Chapter 20
While Alice was dragging me to see her family I was worried what will happen when I see edward I mean after all this years ,we moved on and stuff……..ooh I'm such an idiot what can happen??? Nothing can happed if he remmembers he left ME! I didn’t leave him! So what does he wants now?.....
I was thinking hard not realizing were she was dragging me when someone hugged me
-oh Bella I'm so happy to see you look at you!!! You havent changed at all!
Then he laughed his booming laugh,awww I truley miss Emmett he always made me laugh and made fun of me
-Bella honey,how are you?
Esme came closer and hugged me and started subing
-we missed you
Then Carlisle came and looked at me with concern in his eyes and hugged me lightly
-its great to see you
He said and patted my shoulder
Rosali just smiled at me and she seemed a little guilty about something that I didn’t know about.
Then jasper stepped closer and shook my hand this was the first time he touched me and then smiled
o.h m.y g.o.d
edaward!! What should I do?! What should I say too him………………then someone interupted my thoughts THANK GOD!!
-dear Bella! And Cullen's lets go to the hall!
Aro said and patted my shoulder and then took my hand probably reading my thoughts and then smiled and said
-your welcom!
Under his breath and left the room and I followed him to the hall
We sat there talking for a few mins and I was avoiding edward not even looking at him
I was mostly talking to Alice,Emmett,jasper,jane and alec and Carlisle and esme and avoiding edward as much as possible
-so Bella are you staying with us?!?
Jane asked me with hope in her eyes
-I think I am.
I said cause I don’t have any other place to stay
-Bella you can stay with us if you like or visit sometimes??
Esme said hope in her eyes too
-esme I don’t know …..um…maybe.
I smile at her and she touched my shoulder thanking me
Then Alice spoke
-oh Bella! Lets go and change your dress you’ve been sleeping in that thing for a 100 years!
Oh great Bella barbie again I sighed but she was right I should change as soon as possible
Alice clapped her hands and went to bring her bag
she came back in 1 sec and dragged me again back to my room when we got there she brought out a beautiful black dress
-wow its beautiful Alice!
-you like it?!
-yup!
-oh this is wounderful so try it on and come down ok??? I'm waiting!
She said and went outside I took off my old dress and took a hot shower and put my new dress on and thinked about a paire of black high heels and then wore them. I was brushing my haire when someone knocked on the door.
-come in.
I said thinking its Alice but someone else came in that I didn’t expected
-you look beautiful
Edward said and closed the door behind him
-what are you doing here?
I was shocked he is such an bas…..
-Bella I came to apologize..
I cut him off
-there's no need to
-Bella I'm sorry I thought if I leave you ,you will have a normal life…
-and I had a great life untill…….
Pain filled my eyes I really wanted to cry,….i really missed matt
-Bella don’t be sad
-I am sad! Edward!you always thinked about yourself you never cared about what I wanted!have you ever thought about talking to me and ask me if I wanted you to leave?huh? or you didn’t care what I wanted and just left me bleeding!maybe I wanted to be with you no matter what!i didn’t even care if I died the day jasper lost it!because I would have died happy knowing you loved me……….
I covered my eyes with my hands and started subbing edward came to comfort me but I flinched at his touch and he took a step back pain washing through his eyes.
-Bella I knew you didn’t want me to leave so I made this choice myself I wanted you to have a big family…
-and die!
I said anger in my voice
-no Bella at first that I met you I wanted to ask Carlisle to change but that wasn’t faire to you that would have been selfish of me
-havnt you thought maybe I wanted what you didn’t want?!
-Bella I'm sorry I made a mistake! I tried to track you down but you kept disappearing from place to place………
-Bella I LOVE YOU I cant leave without you and these years that we were separate I thought I was dead1everyone tried to cheer me up but…….failed.
I snorted
-I guess Tanya didn’t
I said bitterly
-Bella I needed a distraction and rose was telling me stuff like I needed to forget you live my life…….and all thease crap.im sorry Bella really I cant leavr if you don’t take me back!
He cried and held my hand
While Alice was dragging me to see her family I was worried what will happen when I see edward I mean after all this years ,we moved on and stuff……..ooh I'm such an idiot what can happen??? Nothing can happed if he remmembers he left ME! I didn’t leave him! So what does he wants now?.....
I was thinking hard not realizing were she was dragging me when someone hugged me
-oh Bella I'm so happy to see you look at you!!! You havent changed at all!
Then he laughed his booming laugh,awww I truley miss Emmett he always made me laugh and made fun of me
-Bella honey,how are you?
Esme came closer and hugged me and started subing
-we missed you
Then Carlisle came and looked at me with concern in his eyes and hugged me lightly
-its great to see you
He said and patted my shoulder
Rosali just smiled at me and she seemed a little guilty about something that I didn’t know about.
Then jasper stepped closer and shook my hand this was the first time he touched me and then smiled
o.h m.y g.o.d
edaward!! What should I do?! What should I say too him………………then someone interupted my thoughts THANK GOD!!
-dear Bella! And Cullen's lets go to the hall!
Aro said and patted my shoulder and then took my hand probably reading my thoughts and then smiled and said
-your welcom!
Under his breath and left the room and I followed him to the hall
We sat there talking for a few mins and I was avoiding edward not even looking at him
I was mostly talking to Alice,Emmett,jasper,jane and alec and Carlisle and esme and avoiding edward as much as possible
-so Bella are you staying with us?!?
Jane asked me with hope in her eyes
-I think I am.
I said cause I don’t have any other place to stay
-Bella you can stay with us if you like or visit sometimes??
Esme said hope in her eyes too
-esme I don’t know …..um…maybe.
