Sunlight casts a warm glow on Elsbet through the small windows in the arched ceiling.
She wakes alone.
She knows Severus went back to Hogwarts, she didn't expect him to be here. But Lucius...Ah, she reminds herself, he's probably gone to see Therion. As she lays in that marvelous bed she thinks about how strange and ironic this all is, and how wonderful it is as well. Three years ago, she couldn't have imagined she would be where she is now, or be as happy as she is. She knows she's incredibly fortunate; things could have turned out so much differently so very easily.
If she had succumbed to her pain; if she had not found the courage to reach out to him; if he had ignored her, if she had faltered and pushed him away...
As she lays there in that bed made for love, gazing up at the beautiful canopy Severus crafted, she studies the shapes and designs he created therein. It is as if he knew she would be doing just this. If Lucius were to lay here and gaze upon it, he would see just the beauty of what Severus created. But she sees the story he's telling. It's the story of their love. The figures are vibrant, and seem to breathe, as she reads the gossamer tapestry; a great Dragon weaves his life around and through that of a little...a little...she gets up suddenly in the center of the bed, and carefully balances herself as she stands. She tries to get a better look, but it's too dangerous; she doesn't dare try standing on her tiptoes.
She turns instead to the four wooden posts; the Dragon, the Witch and the Peacock, clearly represent their joined lives. She was too busy laughing with Lucius last night about the positions the Peacock fit himself into on the first post to notice how Severus had depicted her. She slides off of the bed and looks at that post, her breath catching in her throat. He's trying to tell her something, she thinks...or maybe it's just part of the story...no, no, it can't be just part of the story because the detail Severus went to is just too clear, too sharp. It's her face, on every single beautiful figure representing her, it's her face.
It's a message to her, but she has to figure it out for herself.
What was it Therion said last night? That Sirius "knew things, Ellie, he knew things about you. He told me you were very special, he could tell, and he figured that was one of the reasons why Severus was so protective of you." Her heart races and her hands tremble. She goes quickly to the dresser and digs through the things Severus collected for her before he shrank & cubed her house. It's there, tucked into the suede pouch she made for it--the talisman he'd given her, that Padfoot had so approved of. She hasn't worn it since the day after she knew he was dead. And Severus, bless him, noticed but never asked why.
He wasn't able to bring her books, but that was alright, because anything she had that she might need now, Therion undoubtedly has, or he can more than likely get. She was so excited that Severus had given her something so precious as the talisman, and Padfoot liked it so much, that she didn't really think about what the talisman was; she hasn't even looked at it since she put it away. But now that she stands here with it in her hands, her whole body shakes. She has so much going on in her head...and then she sees Severus left his travel bag when he went back to Hogwarts.
He never forgets anything.
She takes a step toward the chair it rests in, trying to imagine why he would have left something like that. Could he want her to look? Is there something he wants her to find? Why would he depict her the way he did and then leave his bag? She looks at the talisman again and her empty stomach tightens. And what Therion said last night...she feels something inside her quake as she clutches the talisman. A memory, an old, old memory...someone very dear to her would have loved that talisman...Why does she feel such a need to open Severus' bag?
She can't. She won't. He'd never trust her again.
She puts the talisman on and wipes her face, then puts on a soft, cream-colored peasant blouse and a pair of faded jeans. She doesn't bother with any other jewelry, nor shoes either...she just wants to go. Her stomach growls and she thinks she should satisfy the need in her tummy before the one in her head, but she's hurting and afraid to remember whatever it was she'd blocked, all those years ago. She decides not to eat, but when she passes through the little dining room, there's a note on the table.
Ellie,
I did not wish to wake you, you were sleeping so soundly when I left this morning. The beef from last night was wonderful for breakfast--I made you a sandwich too. Am at Therion's, please come.
Love,
L.
