A.k.a. 10 ways to get yourself killed.
10: Sign him up for anger management.
…no one can deny he doesn’t need it
9: “Accidentally” sign him up for an Edward fan club. Force him to go to every single meeting.
8: Force him to play a game with you that you invented. Change the rules every 5 seconds so he loses.
7: Show him those love letters “Victoria” sent Edward.
6: Tell him Victoria likes men who wear tutus. Buy him one; get all offended when he doesn’t wear it. Start crying and don’t stop until he puts it on. Video tape him in it and send it to the Cullens’, the Volturi, the Quileutes, Victoria, etc.
5: Chase him around with garlic. Get Jacob Black to help.
4: lock him in a room with Edward, Jacob, Mike, etc and before you leave remind them about how James wanted to murder Bella. Watch the fun!
3: Give him a camera with no casette in it to film Bella in the ballet-studio.
2: Force him to read about his death in Twilight. Cry and then laugh under your breath. Make sure he hears both.
1: When he is making his evil plans to get Bella, randomly say things under your breath like “That’s not going to work!” or “You’re funeral”, or “A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that.”