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Prepare to have your childhood crushed....
Prepare to have your childhood crushed....
(Some viewers may find this disturbing, viewer discretion advised. And I apologize if I spelled anything wrong.)

What the heck guys, what the hell! I didn't know humanity was so fu*ked up! I am warning you right now, this Fanfiction is very disturbing, it is intensely SCARY, and actually made me vomit AND it gave me a nightmare. Today in Toxic Fanfic Reviews, we are starting out with a bang, with,,,,,,,,,,,, Creation Of A Dry Bones, a Mario Fanfiction By the demented, I don't know his name, the Fanfic was so Arceus Awful that Fanfic.Net Took it down. Enough Messing around, because I may be going down, but I'm taking this fucker down with me.

Screw that, I don't want it anywhere NEAR ME. I'm sorry guys, but this isn't just a bad fanfic, it had the ability to kill hope, sanity, and it can change who you are. I don't even think I am old enough to read this, but let's just hurry this up. WORST FANFIC EVER, Creation Of A Dry Bones.

"A red koopa sat alone in his home, anxiously awaiting his lover's return from the castle. He stared at the tired reflection in his cup of coffee and wondered why the enlistment process was lasting into the AM. ..."

I didn't edit anything, this is how the author wrote this. He put a space after a period, and it only gets worse.

"The green soldier stood silent in the doorway for a moment, a letter clutched tightly in hand. Slowly and dragging his feet as he did, the koopa made his way from the door to the bed, climbing in and falling asleep without a word to his red partner. ... "

GOD DAMN IT HE DID IT AGAIN! *Sigh* Let's ignore that and really get to why this fanfic is so bad.

"Frustrated, the red koopa resigned to simply wretch the letter from his lover's hands. He took his seat once again and began to smooth out the sheet, noting the bright red Bowser insignia before turning it over to the side written on. With bags heavy under his eyes, the crimson turtle began to read the letter to himself."

Doesn't seem terrible at first, maybe I was wro-

"It was a formal letter at least by the Koopa Army's standards. First and foremost, it congratulated the green koopa for accepting enlistment in the largely volunteer Dry Bones troops. Secondly, it informed him of his new living quarters deep in a submerged castle outpost. Finally, it commended his bravery in accepting death to enter the troop be it by suicide or standard procedure."

Fuck you writer, what world do you live in? Suicide and death in a Mario fanfic? And it STILL gets MUCH worse.

"The red koopa's stomach churned the coffee that threatened to come back up. The thought of his lover dying by any means was enough to chill him, but to know it was willingly done threatened psychosomatic illness. ... As his stomach finally began to settle, the red turtle made his way back to the shared bed. He huddled up close to his lover, wrapped his arms around his waist, and fell into uneasy slumber as dawn came."

There is love in this? Alright that is kind of creepy, and does anybody know what's going on?

"It wasn't until late midday that one of the two began to wake up. The green soldier's eyes opened slowly and with a long yawn, he climbed out of the bed. He took a seat opposite from where the red koopa sat before and looked around their living space with new eyes. Everything in the room could kill him if he wished. The sink could be filled and drowned in, chemical cleaners underneath it gorged on to the point of a fatal poisoning, burn alive in the oven, or cut himself in a variety of ways with a variety of knives."

FUCK YOU WRITER! And readers of this review, this is your last chance. This is where the fanfic sends us to hell. If you are squeamish, or don't like pain or anything scary, PLEASE stop reading. Those who are staying, I am not going to censor ANYTHING. That would defeat the purpose of this review.

"He found it all not nearly dramatic enough until a look at his lover inspired him. A hanging with the bed cloth would proceed nicely with him taking the sheet, forming a noose to tie around the overhead lamp and having his corpse greet his soon to be cold lover. Wasting no time with an excitement not felt since he first entered Bowser's castle to enlist, the green soldier took the sheet from the bed and began to work."

Life can always get worse guys, this fanfic has taught me that the second I finished it when I was little, but more on that later....

"The plan fell apart within moments, the red koopa's eyes snapping open as soon as the sheet was pulled from him. ... His lover was suddenly sad enough to die and needed an emotional boost now. He pulled the green soldier's shoulder to bring him face to face and quickly sputtered what he wanted to save for later.
"W-we have to fuck, now!"

There is rape in this. I am not joking. I was never kidding, still not grossed out? WELL THIS IS FOR YOU!

"Using natural strength superior to his partner's, the red koopa quickly pinned the other's hands down against the sink cabinet, ready to do anything needed to save his boyfriend.
The throe of desperate passion gave the red turtle to strength for morally justified rape."

