It was all his fault. All his fault. At least, that was what John kept telling himself.
No one else seemed to blame him. Linda, though she had been very tearful when she was called in to New York with the news that her husband had died, had been perfectly friendly to John. George and Ringo, who were standing next to John, the three of them gripping hands as though trying to fuse together the remaining pieces of the Beatles, didn't act at all like they blamed him. The many Beatles fans who had shown up for Paul's funeral, so many of whom used to harbour dreams that he would someday marry them, said nothing about this tragedy being John's fault. Yoko, the only one who had been there that night and knew what had happened, had made a point of saying that she knew it wasn't John's fault. But none of them understood.
It was several days since the incident where Paul had sacrificed himself for John, and the public still hadn't been told all the details of the story. Everyone knew Paul McCartney had been shot and killed outside of John Lennon's apartment several nights ago. They all knew a man named Mark David Chapman had been taken into custody as the murderer, and there was really no doubt in anyone's mind that he was, but no one seemed to realize that Paul had not been his intended target. John knew better. It was his name Chapman had called out that night, not Paul's; his apartment Paul has been shot outside of, where no one had expected him to be. And then there was the last thing Paul had said to him. "At least it wasn't you, John." Those words kept playing over and over in John's mind, tormenting him. Paul had known this was going to happen. Somehow he had known John was in danger of being killed. Why else would he have come to his apartment? Certainly not to see him; the two of them hadn't exchanged a friendly word in ten years. Paul had known John was going to be killed if he didn't stop it, and hadn't been able to find a better way to stop it from happening than by letting himself get killed instead. If only John had been on better terms with Paul, then Paul could have just warned him somehow, and not had to die for him! If only Paul had just left things alone, and let John die instead of him. If only John hadn't been the sort of people who someone would want to kill in the first place....
Paul's funeral was a very large affair, because so many people wanted to come and pay their last respects to him. He was buried in New York, the last place he had been alive, and the ceremonies were held outside as all of Paul's songs - both his Beatle ones and those he'd written after - played in the background. So many people had come, and yet not one of them seemed to realize John was to blame for this happening. Why didn't they all hate him? John almost wished they would. This should be his funeral, not Paul's....
Beside John, Ringo hadn't stopped crying, and George's face twisted like he was in physical pain. The three of them had gotten up earlier to speak about the Paul they had known and loved. They had had to share the speech among them, because none of them had been able to go for more than a few lines without his voice catching. All three of them realized that this was the first time all four Beatles had been together in the same place since their breakup. None of them had imagined their first reunion would be like this. Why hadn't they gotten together again sooner?
The ceremonies were over now, and people were sticking around to pay respects. All around them, the three remaining Beatles could see women in their thirties or so crying and giving each other hugs - their fans from their Beatle days. They could see Paul's four children looking solemn and sad, except little James who kept asking where his daddy was. John's heart broke. None of them deserved to go through that. Why hadn't Paul just left him alone? Paul hadn't deserved to die. It was all John's fault that he had....
Linda came over to John, Ringo, and George. Her face was drawn and pale, but she wasn't crying - perhaps she had no tears left. "Before Paul left to see you," she began, turning to John to indicate which one Paul had gone to see "he asked me to give this to you, if - if what he needed to do didn't go right, he said. I think we can safely say that something didn't go right," she concluded, face hardening suddenly as though in defence against thoughts that were too painful to allow.
Of course. That was what John had been saying this whole time. Paul had come here specifically to save him - that made anything that happened to him John's fault....
Linda now produced a bit of paper, folded very small, and handed it to the lads. It was George who took it; Ringo was still crying softly and John was distracted with his renewed feelings of responsibility for Paul's death. Linda said, "I don't know what he wrote there; it didn't seem right to pry...."
George unfolded the bit of paper and held it so that they could all see. It was a note written in Paul's handwriting, and as the three Beatles leaned closer together, they read:
"The portal through space and time opens on March 18 next year - that's 1981 - between noon and two o'clock, and it's right by the Abbey Road crosswalk we did our photoshoot on, just a little off to the side of the road. It's easy to spot because it looks like a heat haze in March. What you've got to do is step through it; it's like the mist swallows you, but just keep thinking very hard about when you want to go back to, and you'll get there.
"Once you come out, you'll be in exactly the same place that you really were on that day. It's sort of like rewinding your life; you get to try again because you know what happens this time. And I've also got this paper to remind me, just in case John doesn't come to tell me all this again."
The three Beatles read this, feeling varying degrees of puzzled. John was first to speak.
"What does he mean, I told him this? I never heard about this meself until now."
"Does that mean it doesn't mean anything?" Ringo looked disappointed. "I thought for a minute there might be something there that means he isn't really dead...."
"Of course it means something." George took the paper for himself and reread it. "You never heard about a portal like this, John?"
