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The wolf clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy animation and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.
The wolf clan was kinda awesome, except for the crappy animation and the fact that they're allergic to shirts.
Okay, I'll admit that I haven't laughed this hard at a film since I saw The Hangover last summer. Seriously, what was the plot here? I actually found the first film to be much better than this travesty. You can find my review of the first movie link. I'll go through it like I do with all movies. Pros and cons, then an overall.

Pros

The Volturi

Finally! Some ACTUAL vampires!! The Volturi I found were pretty awesome because, you know, they actually were cruel, soulless, mean, and did some actual VAMPIRING. The part towards the end where a tour group of humans is led directly to them and you hear their screams was pretty awesome. Come on people, that's what vampires do. They drink the blood of huuumans. Sheesh. Also, they were pretty cruel too, what with the whole smack down of Edward and nearly killing Bella (so bummed that didn't happen). Getting a small glimpse of the actor who will be playing Grindelwald in Deathly Hallows was a nice bonus too. So for all you Twilight fans, the Volturi are GOOD examples of vampires. Much like the soulless vampires on Buffy.

The Wolf Clan

Now why I didn't particularly enjoy the crappy computer animation of the wolves (more on that later) I did enjoy the characters of the wolf clan. The one scene that I really liked is where we see Sam's fiance, with half her face clawed up. My friend and I definitely agree that even with the claw marks she was amazingly beautiful. I would see a movie about her and Sam in a heartbeat. It would be much much better than this terrible film. Pity they were stuck in it.

Jacob

Lautner got hot. No denying that. Other than the hotness factor though, he was probably the only real character with any dimensions and depth besides Bella's father. The way their relationship built to where Jacob fell for Bella, and she pretty much for him, was very realistic and healthy. So you can imagine my dissappointment when she chose Edward, who abandoned, controlled, and basically led to much of her depression, over Jacob. You Team Jacob fans, I now consider you semi-sane because you recognized a HEALTHY relationship. Props to you guys.


Cons

Bella...you there?

I hate the character of Bella, I truly do. She doesn't think for herself, is defined solely by her relationships, and for some reason Stewart could NEVER SHUT HER MOUTH. Even when she wasn't talking!! What was up with that?! Gaah. The fact too that she dissed her friends at school and put her dad through so much crap with the screaming at night (seriously, wtf, she doesn't have PTSD) made me just loathe her character even more with a passion. Furthermore, her whole obsession over age was just ridiculous. Ohhh nooo you're a whole year older than your 107 year old vampire boyfriend!! Now he's not going to love you anymore!!! Yea, stupid. Those fans out there that idolize her, please find a healthier role model such as Eowyn, Hermione, heck even Lily on How I Met Your Mother. Bella is a very unhealthy and psychologically unstable character and is an insult to females everywhere. She didn't even drive her own car most of the time! Disgusting.

How is she special too btw?

If someone can explain how Bella is unaffected by any of the vampire's powers, it'd be much appreciated. That just seems like something that's just thrown out there. My theory? It's because Bella has no thoughts!

Edward...dude wtf?!

Sooo this guy that supposedly is totally in love with you throws you into a glass table for protection, lies to you, breaks up with you, and abandons you in the forest. A car ride home would have been nice plskthnx. Also, the throwing into the glass table for her protection? That was totally safe. You know, because she was bleeding even more profusely after the table than she was after the papercut. Also, who has ever bled that much after a papercut anyways, if at all? Furthermore, the fact that he kept "appearing" everytime Bella had an adrenaline rush was just weird. I think if my ex-boyfriend started showing up everytime I had a rush, I'd go and get a CT of my brain to make sure I didn't have a brain tumor a la Izzie seeing Denny b/c of her tumor. Also, the fact that Bella takes him right back after all the crap he put her through was just great. Really shows girls that hey, after a guy lies to you like that you can totally trust him again with no really good explanation other than "I love you". Nice.

OMG a Plot Point!!!

Annd what was the plot?? Everytime a possible plot point appeared it seemed to get derailed, such as the shots of Victoria, Laurent, or whenever anyone said Bella was acting crazy. If anyone spoke reason or a plot point appeared, it did not show again.

Lupin's Wolf Looked Better...

The film must have had the world's worst computer animation department because those wolves were a travesty. How about those transf...I mean FURSPLOSIONS eh? Really bad animation coupled with a laughable transformation sequence (FURSPLODE!) led to even more laughs. Too bad there weren't enough fursplosions.

