to meet him face to face. Bloodshot and teary eyes watched as what was his lover use a bloody hand of bone to wet and slick the still er*ct p**is being sported. The koopa hated it, but was all too tired to resist the hand that slowly pumped at his p*nis. He could not scream, he could not push away, and he could not enjoy the mast***ation he was given. The red koopa nearly vomited again as he felt a blood slicked finger bone worm in under the foreskin and gently massage the crown. Despite the growing unease in his stomach, his body reacted where his emotions and mind wouldn't and e**culated onto the recently deceased after a few more seconds of pumping.
"There," Dry Bones whispered into the koopa's ear "now you're ready."
Dragging a foot behind him, Dry Bones pulled the resigned koopa from one home to another, tugging the deathly depressed turtle into the ocean."
JESUS CHRIST! I am not overreacting at all. This fanfiction isn't just laughably bad, it is UNREADABLY BAD. The TERRIBLY Scary details, the gross rape parts, the stupid story that makes no sense, the crappy grammar and spelling, and if none of that bothers you, THEN YOUR DREAMS TONIGHT WILL. This fanfiction... It can change your life. I am not kidding. People take things very seriously sometimes and reading BULLSHIT like this doesn't help.
It's way too disturbing, doesn't have any comedy or even bad humor to make it anywhere near fun to read, the plot makes no sense, the countless plot errors, and of you were a Mario fan, than I am sorry for you. And of course, it feels like it NEVER ENDS!
This Fanfic has no life, -9999999/10
You can read another person reviewing it here!
link
Good god it's over. And guess what? Some person made a Top Ten List on the worst fanfics. You want to know what this, what I called the worst fanfic ever, and can change your life, was ranked on there?
I'll tell you.
ONLY NUMBER 6!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yay, you made it! ^___^
''well it dont seem like nothin'' flame said '' well i like spyro but he already has a mate'' ''OMG shes lookin for a mate better play cool'' flame thought ''well im free'' ''but i got to know ya better b4 i look for a mate'' ''u went for spyro and u dont him yet ether'' true but hes so cute i cant resist'' well do ya wanna hang out'' okay'' lets go to the lake and fish'' ''sure'' at the lake spyro and cynder were already there fishin and ember saw them '' oh great spyro's with that nasty witch cynder again she's the evil one from the dark master wy wood he go out with her'' she thought ''lets go to this spot'' flame said snapping ember out of her trance-like state ''comin'' then cynder said ''woah spyro i caught i big one!'' ''good goin cynder'' ''thats good food for us'' ''tehtehtehteh'' cynder giggled ''u a good fisher too'' ''lets go back to the gardians with the food'' ''okay'' cynder said.
