Jade's Profile Video for TheSlap.com

Pilot
Tori: Let's see, the bread mold.
Ian: Bread mold.
Tori: Furry.
Ian: Furry.
Tori: Mushy.
Ian: Mushy.
Tori: [a little less than excited] Next, the fish mold.
Ian: Fish mold.
Tori: Spongy.
Ian: Spongy.
Tori: Stinky.
Trina: I AM SO UPSET! You won't believe who I got partnered with for the big showcase.
Tori: Who?
Trina: Andrew Harris, A tenth grader!
Ian: What's the big showcase?
Tori: It's a performance they put on at her school "every" year where they...
Trina: [cutting in] They invite agents and directors and producers and other super powerful people in showbusiness and it's extremely important to me,...

The Bird Scene
Cat: Isn't it gross how he's always hitting on every girl?
Rex: I never hit on you.
Cat: What's THAT supposed to mean?

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Tori: You'll help me with the Bird Scene, won't you?
Robbie: I'm really not supposed to, and-
Tori: Ow! He bit my hand!
Robbie: Rex!
Rex: Take me to the bathroom, I gotta pee now. [Robbie runs off with him]
Tori: He's a puppet, he can't pee!
Rex: You don't know WHAT I got!

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Sikowitz: A true artist...need only please...

Stage Fighting
Cat: So let's hear your horn!
André: Yeah, play that funky music, white girl.
Tori: You know I'm half Latina.
André: Then hit it, muchacha!

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Tori: Oh great, so she gets an A-, and I get a broken eye and a black nose.
André: I think you meant--
Tori: I know what I meant.
Cat: My dog has a black nose. It's so cute, it's like a baby meatball.
André: Meatballs are brown.
Cat: YOU'RE SO MEAN TO ME! [angrily takes her drink and walks off]
Tori: ...You want half her sandwich?
André: Mm-hmm. [they both take half...

Jade Dumps Beck
Tori: Hey guys! [runs over to the table with Beck and Andre] Dude, look who's on the Buzzfinger homepage! [shows what's on her PearPhone to Beck]
Beck: Aw, poor Jay Leno.
Tori: What? No, under that! [presses some buttons on her phone and shows it to him again]
Beck: Oh?
Tori: Oh?! That's you and Alyssa Vaughn! Together!
André: No way. [shows it to him too] ...That's Beck and Alyssa Vaughn! Together!
Beck: Why are you guys so impressed?
Tori: Because Alyssa Vaughn is famous!
André: And HOT!
Tori: Her father's a billionare.
André: And HOT! ...I didn't mean her father is... I drank fish...

The Birthweek Song
Robbie: Now, before I take you in there, I should warn you.
Cat: About...?
Robbie: My grandmother, she can be...critical.
Cat: That's okay, I take criticism really well.
Robbie: No, you don't.
Cat: What's that supposed to mean?!?!
Robbie: It's that you don't take criticism very well!
Cat: WHY DON'T YOU JUST KICK ME IN THE FACE?!
Robbie: I'm sorry, I take it back.
Cat: Okay.

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Mammaw: [of Cat's hair] Why did you do that to your hair?
Cat: What, you mean the color?
Mammaw: Do you hate your mother?
Cat: I love my...