Every shade of green – jade, olive, emerald – looked dull. The trees held no interest for me. I expected, as I let my vampire senses took over me, that everything around me would burst in color, would awe me as they once did. I could see every spectrum of light, every tiny grain of soil and sand under my feet, I could hear every sound –the frantic heart beats of the small animals cowering in fear, the slithering of the insects beneath the ground, the muffled cries of the birds as they flew away, the gentle whoosh of the breeze – I once found beauty in all these. Today, I found none.

Everything is dull, lifeless when I am without him. I halted in front of the huge tree where I used to climb up when I was younger. I would dangle precariously up the tallest, thickest branch, always flinging myself in the air, without warning, always loving the shock and relief I saw in Jacob’s face as he caught me in his arms.

“We could always go back to the house if you decided to mope.”

I groaned as Uncle Emmett roared with laughter. I saw Aunt Rosalie jab him in the ribs with the corner of my eye. I planned to hunt alone, to lose myself in my senses, to let thirst control me like never before, to feel more like an animal.

“This is such a bad idea.” I muttered. This is becoming like a field trip. My parents, my aunts and uncles decided to come with me, only my grandparents decided to be left behind, probably relishing the alone time they seldom have. I wanted to throw a tantrum right there and then. I would be surrounded by couples. UGH! That would only heighten my feeling of being alone.

Then,I smelled a moist, tangy scent of blood, heard the pounding of a large heart. Venom coated every inch of my razor sharp teeth. I run my tongue over them, the fire in my throat blazing. I felt raw strength spread over my limbs. I laughed aloud. It seemed only fitting that when my heart died a couple of days ago, I would feel this power envelope me. It felt like my other senses, the stronger lethal ones, were sleeping and just waiting around the corner. Waiting for me to snap out of my delusions. I thought grimly. It was a heady feeling to feel this strong again. I can’t really say to feel this alive again, for I know that I would never feel as alive as when I was with him.

I crouched into my hunting position and dashed towards the warm pulsating heart.

“Catch me if you can, Uncle!” I yelled back at Uncle Emmett, now stupefied by my speed. I could feel him gaining speed as he followed. The others started to follow. I ran as fast as I could, almost floating in the air. I launched myself up then leaped from branch to branch, spiraling in the air. I shrieked with glee. If my father is the mountain lion, I am a leopardess.

“Nessie!” My mom called out in stress.

“Oh come on, Bella, the kid is just having fun.” Aunt Alice said.

I stopped as soon as I saw the huge mountain lion striding lazily on the ground. I jumped in front of the big cat. The lion growled in angry surprise. I laughed. I taunted it by whizzing in and out of his view, its paws clawing on empty air. All too soon, my little game bored me out. I jumped on the lion’s back, it growled in indignation, and sunk my teeth into its thick neck. I felt the warm blood soothe my parched throat. Immediately the cat was drained. It lay haphazardly beneath me.

“If I didn’t know well, I would have thought you were just petting the cat.” My father said. I grinned hugely at him. I dashed beside him. I took his hand and lead him north.

“I want some more.” I giggled.

“Uhm, Nessie. I think there are no more mountain lions nearby.”

I made a face. “Where are the others?” I asked.

Dad chuckled. “They could hardly catch up on you and your mom’s having a heart attack just watching you.”

I rolled my eyes.

“They’re feeding on elks now.” He informed me.

“Ewww.” I said in disgust.

My father laughed. “Want to race? I’ll give you a head start if you like.”

I made a face and sprinted away without warning.

“Cheat!” He called out chuckling.

My father still beat me to where the rest of my family were feeding.

“You only beat for me for a millisecond. Next time, I’ll surely beat you, Daddy.” I said chagrined.

My father just chuckled, and then went after a huge elk.

“That’s good, Nessie.” Uncle Jasper said sitting beside me on a tree stump.

“Huh?”

“Keep motivating yourself. It’s better than…” He looked at the ground.

Better than wallowing, I thought.

I stood up. I don't want Uncle Jasper to feel how deep the cut Jake left. “I’m going home.” I told no one in particular.

Bravely trying to pretend...

I stuck my tongue out to my favorite Uncle. “Eat my dust, Uncle Emmett.” And sprinted away giggling.

If only I could hold on to this. If only this could be easy, always. If only the day never ends. I’m sure my human side is just waiting for me in the corner, waiting to engulf me.

“Please let me not dream of him tonight.”