HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GIRL EVER <33
I don't really know what to say. It's impossible to describe what an amazing friend you are to me. You understand me, you help me, you accept me the way I am and hey, Robb and I are your OTP, which I love so much. You are just like the best person ever. Funniest, smartest, strongest, coolest, most talented. I am so glad I met you, and I love it every time we talk! And our fics, dude, our fics. They are everything. Writing with you is the best fun ever. And your ships are absolute gold.
I don't really know how to put everything into words, so I hope all these gifts show you how much you mean to me, and I truly hope that we'll be celebrating your 18th birthday together as well. You're my best friend, and I wish you the best birthday ever! I LOVE YOU <33333
Note: Okay, this fanfic is a bit different from usual fanfics. A bit more like our convos than anything else, but I really wanted to take this approach this time, and it was the best way I could think of to include ALL your ships ;) To anyone else reading this, yes, the characters may seem to act a bit ridiculous and not like on the show/in the books, but that's okay :P This is meant to be funny.
And yes, I wanted me and Robb to be the ones to introduce all your ships, because your OTP talking about all your amazing, perfect ships. That sounds good if you ask me ;)
P.S. even if I only address all the ships by one name, I mean both actor and character.
P.P.S. So, to understand this fic, imagine that Robb and I are recording a video for you to see on your birthday. That's why it says "take one" and "take two" etc :) I hope that makes sense!
I worked so hard on this and I truly, truly hope you like it :D
P.P.P.S. I didn't use icons made by me in this article, because I want the rest of the birthday gifts to be a surprise that I will give you later today :)
"Hello. So, because it's our friend Diana's birthday-"
"Rachel, she's not my friend. She's my sister. And actually your sister in-law."
"Robb, I'm telling a story!"
"Sorry, dear. Go on."
"Since it's our friend Diana's birthday - and alright, fine, she's Robb's sister, and my sister in law - we have decided to tell you guys the story of how Diana met all her lovely companions."
"Just to note, I rolled my eyes at the 'lovely companions' part."
"Well, alright, maybe not lovely, but we ship her with all of them, don't we?"
"Yes. All, except.... I mean, yes, all of them. I ship whatever you ship, babe."
"I know, babe."
"What were we talking about?"
"So, let's start with Jon because both Robb and I really, really ship them. And they're both of our OTP."
"Actually, my OTP is you and me."
"Robb, I don't think you can have your own ship as your OTP..."
"Oh. Wait! That's not fair! Jon told me that he and Diana are his OTP, too!"
"Alright, okay, we are your OTP. But now I feel guilty that we're not mine, too."
"We could be...."
"I.... No! Stop distracting me or I have to do this alone. The sooner we get this over with, the sooner we can get back to-"
"Okay, so let's start with Jon, then! Well, they obviously met when our dad brought Jon home. Gods only know who Jon's mother is. Anyway, ever since we were kids, I could sense something going on between the two of them. I even asked Jon about it once, and he turned red to say the least."
"You know, some would call that incest."
"Are we really against incest, though? Look at your brother and sister."
"Good point. Go on, babe."
"Okay, so over the years I watched them grow closer and closer, until eventually - I think we were about 15 - Jon kissed Diana. I wasn't there, of course, that would have been awkward. But he told me about it afterwards. Months afterwards. And for a long time I thought it had just been one kiss. What I didn't know was that ever since this kiss the two of them had been dating in secret."
"Who knew Jon could keep a secret?"
"I know, right?"
"Yes, well, incest or not, it's pretty clear that these two are incredibly in love with each other, and would do anything for each other. Do you remember that time when Jon thought Diana was dead?"
"And he actually had a heart attack, too? Yeah. Talk about commitment. And yes, babe, I would have a heart attack for you."
"Let's take a wild guess what Dean is buying for Diana this year."
"Could it be pie?"
"No, silly, it's gonna be something different this year."
"Like a bigger pie."
"So, Dean is my best friend, and Diana is Rachel's best friends. I know, sounds like the perfect makings of a romantic comedy. But sometimes they angst so much that we have to do all the funny bits-"
"We're not really funny."
"No, we're not. But we're romantic. And hot."
"Yes, and that's better. Suck it, Diana."