She folds the note up and puts it in her pocket, then goes to the fridge and peeks inside. Lucius even made juice with the oranges for her; she has to eat now, how could a lady refuse such thoughtfulness? He's right, the beef with the white sesame seed bread, with just a little bit of brown gravy, does make a lovely sandwich, and the juice is fantastic with the pulp left in. It's just enough to satisfy, and after she finishes her juice, she cleans up and goes.
It's lovely out this morning, and at first, she just wants to have a nice, leisurely walk but when her mind starts picking things apart again, she runs the rest of the way to Therion's. On her way there, she sees several ravens she doesn't know near the fountain, looking at it as if they're trying to figure out why it's dry, and after she passes the fountain, she sees Brother Nodus sitting outside The Chocolate Cat, and nearby, Roycroft. Roycroft sees she's clearly upset and wants to catch her up, but she holds up her hand. She hates to be mean to him, but she just doesn't want to talk to him right now.
She enters Therion's shop and she sees he has a few customers; she sits down at the table in the front corner nook and pretends to read the Muggle newspaper folded up beside the empty latte mug. She waits patiently as Therion takes care of each customer, and would be happy to wait until he closes for lunch, but when the last of the customers leave and he sees her, he doesn't hesitate to close up. As he walks back to his counter to close up his books for the day, he asks her if she's alright. She sighs deeply and gets up from the table, telling him that she just wants to sit with him and Lucius, but he knows there's much more to it than that.
He finishes up his books in quick time, then extends his hand to her. "Lucius is in the back reading room so he can read in peace and quiet; let's see if he's still awake." He winks at her, then notices her talisman. "Ellie," he takes her hand and pulls her to him gently, "is that...that's what Severus gave you isn't it?" She nods and the intensity of his gaze makes her a little uncomfortable. "Do you know what that is?" She tells him no, and he pulls her with him to a huge locked cabinet. He rubs the lock as he speaks a charm, then opens the cabinet doors.
He pulls out a huge book and with difficulty he takes it over to one of the tables in the main reading area. She's never seen a book like this, and what strikes her the most about it is not so much the obvious age of it, but the fact that she recognizes the runes and the script on its cover. "Ellie," Therion says as he sits down, clearly very excited, "in the last thirty years, I have only shown this book to three people. Brother Perdurabo, Albus Dumbledore, and Sirius Black." He opens the book and she feels like he has peeled away a layer of dust in her mind. He motions for her to come closer, but she's not sure she wants to.
He carefully turns the enormous pages and she can see from where she's standing that the pages are filled with notes written by different hands, and some pages are filled with sketches as well as writing. He motions again, saying, "Ellie, come here, it's a book, it won't bite." He finds the page he's looking for, and taps the gorgeous drawing in the center of it. "You see, Ellie, your talisman is a Leaf of Lothlórien!" She's aware suddenly of Lucius standing in the sculpted archway that leads to the back reading room with a book in his hand; he looks startled to see her, but she realizes just as suddenly that she's crying.
Lucius sits the book down on a shelf near him and steps toward her but she backs up. "Ellie," Therion asks softly, "what's wrong?" She shakes her head, trembling, her voice so small when she finally speaks. "I don't want to remember, I don't, I don't want to remember any more..." She chokes on her tears and Therion rises as Lucius slowly moves toward her. "Ellie, my dear, it's alright to remember; Therion and I will help you, you need to remember in order to heal," Lucius tells her, his voice soft, but she isn't calmed by it. "No, I don't want to...I don't, it's always bad..." Therion looks helplessly at Lucius, who has moved even closer to her.
If he can just get within arm's reach...
"But Ellie," Therion says, trying to keep her attention long enough for Lucius to get to her, "what if it's about someone you loved? Isn't that good?" She shakes her head emphatically. "No! Because everyone I've ever loved has died!" She looks at Lucius as he reaches for her and thinks of Severus, and he grabs her just as the panic sets in. He pulls her to him as gently as he can but she's fighting him. He knows she doesn't mean to, that it's not him she's trying to flee but the fear of remembering someone she's lost. "Please Ellie, let me help you," Lucius pleads, "I promise that if you remember something difficult that Therion and I will help you."
At last, she agrees and they sit down with her between the two wizards, and Lucius kisses her softly. She settles back against him and apologises for being so irrational, but they both tell her it's understandable. "You've kept everything locked up tight for a very long time Ellie. It has to come out," Therion says, and Lucius adds, "it's bound to be rough when it does, but you are surrounded by people who care for you, and want to help you." Therion takes her hand and gives it a squeeze, then asks her if she'd like something to drink. She tells him she's alright, then remembers to thank Lucius for breakfast. He chuckles and tells her he's rather proud of himself; it's a simple thing, but...he's never had to do it for himself before then tells her again that he wants to learn how to cook. She tells him she thinks that's very sexy, and Therion holds up a hand. Laughing, he asks her if he needs to know that, and she giggles self-conciously.
"What is this book?" She taps it when she asks him, and he tells her it's the first volume of The Encyclopedia of Arda, and that he'd like for her to read it. "When you're ready." Lucius accio's the book he had been reading from the shelf to his hand. She sees what it is and tears up a little, then asks him, "you did read The Hobbit first, right?" Therion laughs and says, "he did, yes, but I was going to start him out with The Silmarillion." She wipes her face, trying not to laugh, and shakes her head a little. "No, you can't start someone out with that. That's like handing Milton's Paradise Lost to someone who's just learned to read!" They both laugh and Lucius asks, "are you having that at my expense?" She looks at him and he winks, then laughs himself. "Where are you in it?" Lucius opens The Fellowship of the Ring and shows her, and she brightens immediately, taking the book from him. "The House of Tom Bombadil! My favorite chapter!"
Lucius glances at Therion, and Therion gives a little nod. "Ellie," Lucius says softly, "read to us, would you?" She grins widely, her face radient, and she makes herself comfy between them. She looks at the book like it is an old friend, and lovingly caresses the page. There is joy in her voice when she begins reading.
"The four hobbits stepped over the wide stone threshold, and stood still, blinking..."
She wakes alone.
She knows Severus went back to Hogwarts, she didn't expect him to be here. But Lucius...Ah, she reminds herself, he's probably gone to see Therion. As she lays in that marvelous bed she thinks about how strange and ironic this all is, and how wonderful it is as well. Three years ago, she couldn't have imagined she would be where she is now, or be as happy as she is. She knows she's incredibly fortunate; things could have turned out so much differently so very easily.
If she had succumbed to her pain; if she had not found the courage to reach out to him; if he had ignored her, if she had faltered and pushed him away...
As she lays there in that bed made for love, gazing up at the beautiful canopy Severus crafted, she studies the shapes and designs he created therein. It is as if he knew she would be doing just this. If Lucius were to lay here and gaze upon it, he would see just the beauty of what Severus created. But she sees the story he's telling. It's the story of their love. The figures are vibrant, and seem to breathe, as she reads the gossamer tapestry; a great Dragon weaves his life around and through that of a little...a little...she gets up suddenly in the center of the bed, and carefully balances herself as she stands. She tries to get a better look, but it's too dangerous; she doesn't dare try standing on her tiptoes.
She turns instead to the four wooden posts; the Dragon, the Witch and the Peacock, clearly represent their joined lives. She was too busy laughing with Lucius last night about the positions the Peacock fit himself into on the first post to notice how Severus had depicted her. She slides off of the bed and looks at that post, her breath catching in her throat. He's trying to tell her something, she thinks...or maybe it's just part of the story...no, no, it can't be just part of the story because the detail Severus went to is just too clear, too sharp. It's her face, on every single beautiful figure representing her, it's her face.
It's a message to her, but she has to figure it out for herself.
What was it Therion said last night? That Sirius "knew things, Ellie, he knew things about you. He told me you were very special, he could tell, and he figured that was one of the reasons why Severus was so protective of you." Her heart races and her hands tremble. She goes quickly to the dresser and digs through the things Severus collected for her before he shrank & cubed her house. It's there, tucked into the suede pouch she made for it--the talisman he'd given her, that Padfoot had so approved of. She hasn't worn it since the day after she knew he was dead. And Severus, bless him, noticed but never asked why.
He wasn't able to bring her books, but that was alright, because anything she had that she might need now, Therion undoubtedly has, or he can more than likely get. She was so excited that Severus had given her something so precious as the talisman, and Padfoot liked it so much, that she didn't really think about what the talisman was; she hasn't even looked at it since she put it away. But now that she stands here with it in her hands, her whole body shakes. She has so much going on in her head...and then she sees Severus left his travel bag when he went back to Hogwarts.
He never forgets anything.
She takes a step toward the chair it rests in, trying to imagine why he would have left something like that. Could he want her to look? Is there something he wants her to find? Why would he depict her the way he did and then leave his bag? She looks at the talisman again and her empty stomach tightens. And what Therion said last night...she feels something inside her quake as she clutches the talisman. A memory, an old, old memory...someone very dear to her would have loved that talisman...Why does she feel such a need to open Severus' bag?
She can't. She won't. He'd never trust her again.
She puts the talisman on and wipes her face, then puts on a soft, cream-colored peasant blouse and a pair of faded jeans. She doesn't bother with any other jewelry, nor shoes either...she just wants to go. Her stomach growls and she thinks she should satisfy the need in her tummy before the one in her head, but she's hurting and afraid to remember whatever it was she'd blocked, all those years ago. She decides not to eat, but when she passes through the little dining room, there's a note on the table.
Ellie,
I did not wish to wake you, you were sleeping so soundly when I left this morning. The beef from last night was wonderful for breakfast--I made you a sandwich too. Am at Therion's, please come.
Love,
L.
She folds the note up and puts it in her pocket, then goes to the fridge and peeks inside. Lucius even made juice with the oranges for her; she has to eat now, how could a lady refuse such thoughtfulness? He's right, the beef with the white sesame seed bread, with just a little bit of brown gravy, does make a lovely sandwich, and the juice is fantastic with the pulp left in. It's just enough to satisfy, and after she finishes her juice, she cleans up and goes.
It's lovely out this morning, and at first, she just wants to have a nice, leisurely walk but when her mind starts picking things apart again, she runs the rest of the way to Therion's. On her way there, she sees several ravens she doesn't know near the fountain, looking at it as if they're trying to figure out why it's dry, and after she passes the fountain, she sees Brother Nodus sitting outside The Chocolate Cat, and nearby, Roycroft. Roycroft sees she's clearly upset and wants to catch her up, but she holds up her hand. She hates to be mean to him, but she just doesn't want to talk to him right now.
She enters Therion's shop and she sees he has a few customers; she sits down at the table in the front corner nook and pretends to read the Muggle newspaper folded up beside the empty latte mug. She waits patiently as Therion takes care of each customer, and would be happy to wait until he closes for lunch, but when the last of the customers leave and he sees her, he doesn't hesitate to close up. As he walks back to his counter to close up his books for the day, he asks her if she's alright. She sighs deeply and gets up from the table, telling him that she just wants to sit with him and Lucius, but he knows there's much more to it than that.
He finishes up his books in quick time, then extends his hand to her. "Lucius is in the back reading room so he can read in peace and quiet; let's see if he's still awake." He winks at her, then notices her talisman. "Ellie," he takes her hand and pulls her to him gently, "is that...that's what Severus gave you isn't it?" She nods and the intensity of his gaze makes her a little uncomfortable. "Do you know what that is?" She tells him no, and he pulls her with him to a huge locked cabinet. He rubs the lock as he speaks a charm, then opens the cabinet doors.
