4.    I Hate This Part

Knowing that I will see Jacob tomorrow really didn’t help my lack of sleep but Claire did. She was warm like Jake I fell asleep for longer then I imagined. When I woke up Claire was already downstairs dressed and ready for school she and Alice were eating breakfast –well Alice wasn’t – I saw that Alice made me so eggs.
“Hurry and eat so you can go see what the studio looks like we just have to install some wires then were done ”Alice danced around me and made me a plate “where is Jake meeting you? Oh and I have some pants in that bag I didn’t touch them ” she pointed to the bag on the coffee table.
I finished my food and changed close and walked over to grandpa’s house, seeing yesterdays hole in the wall was gone. Claire and I walked up stared and on the door was a giant green bow then Alice jumped on me to cover my eyes “aunt what are you doing ” I asked he had an unbreakable hold on me
“Making sure you wont peek Claire get the door for me” I walked in to the room and Alice jumped of on me “well what do you think?”
    “Wow I love it its perfect were everyone I want to thank them ”I was ready to cry it was the best thing anyone has ever done for me.
     “They’re in Seattle buying stuff you see what when you get back” Alice told me “were not going to school but you and Claire should its your first time ” she said with a smirk
    “Bye thank you for all of this” I said we took moms car to school it was the fastest when we got to school the bell rang we were late to class. Every thing when by fast to day I knew I will be seeing my Jacob to day I didn’t eat lunch and I don’t remember what we did in math but as soon as the bell rang to get out of school I was gone Claire was waiting for me bye the car –she had art and they never got out late.
    “Its about time slow poke ” she teased me “come so you can go see your Jake ” she got into the passenger seat she didn’t like driving Bella’s car
“Ok well do you want me to drop you off at the house or wait in the car for me” I asked I felt rushed like if I didn’t move fast enough he would just leave.
“Home will be good I want to see your studio” she said as I turned into the drive .she got out of the car and went inside.
I had to get prepared to see him I didn’t know where he was coming from but I knew he would be here. I waited a couple of minutes. The I smelt wolves strangely I missed that smell I got out of the car and looked around for him I saw him a rusted brown wolf with dark eyes he saw the bag I had I tossed it to him –my feet went working. He disappeared with the bags and came out my tall handsome Jake but he looked sad and tired this wasn’t my Jake this was alpha Jake he wasn’t the same he didn’t smile the same he was happy to see me but sad about something else I found my voice but not my lags
“Hi Jake ” it was an audible whisper. Found my legs and walked over to him. He gave me a big hug, but no kiss.
“Hey Nessie you don’t looks so go have you been sleeping ” he was concerned about my sleeping habits I wonder if he knew I hadn’t slept since he left.
“Um no not really I’ve been on and off. How are the new wolves looking?” I asked changing the subject
“Not so great that why I'm here.” He took a step away from me “Nessie I have to stay longer at la push I mean there are a lot of problems and the Sam’s kid hasn’t phased so there is no Alpha or Bata it looks like I have to wait. I’ve got to do this, I hate this part, and I cant have you waiting with me .I saw you all week and you look so said not like the Nessie I love. I want you to keep going like I'm right there by you ok I love you to much to see you hurting I just cant take your tears ” he stop and hugged me again. I began to cry in his chest
“I. Don’t. Understand.” Was all I managed to get out .it sounded like he was braking up with me but I couldn’t tell he wasn’t talking then I pulled away from him and asked him “are you breaking up with me?”
“No of course not I’m telling you to stop waiting for me to come home because I’m not I cant it’s not time yet. I want you to be more …independent. Can you do that for me Nessie ”he said putting his hands on my shoulder “Nessie?”
“Yeah. Sure. Whatever. I have to do my homework. ” I turn away from him I didn’t want to think about him ever again I wanted nothing to do with him he was a jerk he just left me.
I started to run towards the house .I went to my room and mom was their waiting for me she wasn’t suppose to come back for another day. When I saw her I just started to cry I sat in her lap and rambled about what he said to me.
We didn’t leave the room for hours she just listen and held me .she laid me down and got me some water “Renesmee hunny I don’t know what to tell you. This isn’t in my area mom-isms. ” She handed me the water.
“I know mom is ok .I'm just doing to stay here you shouldn’t have come you and dad needed that vacation ”I stopped crying I had no more tears in me
“No we had our fun but I missed you I want to come see you. Then I smelt Jake I knew something wasn’t right so I went into your room” she said I leaned into her shoulder
“Every one wants me huh. They finished the studio ” I was thinking out loud
“Yeh you know I don’t know how much I like that you better stick with this it took a lot of time and money to do ”she said helping me stand up
Alice and Claire were already in the studio jasper was there he knew I was upset. I walked in and say all of the stuff I had 5 guitars a new white piano and a sound booth there was a table with lots of little buttons I wonder what that was used for. I guess it was professional “thank you” was all I could say I hugged aunty and kept to my self I put the head phones on and started playing with the electric guitar I hear mom tell Alice and jasper what happened I thought about a song I could write. I got to do this moved to the piano and started messing with cords.
I started writing a song well more like a course ‘I hate this part’ was what it became in the morning. I couldn’t sleep so I didn’t I stayed up all night but I wasn’t going to school to day it was sunny Claire didn’t go either we just stayed cooped up in the studio all day.
I wasn’t ready to do anything I didn’t want to I had no time to I showed Claire my songs. She told me I needed to get out of the house. I didn’t want to but I did. I missed a whole week of school and I hadn’t even notice. I think Claire gave me the homework but I didn’t do. I never left the studio it was my new home.
Mom and dad were upset about me missing so much school so I promised I’d go on Thursday. I didn’t want to but I did I did what I had to do. I kept going. I did what He told me I tried to be independent.
Only tried.