Greetings, fellow wrestling fans! This is my review for WWE's WrestleMania XXVIII pay-per-view. It was a night of surprises, that's for sure...
Key:
DUD = Zero Stars = There was NOTHING good about this match. I highly suggest that you don't watch it, because it made me want to claw my eyes out.
One Star = * = Horrible. If there was anything good about this match, it was over-shadowed by the bad parts.
Two Stars = ** = Pretty bad. Not too horrible, but nothing special. There was probably only one or two things about this match that were good.
Three Stars = *** = Pretty good. Not a must-see match, but nothing that would make you scream in frustration, either.
Four Stars = **** = Wonderful! A must-see match that will be remembered for a very long time.
Five Stars = ***** = Perfect. A classic match that will be remembered forever.
The opening match was the World Heavyweight Title match: Daniel Bryan (c) with AJ vs Shemus. The match was 18 seconds, and Sheamus won. To top it all off, AJ didn't turn on Daniel! Pretty much 99% of WWE fans wanted AJ to either kick him in the nuts or slap him and then leave. This was the stage to get AJ noticed, to have her be solidified as the baby face Diva we all want her to be... But instead, she just walks off looking all sad with Daniel looking pissed while Sheamus celebrates.
And now, Daniel Bryan is officially one of the worst World Heavyweight Champions in history... This match gets a DUD. The only positive is that Sheamus won.
So just when I'm thinking that this could very well be a terrible WrestleMania, we have Kane vs Randy Orton. As they tend to make Randy's matches too long, I wasn't looking forward to this... But it was actually pretty good.
There was a point where Randy was going to punt Kane, but Kane countered it into a chokeslam. In the end, they make the right decision and Kane gets the win. I give the match about **1/4 stars. If you love Randy or Kane, you may want to watch it. It was better than I expected.
Then we had the Intercontinental Title match: Cody Rhodes (c) vs Big Show. Cody hit him with the Beautiful Disaster twice, and I marked out like an idiot... God, I love that move!
In the end, Big Show hits him with the WMD and gets the pin. I'm happy that Show won-- now Cody can get the push he deserves. The match was only about five minutes, and I gave it **3/4 stars. It could have gone on to be three stars (***) if the match was a little longer.
So WWE gets my spirits up... and they crush them once more with a Diva promo. The only talented ones they showed were Natalya and Tamina, and that was only for half a second. Most of the promo was of the horrifically untalented ones (The Bella Twins, Kelly Kelly, and Eve) dancing around the ring, shaking their asses, taking off their clothes, and doing photoshoots.
At a point it showed Kelly saying, "I get to act and be in photoshoots and travel the world! It's a dream come true!" No, not once did she mention that she loved wrestling. And just when I thought it wasn't possible to hate Kelly any more than I already did....
And, no, not one thing in the promo showed anybody wrestling. Just them dancing and acting like sluts. So, yes, this one thing dragged down the quality of the show a little.
Then we have the Diva match, Beth Phoenix and Eve Whore-es vs Smelly Kelly and Maria Menunos. Kelly did the usual five moves she knows, but instead of a headscissors she did a huricanrana... Which she actually didn't botch. I was pleasantly surprised.
Kelly attempted a Molly-Go-Round (Molly Holly's finisher) on Eve, but she didn't quite land correctly... It looked a little clumsy. Also, Kelly attempted to counter a Glam Slam into a bulldog, but she failed and it ended up looking like Beth slammed her on her ass. Still, Kelly did do something correctly, so I gave her props for that...
.... but then Kelly hit Eve with the Stink Face and I wanted to stab her in the implants with a rusty steak knife again. *sigh* Oh, Smelly Kelly. Tsk, tsk.
The crowd chanted "Skid Mark!" at a point, and let's just say, they weren't talking about Ryan from Tough Enough! Maria Menunos had a brown stain on the back of her white pants. Everyone in the WM chat room on the internet was basically just saying "LOL! Shit stain!"
Maria actually got hit a few times, so that was nice to see. Maria got a roll-up on Beth (of course), and I gave the match *1/2 stars. Considering I predicted this match would be a DUD, I was a little happy about it.
On a side note, last night at the Kid's Choice Awards, Kelly Kelly was nominated for "Favorite Buttkicker". Who's butt is she kicking, other than her own off her body by starving herself? She lost though, and that makes me smile in delight to think about. Kelly lost the Kids Choice Award. Ha ha.
Then we had Undertaker vs Triple H, with HBK as the Speical Guest Refferee. Undertaker now has a little mohak... It's awesome. It makes him even more terrifying.
