Tommy: Cole... you stupid.

Pam: This is great. This is really, really, great. I fly all the way here with Harold Muppet and the Blue Notes, and I still can't get out of this marriage.

Tommy: Sheneneh, you say you're a Christian woman... yet you sit here and you lie to these people. Now you better tell 'em the truth and tell them now!

Sheneneh: Oh, my goodness! Somebody get me the witness protection program!

Martin: Pam, do you prefer to be called "Ms. or Mr."?
Pam: Do you prefer "Jack" or "a**"?

Martin: Darn it, Tommy! We don't need umbilical cords! This is TV!

Valentino: I told you, you could...