Wind: Note, because I couldn’t think of a single joke for this entire episode, you’ll just have to settle for this one little scene
Tingle: Oh, hello again, you sexy little boy
Link: Oh god, not you again
Tingle: Have you come here for me to claim your ass as my own
Link: Uh….. no
Tingle Jr: HELP ME
Tingle: Quiet slave
Tingle Jr: Yes master
Link: What the hell is this
Tingle: You see, Link, not only am I a pedophile who is wanted in the entire country, but I am also a slave owner. You see, Tingle Jr here pushes this wheel day and night. If he stops even once, I torture him like crazy. It’s so...

Link: Makar. It’s so good to see you again. How have you been?
Makar: FUCK YOU
Link: That’s great news. Hey, do you want to come with me to a temple, and try to save the world
Makar: I would rather fuck a cactus
Link: Glad to hear. Come on, Makar, lets get going
Makar: I fucking hate you
(Later, at the Wind Temple)
Link: Okay, now listen Makar. I need you to fly over there, and pull that switch, okay
Makar: Suck my balls, you green clothed fuck
Link: That’s a good boy. Now, get going. And good luck
Makar: (Jumps over to the switch, but gets grabbed by a Wallmaster) Oh, FUCK ME (Wallmaster runs...

Medli: (Gasp) Link, your back. Oh, I missed you so-
Link: Yeah, that’s fucking perfect. I’m just here because some fish girl ghost told me to come here
(3 Hours Earlier)
Link: So, what do I need to do
Fish Girl: Blelelelelelelelelelelele
Link: Okay then
(Now)
Link: And that is the only reason I would come twenty feet near you
Medli: Oh, that’s great. So, what do you want to do. Do you want to have sex in my room, or have sex on the beach, or have sex on your boat. Or we can get real crazy and just fuck right here, right now
Link: No, I need you to come with me to a temple filled with dead people...

Link: (Wakes up) Oh, god, where am I
Quill: Hey, Link
Komali: Hey Link, it’s good to see you again
Link: Oh god, don’t tell me I was saved by an idiot and a pussy
Quill: We saved the day
Link: Well, so much for self-esteem
Tetra: (Wakes up) Where the hell am I (See’s Link) Oh god, tell me we didn’t just do it
Link: Why would I want to sleep with some insufferable pirate girl
King of Red Lions: Enough! We must head back to the Once-Sacred-But-Now-Not-Sacred Realm.
Tetra: What the hell is he talking about
Link: You’ll see, just try and hold your breathe (Boat goes underwater)
Quill: Hey, Komli....

King of Red Lions: Okay, Link. Are you ready to save your sister from Ganondorf
Link: I’M GONNA GUT THAT FUCKING BIRD
King of Red Lions: Perfect. Then off we go
(Later)
King of Red Lions: Okay, Link. Now, just sneak in like you did last time, and- Link, why are you taking out your sword
Link: You honestly think I’m gonna sneak in again. Fuck that. The last time I tried being all stealthy, I was thrown far away by a giant bird, I met you of all people, and I had to travel across the sea, and talk to a sex driven bird girl, an adorable tree thing, a giant fish, and three statues that weren't even...

(A light appears from the ocean)
Link: What is that
King of Red Lions: It is the entrance to the sacred realm
Link: What makes it so sacred
King of Red Lions: It is a destroyed city, filled with hundreds of monsters, and the entire place is overlooked by a tower owned by the villain and………… Okay, it WAS sacred, but, that’s not the point right now. What is important is that you need a new item
Link: That depends. So far, all I got was a grappling hook, which I really haven’t used, and a Deku Leaf, and we didn’t even show footage of me getting it. Do I really want this new item
King of...

Link: So, what now
King of Red Lions: Now we must take these pearls, and put them on three different islands
Link: If that’s the case, then why didn’t we go to those fucking islands in the first place
King of Red Lions: Because, who gives a shit, now get going
Link: (Sighs) Goddamn it
(Later)
Red Statue: I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY
Link: Uh huh
Red Statue: I WANT TO BREAK SOMETHING, GODDAMN IT
Link: Yeah, I’m just going to put this pearl here (Places it in the statues hand)
Red Statue: FUCK YOU! LET ME PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE
Link: (Leaves)
Red Statue: WHY THE FUCK CAN’T I MOVE
(Later)
Blue Statue: I hate...