"Okay, alright, anyway: Dean and Diana met when we were in high school. Dean wasn't in the same high school with us. He's a bit older anyway. But he and I met and he started coming over to the house pretty often, and well, he and Diana hit it off. Mostly because of their mutual love for pie. But in time it grew into something a bit more... profound, and look at them now."
"Yeah, I think they work really well together. But I don't like it when they try to challenge us for the hottest couple of the year."
"Me neither. Do you remember who even won it last year, though?"
"Yeah, Renly and Loras. But you know Loras faked half the votes. Anyway, I think Diana makes Dean really happy."
"Yeah, I agree. And it works both ways."
Both Robb and I love and approve of this ship 100% <3
"I don't like that he has a motorcycle."
"I know, babe, I know. But he and Diana look really badass together, especially when they ride it together."
"Well, I don't exactly want them driving over innocent people, now, do I?"
"Good point. Anyway, as you guys might have guessed, we're talking about Diana and Daryl now. Neither of us are really close to Daryl, we don't really know him so well. And Robb here is strictly team Rick."
"What happened to shipping whatever I ship?"
"No, I... I love you."
"Uh-huh. I love you, too. Now, Diana and Daryl are not what you'd call the most conventional couple. They are really epic together. They have each other's backs and yeah, I think they could claim the title of the most badass couple ever. I mean, besides me and Robb, of course. Hey, do you remember how they met?"
"I think so. It wasn't even such a long time ago. It was when Loras spread out that rumor on the internet that the zombie apocalypse was happening and some people actually freaked out. Including our dad. So, he drove all of us down to the city hall, like Loras' instructions said, remember?"
"Oh, yeah. And when we were standing in the parking lot, Daryl almost drove over us. Very charming. He and Diana got to talking and needless to say, they hit it off."
"I like this ship. I like it."
"I know you do. And I do, too. So, guys, if it wasn't clear, Rick is Robb's friend, and I like him, too. So, he and Diana met around the same time as the zombie apocalypse was happening. It was when Sansa fell down the stairs and broke her leg, and we took her to the hospital-"
"Where Diana met the just-woken-up-from-a-coma Rick. He was completely disorientated, and Diana helped him get to the cafeteria. That was nice."
"It was very nice. But we're making Rick sound like an invalid. He's not. He's a sheriff or a deputy sheriff or something like that. He has a son. It'll be interesting to see Diana properly pursue the role of being a stepmother. And yes, I'd like to note that Robb just burst into laughter."
"I'm sorry! But that just... Diana as a stepmother? I can just picture what kind of a stepmother-"
"A GREAT ONE. Or, well, a good one. A good one. You know why? Because she loves Rick and she'd do anything to make him happy, and vice versa."
"Okay, you're right, that's very true. But... Does Rick know...?"
"Oh, that Diana thinks that Carl is a little annoying?"
"Well, come on, babe, who doesn't? I like the kid, but jeez."
SHIPPING IT ALWAYS <3
"This couple is the most know-it-all couple in the history of couples."
"Oh, come on, they're not that..... bad. Yeah, okay. But they're not really know-it-all's, because they know it all."
"Yes, I know, but-"
"We've used the word 'know' too much in the past thirty seconds."
"Right. Moving on: Sherlock and Diana met a few years ago. We were actually there. We were walking down the street when Diana bumped into Sherlock's friend, John Watson. And Watson, being the dutiful lad that he is, started apologizing and asking if Diana was alright-"
"But what he forgot to do was help Diana up, which is what any gentleman should do."
"Duly noted. So, Sherlock just came up from behind Watson and grabbed Diana's hand in his, pulling her up. That kind of stunned all of us, because we hadn't seen Sherlock with Watson and we thought he was just some psycho pulling our sister/sister-in-law from the ground. But yeah, that's how it started, and they hit it off really, really quickly."
"Do you remember when Tyrion met Sherlock, and even he was at a loss for words?"
"Yes! That was brilliant!"
"So, I think it's safe to say that if you're in for a debate, this is the couple to look for. That is, if you want to be brutally murdered at your own game. But yes, other than that, they are really great together. Sometimes even almost normal."
"Yeah. I really like it how Sherlock clearly doesn't like showing his feelings, but it's so clear that he loves Diana."
