By the time Snape makes it to the White City, Loki is healed totally and with Malfoy, back in Therion's shop. Snape finds the back reading room full of people, some of whom he's not seen in quite some time, and some he's never met. All he cares about is his Familiar and his lovers, a hot meal and a good long fuck, but there is protocol to be observed. As a path is cleared for him, he is struck by a wave of relief; Andromeda Tonks is safe, and seated between Remus and her daughter. As soon as she sees Snape, she rises and thanks him, and tells him that she can't believe everything that's happened in the last month. She tells him that she's grateful to him and to everyone that has helped her. Remus tells him that Andromeda will be staying with Tonks and him, so there's no worry there. Snape wants to tell Andromeda that they will keep watch for any sign of Ted, but he doesn't get the chance; someone takes him by the arm and leads him over to his lovers.
Two Silhouettes, both of his acquaint, and a witch he's not met sit with Elsbet and Malfoy, and Therion introduces him to the witch. She is Tamba Kee, an Elder who's spent most of her life in the White City and knows many of its secrets. He gathers very quickly that she has great affection for Elsbet; his Oddbit reminds the Elder of her grand-daughter, so Snape doesn't mind the woman's hand resting on Elsbet's shoulder. Much. He doesn't understand why he suddenly feels so possessive of Elsbet this evening, but then, quite honestly, there's never been such a crowd around, and so many he doesn't know. When he notices another wizard actually flirting with Malfoy, he nearly loses his mind. On the inside. On the outside, however, no one has any idea that Severus Snape is about to assert himself.
Or at least, he would, if Therion wasn't pulling him aside to discourage him. Pity, really, it would have been spectacular. "Severus, I've never seen you like this...it's really quite attractive..." Snape has to look at him for several minutes to be certain he's heard what he's heard. "What?" Therion blushes and chuckles, "well, it is, you know, a wizard like you, being...masterful..." Snape exhales, closes his eyes and counts to five. Well...three, really. He asks, "how much have you had to drink, Therion?" His curly coppery trusses falling into his face as well as his bright smile and uninhibited behaviour tell Snape it's likely quite a bit, but it's Therion's answer that tells him it's definately too much. "Oh, enough to make a complete and utter fool of myself if I could get Remus alone for more than three minutes."
Snape immediately takes Therion by the arm and leads him to a more private space. Therion grins widely and chuckles, prompting Snape to tell him, "stop that...silliness. You need to sober up and tell me what the Hell is going on here. In the meantime," he looks back at the young wizard flirting with his lover, and Therion says softly, "please, Severus, don't hurt the boy. He's just having fun, Lucius already told him no, that he's very happily bonded, the boy knows it's not going anywhere." Snape straightens and Therion tells him, "and no one's gotten near Ellie all evening, so..." Snape frowns. "That witch--" Therion sighs and rises unsteadily, saying, "is reminded of someone she lost. That's all. Relax S-severus," he hiccups, then steadies himself against the back of the couch, "we don't all want to sample the goods."
Something in Snape's eyes darkens and he takes a step toward Therion. He watches the other wizard's eyes widen as he realizes what he's said, then take a step back. "Therion Bonecastle," Snape says as Therion's back hits a wall, "if I didn't know better," he says, his dark voice silky-smooth, "I would say you were in need," Snape has Therion basically at his mercy, "of an extraordinary fuck." Therion laughs nervously, his heart pounding. "What makes you think you know better?" He asks, his voice a little strained. Snape looks at him with genuine concern; he's known Therion a while, and he knows the man's been suffering for years. "Can I help it if I want just a little of all this love that's blossomed around me...?" Snape knows it's not the alcohol; it's Therion's true heart, and he can't ignore that pain. He takes the other wizard into his arms and holds him tightly for a moment, whispering, "if it can happen for me, my friend, it will for you."
He nuzzles Therion's neck and says, "don't lose hope." When they part, Therion looks at him with misty, dreamy eyes. "Severus," he says, "that was an evil thing you did there, that nuzzle, when I'm in such an awful way..." Snape looks at him with arched brow and smirk, then replies, "now Therion, if I had meant to be evil, I would have kissed you, nibbled you, groped you, then left you here alone." Snape leans against the couch for a second and Therion's knees seem about to give. "Now that would have been evil." He nudges the bothered wizard and tells him to go wash his face and meet him back out with the crowd, and Therion catches just the slightest hint of an impish grin on Snape's lips.
