CHAPTER 18
It has been 2 days, 3 hours, and 25 minutes and 3 seconds. Since I have been sitting here, thinking. Thinking of everything that has happened the last few days. I have killed both the second most powerful vampires in our world. I killed Jane and Alec. I still feel as though I failed. I failed my family. I failed my daughter. Though these days that I have been thinking I have been sitting in my room as still as a statute, not moving or breathing. Scared that realty will come down fast and harder then I would like it to.
“Bella, honey, what are you thinking?” My beloved asked. It has been the first time anyone has talked scene we came in this room. I don’t mind the silence. I miss it even.
“Nothing” I stated. I know I am lying but I don’t want to worry him and everyone down stairs. Who with no doubt are listening to every word for answers? I feel as though I should tell him but I can’t bring myself to do it. “Nothing at all” I said again with more convened then last time.
“Bella, don’t lie to me. I have known you for almost for 8 years. Don’t you dare lie to me. All it’s going to do it destroy us. So please Bella, just talk to me.” He said. He had a string of worry in his voice. Though Edward was always hiding it and covered it with a light hint of a teasing tone.
“Edward, are you sure you want to know?” I asked hoping he would say no but he shakes his head yes. So I go into explain everything. Well kind of everything. “Fine. You asked for it.” I Sighed. Then begin. “I feel as though I failed you and my daughter, my own daughter. Who I wasn’t there for, instead I was battling the most ridiculous vampires in this lifetime. I failed this family. I feel as though I don’t deserve to be in this family. I don’t belong in this family. You guys are saints compared to me. God, I killed the most powerful vampires one by one. I also still have Aro and I have this weird feeling as though I may have to fight them just to follow through with the deal. I also have to make sure I find someone that will do a good job of being leader instead of having to be taken down later down the road.” I took a deep breath. This really wasn’t needed. “Edward, I am a monster. There is no taking back that I am. I am the one who killed two people not in even a few days ago. I am the one who is willing to kill Aro and everyone else who gets in the way of my family even if it kills me in the progress. Worst of all I am the worst mother, wife, also the worst person and also worst person to be in a family with.” I stated all of this in less than a minute rant. I was upset with myself. I was mad at myself. I just wanted to crawl in bed and sob and cry the tears I will never be able to shed. He was going to convene me I didn’t do anything and say I am wrong but I don’t believe him. “Edward Mason Cullen, don’t you dare.” I yelled. “Just don’t you dare tell me I am wrong and that nothing I said was right.” I screamed. “Don’t you DARE!!!” I seethed. I could tell just by the look in his eyes that he was planning on doing just that. “Please Edward. Just don’t.” I stated. I fell into his arms and sobbed for everything and anything.
“Bella, I know you don’t want to say anything but I feel as though it’s my job to say something. I also know it’s my job to care and help. Bella, you have not failed. You have won. You have won back our freedom and our time to spend endless time together with OUR daughter and OUR family because of you. Bella, you belong with our crazy, messed up family. Yes indeed you have killed Jane and Alec but that doesn’t make you a crazy monster. It makes you the wife that I love and makes you the amazing mother you are. It makes you the daughter and sister –in –law that they love. Yes, I wouldn’t be surprised if you had to take down Aro and you won. Though let us help you when it comes to that part. Please? “He took a breath and looked at me and held me tighter. “ Bella Cullen, you are no monster because your number one reason for fighting was for your family. I would have done the same if I knew what was going on” He said. He stared down at and started laughing. “We would all do that if need be. Don’t ever forget that. Don’t allow yourself to forget that you are not alone. That you have a whole big family downstairs and you have Neisse and I. I will always be by your side. If you let me.” He stated and he kissed me. We were soon interrupted Emmett.
Yeah Bells were all here for you. No matter what kind of trouble you are in. You got to help. Even though what you did out there was killer. It was amazing. You got to teach me how to do some of that crap you did.” I laughed and said maybe. “Oh, no maybes. I get a defiantly from you missy. I understand you are stubborn as hell. God, did we just realize how stubborn you were when you pushed us all away. Though just because you as stubborn as hell that doesn’t mean I won’t beat your ass.” He was standing in front of me with his arms out for a hug and I ran into them. He was my big teddy bear that was my big brother that I knew had until now.
“Thanks Emmett. That was good to hear from you.” I said. With the love had for my favorite brother –in-law coming out thickly.
“Your welcome, Bells. Now how about you come down stairs and explain what the hell happened.” Emmett said. I looked at Edward in a silent look asking if it would be okay and if he would come with me. He just nodded and picked me up and ran down the stairs into the living room bring me down also.
“GUYS!” I yelled. “We need to talk everyone meet up in the living room.” I yelled. I walked over to the coach where my daughter was sitting and I grabbed onto her not letting go just letting her cry and sob into my shirt.
“I am so sorry honey” I said. “I love you baby girl” I said and hugged her again. Edward sat down next to us and wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks.
10 Minutes later
Everyone filled into the room taking any seat available. I took a deep breath before I looked at everyone and saw confusion and a million other expressions but the one that stand out the most is love and concern and relief and worry. Once everyone realized I was ready all hell broke loose.