He pulls out a huge book and with difficulty he takes it over to one of the tables in the main reading area. She's never seen a book like this, and what strikes her the most about it is not so much the obvious age of it, but the fact that she recognizes the runes and the script on its cover. "Ellie," Therion says as he sits down, clearly very excited, "in the last thirty years, I have only shown this book to three people. Brother Perdurabo, Albus Dumbledore, and Sirius Black." He opens the book and she feels like he has peeled away a layer of dust in her mind. He motions for her to come closer, but she's not sure she wants to.
He carefully turns the enormous pages and she can see from where she's standing that the pages are filled with notes written by different hands, and some pages are filled with sketches as well as writing. He motions again, saying, "Ellie, come here, it's a book, it won't bite." He finds the page he's looking for, and taps the gorgeous drawing in the center of it. "You see, Ellie, your talisman is a Leaf of Lothlórien!" She's aware suddenly of Lucius standing in the sculpted archway that leads to the back reading room with a book in his hand; he looks startled to see her, but she realizes just as suddenly that she's crying.
Lucius sits the book down on a shelf near him and steps toward her but she backs up. "Ellie," Therion asks softly, "what's wrong?" She shakes her head, trembling, her voice so small when she finally speaks. "I don't want to remember, I don't, I don't want to remember any more..." She chokes on her tears and Therion rises as Lucius slowly moves toward her. "Ellie, my dear, it's alright to remember; Therion and I will help you, you need to remember in order to heal," Lucius tells her, his voice soft, but she isn't calmed by it. "No, I don't want to...I don't, it's always bad..." Therion looks helplessly at Lucius, who has moved even closer to her.
If he can just get within arm's reach...
"But Ellie," Therion says, trying to keep her attention long enough for Lucius to get to her, "what if it's about someone you loved? Isn't that good?" She shakes her head emphatically. "No! Because everyone I've ever loved has died!" She looks at Lucius as he reaches for her and thinks of Severus, and he grabs her just as the panic sets in. He pulls her to him as gently as he can but she's fighting him. He knows she doesn't mean to, that it's not him she's trying to flee but the fear of remembering someone she's lost. "Please Ellie, let me help you," Lucius pleads, "I promise that if you remember something difficult that Therion and I will help you."
At last, she agrees and they sit down with her between the two wizards, and Lucius kisses her softly. She settles back against him and apologises for being so irrational, but they both tell her it's understandable. "You've kept everything locked up tight for a very long time Ellie. It has to come out," Therion says, and Lucius adds, "it's bound to be rough when it does, but you are surrounded by people who care for you, and want to help you." Therion takes her hand and gives it a squeeze, then asks her if she'd like something to drink. She tells him she's alright, then remembers to thank Lucius for breakfast. He chuckles and tells her he's rather proud of himself; it's a simple thing, but...he's never had to do it for himself before then tells her again that he wants to learn how to cook. She tells him she thinks that's very sexy, and Therion holds up a hand. Laughing, he asks her if he needs to know that, and she giggles self-conciously.
"What is this book?" She taps it when she asks him, and he tells her it's the first volume of The Encyclopedia of Arda, and that he'd like for her to read it. "When you're ready." Lucius accio's the book he had been reading from the shelf to his hand. She sees what it is and tears up a little, then asks him, "you did read The Hobbit first, right?" Therion laughs and says, "he did, yes, but I was going to start him out with The Silmarillion." She wipes her face, trying not to laugh, and shakes her head a little. "No, you can't start someone out with that. That's like handing Milton's Paradise Lost to someone who's just learned to read!" They both laugh and Lucius asks, "are you having that at my expense?" She looks at him and he winks, then laughs himself. "Where are you in it?" Lucius opens The Fellowship of the Ring and shows her, and she brightens immediately, taking the book from him. "The House of Tom Bombadil! My favorite chapter!"
Lucius glances at Therion, and Therion gives a little nod. "Ellie," Lucius says softly, "read to us, would you?" She grins widely, her face radient, and she makes herself comfy between them. She looks at the book like it is an old friend, and lovingly caresses the page. There is joy in her voice when she begins reading.
"The four hobbits stepped over the wide stone threshold, and stood still, blinking..."