1) Ask Victoria if she really wants to kill Bella because she and Edward were together but had a hectic relationship and she was just jealous that he moved on
2) Ask if James really died by looking at her
3) Call her Raggedy Ann
4) Tell her that when Charlie found her footprint in the mud, he thought Bigfoot was on the loose in Forks, Washington!
5) Sit next to her and keep whispering, "James is dead, James is dead, Edward killed him, James is dead, Edward killed him because of Bella...."
6) Advise her to go change only redheaded people so it'll be the 'attack of the Redheads'
7) Tell Victoria that it was a good thing James smelled Bella and interupted the baseball game because she'd suck at it
8) Tell her she smells like a werewolf
9) Convince Laurent to try to be her new mate
10) Get Paul to imprint on her
11) If Victoria ever decides to go to Bella's room, put a giant crucifix on the window and attach a sign that says, "No redheaded, big foot she-devils allowed" to the crucifix
12) If Victoria is somehow still alive after Eclipse, tell her that Edward's and Bella's daughter, Renesmee looks a lot like her!