It has been 2 days, 3 hours, and 25 minutes and 3 seconds. Since I have been sitting here, thinking. Thinking of everything that has happened the last few days. I have killed both the second most powerful vampires in our world. I killed Jane and Alec. I still feel as though I failed. I failed my family. I failed my daughter. Though these days that I have been thinking I have been sitting in my room as still as a statute, not moving or breathing. Scared that realty will come down fast and harder then I would like it to.
“Bella, honey, what are you thinking?” My beloved asked. It has been the first time anyone has talked scene we came in this room. I don’t mind the silence. I miss it even.
“Nothing” I stated. I know I am lying but I don’t want to worry him and everyone down stairs. Who with no doubt are listening to every word for answers? I feel as though I should tell him but I can’t bring myself to do it. “Nothing at all” I said again with more convened then last time.
“Bella, don’t lie to me. I have known you for almost for 8 years. Don’t you dare lie to me. All it’s going to do it destroy us. So please Bella, just talk to me.” He said. He had a string of worry in his voice. Though Edward was always hiding it and covered it with a light hint of a teasing tone.
“Edward, are you sure you want to know?” I asked hoping he would say no but he shakes his head yes. So I go into explain everything. Well kind of everything. “Fine. You asked for it.” I Sighed. Then begin. “I feel as though I failed you and my daughter, my own daughter. Who I wasn’t there for, instead I was battling the most ridiculous vampires in this lifetime. I failed this family. I feel as though I don’t deserve to be in this family. I don’t belong in this family. You guys are saints compared to me. God, I killed the most powerful vampires one by one. I also still have Aro and I have this weird feeling as though I may have to fight them just to follow through with the deal. I also have to make sure I find someone that will do a good job of being leader instead of having to be taken down later down the road.” I took a deep breath. This really wasn’t needed. “Edward, I am a monster. There is no taking back that I am. I am the one who killed two people not in even a few days ago. I am the one who is willing to kill Aro and everyone else who gets in the way of my family even if it kills me in the progress. Worst of all I am the worst mother, wife, also the worst person and also worst person to be in a family with.” I stated all of this in less than a minute rant. I was upset with myself. I was mad at myself. I just wanted to crawl in bed and sob and cry the tears I will never be able to shed. He was going to convene me I didn’t do anything and say I am wrong but I don’t believe him. “Edward Mason Cullen, don’t you dare.” I yelled. “Just don’t you dare tell me I am wrong and that nothing I said was right.” I screamed. “Don’t you DARE!!!” I seethed. I could tell just by the look in his eyes that he was planning on doing just that. “Please Edward. Just don’t.” I stated. I fell into his arms and sobbed for everything and anything.
“Bella, I know you don’t want to say anything but I feel as though it’s my job to say something. I also know it’s my job to care and help. Bella, you have not failed. You have won. You have won back our freedom and our time to spend endless time together with OUR daughter and OUR family because of you. Bella, you belong with our crazy, messed up family. Yes indeed you have killed Jane and Alec but that doesn’t make you a crazy monster. It makes you the wife that I love and makes you the amazing mother you are. It makes you the daughter and sister –in –law that they love. Yes, I wouldn’t be surprised if you had to take down Aro and you won. Though let us help you when it comes to that part. Please? “He took a breath and looked at me and held me tighter. “ Bella Cullen, you are no monster because your number one reason for fighting was for your family. I would have done the same if I knew what was going on” He said. He stared down at and started laughing. “We would all do that if need be. Don’t ever forget that. Don’t allow yourself to forget that you are not alone. That you have a whole big family downstairs and you have Neisse and I. I will always be by your side. If you let me.” He stated and he kissed me. We were soon interrupted Emmett.
Yeah Bells were all here for you. No matter what kind of trouble you are in. You got to help. Even though what you did out there was killer. It was amazing. You got to teach me how to do some of that crap you did.” I laughed and said maybe. “Oh, no maybes. I get a defiantly from you missy. I understand you are stubborn as hell. God, did we just realize how stubborn you were when you pushed us all away. Though just because you as stubborn as hell that doesn’t mean I won’t beat your ass.” He was standing in front of me with his arms out for a hug and I ran into them. He was my big teddy bear that was my big brother that I knew had until now.
“Thanks Emmett. That was good to hear from you.” I said. With the love had for my favorite brother –in-law coming out thickly.
“Your welcome, Bells. Now how about you come down stairs and explain what the hell happened.” Emmett said. I looked at Edward in a silent look asking if it would be okay and if he would come with me. He just nodded and picked me up and ran down the stairs into the living room bring me down also.
“GUYS!” I yelled. “We need to talk everyone meet up in the living room.” I yelled. I walked over to the coach where my daughter was sitting and I grabbed onto her not letting go just letting her cry and sob into my shirt.
“I am so sorry honey” I said. “I love you baby girl” I said and hugged her again. Edward sat down next to us and wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks.
10 Minutes later
Everyone filled into the room taking any seat available. I took a deep breath before I looked at everyone and saw confusion and a million other expressions but the one that stand out the most is love and concern and relief and worry. Once everyone realized I was ready all hell broke loose.