"How exactly did Oliver and Diana meet?"
"I'm not sure."
"So, is he like... a billionaire, or a superhero?"
"I think he's both."
"That only happens in movies."
"Yeah, well. I think they're good together."
"Me, too. Though, remember that time when Oliver took Diana with her on his private jet and they flew straight to the largest pie factory in the world?"
"Yes, I do. And she asked us to cover for her with Ned and Catelyn (we were in high school) and we accidently slipped that she and Jon were sleeping together."
"Oh, yeah, that was..."
"We had to hide for a while."
"And by a while we mean a month."
"It was okay, though. We took a plane to Italy. Ate pizza."
"Yeah, that was great..."
"Did we get sidetracked again?"
"Alright, so, anyway: Oliver is a superhero. And when Diana found out, well, she was a bit pissed off about him not telling her. But eventually she got over that and now they fight crime together."
"That is, when Diana isn't too busy with any of her other men."
"I AM NOT OKAY WITH THIS. JOFFREY IS A-"
"Before you continue, husband, please remember that it's my nephew you're talking about."
"Yes, wife, but your nephew is a right royal fucking prick."
"No, you're right, you're right. So the big question is, why is Diana with him?"
"She is delusional."
"OR she sees the good in him that we just can't see."
"Or she's delusional."
"OR maybe there's something good about Joffrey that we just haven't discovered yet. Maybe he saves kittens from trees or gives food to the homeless."
"You don't believe those things even as you're saying them."
"No, but Diana might. Look, she loves him. Gods only know why, but she does. And I think he loves her, too. Do you remember that time when my lovely sister was drunk, as always, and she was talking slander about your family? Well, you and I were too busy making out to even notice this, but Joffrey stood up and defended his girlfriend's honor to his mother. In front of the whole family. That even left my father confused."
"Okay, alright, alright. But he's still an arse."
"An arse who loves Diana."
"Alright, an arse who loves Diana."
"Ladies and gentlemen, one psychopath wasn't enough. Let's add another one to the mix."
"Oh, don't be so harsh on him."
"No. Joffrey. Ramsay IS a psychopath, I think anyone can see that..."
"............. This is the part where we say something nice about him."
"He... well, he can certainly defend himself."
"Oh, quite. And he.... is very creative in his... methods... of... torture."
"And he often takes Theon off our hands."
"That's true! That is true. Okay, alright, we found one good thing about him. Now, him and Diana... how did they meet?"
"I think it was at that Christmas party at your dad's company. He came with his father. I hate his father."
"I know you do. Anyway, Ramsay and Diana got to talking, and I don't know. By some miracle, they hit it off. She keeps insisting that he's not so bad when he's with her. I don't know. Maybe that's true."
"I guess anything's possible. He does love her. We ship it, right?"
"No. I mean yes."
"Hey, guys, whoever is reading this. Robb and Rachel went to take a break, doing God knows what (even though I can take a pretty good guess myself), and now it's MY TURN to give a relationship evaluation for Diana on her birthday. I mean, Renly and I won the hottest couple award only last year. So we should know, right? So, let's see who's next on the list.... Tony Stark. In no way related to the Starks of Winterfell, don't let the last name distract you. He's actually a pretty nice guy, but I'm not a huge fan of his beard, because I feel like he's trying to copy Renly---"
"What are you doing?"
"Participating in the birthday present."
"No, you are not. Get out."
"You can't tell me what to do! I HAVE A RIGHT, TOO!"
"Robb, kill him."
"Okay, okay, alright, I'm going. Jeez...."
"Guys, sorry about that. Okay, so... Tony. Right..."
"How did he even get in here?"
"It's Loras. Who knows? So, Tony and Diana met a long time ago, and they've always had this on-off relationship. I always found their relationship to be really funny and adventurous; they always bring out the fun side in each other."
"I agree. Though sometimes their arguments can get a bit confusing."
"Yeah, it's hard to keep up with everything that's going on in their relationship. But we love them anyway, right?"
"I still think that name is stupid."
"Diana says that's because you never paid attention in mythology class. You were always too busy writing my name in your notebook."
"Oh, I just love ----- okay, let's try to focus. So, Loki and Diana make an interesting couple. I think Loki's sort of a villain, but not like extreme kind like Ramsay is."
