**straight from Ray Johnson himself**

Girl, I know you left me,
but there was something I forgot to show you.

Baby girl, you left me. Oh no! We broke up.
It's been a while since we last spoke, but
I need another chance. Can you give me that?
'Cause there's something in my pants that'll win you back.

I wanna be your man again,
But you left me like I'm Jennifer Aniston.
And I know you said you'd never call,
But girl, you ain't seen my balls.

You-you-you-you ain't seen my balls.
(repeat)

My balls are so awesome. Don't get me started.
They're so damn big. How big are they?
They're so big. It's really obnoxious....

You know, I always thought stereotypes were kinda
ridiculous.
So I wrote a song about it,
and it goes a little something like this.

I think I love you more than the
Japanese love tentacle porn,
And we should dance dance dance d-d-dance to these
stereotypes.
Let's come together and live in this world like a
unibrow on an Indian girl,
And we should dance dance dance d-d-dance to these
stereotypes.

Check it out now.
I love those fat Americans.
You know they so obnoxious.
They always eating burgers.
They always holding shotguns.
And I love Mexicans.
The way they mow my lawn.
They all got a 100 kids 'cause they...

I was chilling with my BUD, SAM ADAMS.
We get a call from MILLER. The man was having spasms.
He said, "dude get dressed. There's not a chance in hell
That we could miss this keg party up in SAN MIGUEL."

"Do I have to go out, dude?"
"No but that Mexican chick CORONA is there,
And she's been asking about you."
I hung up the phone. Time to get dressed, I
Put on my MAGIC HAT and my shirt with the RED STRIPE.

We hit a BUSCH dodging traffic as we passed by 'em
In that KILLIAN'S RED charger with the FAT TIRE(s).
We drove around for like half the night.
Luckily the BLUE MOON provided NATURAL LIGHT.

We rolled up...

***SONG LYRICS***
It was a weekend, and you can't stop
Us from going to the local dance spot.
Instead of drinking imported beers,
Somebody brought a bottle of Orphan Tears.

We popped the top. We know what was in it.
Yeah, we were all so stupid to sip it.
Orphan Tears are hallucinogenic.
I took one sip and saw a two-headed midget.

Then the room filled with colors and shapes,
And suddenly DeeJay was covered in snakes.
Oh snap! And what made it worse
Is I swear I saw a unicorn humping a smurf.

Then a rainbow appeared out of Wax's ass.
He passed some gas and it snapped in half.
Yo Deejay! Are you still there?...