The secret maternail Need of Bella Swan.
This is taken place two years after the events of New Moon.. I warn you , it's really long.
Sorry for the typos. I'm really tired.
Sitting on Emily's couch for the thousanth time in the last week, was surely a high light.
But the waiting for Jacob was not. He can take far too long sometimes, no doubt he does it on purpose, that way when he finally arrives, I'm almost boucing up and down.
I can tell he likes to see me like that, to see me happy, most defiantly for him.
But I suppose the most fulfilling thing in my growing need for Jacob is watching little Lylia and Dannielle sleep peacefully in their crip.
The twins are only 7 weeks old,and are as soft and lovely as any words could describe.
Sam and Emily got quite a shock when it became apparent of the double trouble, not to mention girls, good luck sam!
Poor Emily is stuck with them all day, feeding , cleaning, crying and pooping ,times two. Whilst Sam is out protecting the tribe from assumed Vampires. .. If only he knew, that they promised to never come back. The stacp on the surface of heart stung in the slightest from the thought of them. Even after all of this time, my wound has not yet completely healed. Jacob heals me day by day, god bless him.
But I cant help but feel something different in the bit of my stomach when I look the babies. The feeling makes me want to cry, get angry or sing. I can't quite choose.
I watched them more, for I was put on baby duty while Emily napped for a few hours, poor darling.
I can only imagine what being a mum must have on your sleep resign. But I never have much sleep to speak off, but.
Their little eye lids flutter in their sleep. Like they are having little baby dreams, filled with butterflys, jam and rays of sunshine. If only everyone stayed the same.
It's only now, That I pray that they never grow up, stay beautiful and innocent forever.
For never shall harm thee.
Their little nostrils flare from their tiny lungs learning to breath. My heart weeps as all I want to do is never leave this moment. I envy their world, their innocenance and their safety.
I lite tap on the door brings me back up to the surface.
Jacob was sluched shirtless behind the screen door. His fisque almost perfect. Like a body builder, his chest was just pumped and absolutely worked, that goes without saying, his whole body went along to match.
His eyes on mine, and a smile to company the light in his cheeks. I loved the joy in his way when he saw me. He wore cut off deniums which looked like he hasn't taken them off in proberly the last month. Betcha money, I'm right.
I tipped toed over to the screen, afriad I would wake the girls,and kill Emily's fantasic job of getting two babies to sleep. Oh how I would I feel..
I could feel my heart in my ears. Jacob made my heart jump everytime, not because for the novel wise, but because he is my best friend.
Jacob is my best friend in the whole world. I would die for him, and I can't see my future without him at my side. We've been friends since toddlers, making mud-pies and watching our father's act like children in comparison to us.
He's always been there for me, particullarly two years ago. He's absolutely everything. My life is with jacob always. My only friend, the friend.
A tingling of ripples shot through my arms, screaming for his touch, the usual hug. His skin was soo warm and his scent is meserising.
I opened the door, almost demanding him now. Pretty much boucing.
His smile grew larger, sending my arms over his shoulders and I cradled the side of my head into his neck.
I hate leaving him. He dies , I die. He has saved my life many times over.
"Mhhhmm , Bella. I've missed my favourite girl" Jacob murmured in my ear, his breath pricking on the senstive skin on my lope.
I sqeezed him tighter, he lifted me slighlty, my toe only now touching the patio.
We may be friends, but there is chemistry, I can't even deny that.
"I've missed you too Jake" I whispered back, meaning every word. Two weeks without my Jacob was crazy, I lost count of amount of times I read Wuthering hieghts & Romeo and Juliet.. I swear I will never read them again.I almost got bored of them. Almost.
His grasp slowly began to decrease, I sensed his foot take a step backwards,preparing himself to finish our embrace.
I complied and removed my arm from around his waist and returning it back to my side.
Turning my eyes back into the quiet and still home,
I felt my fingers clamped once more, by a warm hand. The skin course and rough, man like.
Jacob was holding my hand. He diddn't normally on a occiasion like this.
I stopped mid-step and glanced at him. His eyes strictly focused on me. No smile, a little more serious now.
I felt the mood of the room instantly change from releif to something else entirely.
I diddn't know what to do.
A piercing cry irrupted throught the house. The cry grew with the addition of another voice.
The screams sent a disgusting emotion to my stomach, like sinking into that black mud at the beach, between your toes.
Jacob and I were now alert, almost forgetting that moment. Saved by the bell, I guess I can say.