"Didn't he try to take over the world or something?"
"Minor details. Anyway, I think that what he and Diana have is pretty great. Think about it: they're both smart, they're both brave, they both enjoy adventure, they're both ambitious, and granted, they could cause a lot of damage together if they wanted to, but they don't. Diana keeps Loki at bay, and they're both happy. I think it works."
"So in a way Diana is like Loki's babysitter."
"........... Yes, but in a very romantic, passionate way."
"Do you think we should recharge the camera? What's that red blinking light?"
"I think that means it's recording."
".........you know, I'm beginning to see why everyone calls us 'the two idiots in love'."
"....who's next on the list?"
"Okay, alright, Logan. I like him with Diana. I think they're really badass together."
"I don't get his hairstyles, though."
"Well, hey, not everyone can have as amazing hair as you do, babe. And I'd be more worried about those claws of his. What are they even made of?"
"Steel, I think...? And the nickname: The Wolverine."
"Diana will murder us if we keep talking about him like this."
"Right. Well, I remember that time when Diana said she was going out to buy pie-"
"And she ended up going on a road trip with Logan. For two weeks."
"And she didn't even remember to call. Dad had the entire country out looking for her."
"And then they finally came back and Diana just stood at the doorway with a smirk on her face-"
"With dad basically having a heart attack, shouting 'YOU'RE BACK!''"
"And then Diana just dragged Logan inside and said: 'Guys, this is my boyfriend, Logan' and then they left."
"Yes! See? Everyone called us heartless for not being concerned about Diana, but we were the only ones who knew."
"Exactly. I don't think we're idiots at all."
"Umm, Diana, dad's here, he wants to say a few words, too. And no, we're not letting him watch the whole tape, don't worry."
"Hello, Diana! It's your father. I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I remember when you were just a little girl and-"
"Dad, we have like ten more people to introduce. Can you keep it short?"
"Right. Well, I love you, Diana, and please, please promise me you won't use the birthday present your gentleman called Tony left in the yard. I beg of you. Bye."
"What did Tony give her?"
"Well, I guess they were out of private planes at the Billionaire Jerks "R" US. So he bought her a helicopter."
"I know. Let's stay out of the sky for like, I don't know, the next twenty years."
"Okay, so... who's next? James. Oh, I love these two! They're so hilarious together. Remember when James thought that J.R.R. Tolkien is still alive?"
"Yes, and that he directed the movies! And the look on Diana's face was priceless!"
"It was nothing compared to the look on all of Diana's other men's faces. The smug smiles!"
"I know! Well, okay, we're making James sound dumber than he is. He's actually a pretty good guy and-"
"And Diana can educate him a bit, and once she does, they'll be perfect for each other."
".....Are you still worried about the helicopter?"
"I just have to say this-"
"Robb, please don't."
"I don't like it how my sister has two men who practice archery. You practice archery. DOES THIS MEAN-"
"Robb, darling, believe it or not, I did not invent archery."
"Okay, okay... So... Legolas. That name is a bit questionable, too."
"It's always reminded me of legos."
"Me, too. Well, hey, he's got killer hair. Remember that time when Loras met Legolas, and he burst into tears when he saw his hair was cooler than his?"
"Oh, yes. I have a few pictures of that event, too."
"And afterwards, Renly calling us to throw a 'best hair ever' party for Loras to make him stop pouting."
"Do you think it was mean of me to make it 'my husband has the best hair ever' party instead?"
"Well, I certainly didn't mind. And you know, it's Loras. He always recovers eventually."
"What if he has this book of revenge where he writes everything everyone's ever done to harm him, and then one day he'll take revenge on us all?"
"Then we'll move to Hawaii. Should we say something more about Legolas?"
"Uh, well, I really like him with Diana, I think they're really exciting and badass together."
"You think everyone's badass with Diana."
"Well, hey, badass + badass usually equals something even more badass. That's just the way it is."
"Bradley and Diana are the best."
"I thought Jon and Diana was your OTP."
"I don't mean the best, but like... really great."
"Oh, yeah, they are. And I think he's one of the only men of Diana's that mother approves of, too."