"Of course not, and I don't know why Paul's tellin' us I told him about it. I haven't told Paul anything in ten years." His face fell as he said this. Why had he been so stubborn, and not made up with his friend before it was too late? "If I had, though, I wouldn't have told him this."
"Of course not," muttered George distractedly. "You wouldn't have told him in person, but that means...." He fell silent as he read the paper again, which seemed much more interesting to him than it did to John or Ringo. John couldn't get anything useful out of it.
"Wish that portal thing was real, though," Ringo remarked as George read. "If there really is a way to change the past like Paul thinks there is...."
"How do you know it isn't real?" George finally lowered the paper and looked at his two friends head-on. "Why shouldn't something like that be real - especially as John told Paul about it."
"I just told you I didn't, George," John reminded him, exasperated. "Even if I had, what's that got to do with anything?"
"No, I don't mean that." George was getting excited now, the last emotion John felt like feeling. "John - what was it you told us before, about how you thought you were supposed to die and not Paul?"
Ringo looked upset at this, but John said, "I told you, he wasn't going for Paul. He wanted to kill me and Paul jumped in front of me like a daft person. He should have let me...."
"John," Ringo interrupted sharply. "It wouldn't have made much difference to us if he'd done that, you know."
John stopped short, realizing the truth of this. He had been so busy beating himself up because Paul had died instead of him, not stopping to realize that for Ringo and George, it was still the same thing either way.
"Right," muttered George; he seemed to be working something out in his head. "It all fits together, then."
"What does?"
"Don't you see?" George was definitely excited now. "Paul's talking about going back in time like he's done it, so he must've wanted to go back and change something. I think we're living a different version of time from the original. No, listen -" Both John and Ringo looked ready to interrupt - "the first time, no one knows John's in danger, and it's him that gets killed, right? But then afterwards, he comes to Paul from the spirit world and tells him..."
"If that's real," John interjected.
George waved the paper at him impatiently. "How much more proof do you need? You came to Paul and told him about this portal, which you couldn't have known about if there wasn't a spiritual world you went to after you died. You'd better start believing in it; it looks like you were there once."
John had nothing to say to this. George went on:
"Paul goes through this portal to try and save John's life. He must have been through it; he knows so much about it. But then his plan doesn't work and he winds up gettin' shot instead of you...."
Ringo perked up. "But then does that mean...."
"It should mean," George agreed.
"It will mean," John said, feeling his trademark smile coming for the first time in days. "Let's go back and save Paul!"
No one else seemed to blame him. Linda, though she had been very tearful when she was called in to New York with the news that her husband had died, had been perfectly friendly to John. George and Ringo, who were standing next to John, the three of them gripping hands as though trying to fuse together the remaining pieces of the Beatles, didn't act at all like they blamed him. The many Beatles fans who had shown up for Paul's funeral, so many of whom used to harbour dreams that he would someday marry them, said nothing about this tragedy being John's fault. Yoko, the only one who had been there that night and knew what had happened, had made a point of saying that she knew it wasn't John's fault. But none of them understood.
It was several days since the incident where Paul had sacrificed himself for John, and the public still hadn't been told all the details of the story. Everyone knew Paul McCartney had been shot and killed outside of John Lennon's apartment several nights ago. They all knew a man named Mark David Chapman had been taken into custody as the murderer, and there was really no doubt in anyone's mind that he was, but no one seemed to realize that Paul had not been his intended target. John knew better. It was his name Chapman had called out that night, not Paul's; his apartment Paul has been shot outside of, where no one had expected him to be. And then there was the last thing Paul had said to him. "At least it wasn't you, John." Those words kept playing over and over in John's mind, tormenting him. Paul had known this was going to happen. Somehow he had known John was in danger of being killed. Why else would he have come to his apartment? Certainly not to see him; the two of them hadn't exchanged a friendly word in ten years. Paul had known John was going to be killed if he didn't stop it, and hadn't been able to find a better way to stop it from happening than by letting himself get killed instead. If only John had been on better terms with Paul, then Paul could have just warned him somehow, and not had to die for him! If only Paul had just left things alone, and let John die instead of him. If only John hadn't been the sort of people who someone would want to kill in the first place....
Paul's funeral was a very large affair, because so many people wanted to come and pay their last respects to him. He was buried in New York, the last place he had been alive, and the ceremonies were held outside as all of Paul's songs - both his Beatle ones and those he'd written after - played in the background. So many people had come, and yet not one of them seemed to realize John was to blame for this happening. Why didn't they all hate him? John almost wished they would. This should be his funeral, not Paul's....
Beside John, Ringo hadn't stopped crying, and George's face twisted like he was in physical pain. The three of them had gotten up earlier to speak about the Paul they had known and loved. They had had to share the speech among them, because none of them had been able to go for more than a few lines without his voice catching. All three of them realized that this was the first time all four Beatles had been together in the same place since their breakup. None of them had imagined their first reunion would be like this. Why hadn't they gotten together again sooner?
