On rail shooters, one of the most basic kinds of shooters that can be a ton of fun if made by the right kind of people. Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles and House of the Dead are pretty good examples of games that are very fun on-rail shooters. And with that out of the way, today, we will be looking at an on-rail shooter today, known as Attack on the Movies 3D, a game that I only got from a dollar store in southeast Ohio. I bought this game without any knowledge of what it was when I bought it as a kid. So, what is it? Oh wait! It’s a game with very low scores? Oh wait! It’s considered one of the worst games ever made? Oh wait! It’s a Majesco published game…. Oh boy
~Story~
The story of Attack of the Movies 3D is…. Hell if I know. This game doesn’t have a story. You are just going through movie after movie, killing every enemy you see until you reach the boss. Kill the boss and move on to the next movie. Pretty basic when it comes to stories. So, instead of talking about the lack of a story, let’s talk more about the game. Attack of the Movies 3D was a game developed by Panic Button, a company that is known for making ports of games like Doom, Wolfenstein: The New Colossus, and recently, as of the time of this article, Warframe for the Nintendo Switch. The publisher for the game was Majesco Entertainment, a company that only recently got the rights back to publish video games again. They have published such classics like Psychonauts and…. Uh… Cooking Mama… And… Drake of the 99 Dragons, one of the worst games ever. And a shitload of movie based games, most of them being awful. So, knowing that this seal of quality is on the cover of the game, I have nothing but fate in this game, so let’s talk about it.
~Gameplay~
I have never seen a more bland looking on-rail shooter. I know that I don’t care about graphics, but I would at least like to see some interesting level design. This is just nothing. You are usually stuck wondering around a single area as big as a city block, one level is just a city block, and walk around killing enemies for about ten minutes until you beat the level. All of the enemies are the exact same in these levels. You have the normal ones that run up to you, the ones that shoot projectiles, the flying ones, and the flying ones that shoot projectiles. Other than that, it is exactly the same the whole way through. There is no variety, no change in the enemies attacks, nothing. But hey, if you run into red enemies, they will take three hits rather than one, so thank god for that. That’s a bit of a mix up with the gameplay, throwing those curveballs at you. Yeah, having a set of weapons and deciding on which ones to use to fight of enemies like in Umbrella Chronicles. Who cares? No, random enemies that take three hits. That’s true challenge. Speaking of… challenge, the bosses aren’t much better. They usually have similar attacks of throwing something at you or swiping. I never, not once, cared about the attacks they threw at me. All I did was shoot at them until they ran out of health. I think the only boss I worried about was the Golem boss, because the rocks he would throw would just keep coming and coming and there was no end to it. I had to shoot the health pack at least once before I died. Not that it’s easy to hit. Oh, did I mention the controls in this game are awful? Yeah, the one of two buttons is hard to use in this game. You can’t move the aiming reticle without it flying off the screen. It feels like a bar of soap on a bath floor. It’s super hard to keep on an enemy, let alone a tiny upgrade or health pack. You had two buttons, and one of them doesn’t work properly. What the hell is this mess?
Oh, since I brought up the upgrades, I should mention them… All two of them. First off, get rid of the pistol as soon as you can. It’s so useless. I said that enemies die in only a few shots, but enemies just overwhelm you. It’s not fun, it’s just obnoxious. But anyway, the power ups are a double shot, which is just a faster shot, and then there’s the triple shot, which is three bullets at a time. There is a code for the game, yeah, a single code, to unlock the third power up for the game. If you type in “Megashot” into the game, you will unlock the megashot… It’s just the double shot, but now you fire two at a time… Such variety. The power ups are pretty unnoticeable, aside from killing a few enemies in a much faster way, it’s just holding down the fire button and fighting with the controls to hit an enemy. It’s just obnoxious. I never felt so bored with a game in my life. Kane and Lynch 2 made me angry, and Fight Club was so bad I could at least get a laugh out of it, but Attack of the Movies 3D is just so much nothing. It’s boring as hell.
