Ok I had the whole thing typed and my chihuahua walked across the keyboard and closed the window...so now I get to type it all again!! DANG IT!! OK well here we go AGAIN!! :)
End of Part 17
I went back to the couch, hearing Bella follow behind me. I reached my hand out to her and pulled her close to me.
"You look tired." I said as I examined her face.
"Yeah, near-death experiences do that to me...So, what does Carlisle think of you being here?" She asked, probing for information.
"He doesn't know. He and Esme were on a hunting trip when I left. I'll hear from him in a few days when he gets back." I said.
"You won't tell him, though...when he checks in again." She asked.
I had to fight a smile, I knew she meant Edward from the first time she asked about the family. It was normal I would think for someone to ask about one they loved...if she still loved him that is.
"No. He'd bite my head off." I said, thinking how mad he would be.
Bella nodded once and yawned so hard her whole body moved. I looked at her as she smiled and placed her head on my shoulder, she took a few deep breaths in almost like she was taking in my smell before she sighed. A few moments later her breathing became more regular, obviously she had fallen asleep.
I started to move, to lay her down so she could sleep but when I did she woke up. She looked so scared, like she had lost me.
"Shhh Bella, it's alright. I won't leave you, not tonight. Please sleep, I will stay." I said softly as I ran my hands through her hair.
She smiled and quickly fell back to sleep, Charlie walked by on his way to bed and smiled at me before walking up the stairs to his room. A few hours later I figured it was safe to move, so I laid her down on the pillow and covered her with the blanket before going to sit in the chair by the window.
Part 18
I sat in the chair thinking about how much things have changed. I wished that Jasper would call me, I missed him so much it hurt. This is the longest we had ever been apart, and it was getting to be too much. I focused on our history, and before I knew it I heard Charlie coming down the stairs, attempting to be quiet.
He walked around the corner as I rolled my head and smiled at him. He smiled back and the nodded to the kitchen, obviously he wanted me to follow. I got up and walked to the kitchen at human speed, sitting in the chair that I knew wouldn't be used.
Charlie walked into the kitchen and began gathering the things he would need for breakfast. First he went to the refrigerator and grabbed eggs, milk and cheese. He walked over and grabbed a loaf of bread before getting a frying pan and setting it on the stove to heat up.
He began cracking eggs, then added milk, eggs, salt and pepper and mixed them all together. "Hungry? Can I get you anything?"
"No thank you, I'm still stuffed from dinner last night." I said as I smiled thinking of the mountain lion.
"Charlie, may I ask you a question." I asked as I took a napkin off the table and began shredding it into pieces.
"Of course you can hon, go ahead." He said as he looked over his shoulder and smiled at me.
"How bad was it?" I asked softly.
"Real bad." Charlie said as he poured the eggs into the frying pan.
"Could you tell me about it? I want to know exactly what happened when we left."
He turned back to the stove, pouring his eggs into the pan. I heard him take a deep breath before he began.
"I've never felt so helpless," Charlie began slowly. "I didn't know what to do. That first week...I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her." He said as he turned to watch me.
"She snapped out of it though?" I asked.
"I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one...if she had to go to the hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help, but when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance." He said as he smiled slightly. "I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw her clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn't make her leave - and finally she started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. I didn't argue when she insisted on staying here...and she did seem to get better at first..." Charlie trailed off his sentence.
"But?" I said. I knew that this was all very hard for him talk about but I was so interested to see what got her to the point that she would jump off a cliff.
"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was....empty. Her eyes were blank. There were lots of little things...she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of her Cd's broken in her trash. She didn't read she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched much before. I finally figured it out-she was avoiding everything that might remind her of...him.
"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her-the littlest things would make her flinch-and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something directly." He finished as he poured his eggs onto a plate, grabbed his toast and came to sit with me at the table.
"She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling."
"It was night of the living dead around here. I still hear her screaming in her sleep." He whispered as his whole body shivered.
This was all so much to take in, how could he think this would help!? For what he has just told me it sounded like her spirit was broken, it was too much. I felt responsible, this was my fault to a point.
"I'm so sorry, Charlie." I said sadly.
"It's not your fault." He said as he shook his head, a protective look showing on his face. "You were always a good friend to her."
"She seems better now, though." I added.
"Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I've noticed a real improvement. She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, some light in her eyes. She's happier." Charlie said, his face lightening. "He's a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of his as a friend, but I think it's maybe something more now, or headed that direction, anyway." He said as he smiled a bit.
I know he was adding this in so that I would pass it along, and I probably would if Edward would talk to me...or anyone.
"Jake's old for his years." He continued. "He's taken care of his father physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally. It matured him. He's a good looking kid too-takes after his mom's side. He's good for Bella, you know." He insisted.
"Then it's good she has him." I agreed. I was so conflicted, I was glad that she found someone...but at the same time...how could she just move on?
Charlie sighed out a big gust of air, folding quickly to the fact that I wasn't arguing. "Okay, so I guess that's overstating things. I don't know...even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in. It's not normal Alice, and it...it frightens me. Not normal at all. Not like someone left her, but like someone.....died." He said as his voice cracked.