King of Red Lions: (Sails to a destroyed island) Oh my god
Link: Huh…. Is this Detroit Island
King of Red Lions: What happened to Great Fish Island
Quill: (Flies over) Hi, Link
Link: Oh god, not you again
Quill: I saw this green guy come and break the island. He scared a giant fishy and it swim away
Link: Swam, you idiot, not swim
King of Red Lions: Giant fishy? Oh, thank god, Lord Jalla is still safe
Link: Who?
King of Red Lions: A giant fish who has the last pearl
Link: Oh… well, where can we find him
King of Red Lions: Well, if I’m correct, he must have went to Outset Island
Link: You mean that...

King of Red Lions: (Arrives to another island) Ah, Forest Haven. This is where the Great Deku Tree lives
Link: Great Deku Tree? That name sounds oddly familiar, but, I can’t figure out why…. Oh well
(Later)
Link: So, where is this guy
Great Deku Tree: Hello there, young hero
Link: OH DEAR GOD! What’s wrong with your face
Great Deku Tree: Nothing, why
Link: Uh…. nothing, go on
Great Deku Tree: Anyway, I am the Great Deku Tree
Link: Seriously, your name sounds so familiar
Great Deku Tree: I’m pretty sure you’ve mistaken me for someone else
Link: Trust me, no one is going to mistake you for anyone,...

King of Red Lions: Ah, Dragon Roost Island. Can you just smell it
Link: All I smell is a bunch of nuclear waste
King of Red Lions: Oh, well, this place has a lot of nuclear waste. So, everyone here is a bird person. But, you’re fine. Just as long as you don’t touch
Link: Why in the name of fuck would I touch that stuff
King of Red Lions: I…. don’t know
Link: Fuck it, I’ll see you later
King of Red Lions: Wait, take this too (Holds up baton)
Link: What is it
King of Red Lions: It’s the Wind Waker. You can use it to change the direction of the wind
Link: …. That’s stupid. I’ll just use...

Link: (Wakes up) Oh, where am I
???: Ah, so you’re finally awake
Link: Who said that
???: (Boat turns its head towards Link) It is I. A boat with a face
Link: AHH!
Boat: Is something wrong
Link: Begone, spawn of Satan
Boat: No, it’s okay. I’m a good guy, like you
Link: Oh…. I’m suddenly okay with the fact that you’re talking
Boat: Perfect. I am the King of Red Lions, by the way
Link: I’m Link
King of Red Lions: Now, I recall you trying to save your sister. That was either very brave, or very stupid
Link: ….. I dare you to call me stupid again. Let me remind you you’re made of wood. And...

Tetra: What. You want to come with us on our ship
Link: That’s what I said, isn’t it
Tetra: No. Out of the question
Link: Apparently, you’re forgetting something. I have an annoying grandmother that makes me do unspeakable things for her. My sister is the one who I force to do those things so I don’t have to do them. Without her, I have no chance of avoiding those said things. Now, you ARE going to help me get her out, and you are going to like it
Tetra: You must have some balls, kid. You think you can just tell us what to do. I am the captain of the pirates
Link: A bunch of pirates that...

Long ago, in the magical land of some castle, there lived a bunch of farmers who only had one horse. They worked all day because they aren’t technologically advanced. SERIOUSLY, BUY AN XBOX OR SOMETHING YOU CAVEMEN! Anyway, their land was rich with… corn, I guess, due to this magical triangle. They cherished this item so much, and vowed to protect it from all evil. So, it only makes sense that they just left it out in the open for anyone to come and take it. It just seems like the smart thing to do. Then, as if out of nowhere, the worlds largest black guy came from the earth, and took the...

Teacher: So, yeah, we had the kids do some interviews as a project for school. However, they were… um (Remembers he threw them in the garbage) Less than successful. Of course, if you want to look at them, you can. Just, please don’t put this on national TV
Man with Camera: Of course not
(That night)
News Anchor: Our camera man put all those taps on national TV. So, lets us see what wonderful work our societies children have done (Starts rolling tape)
(Students Interviews)
Wind: The school? Oh, it was a piece of shit since the day I first walked through the doors. All of the students there were...

Teacher: Okay, everyone, you have a new student joining our class
Wind: Why the hell would anyone want to go to this school
Teacher: I ask myself that all the time. Now, he is a new student, and it is your guy’s job to make him feel unwelcome, unloved, and pathetic. Her name is Megan
???: (Comes in, with a backpack covered in anime character stickers, and has blue hair) Konichiwa. But, my names not Megan, it’s Miku
Teacher: Whatever, just take a seat (Miku sits next to Wind and Cody)
Cody: Hey, Wind, looks, another fagface. You’re not alone after all
Wind: You do know I have the code to your...