Fine, for the sake of keeping this review up, I will now start censoring words. IT'S THAT BAD.

"His heart raced as his free hand began to furiously pump at his own soft p**is, panting from effort and emotional pressure. The green koopa could only watch on, a hint of anger slowly building on his face, as waves of musk from the other began to waft toward him. It was almost sickening."

Saying fuck you to the writer now is like saying, "Here! I made you a pineapple smoothie! :)" And if you don't see anything wrong yet, IT STILL GETS WORSE.

"The green solder's gag warning of incoming bile did nothing to avert the red koopa from his frenzied approach, as his flushed face and drop of precum from his e**ct pe**s indicated. He was a ready as he'd be for this until the green koopa began to scream."
"Stop!" And the red koopa was shaken just enough to not force his way into the resisting soldier.
"I should," The crimson turtle began. "but this is for your own good."

First of all, did you ever do any spelling tests in the 1st Grade? Second, did Jesus even make you? Seriously, who....ARE you? To make something so Disgusting! So Evil! So.....Soul Crushing! Are you even a human being? What reality do you live in? And I can't believe I am going to say this, BUT EVEN THE MODERN SPONGEBOB WRITERS WOULDN'T DO THIS! Moving on..... *Gags and Cries*

"With his eyes shut tight and his lover's screams beginning to shrill, the red koopa shoved little more than half his c**k into an unwilling and ill-fitting hole. He repressed a moan with grit jaw as he tried to fit more of it in, all the while hoping they would both have pleasure from this in time. Yellow thighs clashed into each other as the turtle thrust himself in and out of his victim. The red koopa tried not to show his enjoyment, instead favoring an expression torn between guilt and fear. Not a moment later, the red koopa's face contorted into a look of physical pain, the green koopa finally resisting with a free knee cap and a harsh blow to the other's crotch. The pain momentary subsiding, the green soldier began to yell again."

Guys, I am actually scared right now. I am writing this at 1:30 in the morning and I am terrified right now. If I disappear somehow, YOU KNOW WHAT TO BLAME.

"With that, the green turtle bought just enough time in shocking his lover again to painfully stretch his leg between their bodies, knee pressed into his stomach and clawed foot into the other's chest, and push off his oppressor. The green turtle got up with all speed and readied himself for a fight hoped to be personally destructive. The red koopa slowly got to his feet as well, wincing from fresh claw marks his lover's foot had put into his chest, er**tion still hard and ready to continue once his partner was under control."

WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS!? Oh I Know, IT'S BECAUSE THE WRITER IS FROM HELL! I am not kidding at all when I say I would rather die than be like the person who wrote this! This is GROSS!

"The crimson turtle wasted no time in tweaking and retrying his plan, charging the other at full force from where he had been pushed to. The green turtle put down his fists, attempting a new approach to suicide, ready to be knocked to the ground by his furious partner. Both plans began as intended, the red koopa immediately knocking down the other with a blow to one eye strong enough to blacken it."

*o____O* I am not even trying to be funny, somebody wrote this. I will show proof later, but somebody, no, SOMETHING wrote this! Screw it moving on!

"Without a cry of pain, the green koopa let himself hit the ground once again and be dominated by the red one, welcoming all violence that was in store.
The red koopa pounded at the other's face with all his might, hoping to knock him unconscious long enough to properly plan another step. However, even as bruises were formed and bones barely dented, the green koopa began to laugh softly. Smiling as best he could with a bloody and swollen mouth, he began to speak as he was pounded on."

Oh my god guys, if you thought anything was bad so far, this next paragraph will change your life. I am literally crying in fear right now. *Sigh* M-M-m-Moving On!

"It's almost done. I can't feel anything."
The green koopa brought a hand to his face, gripped the freshly bruised eye through engorged eyelid, and pulled it from its socket with an audible rip and a visible gush of fluids. The red turtle backed away in shock and fear, his eyes transfixed upon the gaping hole that had been a left eye. His will to fight had died along with his lover's body. Entranced by terror to the point of losing bladder control, the turtle watched his partner slowly tear himself apart. Muscle tissue littered the ground as the green koopa bared every part of himself. His every vital organ he revealed and then spilled out onto the floor slowly working from the top down. His other eye was tossed to join the other, his esophagus was torn with lungs in tow to be thrown just over the red koopa's head, his barely beating heart crushed between his fingers and let slide down to rest on his intestines, the intestines themselves allowed to be pulled like a scarf out from their original position down to the floor, and testicles with the other sexual organs violently ripped off and presented as a cruelly made gift to his lover before dropping those to the floor too.
The other koopa had long since spewed his coffee-blackened bile onto the floor, gripping his wounds and crying in failure and grieving as he did.
After discarding much of the flesh on his feet, the new and bloody Dry Bones approached the sickened survivor.
A skull began to speak from atop the skeleton.>"It's done."

