Niall Horan Fanfic Chapter 21: My Heart Will Go On
I couldn’t breathe. He must be lying. This couldn’t be happening right? I was asleep and this was a nightmare.
“You’re kidding right? Like this is all some joke. Niall it’s not funny. Stop.” I said.
“Hazel, I’m so sorry.” He said his eyes were shining with tears.
“Niall?” I whispered and then I collapsed.
My body folded over and my head fell into Niall’s lap. Niall and I had been the only ones on the bus, but I had a feeling that everyone else knew.
I stayed like that for a while just sobbing into Niall. He rubbed my back and my head. I couldn’t believe my best friend had died. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.
A little while later everyone else came on the bus. I was sitting with my head on my knees. I wasn’t crying anymore. It felt like I was living in a dead state. Nothing mattered. Harry came and sat next to me.
“Hazel?” he said questioningly.
I couldn’t speak, but I turned my head to him face him in response.
“I know you’re sad. But we are all here for you every step of the way. Not just Niall. You can come to any of us, for anything, whenever.” He said putting his arm around me.
I buried my head in his neck and cried. He pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back. I was sobbing again. I started to hyperventilate. I couldn’t breathe. How could everything have gone so wrong so fast?
I somehow ended up in bed back at the hotel. I don’t know how or when I got there, or how or when I was going to leave. How could I possibly perform, I couldn’t even breathe without thinking of Ally and how she should be here. Alive.
There was a knock at the door. I couldn’t even get up to see who it was. Half of my life was missing. The knock got louder. I was starting to get really annoyed.
“Hazel!” someone shouted from outside the door.
“GO AWAY!” I screamed.
The door opened and Niall walked in.
“Hazel, you’ve been in here for two weeks. When are you going to get up?” he said sympathetically.
I’d been here for two weeks. I thought I’d been here only one day. I didn’t know where time was going. I honestly didn’t care.
“You can talk to me you know.” Niall said. He looked sad.
“Yeah.” I said nodding my head.
“Ally,” he said pausing slightly to look up and see my reaction at the name, seeing I was okay he continued, “She, she would want you to be happy. To get up every day and live your life. Live for her Hazel. Moping around and stopping your life won’t bring her back. She loved you and would want you to go on, with or without her. You’ll be okay. She’s somewhere up there watching over you.”
“Niall?” I said half whispering.
“Yeah?” he answered.
“Will I ever be okay again?” I said beginning to cry.
“Of course you will.” He said grabbing me and pulling me into a hug.
I buried my face in his arm. I cried softly. I could feel his heart beating. I could feel the warmth of his skin on mine, his breath on my head as he exhaled. I took in his smell. He was here. I needed him.
“Niall?” I said again.
“Yeah?” he answered again.
“Will I ever lose you?” I said.
“Hazel, no, just because Ally is gone doesn’t mean that everyone is going to die or leave you.” He said kissing my head.
“Niall, I love you.” I said.
“I love you too.” He answered.
We stayed like that for a while. Him holding me and slowly rocking me back and forth.
“Did I already miss the wake and funeral?” I asked him.
“Yeah, they happened a few days ago. I bought a condolence card and signed your name on it and sent it to Ally’s family, since you couldn’t go.” He said.
“I’m such a terrible friend.” I whispered.
“What? No don’t say that.” He said.
“I was too busy crying over me to go home and attend her funeral. They’ll only bury her once. I can’t make up for that.” I said beginning to hyperventilate.
“No Hazel, no stop.” Niall said rubbing my back.
“I’ll never be able to face her family.” I said.
“They’ll understand Hazel, you were grieving over her. Stop beating yourself up over this. Nothing is you fault. You are okay.” He said.
I kept crying. Nothing could make me feel better.
“We should probably pack your stuff.” Niall said.
“What? Why?” I asked.
“The tour, it’s over. We have a flight tomorrow.” He said.
“Am I going home?” I asked.
“Yes. You’re going back to Boston.” He said.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Ireland.” He mumbled.
“I have to go back alone?” I asked, starting to panic.
“Hazel, you’ll be fine. Trust me. I called your parents and they’ll pick you up from the airport. Everything will be okay. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready to do.” He said.
“Will you come and visit me? I won’t be able to make it without you.” I said shaking my head.