"Yes. As well as Rick. I remember when Bradley came over to have dinner with the family and Catelyn actually hinted at grandchildren. She's never talked to you and me about grandchildren."
"Hey, no, she likes you. She just doesn't..."
"Fine, maybe she didn't at first, but now she does."
"She does! She told me so!"
"Alright, alright. So, back to Bradley. Well, I think that he and Diana definitely take the cake for the funniest couple ever. They actually won that award last year."
"Oh, yes, they did. Loras was pissed off."
"He can't win every single award."
"Tell that to Loras."
One of your less mentioned ships, but still just as epic!
"I'm confused. What is Jackson?"
"Is he a werewolf? Or a vampire?"
"Or some hybrid?"
"I don't know. Does it matter?"
"Eh, I suppose not. I like him with Diana, but he can be a bit of a jerk sometimes."
"Yeah. So, we met Jackson in high school. He was a bit of a jerk-"
"More than a bit."
"Okay, more than a bit, and even Diana didn't like him at first. But then one day they had to do a project together and apparently it turned out that Jackson wasn't so bad after all. He took her out to eat pie afterwards."
"Aren't you scared Diana is gonna overdose on pie someday?"
"Well, scared? No. Expecting it? Yeah, pretty much."
"You know what Jackson got for Diana this year?"
"I can't say it in front of the camera!"
"......REALLY? That's so cool! Wow, she's gonna love that! How do you know?"
"Because Jackson asked me to keep it safe at our place."
"....and we'll go back home to find the place completely torn to shreds."
"I didn't think about that."
"Well, it's okay. It's so cool!"
"Did you know that Justin can sing?"
"I did, actually. That was a bit of a surprise. Do you think he's ever sung for Diana?"
"Oh, I don't know. Probably. I think that's cute."
"Yes, it is. Very cute."
".........Rach, I can't sing."
"You can! I love your singing voice!"
"You are 100% only saying that because you love me."
"True, but it's okay."
"Anyway, Justin and Diana are-"
"Also very funny. And sexy. They're so sexy together it's funny."
"It's confusing how you can call them sexy even though you find neither of them sexually appealing."
"That's true, but being robbsexual, like I am, I sort of have to describe people I don't find sexually appealing."
"I love you."
"I love you, too..... WHY DO WE KEEP GETTING SIDETRACKED? Ahem, so, yes, Justin and Diana are sexy together. Hey, was it those two who Catelyn caught in bed that one time?"
"Oh, God, yes. And she screamed, which made Bran and Arya run to the scene, too. Or, well, Bran came in his wheelchair. It was a disaster. Especially since, as Diana pushed everyone out of the room, Bran accidentally rolled down the stairs in the wheelchair."
"And the wheelchair fell on Ned. I remember."
"That's what happens when you interrupt Diana with one of her men. So, don't. Unless you want a wheelchair on your head."
"Yes, that is the lesson learned from this story."
"Okay, so, Diana has two men named Tom, but we are talking about the one with blonde hair and who sometimes goes by the name Draco. Somehow, when he is Draco, he is like fifty times more annoying and-"
"And like a mini Joffrey. Yes. But we're talking about Tom and Diana. And I happen to think Tom is really cool, and I think he and Diana fit really well together."
"Oh, yes. That's true. I think that Tom is one of those... calmer men for her. He can make her relax and just be herself."
"Well, they can all make her be herself."
"Yeah, but you know what I mean."
"Of course I do. So, what we're trying to say is that Tom has good influence on Diana, and she always comes back with a smile on her face after spending time with him. It's amazing."
"That one time he took us all to have afternoon tea at some fancy hotel."
"And Rickon decided it'd be a good idea to grab onto the tablecloth and pull."
"Making all the tea and biscuits drop to the floor. Ah, that was brilliant."
"And Tom just laughed! I thought that was great."
"Yeah, it really was."
"Guys, let me make something clear. Alex is a girl."
"Robb. I think we all know that."
"Yes, but it's such a gender-neutral name so who knows?"
"Well, true. Okay, so, when I first found out about Alex and Diana, she told me not to tell anyone. Not even you, Robb."
