Warning: Thist is just my fantasy coming through. And some information to you; the story plays before Bella became a Vampire and there is no Nessie in sight. So its just for our little Jacob's sake, he needs some luving.
Lady luck played her last ace...
I knew i was doing the right thing, whenever i had a chance to look in her beautiful green eyes. It was the only possible way to be happy with her, before things started to become complicated. So no matter what would happen from now on, i knew at least that there was something like happines for someone like me. I had spent two weeks with her, every day and sometimes even the nights. I started to sneak into her house whenever it was possible, laying on the same bed without touching her. I had nearly forgotten about my wolf form or the pack in that matter, nearly was the key word. They kept appearing every day, trying to hang out with a Jacob Black that wasnt existing currently. I lived in a complete different universe, where i didnt think about Vampires or Wolves for that matter. My main focus was around that girl i held in my arm right now, far away from LaPush. If anyone saw us together, it would destroy my so called life.
She looked at me, and i knew her well enough now to know something was bothering her. Her pinkish lipgloss was shimmering in the sunlight, and probably on face aswell. The past couple of hours we had spend with nonverbal action, but that couldnt bother my teenage hormones at all.
''Whats the matter Kris?'', i asked as soft as possible, trying to find my voice.
''Its nothing, i was just having some thoughts about your life. And how much i complicate things'', often enough she did sound like a whisper in the wind.
I straigthened up, having her face in my hands. This picture made me giggle a bit, cause she looked so fragile.
''I told you there is nothing to worry about. I got everything under control...'', she interrupted me, with putting her face away. The light yellow dress she wore still seemed in perfect shape. She got up from our blankett that i had put underneath one of the trees. For a few moments nothing had sbeen said, i wasnt even sure if she still did breath. I followed her, wrapping my arms around tightly, making sure i was able to feel her.
''You dont get it Jacob, do you? My life has always been complicated, but compared to yours its nothing. Sure i have to deal with a freaking stepmother, that hates me. But you and your Wolfthing, thats way too much. Not for me, cause i dont care.- but for you.''
''But...'', i tried to say something, but she was quicker.
''No but Jake, cause you know i am right. Since you met me you run around like someone is constantly behind you, stalking you. Whenever you hear soemthing you think its the pack, and that all cause of me. I dont want that life for you.''
Okay what the hell, is she breaking up with me?I was the one now that kept holding his breath, and then i turned her around. Maybe and that just came to my mind a little to late, i was a bit too rough. Kristine didnt complain, that simply wasnt her. Instead of that she leaned her head against my chest, probably feeling my fast heartbeat.
''I told you there is nothing i can do about it, they wont accept it.''
''Yeah cause i am not the right one, not the one you imprint on'', i heard that her voice was breaking at the end.
''Imprint or not, you are the one I want. And maybe that will break the damn rules, and allows my heart to love the one i cant be without.''
Of course i was babbling, but that happened when i got nervous. I wasnt ready to let her go, not now.- not ever. I forced her to look in my eyes again, seeing that i was deadly serious. Of course we had that conversation before, and neither of us would give in. But at the end of the day we couldnt be without each other, and that helped. I was about sitting her down again, but this time she didnt make it that easy. Find a better way to shake up her thoughts. My lips sound found a way to her ear, softly kissing it my hot breath reaching her skin. Underneath my arms i felt her shiver, but it was something she didnt fight. Without being too rough again i lifted her up, placing my lips on hers. This kiss was far from saying goodbye, it was the one thing i was able to do.- to make her stay. Minutes later we were lying the grass again, our bodies moving in perfect motion.
All good things come to an end
No they would never..., i tried to tell that to myself. But reality hit me in the face, when i saw them standing not too far away. Having perfect sight, i knew it was Paul along with Embry and Quil. Damn it. I rolled off of my love, but both my hands locked with hers trying my best smile.
''You should go now...'', cause that is something i have to deal with, i thought but never said out loud. Kristine didnt see them, but she was more or less confused about my strange mood. I had to give her the cold shoulder if i wanted to deal with that the right way, so i gave her just enough time to pack and then said goodbye. No kiss. No hug. Nothing. As soon as she was out of sight i started to walk, closer to my brothers.- preparing myself for wahtever they had in mind. Their faces were like cut out of stone, no friendly smile at all. I maybe deserved it, but i didnt understand it. At least not from Embry, he knew me the best.