“Of course, I’m going home today, actually in a half an hour I have to leave, I’ll be there for two days. You’re leaving here tomorrow night. By the time you get home I’ll be there. The boys, Eleanor, and Danielle are taking you to the airport tomorrow. Everything will be okay.” He said.
“Okay.” I said calming down.
Niall packed my suitcases and then we said our goodbyes.
“I love you okay. Don’t forget that. I’m okay and so are you. I love you.” He said.
“I love you too.” I said kissing him.
He smiled at me and then walked away. I went and found Harry. He walked me into his room and brought my suitcases. I was going to stay with him until we had to leave. We spent all day and night sitting on the couch watching T.V.
“I’m starving. Do you want anything?” he asked.
“No.” I said.
“Haze you haven’t eaten in weeks, literally, wanna go out for ice cream?” he asked.
I was about to say no when I remembered what Niall said about Ally wanting me to live on. I wanted to live for her.
“Yeah.” I said mustering up the best smile I could.
“Cool.” Harry said.
We went out for ice cream and I had a really good time. I felt guilty that I was having fun while Ally was dead. I told Harry.
“Hazel, listen, it’s not your fault she died. Not having fun isn’t going to do anything for anyone. You are still alive, and you need to live.” He said.
I nodded. That made me fell a lot better.
The next day Harry took me to the airport. He hugged me goodbye and I didn’t want him to let go.
“I’ll see you soon, yeah?” he said.
“Yeah.” I answered.
I boarded the plane and took my seat. When we were up in the sky all I could think of was that Ally was up here too. I stared out the window the whole time until I got home. My parents greeted me at the airport. We drove home in silence. When I got there I went straight to me room. There were pictures of me and Ally everywhere. I almost took them down, but then I realized I wanted them there seeing her made me feel close to her.
I checked my phone and got a missed text from Niall.
From Niall:
Hey babe :)Be ready by 4 p.m. I love you babe :)xx wear black btw.
I got dressed and waited outside. A black limo pulled up to my house. Niall stepped out in a black suit. I love him.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Just get in.” he said.
I got in the limo and we drove away. I was really confused.
I couldn’t breathe. He must be lying. This couldn’t be happening right? I was asleep and this was a nightmare.
“You’re kidding right? Like this is all some joke. Niall it’s not funny. Stop.” I said.
“Hazel, I’m so sorry.” He said his eyes were shining with tears.
“Niall?” I whispered and then I collapsed.
My body folded over and my head fell into Niall’s lap. Niall and I had been the only ones on the bus, but I had a feeling that everyone else knew.
I stayed like that for a while just sobbing into Niall. He rubbed my back and my head. I couldn’t believe my best friend had died. I didn’t even get to say goodbye.
A little while later everyone else came on the bus. I was sitting with my head on my knees. I wasn’t crying anymore. It felt like I was living in a dead state. Nothing mattered. Harry came and sat next to me.
“Hazel?” he said questioningly.
I couldn’t speak, but I turned my head to him face him in response.
“I know you’re sad. But we are all here for you every step of the way. Not just Niall. You can come to any of us, for anything, whenever.” He said putting his arm around me.
I buried my head in his neck and cried. He pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back. I was sobbing again. I started to hyperventilate. I couldn’t breathe. How could everything have gone so wrong so fast?
I somehow ended up in bed back at the hotel. I don’t know how or when I got there, or how or when I was going to leave. How could I possibly perform, I couldn’t even breathe without thinking of Ally and how she should be here. Alive.
There was a knock at the door. I couldn’t even get up to see who it was. Half of my life was missing. The knock got louder. I was starting to get really annoyed.
“Hazel!” someone shouted from outside the door.
“GO AWAY!” I screamed.
The door opened and Niall walked in.
“Hazel, you’ve been in here for two weeks. When are you going to get up?” he said sympathetically.
I’d been here for two weeks. I thought I’d been here only one day. I didn’t know where time was going. I honestly didn’t care.
“You can talk to me you know.” Niall said. He looked sad.
“Yeah.” I said nodding my head.
“Ally,” he said pausing slightly to look up and see my reaction at the name, seeing I was okay he continued, “She, she would want you to be happy. To get up every day and live your life. Live for her Hazel. Moping around and stopping your life won’t bring her back. She loved you and would want you to go on, with or without her. You’ll be okay. She’s somewhere up there watching over you.”