We both scurried over the bassenet and looked down at the twins, now squirming and faces peach red, tears down their cheeks.
That feeling once more arose, this time making me want to cry.
"Iiiitttt's okkakay Bell, I've got em' " I muffled voice sounded from the hall way.
"Oh No Emily, we can handle this, you go back to bed, Bella and I will do it" Jacob replied to a bag eyes and fuzzed haired Emily, in her slibbers.
"Are you sssure? You Don't have to " She yawned.
"Emily, If I diddn't Sam would kill me, plus I gotta learn one day right?" He said with a smile. But a twitch in his cheek.
It was obvious, like any guy Jacob was scared about his future one day with his children, but that fear was over-powered by something else.
I can just imagine Jacob's babies.
"Alllright, thanks love" she whispered, almost impossiable to hear.
Their screams still ringing throught the house, Jacob and I instantly got to work.
Without a second thought in mind, I bent down and grapped the first screaming child and cradled them in my arms, now testing the strength of my arms.
I had absolutely no idea which twin i was nursing. Rocking litely, swaying from side to side, thinking to myself, how did Emily do it every second of the day. I'm struggling with just one!
How could such a sweet and silent baby turn in into a scream monster that sends you crazy.
"Shhhh, hmmm hmmmmm" I support, the upset infant resting over my shoulder.
I Got that feeling once more. Still unknown to me, but interested to the extrememes.
It urged to me just look. Look at her. Look at her and think deeply. Capture the moment.
Capture the moment like there will never be another again. So I did. And she looked back with her father stole green eyes.
And she stopped crying, but rather keep her glance focused on mine.
My Heart sighed and once again that feeling flamed up , but yet no urged but just smile.
"Wow, Bella,that was amazing, motherhood is going to be easy for you at your rate." Jacob said astonished, still patting the tiny baby in comparison to his body build.
I wouldn't be surprised if The baby was rather scared of Jacob then the oringal cause of the tears.
3 months later
"Bella I'm afraid, that the bad cop I am, I have already started drinking, and that now leaves me unable to drive myself to Billy Black's house for the season final, would you mind bells?" Charlie gargled from across the lounge room, but yet sincere.
I rolled my eyes in his stupidity. The favour was nothing to ask, but just for fun I thought to portray it a burden and thus a instant dislike for him for this very minute just to think him in trouble, a forever strong father and daughter relationship for the win.
"Come on captian UDL, but I swear if you breathe on me, and take your sleeping bag, because Im not coming back to collect you. Sleepover. " I said sternly, but inside giggling!
Have to admit, this was the best kind of joke or fun I can do.
The drive was silent, golden in my eyes. I wander how long I can keep this up?
Don't get your hopes up, I was
a open book. Money that he's just playing along and I'm really the one being fooled. That sounds about right actually.
Parking the truck on the Blacks muddy somewhat drive way, but it's excusable.
For a second my heart races one extra beat, in the wonder of whiether Jacob will be home. But yet again, my reliable mind, reminds my heart that that's a 1 in a 100000 chance.
He's proberly doing patrol with his pack.
His wolf pack. I really never get used to that. Jacob will always be the old Jacob, my Jacob but sometimes I forget that he is also their jacob.
Pacing to the wiethered old front door I've faced many times before with my heart slightly dissappointed.
The Tv was boaring in the family room.
"Billy? Special dilery, but it's a bit damaged. You may need to sign." I introduced with a chuckle.
Charlie laughed. Offf COURSE! I was the fool! always was.
"It's open" A younger voice replied. A voice I know all to well. From the pit of my heart. It was music to my ears.
Jacob really was home. This is fantastic!
I opened the door letting Charlie in first, and I followed. Jacob was just emerging from the house's small hall way.
His hair was taselled and wet, shaken half dry, guess.
His chest was bare and bulging. And a simple towel around his waist.
oh my god! TURN AROUND!
"Ahh Jake! A little warning !" I said flustered, and vibrant in blush. Scarlett.
I heard his rough laugh, laughing at me, and not a hint of embarrassment on his account.
"Okay I'm decent" He said in the midst of his laughter.
I turned around, scared still i held my hands covering my cheeks, I was three again.
I diddn't want him to see my blush. I was embarrassed enough.
I flinch at the sight of a half naked man, was I a lesbian or something..?
He WAS STILL THE SAME! He tricked me!
