Chapter 12: Monster Jakes POV
I felt like I was stuck in a recurring nightmare. Nessie had slept, almost comatose for four days straight. The excited atmosphere in the Cullen household surrounding the arrival of our child was gone. Everyone was silent; the house had a sense of malignancy lingering throughout it. Sam and Emily and my father stopped by and kept vigil in the living room. Emily was very helpful, she tended to Renesmee almost daily along with Bella; but she did more of the work because Bella wouldn’t set foot into a room that I was in and I never left Nessie’s side.
    The Denali coven was still staying with us, on top of Renesmee’s poor health we had yet to formulate a plan in order to protect our family and friends should the Volturi overstep once more. As soon as Renesmee fell ill Carlisle made a final decision as to what to do. He felt that given the power of Alice and Amore’s visions especially combined we would have enough of a warning. Kate and Garrett volunteered to go and alert the other covens as to the current status of our watch as well as to recruit an army should the need arise, and then they were to report back. Carlisle’s first priority was to his granddaughter and great grandchild so he was grateful to be able to delegate.
Bella had to tell Charlie about Renesmee…what if it went poorly? She lied and told him that Renesmee had been pregnant prior to our wedding and that we didn’t want to tell anyone. Of course Charlie was furious but he was used to being mad at all of us pertaining to the fine line between truth and the realities that he didn’t want to hear. On top of the fact that now there were complications his worry for his only grandchild superseded his hurt at being left out of the loop. He spent a lot of time at the Cullen’s as well. Everyone was waiting for my princess to wake up…hoping for the best.
Carlisle now had her hooked up to all kinds of monitors, and needles. I couldn’t be away from her but when I was with her it was sheer torture. She didn’t look like Renesmee anymore. I was scared to touch her thinking I would accidentally unhook something important. Yet Carlisle told me that I had to touch her, hold her hand, and talk to her. He said it would help to bring her back.
    This time around, it was a little different as opposed to when Bella was pregnant. At least back then I was able to focus my anger on Edward. This time it was entirely my fault. I was killing my wife. I had spent her entire life thus far trying to keep her safe and in the end I was the biggest danger to her, ironic isn’t it?
As I sat next to her bed keeping constant watch over my fading wife, I wondered if Edward hated me right now as much as I had hated him 7 years ago. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up slowly and found Edward standing over me.
    “Jacob, I don’t mean to intrude on your thoughts-”
    I snorted, “Yea you do…”
    He didn’t smile as he sighed, “You know I can’t help it Jacob. What you were thinking right now… you are wrong. I don’t hate you. It is not your fault. I overheard her thoughts about everything that happened on the island as well as the imprinting and what happens in order to further the race. It was out of both of your hands.”
    I shook my head dejectedly, “No Edward, I should have listened to you and Bella in the first place. I should have left her alone. I shouldn’t have come to her on her birthday last year and told her everything, I could have disappeared instead. She would have been better off with anyone but me. Even if she had married another vampire she would have better odds right now. Carlisle doesn’t even know what’s wrong with her. This baby is the first of its kind no one can help…” my voice broke off and I couldn’t speak for a moment.
    Edward sat down next to me, “Jacob that’s not true. Renesmee would never have been happy with anyone else. Not to mention she and Amore would probably still bewit the Volturi as we speak had you not been there to save her. This isn’t over yet, you need to stay strong for her. When she wakes up and sees you this upset it will only frighten her.”
    “Bella really hates me right now, doesn’t she?” I whispered.
    Edward’s lips pressed firmly together as though he were forcing himself to remain quiet. He inadvertently gave me the answer I was expecting.
“She is not thinking logically at the moment, she is mad at the world right now. She blames herself for not stopping her from attempting a pregnancy. Jacob. Look at me, it will be fine, Carlisle will figure it out.”
    I nodded but couldn’t bring myself to look into the eyes of the father of the woman I was slowly killing.
    “Jake stop it!” Edward commanded.
    I couldn’t contain myself any longer I started shaking furiously as I stood and faced my father in law.
“Why are you being so nice to me? Don’t you see that she is dying Edward? I am killing her, your child, my wife and my child could die. Everyone keeps acting like everything will be fine just because Bella was ok. Are you all blind? Nessie is not even 2 weeks pregnant and Carlisle has even said that she is already measuring 30 weeks! He couldn’t even get an ultrasound because of the vampire skin. It’s moving along even faster than Bella…who knows what the baby will do to her…who even knows what our baby is.” My eyes widened as I absorbed what I had said, “Oh my god, what if it is truly a monster Edward? We were worried about what Ness was but this is truly an unprecedented event. How is anyone supposed to guess what will become of a child that is part human, part vampire and part wolf?” I was shaking so fiercely at this point that I could tell I would phase in moments.