“Niall?” I said half whispering.
“Yeah?” he answered.
“Will I ever be okay again?” I said beginning to cry.
“Of course you will.” He said grabbing me and pulling me into a hug.
I buried my face in his arm. I cried softly. I could feel his heart beating. I could feel the warmth of his skin on mine, his breath on my head as he exhaled. I took in his smell. He was here. I needed him.
“Niall?” I said again.
“Yeah?” he answered again.
“Will I ever lose you?” I said.
“Hazel, no, just because Ally is gone doesn’t mean that everyone is going to die or leave you.” He said kissing my head.
“Niall, I love you.” I said.
“I love you too.” He answered.
We stayed like that for a while. Him holding me and slowly rocking me back and forth.
“Did I already miss the wake and funeral?” I asked him.
“Yeah, they happened a few days ago. I bought a condolence card and signed your name on it and sent it to Ally’s family, since you couldn’t go.” He said.
“I’m such a terrible friend.” I whispered.
“What? No don’t say that.” He said.
“I was too busy crying over me to go home and attend her funeral. They’ll only bury her once. I can’t make up for that.” I said beginning to hyperventilate.
“No Hazel, no stop.” Niall said rubbing my back.
“I’ll never be able to face her family.” I said.
“They’ll understand Hazel, you were grieving over her. Stop beating yourself up over this. Nothing is you fault. You are okay.” He said.
I kept crying. Nothing could make me feel better.
“We should probably pack your stuff.” Niall said.
“What? Why?” I asked.
“The tour, it’s over. We have a flight tomorrow.” He said.
“Am I going home?” I asked.
“Yes. You’re going back to Boston.” He said.
“Where are you going?” I asked.
“Ireland.” He mumbled.
“I have to go back alone?” I asked, starting to panic.
“Hazel, you’ll be fine. Trust me. I called your parents and they’ll pick you up from the airport. Everything will be okay. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t ready to do.” He said.
“Will you come and visit me? I won’t be able to make it without you.” I said shaking my head.
“Of course, I’m going home today, actually in a half an hour I have to leave, I’ll be there for two days. You’re leaving here tomorrow night. By the time you get home I’ll be there. The boys, Eleanor, and Danielle are taking you to the airport tomorrow. Everything will be okay.” He said.
“Okay.” I said calming down.
Niall packed my suitcases and then we said our goodbyes.
“I love you okay. Don’t forget that. I’m okay and so are you. I love you.” He said.
“I love you too.” I said kissing him.
He smiled at me and then walked away. I went and found Harry. He walked me into his room and brought my suitcases. I was going to stay with him until we had to leave. We spent all day and night sitting on the couch watching T.V.
“I’m starving. Do you want anything?” he asked.
“No.” I said.
“Haze you haven’t eaten in weeks, literally, wanna go out for ice cream?” he asked.
I was about to say no when I remembered what Niall said about Ally wanting me to live on. I wanted to live for her.
“Yeah.” I said mustering up the best smile I could.
“Cool.” Harry said.
We went out for ice cream and I had a really good time. I felt guilty that I was having fun while Ally was dead. I told Harry.
“Hazel, listen, it’s not your fault she died. Not having fun isn’t going to do anything for anyone. You are still alive, and you need to live.” He said.
I nodded. That made me fell a lot better.
The next day Harry took me to the airport. He hugged me goodbye and I didn’t want him to let go.
“I’ll see you soon, yeah?” he said.
“Yeah.” I answered.
I boarded the plane and took my seat. When we were up in the sky all I could think of was that Ally was up here too. I stared out the window the whole time until I got home. My parents greeted me at the airport. We drove home in silence. When I got there I went straight to me room. There were pictures of me and Ally everywhere. I almost took them down, but then I realized I wanted them there seeing her made me feel close to her.
I checked my phone and got a missed text from Niall.
From Niall:
Hey babe :)Be ready by 4 p.m. I love you babe :)xx wear black btw.
I got dressed and waited outside. A black limo pulled up to my house. Niall stepped out in a black suit. I love him.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“Just get in.” he said.
I got in the limo and we drove away. I was really confused.