That's What She Said!

There were way too many lines in the film where one could easily say that. For example- Bella: I'm coming! Me: That's what she said! Edward: I don't want you to come! Me: That's what HE said!! If you don't get the meaning behind that, then please go watch The Office where it is regularly utilized. Furthermore, the scene where Edward kisses Bella in front of her truck after the party was too funny. Edward acted like...well like link SNL skit. Please be forewarned that that link is meant for those 16 and older. That scene probably got one of the biggest laughs out of me.

Blocked

Finally, all the kiss-blocking that poor Jacob suffered through. Face Punch high school guy who threw up at an action movie (he's so gay then), Bella denies, and Edward calls just as he macks on the upper lip! Seriously, Jacob should have just pulled an Owen (Grey's Anatomy character), grabbed Bella, and just rocked her world. Doubt she woulda left if he did that.


Overall

Overall, this movie was a travesty to the film community. It was plotless, very poorly acted, and featured a very unhealthy set of characters that girls and women alike should not look up to as role models. Bella should have been thrown in a psych center for the stuff she was experiencing. I'm not going to apologize either if I've offended anyone. This is my honest opinion, and I know I wasn't as kind as I was in my first review. Now you've heard an opinion of an anti-Twilighter. You Team Jacobers, you got some respect from me now. Please save your brain cells and your money and do not see this movie. Unless you want a really good laugh then by all means do. Oh and one more thing to note. The ending with the whole Marry me? Ending on the *gasp* garnered a huge laugh from our audience. And just for my own satisfaction, FURSPLODE TIME!!
No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this kiss is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.
No plot and many opportunities for "That's what she said!" abound in this film. Also, Edward during this kiss is very reminiscent of a certain SNL skit.
Poor Jacob kept getting blocked and denied. In the end, Bella chooses the unhealthy relationship with Edward based on looks rather than the healthy one with Jacob based on the initial strong friendship.
Poor Jacob kept getting blocked and denied. In the end, Bella chooses the unhealthy relationship with Edward based on looks rather than the healthy one with Jacob based on the initial strong friendship.
posted by joe-edwardfan
Chapter 16
200 years later
Me and matt traveled the world and had a great time we even met some other covens like the irish coven,the romanian coven and the amazon coven we lived with them for 49 years and then took off cause it was getting kind of boring we went to paris and lived there for a cuppel off years then we went to new york,spain,egypt,germany,china,italy we even met the voltury they werent that nice! But kind of kreepy, specialy there hoods!but then we went back to london.
I got off the bed and got dressed matt was sitting on the couch reading a news paper and watching t.v
-what are...
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posted by kim4312
Chapter Two:Secrets
Jessi Was Sleeping & Has a Dream Of Victoria & James, Jessi Starts Screaming In Her Sleep, Jacob Ran Into The Room & Try To Wake Her, Jessi Wakes Up Holding Jacob Tightly, She Blushes When She Realize He Didn't Have a Shirt On, She Lets Him Go & Blushes On How Handsome He Is, He Stares At Her Eyes "What Happend Jess?" Jacob Asks Her In Concren In His Voice, "I Just Have a Nightmare" Jessi Says With Fear In Her Voice, Jacob Stares At Her Eyes & She Stares At His "I Was Scared" Jacob Says "You Were?" Jessi Asks With a Shock In Her Voice "Yes, I Thought You...
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posted by gossipgirlstar2
Taylor, we love you and your muscles but frankly we have been missing our leading man in the media over the past month. As Taylor stepped up to the media spotlight, Robert Pattinson hid waiting in the wings for his moment. Today is his day to shine and with a new cover in British magzine AnOtherMan and Rob has been greatly missed.

Rob Soundbites from AnOtherMan Magazine Out Oct 1st:

“Annoyingly, there are so few parts I feel I can add anything to, or that I want to do.”
“I don’t want to be an actor for the sake of it. I don’t find any particular pleasure in being an attention-seeker.”...
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posted by lollipopszx3
A Way to Spend My Birthday

"Where are you going mommy?" asked a six year old Bella.

"Out." she said sadly. She has been really sad lately since daddy took a visit to her friend. "Okay. When are you going to be back?"

"Not for a while. You will come visit me one day. Jennette with take care of you for a while."


That was the last memory I had of my mother. I never really understood what she meant by out. Not until now.

As I read this letter tears were pouring restlessly down my cheeks.