Snape returns to the main reading room and sees a raven he's unfamiliar with ushering people out, much to his surprise. It famly-time now, you go, come back later! Tamba Kee laughs and apologizes to everyone as she gathers her companion up, but no one has taken offence. "We're just glad the little guy is alright," a gentleman merchant says as he gives a nod to Snape, then takes his wife's hand as they make their way out. Snape looks back at Malfoy and his little Familiar. "All of these people were here for Loki?" He asks softly, and Tamba Kee tells him, "oh yes, Professor. Your little one is greatly loved by many here. He never fails to bring a smile or brighten a day." She smiles and inclines her head in the direction of the departing merchant. "Even the Muggles love him. His wife Erlett is a witch; she can hear Loki, so she tells Charles what he says. When word spread about what had happened...well, so many came that Therion had to turn people away."
Tonks and Andromeda say their goodnights and depart, and Remus takes a seat with the little group. Therion draws up a chair almost exactly between Snape and Remus, and asks Tamba Kee if she'd like something for her companion to eat or drink, but the Elder witch declines, saying, "thank you, my friend, but Hypatia tells me it is 'time for sleeps', and she knows best. I bid you all good evening, and Loki, we are so very glad you are alright." She gathers her raven up and they make their way out silently. Once it's just 'the family' (less Tonks), Snape sighs deeply and says, "someone tell me what happened."
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, the two Silhouettes, give him all the details, most drawn directly from Loki's own memories, and Snape, of course, takes it all and keeps his emotions completely internal, but they all know he's deeply affected. "He loves you very much, Severus," Malfoy says softly, with Loki nestled comfortably in his smoky grey robe, now soundly sleeping. Snape nods and tell him that he knows, but Guildenstern says, "Severus, Loki believes you truly are his father." The man suddenly has no idea what to say or do. "Well, why shouldn't he?" Malfoy asks softly. "You saved him as a chick, you feed him and give him comfort, warmth and love, you taught him to fly and to hunt, and you taught him how to defend himself with his stick. No wonder he calls you 'Da'. He knows no different."
Snape rises slowly, shaken by the thought. "How...how do I tell him..." He shakes his head and no one speaks for some time. "What is the harm in letting him believe? You may not have given him life, but you gave him this life, Severus, you've given him something he would never have had otherwise," Remus says gently. "There's very little difference between this and adopting a human child...and for all we know, Loki's father may well have been an Animagus." Rosencrantz nods in agreement. "And if the person you thought your whole life was your parent suddenly told you they weren't, especially after having such a traumatic experience, how would you feel?"
Snape's head drops and his shoulders sag. "Worthless," he says, then, "I can't do that to him." Elsbet scoots up in her seat and leans forward. "You love him like he is your son..." Snape nods but says nothing, and she begins to rise, but Malfoy pulls her back. He shakes his head just a little and nods to indicate the Dark wizard's hand, white-knuckle gripping the back of the chair he's leaning against. "I must be a horrible parent," Snape says, his voice eerily hollow, "no better than Dumbledore, sending a boy out to face the Devil with nothing but a stick..." Remus is the only one with the courage to speak, and he does so carefully. "It's not the same, Severus, not at all. You had no idea what he would encounter, and I'm certain you wouldn't have sent him out if you had."
Therion rises very quietly and gathers up Malfoy, Loki and Elsbet, and Elsbet lifts Cambion into her arms. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern feel it best to depart as Therion leads them into a smaller, private room where they can sit and talk. Or listen without dodging any zingers.