The ceremonies were over now, and people were sticking around to pay respects. All around them, the three remaining Beatles could see women in their thirties or so crying and giving each other hugs - their fans from their Beatle days. They could see Paul's four children looking solemn and sad, except little James who kept asking where his daddy was. John's heart broke. None of them deserved to go through that. Why hadn't Paul just left him alone? Paul hadn't deserved to die. It was all John's fault that he had....
Linda came over to John, Ringo, and George. Her face was drawn and pale, but she wasn't crying - perhaps she had no tears left. "Before Paul left to see you," she began, turning to John to indicate which one Paul had gone to see "he asked me to give this to you, if - if what he needed to do didn't go right, he said. I think we can safely say that something didn't go right," she concluded, face hardening suddenly as though in defence against thoughts that were too painful to allow.
Of course. That was what John had been saying this whole time. Paul had come here specifically to save him - that made anything that happened to him John's fault....
Linda now produced a bit of paper, folded very small, and handed it to the lads. It was George who took it; Ringo was still crying softly and John was distracted with his renewed feelings of responsibility for Paul's death. Linda said, "I don't know what he wrote there; it didn't seem right to pry...."
George unfolded the bit of paper and held it so that they could all see. It was a note written in Paul's handwriting, and as the three Beatles leaned closer together, they read:
"The portal through space and time opens on March 18 next year - that's 1981 - between noon and two o'clock, and it's right by the Abbey Road crosswalk we did our photoshoot on, just a little off to the side of the road. It's easy to spot because it looks like a heat haze in March. What you've got to do is step through it; it's like the mist swallows you, but just keep thinking very hard about when you want to go back to, and you'll get there.
"Once you come out, you'll be in exactly the same place that you really were on that day. It's sort of like rewinding your life; you get to try again because you know what happens this time. And I've also got this paper to remind me, just in case John doesn't come to tell me all this again."
The three Beatles read this, feeling varying degrees of puzzled. John was first to speak.
"What does he mean, I told him this? I never heard about this meself until now."
"Does that mean it doesn't mean anything?" Ringo looked disappointed. "I thought for a minute there might be something there that means he isn't really dead...."
"Of course it means something." George took the paper for himself and reread it. "You never heard about a portal like this, John?"
"Of course not, and I don't know why Paul's tellin' us I told him about it. I haven't told Paul anything in ten years." His face fell as he said this. Why had he been so stubborn, and not made up with his friend before it was too late? "If I had, though, I wouldn't have told him this."
"Of course not," muttered George distractedly. "You wouldn't have told him in person, but that means...." He fell silent as he read the paper again, which seemed much more interesting to him than it did to John or Ringo. John couldn't get anything useful out of it.
"Wish that portal thing was real, though," Ringo remarked as George read. "If there really is a way to change the past like Paul thinks there is...."
"How do you know it isn't real?" George finally lowered the paper and looked at his two friends head-on. "Why shouldn't something like that be real - especially as John told Paul about it."
"I just told you I didn't, George," John reminded him, exasperated. "Even if I had, what's that got to do with anything?"
"No, I don't mean that." George was getting excited now, the last emotion John felt like feeling. "John - what was it you told us before, about how you thought you were supposed to die and not Paul?"
Ringo looked upset at this, but John said, "I told you, he wasn't going for Paul. He wanted to kill me and Paul jumped in front of me like a daft person. He should have let me...."
"John," Ringo interrupted sharply. "It wouldn't have made much difference to us if he'd done that, you know."
John stopped short, realizing the truth of this. He had been so busy beating himself up because Paul had died instead of him, not stopping to realize that for Ringo and George, it was still the same thing either way.
"Right," muttered George; he seemed to be working something out in his head. "It all fits together, then."
"What does?"
"Don't you see?" George was definitely excited now. "Paul's talking about going back in time like he's done it, so he must've wanted to go back and change something. I think we're living a different version of time from the original. No, listen -" Both John and Ringo looked ready to interrupt - "the first time, no one knows John's in danger, and it's him that gets killed, right? But then afterwards, he comes to Paul from the spirit world and tells him..."
"If that's real," John interjected.
George waved the paper at him impatiently. "How much more proof do you need? You came to Paul and told him about this portal, which you couldn't have known about if there wasn't a spiritual world you went to after you died. You'd better start believing in it; it looks like you were there once."
John had nothing to say to this. George went on:
"Paul goes through this portal to try and save John's life. He must have been through it; he knows so much about it. But then his plan doesn't work and he winds up gettin' shot instead of you...."
Ringo perked up. "But then does that mean...."
"It should mean," George agreed.
"It will mean," John said, feeling his trademark smile coming for the first time in days. "Let's go back and save Paul!"