Triple H hits him with the Double A Spinebuster on the steel steps at a point, but Taker still kicked out. Taker got him in the Hell's Gate, but Triple H powered out and hit him with a power slam. Later, Taker would lock HBK in the Hell's Gate... No one knows why.
With HBK knocked out, a new refferee had to unlock the cage and come in. Undertaker chokeslammed the new ref, and Shawn hit Taker with Sweet Chin Music. HHH pinned Taker...
And Taker kicked out.
Shawn sat in the corner, saying "What have I done?!" and all that stuff. They copied the finish from Taker vs Shawn at WM 26, which was just amazing. This time, instead of Triple H doing Undertaker's taunt, Undertaker immediately hit him and gave him the tombstone pile driver. If you can only see one match from this WrestleMania, make it this one. It was a five star classic!
So, I'm loving this WM more and more... And then Heath Slater shows up backstage, wearing awesome sunglasses! I, of course, squealed and giggled like Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls. Yes, I'm just that much of a fangirl. I'm sorry, but I just I love Heath Slater!
Flo Rida shows up, and Heath calls him "Florida". Flo Rida corrects him and Heath says "Oh, yeah. That's what I meant to call ya." Heath suggests that he sing along with Flo during his rap, and Flo denies him. Then Heath suggests he be Flo Rida's DJ, and makes a few hilarious "DJ" motions that make me (and everyone who I was watching WM with) laugh. Flo denies, not looking at all amused. What a buzzkill.
Then Heath suggests he be one of the back-up dancers, and he starts doing a few dance moves that made everyone laugh even harder. Flo tells him he can hold his microphone, and I think Heath insults him or pushes him (my stream went out so I couldn't see). Flo Rida clearly responds by either pushing or slapping Heath and leaving. He never cracked a smile, not even when Heath started dancing. Someone clearly has no sense of humor....
Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks show up, and tell Heath that Flo Rida owned him. This gives me hope that maybe Heath will get a real storyline going on, maybe something with Curt and Tyler... I can only hope!
Then we had the 12-man tag match, Team Johnny vs Team Teddy. It was pretty much a clusterfuck. There was what I like to call a "finisher orgy", which is when everyone starts hitting finisher after finisher until almost everyone is knocked out. Aksana speared Vickie, which was mildly amusing, and in the end, Zack goes for the Broski Boot on Miz. Eve jumps in the ring and does the fist pumping along with him, and the ref kicks Eve out...
While Zack is distracted by Eve, Miz grabs him and hits him with the Skull Crushing Finale... And the general manager of both shows is John Laurinaitus. I gave the match two stars.
Then we have the WWE title match, CM Punk (c) vs Chris Jericho. It starts off slow, but eventually gets better... At one point Punk goes for a top rope huricanrana which Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho. At one point Punk has Jericho in the Anaconda Vice and he yells "Tap out, you son of a bitch!"
Other than that, Punk really half-assed this match. It felt like Punk was just there to get his payday and get the hell back to Chicago... Really, I expected at least a four star quality match. Instead, I gave it ***1/4 stars.
Then there was a Brodus Clay promo where he told everyone to take out their phones and call their mommas... No, I'm not kidding. Brodus actually gets his own cell phone and calls "Momma Clay" and her bridge club. Then some old black women come out and dance to funk music with Brodus and the Funkettes...
The crowd booed them like crazy until they finally left the arena. Ugh.
MGK comes out and calls John Cena an underdog. LOLWHAT. Super Cena is the underdog? The man who got jumped by seven men (most of which were bigger than him) and then came out on top anyway? I mean... Wow. I didn't know someone could fail so much with one sentence.
Flo Rida comes out and raps two songs. Someone in the WM chatroom said "I'd rather listen to Heath Slater rapping this than Flo Rida". Flo introduces The Rock, and the crowd goes insane.
And then, the main event. The Rock vs John Cena. The match we've been building to for a year. The big event, the thing people have been arguing about and anticipating for so long...
They each kicked out of each other's finishers several times throughout the match. At one point, Rock went for the People's Elbow and Cena countered it. Then, Cena hit the Five Knuckle Shuffle on him. This match was actually really great, and I ended up giving it ***3/4 stars. It wasn't a five star classic like I expected, but hey, at least it didn't end up like Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar at WrestlMania 20, amirite?
In the end... the winner was... Drum roll please!
*drum roll*...
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The Rock. He pinned John Cena clean.
How do you feel about the outcome of this WrestleMania? I personally gave it 7.25 out of 10. It was a pretty good show, but nothing that will go down in history except for the Undertaker match.
That's it for my review. See you at Extreme Rules!