"This is something you've been harboring for some time, isn't it, Severus?" Remus rises and slowly moves toward Snape, but stays at a safe distance. Snape nods, but says nothing, his teeth tightly clenched, remembering one of his last conversations with the Elder wizard. "Tonks and I tried to get Harry to talk about it, but he wouldn't. All he would say was that Dumbledore left him a job, and--" Snape sneers, "left him a job...he's a boy! A boy doing a job one of us should be doing!" Remus sighs softly. "Trust me, Severus, we've all thought about this. We've all been asking the same questions. And now we don't even know where Harry is." Snape mutters something about Wizard's Chess and foolishness, and leaving him to clean up the mess, and Remus tells him that he knows how he feels.
Snape turns on him quickly. "No, you don't! You have no idea--" Remus takes a step toward him. "Yes, Severus, I have an idea...I was Dumbledore's spy as well, remember? He just expected that because I am a werewolf, I could convince 'my kind' to take his side in this war, without telling me--" Snape shakes his head angrily, his expression growing harder, colder. "It's not the same, Lupin! He took advantage...he took for granted that I was willing to risk my life to protect Lily's son! That I would sacrifice myself for the child that should have been mine!"
For the listeners, it is as if a twenty-megaton bomb has been dropped. But for Remus and Snape, it is as if the world has split and come unravelled. Words he never meant to speak, sentiments he never wanted to express, out in the open and shared with a wizard he once considered an enemy. They stare at each other for a very long time, until finally, Remus places a gentle hand on Snape's rigid shoulder. "And you've carried this for years, I imagine." Something in Snape's eyes, a flicker perhaps, is answer enough. "You need to talk about this, Severus, you really do. You can't poison yourself with this anymore." For a split second, Snape's not sure whether he wants to hit him, or to cry. "You may not want to hear this right now, but there are more people who believe in you than you will ever know. And not all of them are in this city."
Actually, he does want to hear it, he just doesn't know how to say it. "You have allies, Severus, you're not alone. Don't...push us away. You have a family that needs you, and they need you whole. I suggest you talk to Brother Perdurabo, first thing in the morning. He'll be more help to you than anyone else." Snape relaxes finally, and Remus takes his leave of him, knowing the man just needs to be with the ones he loves the most. Snape slowly composes himself, then once he feels strong enough, he goes to the little private room where Therion retreated with Elsbet, Malfoy and the ravens. When he opens that door, he realizes just how true Remus' words really are. But what affects him the most at this moment is Loki, who peers out at him from under Cambion's wing.
You ok, my Da?
Elsbet and Malfoy, both red-eyed and trembling, rise and move so that he can reach the little raven. Carefully, as Cambion gets up, Snape scoops Loki up and holds him close to his chest. "I am so very proud of you," he whispers to him, and Loki snuggles close enough to hear Snape's heart.
Two Silhouettes, both of his acquaint, and a witch he's not met sit with Elsbet and Malfoy, and Therion introduces him to the witch. She is Tamba Kee, an Elder who's spent most of her life in the White City and knows many of its secrets. He gathers very quickly that she has great affection for Elsbet; his Oddbit reminds the Elder of her grand-daughter, so Snape doesn't mind the woman's hand resting on Elsbet's shoulder. Much. He doesn't understand why he suddenly feels so possessive of Elsbet this evening, but then, quite honestly, there's never been such a crowd around, and so many he doesn't know. When he notices another wizard actually flirting with Malfoy, he nearly loses his mind. On the inside. On the outside, however, no one has any idea that Severus Snape is about to assert himself.
Or at least, he would, if Therion wasn't pulling him aside to discourage him. Pity, really, it would have been spectacular. "Severus, I've never seen you like this...it's really quite attractive..." Snape has to look at him for several minutes to be certain he's heard what he's heard. "What?" Therion blushes and chuckles, "well, it is, you know, a wizard like you, being...masterful..." Snape exhales, closes his eyes and counts to five. Well...three, really. He asks, "how much have you had to drink, Therion?" His curly coppery trusses falling into his face as well as his bright smile and uninhibited behaviour tell Snape it's likely quite a bit, but it's Therion's answer that tells him it's definately too much. "Oh, enough to make a complete and utter fool of myself if I could get Remus alone for more than three minutes."