    Edward’s eyes flashed angrily, “Jacob get it together, don’t you dare do this right now! You could hurt her and the baby.”
        I closed my eyes trying to reign myself in, but just then my angel started to stir. Edward and I forgot our argument and it was distraction enough that it prevented me from phasing, thankfully.
        She started coughing violently as her eyes opened. They were completely lifeless and stood out starkly in her insipid face. Her eyes had black circles and her breathing was weak. Edward and I hurriedly sat her up.
        “I’m going to get my father.” He said worriedly as he flashed out of the room.
        Renesmee looked at me her forehead creased with worry as she struggled to get the words out, “Is it true?” Her voice was barely a whisper.
        I choked down the lump that was forming in my throat, she was in worse shape than I even remembered Bella being in… or was it just my perception because this time I truly was about to lose everything?
        “Is what true Nessie?”
        “What you said about the baby growing too fast…being a monster…” the coughing fit started up again. My eyes widened in panic I didn’t know what to do.
        Just then Carlisle and Edward returned. Carlisle gave her a glass of water.
        “Easy, Renesmee, little sips.” He advised gently as he held the cup to her lips. After she drank the water her coughs subsided.
        She tuned to her grandfather weakly.
        “Gramps, tell me the truth. What is going wrong? I know something is not right I can feel it.” Carlisle looked from her to me and then to Edward who nodded. He sighed heavily as he looked at his granddaughter wit a look of surrender; the face of a physician who is at a loss to help his dying patient…even worse being that it was a family member.
        “I don’t know Renesmee. I cannot get an ultrasound. You conceived 2 weeks ago and are already measuring at 30 weeks. At this rate the baby will be fully grown in a week tops. I’m honestly not even sure how the baby is still growing you cannot keep anything down except for intravenous fluids. We need to try to get you to eat again.”
        Her nose scrunched up at the thought of food, but she nodded. Her brow wrinkled as she settled back onto her pillow deep in thought. She didn’t look concerned; it was as though she were concentrating on something. She licked her lips and tried to bring a hand up to wipe the hair off of her forehead. She couldn’t lift her arm higher than an inch. I winced as I pushed her hair back for her. She smiled at me appreciatively and then looked back at her grandfather in determination.
        “Gramps, your first priority is the baby. Understood?”
Carlisle grimaced as Edward sucked in a breath.
I growled. “Renesmee Carlie Cullen don’t you dare give up on me. Not now. Not ever.”
She looked up at me with her sleepy eyes.
        “Jake…”
        “NO!” My attempt at a growl came out as a choked sob, “You promised Nessie, everything will be ok, you’ll see…”
    She shook her weary head once, “Jake I have been dreaming of her, she is just as tired as I am.” Her eyes were half closed I fell to my knees and put my head on her stomach.
    “Sarah, listen to daddy. You and mommy need to stay strong and work together. We are going to get you something to eat one way or another. You are a fighter, you are still growing. You can do this. Daddy needs you and mommy to pull through this…ok?” I waited for her to kick me in the head like she usually would… but all that I received was a faint tap.
    I looked at Carlisle in concern.
    He eyed the monitors, “The baby’s heartbeat is strong but she is weak, she needs nourishment.” He turned to his granddaughter, “Blood and human food was out right?”

She nodded miserably.
He thought for a moment and then turned to me his eyes lighting up, “What about wolf food?” I cringed at the thought of my poor wife eating a freshly killed animal. It was completely different from vampirism and sucking blood she would literally be eating a dead carcass. I shuddered at the memory, since becoming a vampire myself I strictly desired blood not all of the meat and other parts of the animal that I used to want.
    “I can’t make her do that Carlisle it’s repulsive.”
    “I’ll do it.” She said weakly.
    I looked at her miserably, “You are your mother all over again.”
    She smiled weakly, “If that’s a complement I will take it.”
    Edward cleared his throat, “I –uh I will go ask Sam to get her something…” He had the strangest look on his face as he headed to go ask a werewolf to hunt an animal for his pregnant daughter to eat.
    I turned to Renesmee in distress, “If I could do this for you princess I would.”
    She smiled wanly, “I know you would Jake, don’t worry about it. There is one thing you can do though.”
    I nodded, “anything…”
    “If… if it is necessary I need you to promise to let me go, and stop blaming yourself.”
    I swallowed. I would do anything but I didn’t know if I could do that for her.
    “Don’t talk like that Renesmee…”
    “Contingency planning that’s all.” She smiled sadly as she closed her eyes.
    Panic shot through my body, “Renesmee!” I screamed.
    Carlisle examined her and then placed a hand on my shoulder.
    “Jacob, calm down its ok. She’s asleep.”
    I placed my hand on her chest to be sure. It was rising and falling in a gentle pattern. I sat down next to her on the edge of the bed, my head in my hands. I wasn’t sure how much more of this I could take.