I smile at her and she touched my shoulder thanking me
Then Alice spoke
-oh Bella! Lets go and change your dress you’ve been sleeping in that thing for a 100 years!
Oh great Bella barbie again I sighed but she was right I should change as soon as possible
Alice clapped her hands and went to bring her bag
she came back in 1 sec and dragged me again back to my room when we got there she brought out a beautiful black dress
-wow its beautiful Alice!
-you like it?!
-yup!
-oh this is wounderful so try it on and come down ok??? I'm waiting!
She said and went outside I took off my old dress and took a hot shower and put my new dress on and thinked about a paire of black high heels and then wore them. I was brushing my haire when someone knocked on the door.
-come in.
I said thinking its Alice but someone else came in that I didn’t expected
-you look beautiful
Edward said and closed the door behind him
-what are you doing here?
I was shocked he is such an bas…..
-Bella I came to apologize..
I cut him off
-there's no need to
-Bella I'm sorry I thought if I leave you ,you will have a normal life…
-and I had a great life untill…….
Pain filled my eyes I really wanted to cry,….i really missed matt
-Bella don’t be sad
-I am sad! Edward!you always thinked about yourself you never cared about what I wanted!have you ever thought about talking to me and ask me if I wanted you to leave?huh? or you didn’t care what I wanted and just left me bleeding!maybe I wanted to be with you no matter what!i didn’t even care if I died the day jasper lost it!because I would have died happy knowing you loved me……….
I covered my eyes with my hands and started subbing edward came to comfort me but I flinched at his touch and he took a step back pain washing through his eyes.
-Bella I knew you didn’t want me to leave so I made this choice myself I wanted you to have a big family…
-and die!
I said anger in my voice
-no Bella at first that I met you I wanted to ask Carlisle to change but that wasn’t faire to you that would have been selfish of me
-havnt you thought maybe I wanted what you didn’t want?!
-Bella I'm sorry I made a mistake! I tried to track you down but you kept disappearing from place to place………
-Bella I LOVE YOU I cant leave without you and these years that we were separate I thought I was dead1everyone tried to cheer me up but…….failed.
I snorted
-I guess Tanya didn’t
I said bitterly
-Bella I needed a distraction and rose was telling me stuff like I needed to forget you live my life…….and all thease crap.im sorry Bella really I cant leavr if you don’t take me back!
He cried and held my hand
Serena
He didn't seem... mad. Like he should have been. Like he had every right to be.
He stopped maybe a meter away from me. I glanced up, and saw the same look of indecision I had seen on his face the first day.
I had no idea what I was supposed to do. My life is not a perfect little story where happy endings are mandatory.
I didn't expect myself to sink to the floor against the wall and begin crying. There just weren't words to say what I wanted to.
I didn't expect him to sit in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. He forced me to to look up at him, and he said, "Tell me."
He didn't seem... mad. Like he should have been. Like he had every right to be.
He stopped maybe a meter away from me. I glanced up, and saw the same look of indecision I had seen on his face the first day.
I had no idea what I was supposed to do. My life is not a perfect little story where happy endings are mandatory.
I didn't expect myself to sink to the floor against the wall and begin crying. There just weren't words to say what I wanted to.
I didn't expect him to sit in front of me and put his hands on my shoulders. He forced me to to look up at him, and he said, "Tell me."
A place I once trusted
A place I once believed in
A place I once loved
A place I once missed
Is coved under a masquerade
Of misery and pain
The blue in the sky is now a shade
I feel like all this time was a game
A game of sham
A game of backstabbing
A game of war
A game of fate
I feel trapped in a box
Crammed in and lonely
With nothing but locks
With no key so that it can hold me
A box of lies
A box of fear
A box of loneliness
A box of weakness
I always have a word on mind
Just a few words long
To me it seems so thoughtful and kind
To me free it isn't a dance or song
Free as the wind
Free as a bird
Free as an angel
Free as a shooting star
The feeling will come to me
But not right now
I hope my soul can soon be free
So then I can take my final bow
A place I once believed in
A place I once loved
A place I once missed
Is coved under a masquerade
Of misery and pain
The blue in the sky is now a shade
I feel like all this time was a game
A game of sham
A game of backstabbing
A game of war
A game of fate
I feel trapped in a box
Crammed in and lonely
With nothing but locks
With no key so that it can hold me
A box of lies
A box of fear
A box of loneliness
A box of weakness
I always have a word on mind
Just a few words long
To me it seems so thoughtful and kind
To me free it isn't a dance or song
Free as the wind
Free as a bird
Free as an angel
Free as a shooting star
The feeling will come to me
But not right now
I hope my soul can soon be free
So then I can take my final bow
Diem Mirabilis
Morning:
for Morning is made
of mysteries and uncertainties
the hopes of beginnings
the risks of unknowns
the potential for greatness
or failure
Midday:
for Midday is the height
of the glory of the sun
the climax of twenty-four hours
the brightness that blinds and clarifies
the answers once hidden
now unveiled
Sunset:
for Sunset arrives
with the final shift of the sky
the afterglow of the triumph
the sweetness of the last drop
the closing chapter of a story
and the beginning...
of a new one.
as if you gave me a choice
everything about you i loved
all other feelings aside i shoved
on your every word i hung
and even among
a crowd, only you i see
nowhere else i would rather be
these feelings for you, that are kept inside
i can no longer hide
everything about you i admire
you are all i desire
so kind, so sweet, so passionate
everytime our eyes met
my heart would race
while looking at your smiling face
full of buety, life, and joy
with my emotions you play like a toy
like a wild beast, my emotions cannot be tame
and i don't even know your name