Snape immediately takes Therion by the arm and leads him to a more private space. Therion grins widely and chuckles, prompting Snape to tell him, "stop that...silliness. You need to sober up and tell me what the Hell is going on here. In the meantime," he looks back at the young wizard flirting with his lover, and Therion says softly, "please, Severus, don't hurt the boy. He's just having fun, Lucius already told him no, that he's very happily bonded, the boy knows it's not going anywhere." Snape straightens and Therion tells him, "and no one's gotten near Ellie all evening, so..." Snape frowns. "That witch--" Therion sighs and rises unsteadily, saying, "is reminded of someone she lost. That's all. Relax S-severus," he hiccups, then steadies himself against the back of the couch, "we don't all want to sample the goods."
Something in Snape's eyes darkens and he takes a step toward Therion. He watches the other wizard's eyes widen as he realizes what he's said, then take a step back. "Therion Bonecastle," Snape says as Therion's back hits a wall, "if I didn't know better," he says, his dark voice silky-smooth, "I would say you were in need," Snape has Therion basically at his mercy, "of an extraordinary fuck." Therion laughs nervously, his heart pounding. "What makes you think you know better?" He asks, his voice a little strained. Snape looks at him with genuine concern; he's known Therion a while, and he knows the man's been suffering for years. "Can I help it if I want just a little of all this love that's blossomed around me...?" Snape knows it's not the alcohol; it's Therion's true heart, and he can't ignore that pain. He takes the other wizard into his arms and holds him tightly for a moment, whispering, "if it can happen for me, my friend, it will for you."
He nuzzles Therion's neck and says, "don't lose hope." When they part, Therion looks at him with misty, dreamy eyes. "Severus," he says, "that was an evil thing you did there, that nuzzle, when I'm in such an awful way..." Snape looks at him with arched brow and smirk, then replies, "now Therion, if I had meant to be evil, I would have kissed you, nibbled you, groped you, then left you here alone." Snape leans against the couch for a second and Therion's knees seem about to give. "Now that would have been evil." He nudges the bothered wizard and tells him to go wash his face and meet him back out with the crowd, and Therion catches just the slightest hint of an impish grin on Snape's lips.
Snape returns to the main reading room and sees a raven he's unfamiliar with ushering people out, much to his surprise. It famly-time now, you go, come back later! Tamba Kee laughs and apologizes to everyone as she gathers her companion up, but no one has taken offence. "We're just glad the little guy is alright," a gentleman merchant says as he gives a nod to Snape, then takes his wife's hand as they make their way out. Snape looks back at Malfoy and his little Familiar. "All of these people were here for Loki?" He asks softly, and Tamba Kee tells him, "oh yes, Professor. Your little one is greatly loved by many here. He never fails to bring a smile or brighten a day." She smiles and inclines her head in the direction of the departing merchant. "Even the Muggles love him. His wife Erlett is a witch; she can hear Loki, so she tells Charles what he says. When word spread about what had happened...well, so many came that Therion had to turn people away."
Tonks and Andromeda say their goodnights and depart, and Remus takes a seat with the little group. Therion draws up a chair almost exactly between Snape and Remus, and asks Tamba Kee if she'd like something for her companion to eat or drink, but the Elder witch declines, saying, "thank you, my friend, but Hypatia tells me it is 'time for sleeps', and she knows best. I bid you all good evening, and Loki, we are so very glad you are alright." She gathers her raven up and they make their way out silently. Once it's just 'the family' (less Tonks), Snape sighs deeply and says, "someone tell me what happened."
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, the two Silhouettes, give him all the details, most drawn directly from Loki's own memories, and Snape, of course, takes it all and keeps his emotions completely internal, but they all know he's deeply affected. "He loves you very much, Severus," Malfoy says softly, with Loki nestled comfortably in his smoky grey robe, now soundly sleeping. Snape nods and tell him that he knows, but Guildenstern says, "Severus, Loki believes you truly are his father." The man suddenly has no idea what to say or do. "Well, why shouldn't he?" Malfoy asks softly. "You saved him as a chick, you feed him and give him comfort, warmth and love, you taught him to fly and to hunt, and you taught him how to defend himself with his stick. No wonder he calls you 'Da'. He knows no different."