Before I could turn around again he snatched me up, and crashed me into his chest.
I have never felt so rushed for unexpected for anything. I swear my eyes may have rolled into my skull.
"Does my half nakedness bother you? " He teased.
I finally gave up and accepted his smooth, warm and aroma smelling chest. I wrapped my free arm around his waist.
His skin was like touching a tray that had just been in the oven, almost too hot to touch .Perhaps because my body was just cold to begin with, and to feel him was just to much to bear.
"Come on, I'll put on some clothes and we can go out hey? I'm going crazy! I've had so much patrol that I forget about my socail life, and my most important girl." He said in a massive smile.
He let go and started to walk down the dark hall, his room was the third door on the right.
I leaned against the wall, sighing, thinking over what had just happened.
" Does my half nakedness bother you?"
Kinda, but why? If I was any other girl, it most defiantly would not have been in the slightest complication.
"Here Bella, give this to Jacob, if you guys go out, It's not much but it's all I got." Billy spoke out from the family room, his arm raised.
I somely walked over, my ankles heavy. And grapped the wrinkled noted from his hands.
Approximately $25, that's heaps, what did he have in mind?
I sighed and continued in on my way to Jacob room to give him to money.
Looking at the family album on the walls. The twins never took up a opportunity to flaunt their faces, teeth or no teeth.
But baby Jacob was another story. He was real, a baby that just made you light up at the sweetness.
How did a child that small grow up to be man this hieght! He wasn't even a man! 18!
Oh my god, Jacob'S 18!!! That means I'm 21 !!! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN??
I could've died then and there....I'm
o l d. . .
How did I not know this! Did I just sleep through my birthdays?
My heart was racing.
I started to sprint to Jacob's room, scared at my new reveraltion!.
"Jacob ! Jacob ! Oh my god! I'm old! I never realised! I'm 21 !!! " I said slamming the door shut.
"WOOOOOOHH! BELLA! Like you said! A little warning!!?!" He said, blushed, rushing to get his pants on.
I clamped my eyes closed. I just . walked . in.!!
I completely forget.
"I'll put on some clothes and we can go out hey?"
s i l l y b e l l a!!!
In the darkness of my eyes I heard him burst up in laughter! A friend type of laughter! But yet , not a laugh where they are actually laughing at you tpye.
God I'm paranoid.
I still clamped my eyes shut.
"But hey, that makes things easier for me." He whispered. I never noticed how close he was now.
I felt his hand litely touch my turso, the heat of his fingers sent ripples up my spine. Making me weep.
I opened my eyes , to investigate the situatuion in it's fullest.
But in the same second, Jacob's lips crashed into mine, eager and shocking.
I went ridig for the final duration of the kiss, I was complete stunned. No words came to my mind.
I diddn't know what to make of it.Did Jacob just kiss me?
He instantly reacted to my freak response and slowly leaned out of the kiss.
And he sighed a loud gasp, and rested his head on my shoulder, despite his size, this gesure diddn't seem abnormal.
My heart was racing faster then ever. It was normal for it to jump at the thought of seeing him, but I never comtemplated a unexpectant kiss.
Every muscle in my body was still. Only my eyes lids blicked with great speed , over and over again.
"You do like me right?" He mumbled into my shoulder. His breath warmed the skin under my cotton shirt.
This question was the perhaps the biggest question asked me in a long time, my answer may alter my whole life.
This is the turning point. I knew this moment was bound to happen. Jacob won't want to be my friend forever and never once question our chemeistry.
Althought Edward did cut out a large majority of my heart, it still beat everyday and it still made my blood blush, like I used to. And it most defiantely beat in the presence of a interest.Jacob.
I knew my heart worked, but did that mean it could love again? It once loved with everything it had. Only to have it broken with any doubt of survival.
I remember telling myself that I would never love again, but some philspohys are the real cure, time.
Did time really cure my heart? If I told Jacob yes right now, He will kiss me again and then again every meeting, and then we will no longer be just friends.
If I say no, I will hurt him. And to be honest I would be lying.
I took a deep breath and gulped the massive weight on my thought, it almost hurt to swallow it.
I inhaled once more, preparing myself for what I was about to say. This was it.
"Yes" I murmured. Exhale.
The room remained silent for another second. That was the right answer right.
My heart was sending me crazy, I was scared it was going jump out of my mouth.
A little gasp escaped Jacob's mouth. What a relief.
His palm glided up my chest, traveling between my breasts.
