So I'm just copying & pasting what i messaged to Rachel because i just completely lack the energy to re-type everything... I'm just, i just need you guys to understand that things are shitty right now & please don't hold it against me if I'm a little off for the next few days. I'm going to probably do some random picks to try and distract myself, and i will be working on the icon requests, but yeah... Just bare with me.

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My mom tried to kill herself today.

She called me at work, told me she was sorry to do this to me at work & when i asked what she meant, she said she was calling to say goodbye. My stepdad was at his wits end and left in the late part of the morning, and he took her credit & debit cards and left her with no way of getting anything - which is exactly what is needed.

She took a bunch of kolonopine, at least 20, and said - "If they don't work, i will do whatever i have to, to kill myself."

I said, "Please don't this." but she said she wouldn't keep living like this and that she had already said goodbye to Jake and Kenny.

I hung up and immediately called 911. Thankfully Richie, the father of the 2 children i nanny for, was working from home today and he told me to go, go make sure everything was okay.

When i got to my house, the ambulance and cops were here but they couldn't get it so i went to unlock the door for them... she had barricaded the front door with TWO freaking tables, the back door with a chair with the vacuum stacked on top of it. Her bedroom door was barricaded with her big bedside table as well as a heater and something else i think. And then she was locked up in the bathroom, laying down with a pillow and i believe - i didn't see firsthand - she had at least one or two things blocking THAT door...

I truly believe she was waiting to see if the pills actually killed her...

Well of course she lied through her teeth and said she hadn't taken anything & she hadn't said she was going to kill herself. The EMT's and police didn't believe her anyways, but they made sure i was willing to verify everything she had said to me, which i of course was.

They told her she could either willingly go to the hospital in the ambulance or they would handcuff her and take her in a police car - she of course continued to refuse and say she didn't do anything.

When they finally lead her out, Jake and I were standing to the side and she just started spewing her bullshit at me. Telling me she hates me, called me a fucking bitch, said she hopes i rot in hell, etc. She said i was "getting her locked up again"...

I just, I'm so tired of her disrupting our daily lives. WE'RE ALL TIRED OF IT! Kenny is at the end of his rope. Jake is so frustrated with all the yelling and fighting - he has been diagnosed as bi-polar & has adhd, and he's taking his medication and really, REALLY trying to keep his emotions in check, but all the drama she stirs up is NOT good for him. He's had to witness a hell of a lot of bullshit in his life - all this shit with her and pills, drama between me and Kenny in the past, all the crap Kevin used to bring in to our lives, not to mention other drama with my mom regarding her not having a job, etc. - and it's just really unfair.

I'm still waiting on the doctor to call me, apparently it's just really busy at all the hospitals today. I guess no matter what the holiday, ANY holiday packs the hospitals. I spoke with a nurse in the "Behavioral Ward" approx. a half hour ago and she let me know that they hadn't even done the initial evaluation on my mom so that's why i hadn't gotten a phone call yet. They're just really backed up.

But i already spoke with a nurse in the ward earlier and i let them know that we -me, kenny, jake, all of our family- very much want my mom to get the help she needs. We want her kept in the hospital and given the treatment she needs. We do NOT want her to be released in only a day or so.

So yeah... I'm just crazy stressed right now.

Holly, that's horrible. I can't even tell you I know how it feels because I really, really don't or I'm sorry because that just does not cut it in a situation like this. I know you love your mom and the stuff she says to you really hurts but your mom is clearly in trouble and I'm glad you and your siblings are working on getting her help.

I suck at giving advice or saying the right things so I just want to say hang in there, you really are a strong, beautiful, and amazing person who does NOT deserve all this. I really admire your strength and I admire the fact that you've stuck with your mom through all this, where most children would have given up and I'm really proud of you. I hope your mom gets the help that she needs and I hope she becomes happier and no longer feels the need to end her life to feel happy.

But with all that being said, please also take care of yourself. Don't stop caring for yourself through all this and don't feel like this is your fault or that you deserve this or anything like that because yeah...you don't. I just really want you to know that your amazing and I love you and that I'm ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS here for you.Don't ever hesitate to come talk to me and my prayers are with you in this tough time<33 Feel better Hollister and I hope everything turns out okay♥

LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK X1000000000!

Here watch your baby's:)

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Ugh Holly I'm so sorry and I love you, and just know that I'm here for you okay?! <33

Here you go: link and link

And link I know you don't watch it but they have the best bloopers :P

Holly. I can't imagine what you're going through. I hope everything gets better with your mom. Don't be upset with your mom for the things she said to you. She wasn't in the best place. I'm sure she didn't mean any of it. I want you to know that all of us are here for you. <333


Here some videos I think you will enjoy. <3
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Holly, I'm so sorry. I know how much it hurts to know someone you love tried to kill themselves. You did the good thing and called 911. The stuff she said to you may hurt but you saved her life and she'll thank you for that someday. I hope your mother gets the help she really needs. Stay strong. <3

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Thank you guys, i really appreciate everything.

I will be watching these videos during every commercial break while Teen Wolf is on & then after it is over.

If i could request something specific from you guys? - Vine compilations! If you've watched any really funny "Best of" / "Funniest" vine compilations - preferably ones that are at least 5-10 minutes long, and longer than 10 is fine! Link me! I love watching a mash-up of lots of hilarious vines, they make me so happy & keep me laughing.