"Dear Bella,

If you are reading this letter this means you've turned 18. I loved you very much but when your daddy...
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. Stories

This had to be the funniest thing in the world. Jacob cooking. He was trying to help with dinner, Chicken Alfrado, but failed miserably and nearly burnt the Pasta. Nicole kicked him out of the kitchen and made him talk to me.

He asked about work. I didn’t tell him about Alice, or Jasper, but after that, he remembered something.

“Leah wants to take you to a movie she was thinking it today,” he paused I already new what he was going to say, while we were running patrol. “She’ll call you.” He smiled, giving me my hope I crave.

After Nicole fixed the pasta, we ate while the...
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Ok Readers so this chapter has to be done in Jacobs POV you’ll see why when you read it. I am doing it like this because the is a secrete that you have to know ok. So yeah this is just a before Bella gets pulled over I don't want to spoil it but just think of when she got pulled. Enjoy.
Geva Taylor Hale



5. Secretes

JACOB BLACK

Jacob, Wait for me! Do not act on your own, I will be the in a minute. Do not take action. Sam told me I didn’t change my stances. I was ready I just need one false move then I had them all.

I looked Sam was here. I may be Alpha but I do not care far the treaty the...
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posted by anna0789
im going to write 3 and 4 tomorrow hope you are liking them


i took a big step back
"how do you know about us" i blonde girl ask furiously she was stunningly beautiful even now that her features were in a murderous glance

"And what are you i can't read your thoughts ...." a boy with tousled bronze hair said with a frustrated look in his face
he was even more beautiful and perfect than the blonde girl
So this had to be edward (the perfect man)and the blonde one was she Alice?? no no rose rosaline i think

"yes i am human edward ,and i just happen to know about what you are rose" i said smugly

o...
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posted by em_blake
I look up surprised, and turn my head to the back of the church to see who had opened the big, wooden doors so harshly. I stand up and rush to the doors to greet the late night church visitor but there was no one there. I take a quick look outside and only hear the dark wind in the distance and the cold wip of the snow against my face.

I turn back to the cold and pushed the big wood doors closed. After securly closing them, I turn my attention back to the church. I have been thinking about poor Susan Thomas all day and how her husband, Jim Thomas was found dead with a terribly big gash in his...
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posted by em_blake
I opened my eyes to find my father knocking on my door to wake me. I folded my blanket off my body, and swung my knees over my bed. I changed out of my pajamas and into my white button up shirt and black pants.

I left the my room to find father at the table and mother working over the sink.

"Good morning Carlisle, I hope you had a good sleep"

"Yes mother," I said, too tired anything else.

Last night, my father had arranged another night raid against the monsters haunting and killing people during the night. Some people even call these monsterous beasts vampires, but I don't believe in such...
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The End of the World Means Save Twilight?

Posted by Twilight_News - 16/09/09 at 11:09 am

The Sony Pictures website has a series of polls going on what items should be saved if the world ended in 2012. It’s all part of a PR stunt for their new movie 2012 which, as you may have guessed, is one of those end of the world as its premise type of flicks.
Anyway, Twilight already won as the top movie that people would preserve. It finished just ahead of Moonwalker and Star Wars.
Now, the Twilight Saga and The Host are up for contention in the literature category, and need your votes. They are also collecting nominations for music, so submit your favorite artist.
We’re wondering if some Sony executive is banging his/her head against the wall because the nominees and winners aren’t a landslide of Sony backed productions
2 years later

I get emails all the time from edward and bella pictures of Bella,Vickie,Edward and the new baby girl named Jessie,she looks so much like jacob with the black hair and her round face but has bellas brown eyes,but latly the pictures stoped and i mailed them to ask whats wrong it has been over a month and nothing i was getting worried,when ever jacob seen jessie in my head he started to cry but,i never cared.