I’m sure you may have noticed at the beginning that there is a “3D” in the title of Attack of the Movies 3D. What does that mean? Well, this game advertised itself as being a three-dimensional game, just like movies. Why, I don’t know. I think it was because 3D was just such a marketable thing in 2010 that Panic Button felt that Attack of the Movies 3D had to do the same. The game comes with four 3D glasses for all four players… Yeah right, like I had three friends to play this mess with me. Who the hell would want to play this mess? So anyway, I decided to try out the 3D for the game, and I didn’t experience anything. It just looked like a distraction rather than actual fun. It came off as a bigger annoyance to me than anything else. So yeah, I just played a majority of this game in 2D. Thank god they made that an option. If only the cursor sensitivity could get an option. Now finally, let’s talk about one last thing. The length of this game. This game has six level. A giant bug level, a space fight level, a tomb raiding level, a robot war level, an underwater level, and a zombie infested mansion one. And yes, there are only six levels. Each one lasts ten minutes, maybe less. I am writing this article fresh after both staring and beating the entire game. And even still, I barely remember anything about those levels. Nothing interested me enough to stay fresh in my mind. I have to constantly tell myself that there was in fact five levels in that game, because I can’t remember. This game is so nothing. And in the end, once you complete everything, you are rewarded with, you guessed it, nothing. You get the satisfaction of beating the game, I guess… But do I sound satisfied to you?
~Verdict~
There is no legacy for this game. No one remembered this game at all. The only thing this game will be remembered for is for being one of the worst video games ever. I guess it should be mentioned that I played the 360 version, because of course Attack of the Movies 3D wouldn’t miss the chance of being part of the library of Wii shovelware. So, Attack of the Movies 3D: A dull, boring game that can be beaten in an hour. You don’t feel any fulfillment for playing it, you sure as hell don’t have fun playing it. I beat this game in an hour, but it felt like I was playing this game for at least six. I do not recommend buying this game. It is one of the most unpleasant things I ever forced myself to go through. With that said, this game gets the rank of Bottom of the Bin. Fun fact, I bought this game in the exact same store I bought Brutal Legend in…. Yep...
~Story~
The story of Attack of the Movies 3D is…. Hell if I know. This game doesn’t have a story. You are just going through movie after movie, killing every enemy you see until you reach the boss. Kill the boss and move on to the next movie. Pretty basic when it comes to stories. So, instead of talking about the lack of a story, let’s talk more about the game. Attack of the Movies 3D was a game developed by Panic Button, a company that is known for making ports of games like Doom, Wolfenstein: The New Colossus, and recently, as of the time of this article, Warframe for the Nintendo Switch. The publisher for the game was Majesco Entertainment, a company that only recently got the rights back to publish video games again. They have published such classics like Psychonauts and…. Uh… Cooking Mama… And… Drake of the 99 Dragons, one of the worst games ever. And a shitload of movie based games, most of them being awful. So, knowing that this seal of quality is on the cover of the game, I have nothing but fate in this game, so let’s talk about it.
~Gameplay~
I have never seen a more bland looking on-rail shooter. I know that I don’t care about graphics, but I would at least like to see some interesting level design. This is just nothing. You are usually stuck wondering around a single area as big as a city block, one level is just a city block, and walk around killing enemies for about ten minutes until you beat the level. All of the enemies are the exact same in these levels. You have the normal ones that run up to you, the ones that shoot projectiles, the flying ones, and the flying ones that shoot projectiles. Other than that, it is exactly the same the whole way through. There is no variety, no change in the enemies attacks, nothing. But hey, if you run into red enemies, they will take three hits rather than one, so thank god for that. That’s a bit of a mix up with the gameplay, throwing those curveballs at you. Yeah, having a set of weapons and deciding on which ones to use to fight of enemies like in Umbrella Chronicles. Who cares? No, random enemies that take three hits. That’s true challenge. Speaking of… challenge, the bosses aren’t much better. They usually have similar attacks of throwing something at you or swiping. I never, not once, cared about the attacks they threw at me. All I did was shoot at them until they ran out of health. I think the only boss I worried about was the Golem boss, because the rocks he would throw would just keep coming and coming and there was no end to it. I had to shoot the health pack at least once before I died. Not that it’s easy to hit. Oh, did I mention the controls in this game are awful? Yeah, the one of two buttons is hard to use in this game. You can’t move the aiming reticle without it flying off the screen. It feels like a bar of soap on a bath floor. It’s super hard to keep on an enemy, let alone a tiny upgrade or health pack. You had two buttons, and one of them doesn’t work properly. What the hell is this mess?
Oh, since I brought up the upgrades, I should mention them… All two of them. First off, get rid of the pistol as soon as you can. It’s so useless. I said that enemies die in only a few shots, but enemies just overwhelm you. It’s not fun, it’s just obnoxious. But anyway, the power ups are a double shot, which is just a faster shot, and then there’s the triple shot, which is three bullets at a time. There is a code for the game, yeah, a single code, to unlock the third power up for the game. If you type in “Megashot” into the game, you will unlock the megashot… It’s just the double shot, but now you fire two at a time… Such variety. The power ups are pretty unnoticeable, aside from killing a few enemies in a much faster way, it’s just holding down the fire button and fighting with the controls to hit an enemy. It’s just obnoxious. I never felt so bored with a game in my life. Kane and Lynch 2 made me angry, and Fight Club was so bad I could at least get a laugh out of it, but Attack of the Movies 3D is just so much nothing. It’s boring as hell.
I’m sure you may have noticed at the beginning that there is a “3D” in the title of Attack of the Movies 3D. What does that mean? Well, this game advertised itself as being a three-dimensional game, just like movies. Why, I don’t know. I think it was because 3D was just such a marketable thing in 2010 that Panic Button felt that Attack of the Movies 3D had to do the same. The game comes with four 3D glasses for all four players… Yeah right, like I had three friends to play this mess with me. Who the hell would want to play this mess? So anyway, I decided to try out the 3D for the game, and I didn’t experience anything. It just looked like a distraction rather than actual fun. It came off as a bigger annoyance to me than anything else. So yeah, I just played a majority of this game in 2D. Thank god they made that an option. If only the cursor sensitivity could get an option. Now finally, let’s talk about one last thing. The length of this game. This game has six level. A giant bug level, a space fight level, a tomb raiding level, a robot war level, an underwater level, and a zombie infested mansion one. And yes, there are only six levels. Each one lasts ten minutes, maybe less. I am writing this article fresh after both staring and beating the entire game. And even still, I barely remember anything about those levels. Nothing interested me enough to stay fresh in my mind. I have to constantly tell myself that there was in fact five levels in that game, because I can’t remember. This game is so nothing. And in the end, once you complete everything, you are rewarded with, you guessed it, nothing. You get the satisfaction of beating the game, I guess… But do I sound satisfied to you?
~Verdict~
There is no legacy for this game. No one remembered this game at all. The only thing this game will be remembered for is for being one of the worst video games ever. I guess it should be mentioned that I played the 360 version, because of course Attack of the Movies 3D wouldn’t miss the chance of being part of the library of Wii shovelware. So, Attack of the Movies 3D: A dull, boring game that can be beaten in an hour. You don’t feel any fulfillment for playing it, you sure as hell don’t have fun playing it. I beat this game in an hour, but it felt like I was playing this game for at least six. I do not recommend buying this game. It is one of the most unpleasant things I ever forced myself to go through. With that said, this game gets the rank of Bottom of the Bin. Fun fact, I bought this game in the exact same store I bought Brutal Legend in…. Yep...
Come little children
Come with me.
I’ll take you to a land
Of fantasy
Please little children
Don’t you cry
Hypno wouldn’t even
Hurt a fly
Please little children
Don’t you squirm
These ropes, I know
Will hold you firm
I know I said
This isn’t true.
But sadly,
Hypno lied to you
Now, little children
You weren’t clever
Now you’re trapped with me
Forever…
And then the police broke in, beat me up, and arrested me on several accounts of attempted pedophilia. I guess I should have tied them up in a cave instead of a big white van with candy in the back
Come with me.
I’ll take you to a land
Of fantasy
Please little children
Don’t you cry
Hypno wouldn’t even
Hurt a fly
Please little children
Don’t you squirm
These ropes, I know
Will hold you firm
I know I said
This isn’t true.
But sadly,
Hypno lied to you
Now, little children
You weren’t clever
Now you’re trapped with me
Forever…
And then the police broke in, beat me up, and arrested me on several accounts of attempted pedophilia. I guess I should have tied them up in a cave instead of a big white van with candy in the back