My god guys I just threw up and IT'S NOT OVER YET!

"The red koopa only sobbed to himself, surrounded by biological filth as he did.
"Come now," the Dry Bones said with as close a sneer as he could manage "this is for your own good."

I will never EVER look at Mario, or even LIFE, OR EVEN HORROR, the same way again. This is so scary that if a person had no confidence and read this, they would go suicide, but please don't, I am here with you, and I hope you still are with me.

"He pushed on the koopa's shoulder to meet him face to face. Bloodshot and teary eyes watched as what was his lover use a bloody hand of bone to wet and slick the still er*ct p**is being sported. The koopa hated it, but was all too tired to resist the hand that slowly pumped at his p*nis. He could not scream, he could not push away, and he could not enjoy the mast***ation he was given. The red koopa nearly vomited again as he felt a blood slicked finger bone worm in under the foreskin and gently massage the crown. Despite the growing unease in his stomach, his body reacted where his emotions and mind wouldn't and e**culated onto the recently deceased after a few more seconds of pumping.
"There," Dry Bones whispered into the koopa's ear "now you're ready."
Dragging a foot behind him, Dry Bones pulled the resigned koopa from one home to another, tugging the deathly depressed turtle into the ocean."

JESUS CHRIST! I am not overreacting at all. This fanfiction isn't just laughably bad, it is UNREADABLY BAD. The TERRIBLY Scary details, the gross rape parts, the stupid story that makes no sense, the crappy grammar and spelling, and if none of that bothers you, THEN YOUR DREAMS TONIGHT WILL. This fanfiction... It can change your life. I am not kidding. People take things very seriously sometimes and reading BULLSHIT like this doesn't help.

It's way too disturbing, doesn't have any comedy or even bad humor to make it anywhere near fun to read, the plot makes no sense, the countless plot errors, and of you were a Mario fan, than I am sorry for you. And of course, it feels like it NEVER ENDS!

This Fanfic has no life, -9999999/10
You can read another person reviewing it here!

link

Good god it's over. And guess what? Some person made a Top Ten List on the worst fanfics. You want to know what this, what I called the worst fanfic ever, and can change your life, was ranked on there?
I'll tell you.




ONLY NUMBER 6!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yay, you made it! ^___^
Yay, you made it! ^___^
“What is this?” Jeremy pointed at the spell book.
“That, my dear Jeremy” Bonnie said in a sugar-sweet voice as she walked downstairs. “would be my spell book. You know, the book with spells?”
“Since when are you into this whole voodoo crap?” he asked, referring to the doll.
“Well, because it’s fun, Jeremy” Bonnie pulled her shoulders. “It’s fun to see him flounder like a fish on land. It’s fun to be able to hurt him and see and hear him screaming, even though I’m not around”
Jeremy frowned. “He? Who he?”
Bonnie held her head diagonally. “Oh my sweet Jeremy,...
continue reading...
Matt banged on the door and Tyler stumbled out of bed.
“I’m coming!” he shouted. He walked to the front door and as soon as he opened he saw a fist aiming for his face. The next moment he lay on the ground, Matt standing over him.
“What the hell?” Tyler muttered, touching his nose.
“Stay away from Caroline” Matt said threatening.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Tyler said as he scribbled up and his nose was healing.
“She told me you were with her” Matt said shaking.
“Where?...Oh” Tyler started to understand. “Look, Matt, it’s not what you think. It’s not...
continue reading...
The Salvatore Boarding House
Stefan was sitting in the couch between two young women.
“You want to hear a secret?”
The women stared at him as if he was a god and they nodded.
“I’m actually not supposed to be here” Stefan said. “I’m supposed to go find my girlfriend who’s hooking up with my brother. But truth is, I’m emotionally too damaged to function right now. I have to recharge first”
He looked from one girl to the other. “So, what’s the deal with you two? You’re some hot lesbian couple?”
“No, we’re friends” the woman on Stefan’s right side said.
“Hmm” Stefan...
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Carol Lockwood walked into Tyler’s room, who was sitting on his bed, his iPod in his ears. She walked to the bed and threw a collection of photographs on it. Tyler put out his earphones and looked at the photographs. “What is this?” he asked, pretending to be dumb.
“I found this in our mail. There was a note with it. ‘Dear Mrs. Lockwood, you’re son’s a werewolf. Have a nice day’” Carol said. “Who is this person, Tyler?”
Tyler shrugged, acting careless, but doing his best to avoid his mother’s eyes. “Just some dude who needs to get laid really soon”
“These are pictures...
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Katherine licked her mouth, looking as if she craved for more, which was most likely the case. She gave Bonnie such a provocative stare Bonnie wanted to grab her throat and squeeze it so hard her head would fall off. Instead she said to Stefan, her eyes on Katherine: “Stefan? Go home. Think about how you’re going to do what I told you”
“I think I better stay here” Stefan said slowly. Bonnie seemed to be too raged to be left alone. This wasn’t like her. And he didn’t want to leave her with Katherine being in the state she was.
“I can handle myself very well, Stefan” Bonnie...
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Damon and Elena were driving into the night.
“Where we going?” Elena asked curious. His eyes kept on the road Damon replied: “Remember when I took you to Georgia?”
Elena gasped. “We’re going to Bree’s Bar?” she asked excited.
“No” Damon said. “Bree’s Bar is gone. But there’s another place I’d like to take you”
He drove further for another twenty minutes. Then he parked the car on a parking lot of a restaurant. A very closed restaurant.
“Damon, what are we doing here?” Elena asked confused.
“Are you hungry?” Damon asked with a smirk.
“Yes” Elena said....
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Stefan ran into the hospital, Katherine in his arms. “Somebody help me! My girlfriend’s sick”
A doctor came running, while a nurse followed him with a stretcher. Stefan lay her down on it. “What happened?” the doctor said, while he rode the stretcher to an examination room. “She OD’d on some pills” “Do you know what pills? What kind?” the doctor continued. “Sleeping pills” Stefan hastily said. “I didn’t catch the name, though” He looked at the doctor. “She’ll be okay, right?”
“We’ll empty her stomach, but it’s important for us to know what pills she...
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Elena and Bonnie were sitting outside the Grill, both having a lemonade, when both their phones rang.
“Bonnie” Bonnie said.
“Hello, Elena speaking” Elena said, trying not to give away anything and hoping Bonnie would be too caught up in her own conversation.
“It’s time” Damon said. “Meet me at the Boarding House. I’ll be in the car” He ended the conversation.
And so did Bonnie. “Elena, I’m so sorry, but I have to go” she apologized.
“Oh?” Elena said sheepish.
“Yeah, I’m having a date tonight” Bonnie blushed.
“Really? That’s great! Who’s the lucky one?” Elena fired her curiosity.
“Ehm, I rather not say. At least not until it’s official” Bonnie said.
“Of course, I get it” Elena said. Bonnie put some money on the table. “See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, tell me all that happened” Elena waved as Bonnie walked away. The moment she was gone Elena jumped up and ran away as if she was being chased.
“Open the door now, Stefan! I need to talk to my sister!”
Stefan opened the door after Jeremy had banged it about twelve times.
“Alright, alright, don’t get all up tied” Stefan said as he opened the door, a blood bag in his hand. “Now, what brings you here? Something about Elena, I assume?”
“I need to talk to her” Jeremy repeated. “And you know why”
Stefan shrugged. “Why didn’t you come here last night?”
“Because I knew Elena wasn’t here. I knew she was with Alaric and her friends, I didn’t want to make a scene” Jeremy explained.
“And you were also chicken that...
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The next morning
Caroline arrived in the kitchen, where the breakfast table was set. Liz was making some coffee and it seemed as if she tried to avoid looking at her daughter.
“Mom?” Caroline said, sensing something was wrong. Liz didn’t react, but pretended to be busy. “Mom, what’s going on?”
“You want some coffee?” Liz asked, avoiding the question. Caroline got up and walked towards her mother. “Mom, what’s wrong? Why are you acting like this?”
Liz turned around and leaned against the sink. “I’ve been having flashes”
“Flashes of what?” Caroline asked.
“Of things...
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Katherine quickly put on her clothes as Damon carried Elena upstairs. “You can lay her down on my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch” Stefan said. Damon held his steps, but didn’t turn around. Then he walked further to Stefan’s room where he lay Elena down on Stefan’s bed. He took off her shoes and left. He went to Elena’s room-yes, she had her own room in the house-and collected the dirty sheets, which had been lying there since morning.
Downstairs Stefan was furious at Katherine.
“See what you’ve done? Now Elena will think I cheated on her and I didn’t do anything!” he raged....
continue reading...
Alaric and Damon were standing in Alaric’s garage. “You call that not wrecked?” Damon said, looking at the car.
“It’s not that bad” Alaric said, not very convincing. “We can still fix it”
“Alright then” Damon gave in and he rolled up his sleeves. He walked at the front side of the car and gave a look at it. While he did some things Alaric came standing next to him. He leaned against the car. “You’ve been hanging out with Elena quite a lot lately” he started. Damon avoided Alaric’s look and pretended to concentrate on fixing the car. “Not that I mind” Alaric continued....
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The Lockwood House
Gabe walked the doorstep and knocked. He’d been to the police station, but they had refused to release his daughter. A few minutes later the door went open and a middle age woman appeared. She was wearing an apron. “Can I help you, sir?” “My name’s Gabe Lindy, Mr. Lockwood knows me. I have to speak to him” Gabe said. “I will see if he can make some time” the Maid answered. “Tell him it’s important” Gabe added. The Maid nodded and turned around.
A few minutes later the Maid returned with Mayor Lockwood. As soon as they arrived at the front door the Mayor...
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The next morning when Gabe came in the kitchen he saw the TV was on, airing the news. They were talking about a car accident. Someone had hit a car and driven away. “The culprit has turned herself in last night” The newsreader told some more details, but Gabe and Rachel didn’t hear it anymore.
“Idiot!” Gabe cursed.
“Gabe!” Rachel reproached, nodding at Amber who looked up from her plate rotating her head from her mother to her father and back. “Amber, sweetie, why don’t you take your breakfast upstairs? You can watch some TV in your room”
“Nice offer, mom, but I think I’d...
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“Hey, you okay?”
Kelsey looked up at her best friend Veronica who came check on her.
“Did that guy hurt you?” she asked. Kelsey shook her head. “No, he tried, but I could stop him”
“You want to get back inside?” Veronica asked.
“No, actually I’d like to go home” Kelsey said.
“Okay, you want me to give you a ride?” Veronica suggested.
“No, thank you, Ronnie” Kelsey said. “I only had a little alcohol and I want you to have fun”
“You sure?” Veronica checked.
“Yes” Kelsey insisted. “Go back inside, have fun, get wasted”
“Call me when you’re home”...
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Music was playing on highest volume and Mystic Grill was crowded. Kelsey headed to the bar and asked for a beer.
“Sorry, Kelsey, you know I can’t do that” the bartender said. “You’re not 21 yet”
Kelsey groaned. “Oh, come on, Jake. I’m 20 and I look like 21. Can’t you make an exception for your favorite customer?”
“No, sorry” Jake said stubborn. He continued doing dishes.
“Look, I’ve been a good girl, I got good grades and now I just want to have fun. It’s vacation, you know” Kelsey insisted. “I got money” she said waving with some papers. Jake accepted one of...
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Caroline was sitting on her bed, in the sunlight. Though it was nearly noon she wasn’t dressed yet. The moment she got home she had jumped into the shower and stayed there for hours. It wasn’t until her mother threatened to cut off her phone she got out. Liz Forbes was still under the impression Caroline had spent all that time with her father, so as much as she would’ve wanted to curl up against her mother’s warm body and cry, she had to pretend everything was okay. She would explain it all on a better time. Right now she still had too much to worry about. And Tyler didn’t respond...
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Alaric looked at his cell mate, who looked like he wanted to snap Ric like a twig, when he heard Damon talking to the police officer that had arrested him. They walked behind the corner in the direction of the cell. Halfway Damon stopped and stared in the police officers eyes. The man walked away and Damon walked to Alaric’s cell.
“Okay, stop laughing” Alaric said, seeing how the corners of Damon’s mouth started to tremble. “Seriously, stop laughing. It’s not funny”
Damon couched. “You’re right. It’s not”
“I take it everything’s okay with Elena?” Alaric tried to change...
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Alaric raced over the road, an agitated and furious Damon next to him. Keeping his eyes on the road he said: “Try to keep your cool when we’re at Bonnie’s, okay? I know you don’t like her very much, but right now you need to get over that”
“Yeah, I don’t need convincing” Damon snapped. “For all we know Elena might be dead already, so my fued with Bonnie is really the least of my worries”
Alaric averted his head to Damon. “Okay” he said calm. “Is anyone going to tell Jeremy? He needs to know”
“I agree” Damon said. “Good luck on that one…Can’t this thing get...
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Damon lifted Elena in his arms and walked out of the kitchen.
“I didn’t mean to” Katherine hastily said, but Damon ignored her. Just like he ignored the headache and the corrosive pain on his back. He carried Elena upstairs to his bedroom and lay her on the bed.
“Give her some of your blood” Katherine said, standing in the doorway. Damon shook his head. “I can’t do that” he said. “She will hate me”
Katherine rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and how many times has she tried to? Trust me, Damon, she will not hate you” she said as she walked towards the bed. She lay her hand on his...
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