This was not written by me but by Ellyn, a fanfiction writer.
It's a humorous story about what would happen if 21 century girl's(a Legolas/Bloom fangirl's) dream came true and she was transported into Middle Earth and accompany the fellowship.
Warning:Very realistic story!
chapter 3
More 21 st century city-girl troubles in the wild
Night was no better than the day. Okay, at least she didn't have to walk for those few hours, but that was the only good thing. She didn't sleep well, despite being tired. In all her life, Amber Aphrodite Crystal has never known anything else but a warm room, clean sheets and a soft bed. And here? The cold wind made her shiver in the sleeping bag they gave her. Creepy, threatening night sounds made her jump awake every time she started to fall asleep. Roots and stones seemed to be everywhere, pressing every part of her body, not letting her settle comfortably.
Even worse, she couldn't brush her teeth before going to sleep! She didn't even bother asking if they had toothpaste. They had surely never heard about that. When did an ordinary thing like a toothpaste become a luxury? Since you fell into Middle-earth. The dialogue in her head was becoming all too familiar.
And above all that, they still didn't trust her. After supper – which didn't taste very good (hey, who would like nothing but tough dried meat for supper, after they claimed it would be too dangerous to light a fire to make a meal and so didn't even try for game?) – she attempted to explain that she was no enemy. The first part of her story held water: she came from very far away, which would explain her strange looks, and she didn't know how she got there. She told them she had suddenly found herself in the middle of storm that appeared without warning, and after a strong flash of lightning, she lost consciousness and woke up where they had found her. She cleverly skipped the description of her world. Perhaps some magic that not even she understood had transferred her here, she suggested. But when asked how she knew their names and so many things about them, she could give no answer they would find plausible and trustworthy. You know, a writer from my world – which by the way seems to be connected to yours – somehow got insight into what's up with all of you, so he described it in one of his books. And I read everything that would go down. She laughed bitterly at the thought; she didn't even try to utter the words. They'd never believe her.
Why, oh why had she let them know she had recognized them when she had fallen into Middle-earth? If only she had kept her mouth shut! She'd have more chance if she had played a lost girl who had no idea where she was. She could've faked a memory loss. But no, she didn't think fast enough. Some of the people who knew her would say that her brains often worked slowly. Just like in this case.
So, after a long night, morning found her tired and grumpy. She was sleep-deprived, every part of her body hurt, and she was hungry. But what did they have for breakfast? Was there warm milk, or coffee, butter, or soft bread? No! All they had was the same dried meat as yesterday.
If nothing else, at least she got her comb back. But for the very first time in her life, her looks weren't at the top of her priorities; right now, toilet paper and breakfast were. And could she get them? The first was as far away as the stars, and the second was not the way she wanted. So, after certain things were done in the bushes – ouch, the not-so-soft leaves again – she tried to eat a little bit of the meat, but she didn't like it much. It was too salty and tough for her preferences. But how to tell them what she really wanted? If she mentioned cornflakes or chocolate muesli, they'd only become even more suspicious upon hearing those unknown names. And they didn't have them anyway. So she just sighed and continued to chew dried meat.
While some prepared to leave and some finished their breakfast, Merry and Pippin approached Boromir, asking him to continue their sword-play lessons. Amber observed them; they were imitating his moves as they practiced a fight. Watching their fluid and graceful movements, she was fascinated and delighted. For a few short moments, she forgot her troubles, enjoying the scene in front of her. And it seemed so simple! I bet I could learn that too! She swallowed the last bite of her breakfast and edged closer to them.
"I would like to learn sword-play too," she said, looking at Boromir. All the heads turned towards her – some in wonder, some with suspicion.
"And why?" Boromir asked.
Isn't it obvious, you idiot? "I want to help you fight enemies." And to become one to help defeat Sauron.
Boromir didn't reply immediately, but exchanged glances with Aragorn and Gandalf. It seemed to her that some unspoken speech passed between them, but she couldn't decipher it. Finally, he turned to her with an unreadable expression in his eyes and with what seemed like a hint of smile on his face, though she couldn't be sure.
