You know my mind got to thinking the other day when the heavens opened and Emmalee posted those lovely topless pictures of Megan Fox on the set of her new flick. We certainly are a society transfixed on celebrities, aren’t we? I can hear my boy, Hopp, now: “I’d let her do me.” Hell wouldn’t we all?

After a few steamy minutes of uh, deep thinking something else came running into my frontal lobe: The Celebrity 5. You know, that little list you have in your head (or printed and laminated) of the 5 celebrities you’d be free to have sex with should a miracle transpire that put you into a situation to do so? It’s kind of silly, but we love movie stars and live for putting things into list form.


I’ll admit, I am quite old fashioned and when I am with a woman; I kind of think of myself as only being with her. I don’t tend to fantasize about other women, famous or otherwise. To me, it’s kind of the whole point in being with her, she’s the one I want to be with! But I know I’m quiet company on that one. Furthermore, I don’t see being obsessed about Megan Fox or Angelina Jolie any “better” than being all hot for the girl who works in the next cubicle. I mean, I have as much a shot with her as I do Britney Spears, right? The excuse that “it’s okay because it would never happen” is kind of a cop-out to me, honestly. If I am dating you I am obsessed with you and your breasts, not the ladies on The Real Housewives of New Jersey or their “bubbies.”
That being said The Rabid One is single and free to dream, I suppose I could formulate a list of eligible “never gonna happens.”

In no particular order, famous chicks I’d make movies with:

Amy Adams from Enchanted, is likely one of the most adorable actresses in Hollywood so she’ll do for my fantasy. I love girls who, even though they are beautiful or hot, have no problem being cute. Cute is totally underrated. Oh and “brunettes are fine, blonds are fun, but when it comes to getting a dirty job done I’ll take a Red Headed Woman.”


Kate Winslet is gorgeous, British, an Oscar winner, voluptuous, and not afraid to be naked. Check please.


Katy Perry is someone I’d wake up in Vegas with for sure. Very sassy and terribly sexy, a lethal combination for a boy like me. Her eyes tell me so many stories that I can’t even begin to write. She certainly had my attention in concert back in April. Faux bi-sexuality is still bi-sexuality.


Audrey Tautou est beau, international, et complètement hypnotisant.


Natalya Neidhart my be a WWE Diva, but I’d let her pin me any day of the week. She’s young, totally smoking hot, um a wrestler, and hell even located here in Tampa Bay. I submit, I submit!


So who’s on YOUR list Creative Loafing readers? Choose wisely so you don’t pull a Ross: