These are a bunch of funny alternate endings to Harry Potter I found. I did NOT write them.

Scooby Doo ending: Voldemort is captured, and is revealed to be Filch wearing a mask. As he is hauled away, he shouts, “And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”

South Park ending: After defeating Voldemort, Harry and Ron address the audience, saying, “You know, I’ve learned something today.” Suddenly, Ginny is run over by the Knight Bus, prompting Ron to shout, “They killed Ginny!” Harry responds, “You bastards!” Neville laughs and says it’s...

Name: Katherina Nastacia Smirnov (Also sometimes spelled Smirnoff). Goes by "Kate". If you're mad at her, use her full name, :P

Kate joined the Death Eaters when Voldemort was first in power, and is one of the few female Death Eaters. She is an extremely skilled and accomplished witch, with excellent dueling skills.
Kate is Russian, and started out her schooling at Durmstrang, but transferred to Hogwarts during her third year. She told people it was because she wanted a better education, but it was really because she'd gotten kicked out of Durmstrang. On purpose. She hated it there, and she...

Credit: mugglenet.com

1. Make him take a shower.

2. Make him use shampoo in aforementioned shower.

3. Make him use clarifying shampoo.

4. Apparate next to him, hand him a tube of super-strong facial cleanser, then quickly Disapparate before he realizes what happened.

5. Enchant this cleanser to follow him around until he uses it.

6. ...enchant the cleanser to follow him around anyway.

7. Tell him you stole his teddy bear.

8. Tell him you won't give it back until he agrees to wash his hair.

9. When he washes his hair, tell him you were just kidding and said teddy bear has already been destroyed.

10. Sneak...

Here's the deal...with everything that's just happened, I feel the need to say a few things. And some of you might not like them. Please read this with an open mind, and understand that i'm not mad, and that this is just my opinion. Like i've also said at the bottom of this article, i'm NOT accusing anyone of anything, and i'm NOT trying to offend anyone. When this whole issue is resolved, I hope I can still be friends with all of you, because you're all great people, and i'm really glad to have met you.
With that, here's "Brutal Honesty, Part 1"

I honestly can't believe how some of you have...

Voldemort didn't really have much experience with love letters. Okay, he had no experience with them, having never really believed in love until he'd laid eyes on Dolores Umbridge.

"Hmmm", he muttered to himself, "You make me feel like I'm being Crucio-ed", he scribbled the lines down on a piece of parchment then crossed the out. What if she didn't like violence or crucio?

"Maybe I should just ask her out", he thought.

After several hours of planning his next move, he conjured up a bouquet of roses. He knew women liked roses. What he didn't know was that women usually preferred their roses to...

Credit: link. I didn't write it myself.

"I like taking pointless Facebook surveys as much as the next person. But, since they’re mostly about kissing, I started to wonder how someone completely incapable of feeling love might handle such things. So I just had to tag my good pal Lord Voldemort in my most recent survey. Here's what he had to say:

Was your last kiss standing up, sitting down, or lying down?
The only kiss I believe in is the Dementor's kiss, and as I have very little soul remaining in my withered husk of a body, one would have little effect on me.

Whose bed were you on last?
Nagini's,...

    Wormtail sighed as he sprayed detergent on the Dark Lords second-best black robe, (which, coincidentally, looked almost exactly like his best black robe. And his third, fourth, fifth, and sixth best black robes as well). He found it rather depressing that even after all he had done, handing over the Potters, and helping the Dark Lord regain his body, that the Dark Lord STILL made him do his laundry and fetch his lattes. At least it wasn’t as bad this time, since Bellatrix wasn’t-
“Hahahahaha!”, came a loud cackle behind him. He buried his face in his hands, which...

Lightning struck in the bitter night. Water trickled down the wall and into my hair. If there were ever such a thing as hell on Earth, this place was it. Azkaban, which has been my home for about a year or two is that hell. It's a place that even the most blood thirsty wizards are known to fear. Just the darkness of this place can turn the calmest woman into a screaming banshee, or the most understanding man into a cynical old grocuh. I blinked as a drop of ice cold water fell onto my forehead and ran down my nose. Just then, I heard a loud scream of a woman, which went on for about three minutes...

Hey Guys. Here is A list I came up with (Luna--Lovegood helped) of fun ways to annoy Bellatrix. Guaranteed to get you crucio-ed! Please comment and let me know what you think. Thank you to Luna--Lovegood for helping me write this, you are quite creative for a non-deatheater, Luna!

1. Impersonate the dark Lord and convince her that he’s really into peace with Muggles.

2. Whenever she cackles evilly, roll your eyes in an obvious way and grumble, “That’s getting sooooo old, Bella”

3. Next time she uses the Cruciatus Curse on someone, groan and say she has no imagination when it comes to torturing...

    Xander walked quickly down the long corridor dragging a prisoner behind him.
    “Help! Help!” the woman laughs as she stumbles along in Xander’s grasp, “I’m being oppressed!”
Rolling his eyes, the young prison guard throws the deranged woman into her cell, causing her to fall to her knees. He quickly shuts the prison bars and glares at her through them.
    “My, my, sir,” the woman began smirking up at her guard, “You just met me, no need to be so aggressive with me yet.”
    “Ms. Clement,...