"Here, take it," he said, passing the sword to her. "Then I'll show you what to do..."
She took the sword with her right hand and almost dropped it. The damn thing was so fuckin' heavy! She tightened her grip, but could do nothing else but hold it with its blade down, just like she would hold a shopping bag. She then used both hands and managed to lift it, but that was all. She could make no movement with it. Yeah, avoiding gym classes was definitely a bad choice. I bet ugly Eleanor wouldn't have problems with this, she thought furiously. Eleanor was a girl from her class, tall and muscular, who had won school's 100-meter dash championship three years in a row; their coach predicted that the girl had improved enough to be a serious candidate for a state champion. Stupid Eleanor! With angry lightning flashing from her eyes, Amber gave the sword back to Boromir and went away, ashamed and furious.
Soon after, they went on and started the day's march. Her sore feet screamed with each step she made. The bitch Eleanor wouldn't have problems with walking either, would she? And as if it wasn't enough, new trouble was coming closer and closer. The heavy grey clouds that were at first far off on the western horizon quickly drew nearer, carried by the cold, strong wind.
The additional tunics and cloak they gave her were of no avail against the cold raindrops. The cloak was thick and water-proof to a certain point, but it was not exactly made of Gore-Tex. So, she got quite wet. The hood wasn't of much help, either; her hair soon became damp. When did an ordinary thing like an umbrella...? Yes, yes, I know. This is Middle-earth, and every fucking ordinary thing is a luxury here! Her Saucony sneakers were quickly soaked through. She hated everything and everyone at the moment. Her damp, dirty, stinky clothes drove her insane. Every part of her body ached. And besides, she was aware that she must look awful. What a shame for Amber Aphrodite Crystal! What would other girls say if they could now see her horrible, messy 'do? Some of them, especially that bitch Jennifer who wanted to be the Prom Queen, would be really happy and would have a good laugh.
No water. Endless march. No toothpaste. No shower. Cold. Wet. No deodorant. Muscles screaming at each step. She just couldn't stop counting her troubles. Was it really only a day since she fell into Middle-earth?!?
It's a humorous story about what would happen if 21 century girl's(a Legolas/Bloom fangirl's) dream came true and she was transported into Middle Earth and accompany the fellowship.
Warning:Very realistic story!
chapter 3
More 21 st century city-girl troubles in the wild
Night was no better than the day. Okay, at least she didn't have to walk for those few hours, but that was the only good thing. She didn't sleep well, despite being tired. In all her life, Amber Aphrodite Crystal has never known anything else but a warm room, clean sheets and a soft bed. And here? The cold wind made her shiver in the sleeping bag they gave her. Creepy, threatening night sounds made her jump awake every time she started to fall asleep. Roots and stones seemed to be everywhere, pressing every part of her body, not letting her settle comfortably.
Even worse, she couldn't brush her teeth before going to sleep! She didn't even bother asking if they had toothpaste. They had surely never heard about that. When did an ordinary thing like a toothpaste become a luxury? Since you fell into Middle-earth. The dialogue in her head was becoming all too familiar.
And above all that, they still didn't trust her. After supper – which didn't taste very good (hey, who would like nothing but tough dried meat for supper, after they claimed it would be too dangerous to light a fire to make a meal and so didn't even try for game?) – she attempted to explain that she was no enemy. The first part of her story held water: she came from very far away, which would explain her strange looks, and she didn't know how she got there. She told them she had suddenly found herself in the middle of storm that appeared without warning, and after a strong flash of lightning, she lost consciousness and woke up where they had found her. She cleverly skipped the description of her world. Perhaps some magic that not even she understood had transferred her here, she suggested. But when asked how she knew their names and so many things about them, she could give no answer they would find plausible and trustworthy. You know, a writer from my world – which by the way seems to be connected to yours – somehow got insight into what's up with all of you, so he described it in one of his books. And I read everything that would go down. She laughed bitterly at the thought; she didn't even try to utter the words. They'd never believe her.
Why, oh why had she let them know she had recognized them when she had fallen into Middle-earth? If only she had kept her mouth shut! She'd have more chance if she had played a lost girl who had no idea where she was. She could've faked a memory loss. But no, she didn't think fast enough. Some of the people who knew her would say that her brains often worked slowly. Just like in this case.
So, after a long night, morning found her tired and grumpy. She was sleep-deprived, every part of her body hurt, and she was hungry. But what did they have for breakfast? Was there warm milk, or coffee, butter, or soft bread? No! All they had was the same dried meat as yesterday.
If nothing else, at least she got her comb back. But for the very first time in her life, her looks weren't at the top of her priorities; right now, toilet paper and breakfast were. And could she get them? The first was as far away as the stars, and the second was not the way she wanted. So, after certain things were done in the bushes – ouch, the not-so-soft leaves again – she tried to eat a little bit of the meat, but she didn't like it much. It was too salty and tough for her preferences. But how to tell them what she really wanted? If she mentioned cornflakes or chocolate muesli, they'd only become even more suspicious upon hearing those unknown names. And they didn't have them anyway. So she just sighed and continued to chew dried meat.
While some prepared to leave and some finished their breakfast, Merry and Pippin approached Boromir, asking him to continue their sword-play lessons. Amber observed them; they were imitating his moves as they practiced a fight. Watching their fluid and graceful movements, she was fascinated and delighted. For a few short moments, she forgot her troubles, enjoying the scene in front of her. And it seemed so simple! I bet I could learn that too! She swallowed the last bite of her breakfast and edged closer to them.
"I would like to learn sword-play too," she said, looking at Boromir. All the heads turned towards her – some in wonder, some with suspicion.
"And why?" Boromir asked.
Isn't it obvious, you idiot? "I want to help you fight enemies." And to become one to help defeat Sauron.
Boromir didn't reply immediately, but exchanged glances with Aragorn and Gandalf. It seemed to her that some unspoken speech passed between them, but she couldn't decipher it. Finally, he turned to her with an unreadable expression in his eyes and with what seemed like a hint of smile on his face, though she couldn't be sure.
"Here, take it," he said, passing the sword to her. "Then I'll show you what to do..."
She took the sword with her right hand and almost dropped it. The damn thing was so fuckin' heavy! She tightened her grip, but could do nothing else but hold it with its blade down, just like she would hold a shopping bag. She then used both hands and managed to lift it, but that was all. She could make no movement with it. Yeah, avoiding gym classes was definitely a bad choice. I bet ugly Eleanor wouldn't have problems with this, she thought furiously. Eleanor was a girl from her class, tall and muscular, who had won school's 100-meter dash championship three years in a row; their coach predicted that the girl had improved enough to be a serious candidate for a state champion. Stupid Eleanor! With angry lightning flashing from her eyes, Amber gave the sword back to Boromir and went away, ashamed and furious.
Soon after, they went on and started the day's march. Her sore feet screamed with each step she made. The bitch Eleanor wouldn't have problems with walking either, would she? And as if it wasn't enough, new trouble was coming closer and closer. The heavy grey clouds that were at first far off on the western horizon quickly drew nearer, carried by the cold, strong wind.
The additional tunics and cloak they gave her were of no avail against the cold raindrops. The cloak was thick and water-proof to a certain point, but it was not exactly made of Gore-Tex. So, she got quite wet. The hood wasn't of much help, either; her hair soon became damp. When did an ordinary thing like an umbrella...? Yes, yes, I know. This is Middle-earth, and every fucking ordinary thing is a luxury here! Her Saucony sneakers were quickly soaked through. She hated everything and everyone at the moment. Her damp, dirty, stinky clothes drove her insane. Every part of her body ached. And besides, she was aware that she must look awful. What a shame for Amber Aphrodite Crystal! What would other girls say if they could now see her horrible, messy 'do? Some of them, especially that bitch Jennifer who wanted to be the Prom Queen, would be really happy and would have a good laugh.
No water. Endless march. No toothpaste. No shower. Cold. Wet. No deodorant. Muscles screaming at each step. She just couldn't stop counting her troubles. Was it really only a day since she fell into Middle-earth?!?