~TDI_Angel~
Key:
DUD = Zero Stars = There was NOTHING good about this match. I highly suggest that you don't watch it, because it made me want to claw my eyes out.
One Star = * = Horrible. If there was anything good about this match, it was over-shadowed by the bad parts.
Two Stars = ** = Pretty bad. Not too horrible, but nothing special. There was probably only one or two things about this match that were good.
Three Stars = *** = Pretty good. Not a must-see match, but nothing that would make you scream in frustration, either.
Four Stars = **** = Wonderful! A must-see match that will be remembered for a very long time.
Five Stars = ***** = Perfect. A classic match that will be remembered forever.
The opening match was the World Heavyweight Title match: Daniel Bryan (c) with AJ vs Shemus. The match was 18 seconds, and Sheamus won. To top it all off, AJ didn't turn on Daniel! Pretty much 99% of WWE fans wanted AJ to either kick him in the nuts or slap him and then leave. This was the stage to get AJ noticed, to have her be solidified as the baby face Diva we all want her to be... But instead, she just walks off looking all sad with Daniel looking pissed while Sheamus celebrates.
And now, Daniel Bryan is officially one of the worst World Heavyweight Champions in history... This match gets a DUD. The only positive is that Sheamus won.
So just when I'm thinking that this could very well be a terrible WrestleMania, we have Kane vs Randy Orton. As they tend to make Randy's matches too long, I wasn't looking forward to this... But it was actually pretty good.
There was a point where Randy was going to punt Kane, but Kane countered it into a chokeslam. In the end, they make the right decision and Kane gets the win. I give the match about **1/4 stars. If you love Randy or Kane, you may want to watch it. It was better than I expected.
Then we had the Intercontinental Title match: Cody Rhodes (c) vs Big Show. Cody hit him with the Beautiful Disaster twice, and I marked out like an idiot... God, I love that move!
In the end, Big Show hits him with the WMD and gets the pin. I'm happy that Show won-- now Cody can get the push he deserves. The match was only about five minutes, and I gave it **3/4 stars. It could have gone on to be three stars (***) if the match was a little longer.
So WWE gets my spirits up... and they crush them once more with a Diva promo. The only talented ones they showed were Natalya and Tamina, and that was only for half a second. Most of the promo was of the horrifically untalented ones (The Bella Twins, Kelly Kelly, and Eve) dancing around the ring, shaking their asses, taking off their clothes, and doing photoshoots.
At a point it showed Kelly saying, "I get to act and be in photoshoots and travel the world! It's a dream come true!" No, not once did she mention that she loved wrestling. And just when I thought it wasn't possible to hate Kelly any more than I already did....
And, no, not one thing in the promo showed anybody wrestling. Just them dancing and acting like sluts. So, yes, this one thing dragged down the quality of the show a little.
Then we have the Diva match, Beth Phoenix and Eve Whore-es vs Smelly Kelly and Maria Menunos. Kelly did the usual five moves she knows, but instead of a headscissors she did a huricanrana... Which she actually didn't botch. I was pleasantly surprised.
Kelly attempted a Molly-Go-Round (Molly Holly's finisher) on Eve, but she didn't quite land correctly... It looked a little clumsy. Also, Kelly attempted to counter a Glam Slam into a bulldog, but she failed and it ended up looking like Beth slammed her on her ass. Still, Kelly did do something correctly, so I gave her props for that...
.... but then Kelly hit Eve with the Stink Face and I wanted to stab her in the implants with a rusty steak knife again. *sigh* Oh, Smelly Kelly. Tsk, tsk.
The crowd chanted "Skid Mark!" at a point, and let's just say, they weren't talking about Ryan from Tough Enough! Maria Menunos had a brown stain on the back of her white pants. Everyone in the WM chat room on the internet was basically just saying "LOL! Shit stain!"
Maria actually got hit a few times, so that was nice to see. Maria got a roll-up on Beth (of course), and I gave the match *1/2 stars. Considering I predicted this match would be a DUD, I was a little happy about it.
On a side note, last night at the Kid's Choice Awards, Kelly Kelly was nominated for "Favorite Buttkicker". Who's butt is she kicking, other than her own off her body by starving herself? She lost though, and that makes me smile in delight to think about. Kelly lost the Kids Choice Award. Ha ha.
Then we had Undertaker vs Triple H, with HBK as the Speical Guest Refferee. Undertaker now has a little mohak... It's awesome. It makes him even more terrifying.
Triple H hits him with the Double A Spinebuster on the steel steps at a point, but Taker still kicked out. Taker got him in the Hell's Gate, but Triple H powered out and hit him with a power slam. Later, Taker would lock HBK in the Hell's Gate... No one knows why.