I nodded slightly, it was what I imagined Edward going through. I know that he probably wished he was dead, that he could die. They were like two sides of a coin, the other half to one another and now...well.
"I don't know if she's going to get over it, I'm not sure if it's in her nature to heal from something like this. She's always been such a constant little thing. She doesn't get past things, change her mind."
"She's one a kind." I agreed.
"And Alice..." Charlie said slowly. "Now you know how fond I am of you, and I can tell that she's happy to see you, but....I'm a little worried about what your visit will do to her." He said as he nodded.
"So am I, Charlie, so am I. I wouldn't have come if I had any idea. I'm sorry." I admitted.
"Don't apologize honey. Who knows? Maybe it will be good for her." Charlie said as he reached his hand out to comfort me. I quickly pulled my hand back and rest them on my lap.
"I hope you're right." I said quietly.
I was beginning to think that Edward and everyone else might have been right. What was I doing here? If she had died what would I have done? Would I have been able to comfort Charlie at all or would he be upset at me for showing my face?
"Alice, I have to ask you something." Charlie said quietly.
"Go ahead." I said calmly, the fear rising inside my body, but my voice held steady.
"He's not coming back to visit, too is he?" Charlie asked. The anger showing in his tone and all over his face, he obviously hated my brother.
"He doesn't even know I'm here. The last time I spoke with him he was in South America." I said softly as I looked Charlie right in the eyes.
"That's something, at least." Charlie said as he snorted softly. "Well, I hope he's enjoying himself."
I had to control my reaction, I understand that he is upset..and that his daughter was broken...but this was still my brother we were talking about. How could he be enjoying himself when he was away from Bella? I had to focus myself before I could answer.
"I wouldn't make assumptions, Charlie." I said as I felt my eyes narrow in anger.
That is not where I would have chosen to leave this conversation, with my anger making Charlie uncomfortable. I shook my head as I heard Bella fake stretch in the living room.
I knew that she had been awake for most of the conversation, she tried to hide that face, but she didn't do a good job. I wish that she hadn't heard certain parts of the conversation, I'm sure she was in deep thought about everything...especially the parts about Edward.
End of Part 17
I went back to the couch, hearing Bella follow behind me. I reached my hand out to her and pulled her close to me.
"You look tired." I said as I examined her face.
"Yeah, near-death experiences do that to me...So, what does Carlisle think of you being here?" She asked, probing for information.
"He doesn't know. He and Esme were on a hunting trip when I left. I'll hear from him in a few days when he gets back." I said.
"You won't tell him, though...when he checks in again." She asked.
I had to fight a smile, I knew she meant Edward from the first time she asked about the family. It was normal I would think for someone to ask about one they loved...if she still loved him that is.
"No. He'd bite my head off." I said, thinking how mad he would be.
Bella nodded once and yawned so hard her whole body moved. I looked at her as she smiled and placed her head on my shoulder, she took a few deep breaths in almost like she was taking in my smell before she sighed. A few moments later her breathing became more regular, obviously she had fallen asleep.
I started to move, to lay her down so she could sleep but when I did she woke up. She looked so scared, like she had lost me.
"Shhh Bella, it's alright. I won't leave you, not tonight. Please sleep, I will stay." I said softly as I ran my hands through her hair.
She smiled and quickly fell back to sleep, Charlie walked by on his way to bed and smiled at me before walking up the stairs to his room. A few hours later I figured it was safe to move, so I laid her down on the pillow and covered her with the blanket before going to sit in the chair by the window.
Part 18
I sat in the chair thinking about how much things have changed. I wished that Jasper would call me, I missed him so much it hurt. This is the longest we had ever been apart, and it was getting to be too much. I focused on our history, and before I knew it I heard Charlie coming down the stairs, attempting to be quiet.
He walked around the corner as I rolled my head and smiled at him. He smiled back and the nodded to the kitchen, obviously he wanted me to follow. I got up and walked to the kitchen at human speed, sitting in the chair that I knew wouldn't be used.
Charlie walked into the kitchen and began gathering the things he would need for breakfast. First he went to the refrigerator and grabbed eggs, milk and cheese. He walked over and grabbed a loaf of bread before getting a frying pan and setting it on the stove to heat up.
He began cracking eggs, then added milk, eggs, salt and pepper and mixed them all together. "Hungry? Can I get you anything?"
"No thank you, I'm still stuffed from dinner last night." I said as I smiled thinking of the mountain lion.
"Charlie, may I ask you a question." I asked as I took a napkin off the table and began shredding it into pieces.
"Of course you can hon, go ahead." He said as he looked over his shoulder and smiled at me.
"How bad was it?" I asked softly.
"Real bad." Charlie said as he poured the eggs into the frying pan.
"Could you tell me about it? I want to know exactly what happened when we left."
He turned back to the stove, pouring his eggs into the pan. I heard him take a deep breath before he began.
"I've never felt so helpless," Charlie began slowly. "I didn't know what to do. That first week...I thought I was going to have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or drink, she wouldn't move. Dr. Gerandy was throwing around words like 'catatonic I didn't let him up to see her. I was afraid it would scare her." He said as he turned to watch me.