"That was very, very difficult, keeping that secret from you. But thankfully someone spilled the beans only 24 hours after, so I didn't have to keep the secret for long. Robb, don't look at me like that. YOU KNOW WE DON'T HAVE SECRETS! But I made a promise to my best friend. Robb, come on."
"Okay, alright, I'm sorry, babe. I get it. Go on."
"Thank you. So, yes, Alex is... well, she's some sort of a drug dealer. So you can imagine the look on Catelyn's face when she heard. Ned, on the other hand, was thrilled, because he will seriously let Diana do anything she wants with whoever she wants."
"Ugh, take that image out of my head."
"ANYWAY, I think Alex and Diana are really good together, and I think it's refreshing to see her with someone... different."
"With someone who's a girl."
"Well, if you want to put it like that, yes. I think Alex is really cool. I am not a fan of drugs, though, but I am a fan of these two together."
"And here's another fan of drugs. My sister is unbelievable."
"Hey, come on, Jesse isn't that bad."
"Well, I guess not, but you can't say he's a good guy."
"I don't know, he doesn't seem like a bad guy. He's just a bit... lost. But ever since he started going out with Diana, I feel like there's been a change in him."
"Well, yes, maybe."
"And besides, Ned loves him with Diana."
"Of course he does! He loves her with everyone!"
"Well, I think that's just him being a supportive father. He loves us together, too."
"True. What do you think is his OTP?"
"Diana and Happiness, probably."
"Babe, he loves us together, but it's pretty clear Diana is his favorite. I'm sorry."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
He may be a druggie, but he loves you, so <33
"I think Leonardo is a pretty new one."
"He is. And his name takes so long to say. Can we just call him Leo?"
"Sure. So, Diana and Leo met, ironically, at a Leonardo Da Vinci art exhibit."
"No. But it would have been really cool if they had!"
"True, true. So what is Leo even like?"
"I think he's really funny, and modest, and kind. Good for Diana. She needs more kind men."
"Well, I think all her men are kind with her."
"That's true, but still."
"How many more do we have of these? I think the battery is really starting to die."
"Oh, yeah.... 10% left. It's okay, we have four more."
"I love these two. I think that they're really interesting together."
"Oh, I agree. So, Diana and Mark met when we were all in a car accident. Nothing really happened to us, don't worry, except that Diana got a concussion, and Mark was a doctor on call, so he came to check on her, and they hit it off immediately."
"Yeah. And I remember when we met Mark, he was a bit of a ladies' man, but now he's completely loyal to her."
"I suppose that's the effect Diana has on men."
"And a woman."
"And a woman."
"Another one with a motorcycle. I think Diana has a type."
"That may be true. And Logan drives one, too, you know."
"True. So, August and Diana, they are great. Very badass together."
"Well, yeah! I can't help it!"
"True, and I think they're also very-"
"What's that noise?"
"Uh-oh.... banging on the door. I think Jackson wants the gift to take to Diana."
"No, I wanna see it first! I want to see it first!"
"Okay, okay, let's go see it..."
"Wow, that was so cool!"
"I know! Diana's gonna love it."
"So... Christmas is coming up, isn't it?"
"Yes, Robb, but I already know what I'm getting you. And you're gonna love it."
"Oh, I bet I will."
"So, who's next? Bucky?"
"Yes. I like him. He's a good soldier. And he's a good man. I think he makes Diana happy."
"All Diana's men make Diana happy."
"I think Bucky is a weird name, though..."
"I know! Is that his real name?"
"I have no idea. Oh, well, they're great together."
"Hey, isn't he sort of a superhero?"
"SEE? Diana DOES have a type!"
"The second newest one of Diana's men, and the last on the list. How many has it been?"
"This is the 24th."
"Oh, wow, that's a lot."
"Well, whatever makes Diana happy."
"Yes. Okay, so Paul and Diana are great. I love Paul's sense of humor. We hate his brother, though."
"What time did the party start, by the way?"
"Oh, crap... In like a half an hour. We have to wrap this up-"
"......Diana. What are you doing here?"
"I'm getting you for the party. Where's Jon?"
"He's getting the pie--- he's... we don't know."
"....right. What's that?"
"Nothing. We're just..."
"Are you videotaping your sex? That's... I would never have guessed."
"NO! That is a tempting idea, but no. No, no, don't look, it's a surprise, no!"