''What was that about'', Paul didnt bother being kind, i heard in his voice that he was pissed off. And the same probably was the case when it came to Sam.
''What was what about?'', i tried to play it down.
''You and that girl, did you imprint on her? If so then why would you hide her from us, if not then you know that its not possible. Look at Leah, do you really wanna do that to her?''
That sounded so wrong, it was something that Sam would say, but not Paul. This guy couldnt care less about other people, why would he care for my Kristine. But the point he mentioned, was exactly this one thing i had shoved to the back of my mind.
''I just...love her'', it was the first time i said that out loud. And i really wondered what could be so wrong about something that felt so right.
''Its nothing that is in your hand, man'', Quil said with his head down. It was easy for him to say, he had imprinted.- on a baby. But none than less, he knew he had someone when the day would come. But what about me, and what i wanted?
''Did i ever ask for all that? Hell no. All i really want is my life back, and i want her in it'', i was mocking like a little kid. I saw the cracked up smile on Paul's face, and that made me lose it again. I changed into my wolfform without warning, nearly breaking Embry's face. With a huge jump i landed on Paul that had changed aswell, i really wanted to destroy him. I have to say one thing though, he didnt make it hard for me. He probably understood what pain was in my heart right now, so the fight wasnt really even. It stopped when i ran away, not even realizing where to. They didnt try to follow me, all i really heard in my head was: Let him go, Sam's voice. As I saw the police car of Charlie, and the light in Bella's window, i wasnt sure why i came here. Eww, that smell. Of course he was here, but what other place could i have gone. The window opened, and i was sure that the Bloodsucker had heard my thoughts.- cause moments later him and Bella appeared on the outside.
''Jacob?''. she asked in her typical way.
''Who else coming with fullspeed nearly hitting your house?'', i tried to make a joke. It didnt work too well, not today. My eyes were focused on Edward Cullen a moment, but i couldnt concentrate.
''I leave you alone, i come back later when Charlie sleeps'', he said kissing her lips, i shivered. Kissing a Vampire, whats next? Dancing with Zombies, he laughed.- again reading in my head.
I wish someone would rip my heart out, Edward please?
I wasnt quite sure if he had heard that aswell, but he drove off in his shiny silver Volvo. It felt weird to be alone with Bella, after such a long time and so many things had changed. We sat on the outside, Charlie was watching some Baseball game.- so he wouldnt notice.
''You look terrible...'', she said, in a dry voice.
''Oh really? Tell me something new, you know what? I dont even know why i came... .''
I was about getting up, but she held my arm and made me sit down again. We both sighed and for a second it felt like nothing had changed between us, but everything had. I had given her free finally, and now all i did was fighting for my luck. Bella had always been honest with me, so why would i hide things from her. Now that everything was crashing down anyway, why not trust the girlfriend of a bloodsucker.
''I am in trouble, Bella'', i said that very quietly.
''Is it about your girl? Edward mentioned something?''
Of course, he had seen it all before. I only nodded my head, leaning my head against the house. It was all too complicated to explain but by the look of things that wasnt even necessary. Her tiny hands reached out, laying still on my shoulder. A shiver went through my body, and i had to admit it felt wrong sitting here with her. I felt like i was cheating on Kris, which was of course nonsense. My best friend's chocolate brown eyes looked at me, with such softness it was impossible. I had been cruel to her so often, but she was still here.
''I dont wanna rub it in Jake, but do you get the picture now? How it feels when you love someone that others dont consider right for you? You have to make the right decision... .''
''What options do I have?'', again my voice sounded so wrong.
''You can either hurt her now, or enjoy the time you have knowing that it might change one day. Just like a normal relationship. But what will you do with the pack?''
''What if i know that my decision will be selfish?''
Yeah, Jacob what to do with your brothers?. I only shrugged my shoulders, knowing that the first option was not possible at all. When you thought that life wasnt able to get worse, you live the life of a shapeshifter. While looking at the sky becoming darker now, i wondered where all this would lead. But a few things were completly sure, i couldnt go back to LaPush. I couldnt stay here either, and the thing i was sure about the most.- i had to be near Kristine. In many ways i felt like i had imprinted on her, cause how else could i vote against my brothers? I allowed my heart to make the decision and it did. No matter if it was going to be my downfall or not...
End of the fourth Chapter