Then i got an email

Dear seth,

Im sick and i need you to come and help Edward with Jessie and Vickie,only if you want.
but i think Vickie would want to see you hope you come...
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posted by BuffyFaithFan1
Ignorance

BuffyFaithfan1
____________________________
Chapter Four: And I Push Aside
___________
I gasped sitting up right in bed, wondering what the hell was going on.
"Hayley, you okay!?" Zo's voice asked, coming from the end of the shelter hall.
"What's wrong?" Jake asked, jumping out of the room, beads of water running down his skin, his waist down covered with the towel.
"It's okay...I was laying here, and I had a nightmare...it's fine." I said, rubbing my head.
"You sure?" Jake asked, by my side.
"Yes, way sure! Now go back into the room where no one can see you half naked man!" I said, and...
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posted by RATHBONE07
Sorry for taking so looong:((


All was done. We all strode out of the bar together. Of course I was ashamed of what I had just done. Killing others for my own survival. James held me tightly, hushing me silently every time I whimpered. Laurent and Embelline were on either of our sides, licking their lips, savoring the blood.
“Embelline?” Laurent stopped dead in his step and turned around to face Embelline. “Im going up North, get a few more, im still not full.” Embelline nodded.
“Ill come with you. It wasn’t the best ive eaten either.” And they left, hand in hand. It was weird though....
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posted by Sk8bordNewMoon
TS17
Carsile's POV
I left the room and went to my office. Jacob was kind enough to let me go through Taylor's files. For some one so young, it sure was thick. This poor girl had been in the run for almost 8 years. I couldn't believe this girl was from Florida, I didn't know how she got here. This girl has been through a lot. She was put in juevy for running
away from the ophanage and running from the cops. Taylor, either didn't want to be adopted or didn't want live in the ophanage. It said that she wasn't allowed to live in the girls ophanage because she kept running away. Emmett came into the...
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posted by surfergal
Tell me if you like it in Nathens POV or Addis POV better.


Nathen's POV

I was glad Addi was finally healing. I knew when she could surf she was fully healed. When she was surfing you knew that nothing was bothering her or she was just careless about everything. I don't mean it in a bad way or anything but she is so natural in the water, its like thats what she is ment to be around. I know Addi loved all of us but when she was surfing she fogot all about her troubles. She was amazing and I couldn't believe that I was getting married to her. A beautiful, loveable, sweet caring girl and she was...
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nessie's pov

noah wasn't here ........
pain in my heart was horrible
how many days have i been in our room crying ???
but now i was so hungry i needed to eat noah wouldn't like that i starve myself...
i went downstairs everybody had a pain look in there faces
jake had come the 30 day but he went back to la push he has extremley surprized when he found me crying so hard , he thought it was just a crush with noah ....
i went to the kitchen i eat everything from the frige and the donated blood they had
"honey i know it's hard but you'll see things will get better" my granma said hugging me

but i fetl...
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noah's pov

i had never feel this pain, this desperation
how could it be that i had to leave the only person i had ever love leave her to stay with the dog jacob a person that i dispise so much

but i had to i know that i had to i only had a month with my love with renesmee
renesmee

i knew that the best way was to start to get away slowly but i couldn't imagine letting go of her in my last month with her

***

jake's pov

my heart froze when nessie hug the blood sucker but i feel such joy when i realize that he was going away finally !!!!

it hurt me that nessie cried so much over this but i knew she would...
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posted by Emmett4ever
Hey all this is making me cry so much.Just writing it brings back a memory i really want to forget.Oh well im not gonna keep you waiting any longer.Enjoy!!!!


Edward's POV


Why did I let this happen?I was surprised that it was Alice and not Jasper.I turned to look at Bella who is sitting on the floor.She was Checking herself to see if she was hurt."Bella are you alright"asked Carlisle. "Yeah I'm fine"She answered. SHe turned to look at me.When she saw my face she looked away.When Carlisle was done checking Bella,they all wished her goodnight and i drove her home.I didn't want to talk.As soon...
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posted by surfergal
Thanks to all for reading my stories! I don't know if this is going to be any good I sorta have writers block. Let me know if you have any ideas that you would want me to use.


Alice had me doing wedding plans everyday. It was amazing how much energy she had for such a small vampire. Alice and I planed Nathen and I wedding within a month.
School went on 5 days a week as it usually did. I was a junior this year. Edward was helping me so much with my school and then I knew that I was going to go back into the coarst guard once I actually turned 18.
So it was winter and it was snowing. This time...
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Boo Stewart: I’m Signed On For Three Movies
By Twilight_News |
Access Hollywood managed to get Boo Boo Stewart on their Dish of Salt program and got the following info:
“I heard there’s going to be three more movies,” he told Access Hollywood’s Laura “Dish of Salt” Saltman in a new interview. “‘Eclipse,’ ‘Breaking Dawn,’ and there should be one more.”
The star’s rep also noted the additional films when Boo Boo’s casting was announced to Access.
“Boo Boo Stewart will play the character Seth Clearwater in the next three installments of the wildly popular ‘Twilight’...
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