He was feeling my heart beat.
"This is real bella."
His lips met mine once more. His lips were warm, rushed but soft.
I was eager now, pushing my body closer. He complied and tugged me into his bare chest and continued to move his lips with rythem to mine.
I could taste him, sweat and dirt and oil. A real man. And he was warm, no complications, no danger.
He pushed me against the door, our excitement levels rising.
As he crashed my back against the wooden door, our lips parted, we gasped for air, like we had forgetten how to.
His eyes was fun now, but just a little serious deep down. The smile I wore I have never seen.
He reached down and snagged my leg up, lifting me into the air. Kissing me deeper.
I slang my arm over his neck, running my hand throught his hair.
he started to pace backwards,my legs still in his grip, stopping me from falling, my whole body on his chest.
He paced with no ease, as if I weight near to nothing.
Then finally finished beside his bed. He looked at me once more. Then a fun slash evil cheeky grin grew across his face, he was my Jacob once more.
As I watched his smile grow he dropped me mid-air. I landed on his bed, my bum plumeting into some loose strings.
1 week later
"Hey dad, I'm going to Jacob's" I said, gathering my wallet and keys.
"Oh no you can't, Billy said something about him going to Port Angeles with his mates." Charlie interuppted from the blearing TV set.
I stumbled at the front door. Stopping in my tracks.
He's is on patrol with the pack, I've gotton used to the code word over the last two years. God, Charlie was a sucker.
Damm, and I really needed to get out, I feel like Im suffercating in this house. I miss my truck and my casual strolls.
And the only person I normall see in forks was Jacob. It's not like I have old school friends.
Angella? Oh wow, I haven't seen her in a long time! I wonder how she is!!
Angella was a old friend, that despite my evil period, she was supportive, you could say that if I was the girlie type that she was my girlfriend.
She was sweet, considerate , passionate and patienate.
I never realised until now how much I missed her. I had spent so much time with Jacob that I forgot about my OLD life.
I think because I was so focused on removing only one part of my old life....
"Oh well that's perfect then, I have been thinking for a while of visiting Angella, from school. I'll be home when I get home okay Dad."
I said whilst opening the door yet again, car keys in my hand and wallet under my armpit.
"Wait! Hold on moment Bella, I just want to talk to you for a spilt second." Charlie interuppted AGAIN!
This better be good, I can feel the air start to smell, I was safferocating.
He walked into the kitchen in order to talk to me directly. His eyes crossed and his face absolutely pale.
"Look bella, I know that you and Jacob are well, closer now. And well your 21 now, and well he's a ...boy.I was hoping that I diddn't have to do this...EVER." He said in a sqeaking voice.
"Dad, please don't. I was given the sex talk like ten years ago, mum beat you to it.And I don't really want to tell you about that part of Me and Jacob"
"So you pair are having . . . "
"Oh god, please Dad stop"
"I know it's embarrassing Bella, but I just have to know because well, that way I'm not worrying that you are gonna end up "
"Dad, I'm not stupid. Trust me it's all okay"
"So you and Jacob have?"
"Ahhhh yes. Goodbye I'm going to Angella's."
"OKAY! bye bella."
I practically run out to my car.
Later that night
"So how are you and that Jacob kid, oh well I guess he was never a kid hey" Angella chuckled.
"He's great, good." I replied with a half smile.
"But how are you
"Oh, well over the last week actually, we've been good."I said with a bit of embarrassment
"You can't just end it like that, I want details?! Are you pair going out now? Orrr?" She said happily.
I felt like I was in junior high again. I felt almost bad that I had already told charlie, If I told Angella theni would defiantly be in junior high.
"Bella, we are of the species female, girls tell, it's okay." She assured. As if she already knew.
Haha, eff it. I'm playing it youngin'. So I just giggled, and diddn't say a word.
"Oh my god, really?"
I was defiantly not 21! not in heart!
"Did you guys use protection bells?Can you still believe that ben left me because he could man up to do it. Sterotype of horny males and would do anything for it? Not really."
We cacked up laughing, over her bed, I felt like a teenage girl again. This is what I should have done instead of crying everynight.
"So did you use protection? You're smart right? " She pressed on.
oh god, did we.
I played the moment in my head. NO!
WE DIDDN'T OH NO!.
"Oh my god, angella, we diddn't. Wha wha wha wha...."
"Holy shit, you might get pregnant.."
I felt that feeling