Here you go Hollister:

This is only one vine but the first time I watched it I laughed really hard...I'm a dork:P
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So I haven't seen this one fully but yeah:P
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Here's one just of cats:)
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Oh I also made you these...they suck and probably won't cheer you up but whatever:P
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Holly hun, I'm so sorry to hear that. I suck at being comforting/giving advice, but I am a good listener so if you ever want to tell me anything I'm right here. Just know that we all love you no matter what, and you'll always have a home here. LOVE YOU<33

These are some things that cheer me up, so I'm sure they'll cheer you up too :D
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Dude, I read your PM and I'd like to reply to you personally. I will do it as soon as I can, today. I just want you to know that I'm so sorry and that I love you. But yeah, I'll say more in the PM.

God this was horrible for you, I don't know the feeling but I can imagine it :(
I read it this morning but I didn't have time to talk to you, it must have been awful for my big sis...
I can't express my deep sadness for your mom, not you, you are admirable!
I was hugging my Hollister jacket all day because it might have helped my actually Hollister feel just a lil bit better (which I doubt), I cannot suggest you any videos because I don't think internet is the best choice for you right now. You need (IMO) to be with your actuall family, your siblings need you, and I believe that they can help you forget it for a mount! Your online family's prays are with you the whole day, but your actual family can give you moments of joy in this hell. I'm sure btw that your mom will be better and with the right medication things will get back to normal...


ILY SO MUCH, your Kurt <3

Again I'm so sorry for what you go through and hope you'll feel better really soon. We all love you, hang on in there <333333333
link I find it hilarious :p

Gosh Holly, this is so horrible, I can't even tell you how sorry I am for you. Nobody deserves to go through something like this, especially someone so amazing like yourself. I really hope with all of my heart that your mom gets the help she needs. All the stuff she said about hating you, that wasn't her, that were the pain & the medication talking. Your mom loves you, I'm sure of that. I also want you to know how proud I am of you. Even though it's really hard on you, you're trying everything in your power to make everything better. Your little brothers are so lucky to have you in a time like this. You need to be strong for them too, and they need you so much right. Have faith Hollister!! We all support & adore you. And no matter what, we're always here for you!

LOVE YOU XXXXX

Some Teen Wolf:
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Omg, Holly. I just don't know what to say. All I can say is that i'm here for you 1000000% and that I love you. Don't hesitate to hit me up for ANYTHING.

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Holly baby <3 i admire you so much for being so brave&strong and I really hope you 'll stay like this . I'm verry verry sorry for what's going on right now in your life and I'm pretty sure it's just a phase and you mom will get better . I agree with Celine ,this wasn't your mom talking it was the pain . Just be strong and find some time for yourself in order to relax and keep up in being there for your brothers .
I'm sendind you ALL MY LOVE
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we're here for you<333

I don't know you that well yet, but I do see you're clearly going through a hard time.
What I can tell you is be strong, and do what you think is right in this case. (Well, you did do the right thing already.)
And like Celine said, it wasn't your mom, it was her pain that was talking. Sometimes people can't be that strong. You saved your mom's life, you should feel something for that at least. And be there for your family, they really need it right now.
Like I said before, stay strong. Maybe it's just a matter of time before everything ends.

Thank you guys, i appreciate all your kindness and it really does help.

Right now what's going on:

My mom is still in the ER for now, she's refusing to voluntarily check herself in to the psychiatric ward, so what that basically means is that she will be put in involuntarily, and will probably held for 1 week or longer, versus the 3 days she would have been held if she went voluntarily. My stepdad and i are trying to talk with the hospital about immediately putting her in to rehab afterwards, but we don't know if we'll be able to.

We're talking about possibly having to get a restraining order because she has threatened both of us. She's telling me she's never going to forgive me, etc. etc. etc. She's telling him if he doesn't get her out of there - which he couldn't even if he wanted to, not that he does since we all agree that she desperately needs help, anyways - she's telling him she's going to divorce him, etc. She's trying anything and everything she can think of to try and manipulate us in to feeling guilty but it's not going to work.

She's telling us that she's going to make our lives miserable when she gets out... we've already worried before all this what she might do to one or both of us, but now we're especially concerned. So please don't think us heartless for thinking about a restraining order/not letting her come home. We just want her to do what she needs to do - get help. And we know that if we let her come home before/without going to rehab, she'll just find excuses to not get help and we can't do this anymore.

Of course you guys aren't heartless. You're doing the right thing. She needs to get help.

No one would think that you're heartless because of that. All you're doing is just helping her and I hope your mom understand that.

Aww, Holly, sweetie I'm so sorry. You don't deserve to be put through this shit. But like Celine said, I really think your mom doesn't mean what she says and it's just her pain talking. Hang on though, because I believe that things will get better, because you're a good person with a heart of gold and you'll get exactly what you deserve in time, but for now I think you should do what you're doing and find the best help for your mom as well as your younger brothers, who are also a priority in this I believe, and I understand why you and your step-dad got a restraining order, it's not heartless :)
As for funny things to cheer you up, I have a couple stories and videos (which you may or may not have seen before):
So when I came back to school from vacation I slipped 5 times in one day :P It was embarrassing, everyone watched and asked if I was okay and I was just thinking 'wow this must be like some new record for me' XD
And here are some vines I found to be really funny:
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And here's just random funny videos:
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I hope these cheered you up and let me know how it goes and remember we're here for you no matter what :)

Holly you're doing the right thing in order to help her and can be all happy again !

I'm sorry I'm being late for this but I'm really sorry for what's happenning right now. I can't imagine what it's like to be in your shoes right now but I've beean dealing with family dramas too and I know how hard it can be.

I am a hundred purcent sure that you are doing the right thing for your mom. You don't deserve what she's doing or telling. You are helping her the best way you can and that's all that matters. I hope everything will eventually be better even though it will probably take so many time. I'm here if you need to confess, or jus talk about anything.