With HBK knocked out, a new refferee had to unlock the cage and come in. Undertaker chokeslammed the new ref, and Shawn hit Taker with Sweet Chin Music. HHH pinned Taker...
And Taker kicked out.
Shawn sat in the corner, saying "What have I done?!" and all that stuff. They copied the finish from Taker vs Shawn at WM 26, which was just amazing. This time, instead of Triple H doing Undertaker's taunt, Undertaker immediately hit him and gave him the tombstone pile driver. If you can only see one match from this WrestleMania, make it this one. It was a five star classic!
So, I'm loving this WM more and more... And then Heath Slater shows up backstage, wearing awesome sunglasses! I, of course, squealed and giggled like Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls. Yes, I'm just that much of a fangirl. I'm sorry, but I just I love Heath Slater!
Flo Rida shows up, and Heath calls him "Florida". Flo Rida corrects him and Heath says "Oh, yeah. That's what I meant to call ya." Heath suggests that he sing along with Flo during his rap, and Flo denies him. Then Heath suggests he be Flo Rida's DJ, and makes a few hilarious "DJ" motions that make me (and everyone who I was watching WM with) laugh. Flo denies, not looking at all amused. What a buzzkill.
Then Heath suggests he be one of the back-up dancers, and he starts doing a few dance moves that made everyone laugh even harder. Flo tells him he can hold his microphone, and I think Heath insults him or pushes him (my stream went out so I couldn't see). Flo Rida clearly responds by either pushing or slapping Heath and leaving. He never cracked a smile, not even when Heath started dancing. Someone clearly has no sense of humor....
Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks show up, and tell Heath that Flo Rida owned him. This gives me hope that maybe Heath will get a real storyline going on, maybe something with Curt and Tyler... I can only hope!
Then we had the 12-man tag match, Team Johnny vs Team Teddy. It was pretty much a clusterfuck. There was what I like to call a "finisher orgy", which is when everyone starts hitting finisher after finisher until almost everyone is knocked out. Aksana speared Vickie, which was mildly amusing, and in the end, Zack goes for the Broski Boot on Miz. Eve jumps in the ring and does the fist pumping along with him, and the ref kicks Eve out...
While Zack is distracted by Eve, Miz grabs him and hits him with the Skull Crushing Finale... And the general manager of both shows is John Laurinaitus. I gave the match two stars.
Then we have the WWE title match, CM Punk (c) vs Chris Jericho. It starts off slow, but eventually gets better... At one point Punk goes for a top rope huricanrana which Jericho counters into the Walls of Jericho. At one point Punk has Jericho in the Anaconda Vice and he yells "Tap out, you son of a bitch!"
Other than that, Punk really half-assed this match. It felt like Punk was just there to get his payday and get the hell back to Chicago... Really, I expected at least a four star quality match. Instead, I gave it ***1/4 stars.
Then there was a Brodus Clay promo where he told everyone to take out their phones and call their mommas... No, I'm not kidding. Brodus actually gets his own cell phone and calls "Momma Clay" and her bridge club. Then some old black women come out and dance to funk music with Brodus and the Funkettes...
The crowd booed them like crazy until they finally left the arena. Ugh.
MGK comes out and calls John Cena an underdog. LOLWHAT. Super Cena is the underdog? The man who got jumped by seven men (most of which were bigger than him) and then came out on top anyway? I mean... Wow. I didn't know someone could fail so much with one sentence.
Flo Rida comes out and raps two songs. Someone in the WM chatroom said "I'd rather listen to Heath Slater rapping this than Flo Rida". Flo introduces The Rock, and the crowd goes insane.
And then, the main event. The Rock vs John Cena. The match we've been building to for a year. The big event, the thing people have been arguing about and anticipating for so long...
They each kicked out of each other's finishers several times throughout the match. At one point, Rock went for the People's Elbow and Cena countered it. Then, Cena hit the Five Knuckle Shuffle on him. This match was actually really great, and I ended up giving it ***3/4 stars. It wasn't a five star classic like I expected, but hey, at least it didn't end up like Goldberg vs Brock Lesnar at WrestlMania 20, amirite?
In the end... the winner was... Drum roll please!
*drum roll*...
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...
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.....
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.......
........
.........
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...........
............
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The Rock. He pinned John Cena clean.
How do you feel about the outcome of this WrestleMania? I personally gave it 7.25 out of 10. It was a pretty good show, but nothing that will go down in history except for the Undertaker match.
That's it for my review. See you at Extreme Rules!
~TDI_Angel~