Snape rises slowly, shaken by the thought. "How...how do I tell him..." He shakes his head and no one speaks for some time. "What is the harm in letting him believe? You may not have given him life, but you gave him this life, Severus, you've given him something he would never have had otherwise," Remus says gently. "There's very little difference between this and adopting a human child...and for all we know, Loki's father may well have been an Animagus." Rosencrantz nods in agreement. "And if the person you thought your whole life was your parent suddenly told you they weren't, especially after having such a traumatic experience, how would you feel?"
Snape's head drops and his shoulders sag. "Worthless," he says, then, "I can't do that to him." Elsbet scoots up in her seat and leans forward. "You love him like he is your son..." Snape nods but says nothing, and she begins to rise, but Malfoy pulls her back. He shakes his head just a little and nods to indicate the Dark wizard's hand, white-knuckle gripping the back of the chair he's leaning against. "I must be a horrible parent," Snape says, his voice eerily hollow, "no better than Dumbledore, sending a boy out to face the Devil with nothing but a stick..." Remus is the only one with the courage to speak, and he does so carefully. "It's not the same, Severus, not at all. You had no idea what he would encounter, and I'm certain you wouldn't have sent him out if you had."
Therion rises very quietly and gathers up Malfoy, Loki and Elsbet, and Elsbet lifts Cambion into her arms. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern feel it best to depart as Therion leads them into a smaller, private room where they can sit and talk. Or listen without dodging any zingers.
"This is something you've been harboring for some time, isn't it, Severus?" Remus rises and slowly moves toward Snape, but stays at a safe distance. Snape nods, but says nothing, his teeth tightly clenched, remembering one of his last conversations with the Elder wizard. "Tonks and I tried to get Harry to talk about it, but he wouldn't. All he would say was that Dumbledore left him a job, and--" Snape sneers, "left him a job...he's a boy! A boy doing a job one of us should be doing!" Remus sighs softly. "Trust me, Severus, we've all thought about this. We've all been asking the same questions. And now we don't even know where Harry is." Snape mutters something about Wizard's Chess and foolishness, and leaving him to clean up the mess, and Remus tells him that he knows how he feels.
Snape turns on him quickly. "No, you don't! You have no idea--" Remus takes a step toward him. "Yes, Severus, I have an idea...I was Dumbledore's spy as well, remember? He just expected that because I am a werewolf, I could convince 'my kind' to take his side in this war, without telling me--" Snape shakes his head angrily, his expression growing harder, colder. "It's not the same, Lupin! He took advantage...he took for granted that I was willing to risk my life to protect Lily's son! That I would sacrifice myself for the child that should have been mine!"
For the listeners, it is as if a twenty-megaton bomb has been dropped. But for Remus and Snape, it is as if the world has split and come unravelled. Words he never meant to speak, sentiments he never wanted to express, out in the open and shared with a wizard he once considered an enemy. They stare at each other for a very long time, until finally, Remus places a gentle hand on Snape's rigid shoulder. "And you've carried this for years, I imagine." Something in Snape's eyes, a flicker perhaps, is answer enough. "You need to talk about this, Severus, you really do. You can't poison yourself with this anymore." For a split second, Snape's not sure whether he wants to hit him, or to cry. "You may not want to hear this right now, but there are more people who believe in you than you will ever know. And not all of them are in this city."
Actually, he does want to hear it, he just doesn't know how to say it. "You have allies, Severus, you're not alone. Don't...push us away. You have a family that needs you, and they need you whole. I suggest you talk to Brother Perdurabo, first thing in the morning. He'll be more help to you than anyone else." Snape relaxes finally, and Remus takes his leave of him, knowing the man just needs to be with the ones he loves the most. Snape slowly composes himself, then once he feels strong enough, he goes to the little private room where Therion retreated with Elsbet, Malfoy and the ravens. When he opens that door, he realizes just how true Remus' words really are. But what affects him the most at this moment is Loki, who peers out at him from under Cambion's wing.
You ok, my Da?
Elsbet and Malfoy, both red-eyed and trembling, rise and move so that he can reach the little raven. Carefully, as Cambion gets up, Snape scoops Loki up and holds him close to his chest. "I am so very proud of you," he whispers to him, and Loki snuggles close enough to hear Snape's heart.