"She snapped out of it though?" I asked.
"I had Renee come to take her to Florida. I just didn't want to be the one...if she had to go to the hospital or something. I hoped being with her mother would help, but when we started packing her clothes, she woke up with a vengeance." He said as he smiled slightly. "I've never seen Bella throw a fit like that. She was never one for the tantrums, but, boy, did she fly into a fury. She threw her clothes everywhere and screamed that we couldn't make her leave - and finally she started crying. I thought that would be the turning point. I didn't argue when she insisted on staying here...and she did seem to get better at first..." Charlie trailed off his sentence.
"But?" I said. I knew that this was all very hard for him talk about but I was so interested to see what got her to the point that she would jump off a cliff.
"She went back to school and work, she ate and slept and did her homework. She answered when someone asked her a direct question. But she was....empty. Her eyes were blank. There were lots of little things...she wouldn't listen to music anymore; I found a bunch of her Cd's broken in her trash. She didn't read she wouldn't be in the same room when the TV was on, not that she watched much before. I finally figured it out-she was avoiding everything that might remind her of...him.
"We could hardly talk; I was so worried about saying something that would upset her-the littlest things would make her flinch-and she never volunteered anything. She would just answer if I asked her something directly." He finished as he poured his eggs onto a plate, grabbed his toast and came to sit with me at the table.
"She was alone all the time. She didn't call her friends back, and after a while, they stopped calling."
"It was night of the living dead around here. I still hear her screaming in her sleep." He whispered as his whole body shivered.
This was all so much to take in, how could he think this would help!? For what he has just told me it sounded like her spirit was broken, it was too much. I felt responsible, this was my fault to a point.
"I'm so sorry, Charlie." I said sadly.
"It's not your fault." He said as he shook his head, a protective look showing on his face. "You were always a good friend to her."
"She seems better now, though." I added.
"Yeah. Ever since she started hanging out with Jacob Black, I've noticed a real improvement. She has some color in her cheeks when she comes home, some light in her eyes. She's happier." Charlie said, his face lightening. "He's a year or so younger than her, and I know she used to think of his as a friend, but I think it's maybe something more now, or headed that direction, anyway." He said as he smiled a bit.
I know he was adding this in so that I would pass it along, and I probably would if Edward would talk to me...or anyone.
"Jake's old for his years." He continued. "He's taken care of his father physically the way Bella took care of her mother emotionally. It matured him. He's a good looking kid too-takes after his mom's side. He's good for Bella, you know." He insisted.
"Then it's good she has him." I agreed. I was so conflicted, I was glad that she found someone...but at the same time...how could she just move on?
Charlie sighed out a big gust of air, folding quickly to the fact that I wasn't arguing. "Okay, so I guess that's overstating things. I don't know...even with Jacob, now and then I see something in her eyes, and I wonder if I've ever grasped how much pain she's really in. It's not normal Alice, and it...it frightens me. Not normal at all. Not like someone left her, but like someone.....died." He said as his voice cracked.
I nodded slightly, it was what I imagined Edward going through. I know that he probably wished he was dead, that he could die. They were like two sides of a coin, the other half to one another and now...well.
"I don't know if she's going to get over it, I'm not sure if it's in her nature to heal from something like this. She's always been such a constant little thing. She doesn't get past things, change her mind."
"She's one a kind." I agreed.
"And Alice..." Charlie said slowly. "Now you know how fond I am of you, and I can tell that she's happy to see you, but....I'm a little worried about what your visit will do to her." He said as he nodded.
"So am I, Charlie, so am I. I wouldn't have come if I had any idea. I'm sorry." I admitted.
"Don't apologize honey. Who knows? Maybe it will be good for her." Charlie said as he reached his hand out to comfort me. I quickly pulled my hand back and rest them on my lap.
"I hope you're right." I said quietly.
I was beginning to think that Edward and everyone else might have been right. What was I doing here? If she had died what would I have done? Would I have been able to comfort Charlie at all or would he be upset at me for showing my face?
"Alice, I have to ask you something." Charlie said quietly.
"Go ahead." I said calmly, the fear rising inside my body, but my voice held steady.
"He's not coming back to visit, too is he?" Charlie asked. The anger showing in his tone and all over his face, he obviously hated my brother.
"He doesn't even know I'm here. The last time I spoke with him he was in South America." I said softly as I looked Charlie right in the eyes.
"That's something, at least." Charlie said as he snorted softly. "Well, I hope he's enjoying himself."
I had to control my reaction, I understand that he is upset..and that his daughter was broken...but this was still my brother we were talking about. How could he be enjoying himself when he was away from Bella? I had to focus myself before I could answer.
"I wouldn't make assumptions, Charlie." I said as I felt my eyes narrow in anger.
That is not where I would have chosen to leave this conversation, with my anger making Charlie uncomfortable. I shook my head as I heard Bella fake stretch in the living room.
I knew that she had been awake for most of the conversation, she tried to hide that face, but she didn't do a good job. I wish that she hadn't heard certain parts of the conversation, I'm sure she was in deep thought about everything...especially the parts about Edward.
