HAYLEY'S POV:
As school was coming to a close, I thought we would go somewhere for another live show, out of Tennessee during the summer. But for now the final tests were coming, and I was stressing way too much. If this band thing didn't work out, I needed a Plan B. The more I thought of it, the more I doubted our band. We didn't even have a band name yet. We did some live shows without even saying our band name. That's when I knew we needed one, and fast. I called another band meeting.
"Can we go back to Hot Wheels?" Zac asked, hopeful.
Josh groaned and looked over at his brother. "I thought we settled this already."
The answer set Zac's expression into a deep-set frown, well, more a pout, really. "Come on!!"
I only laughed as the two shot back and fourth at each other with words. "Stop it, you guys," I finally said.
"So Hayley, you haven't pitched in any ideas at all lately. Got any?" Josh asked. Everyone turned their heads toward me. It was strangely awkward, and there was a pause. "Well, since you put me on the spot," I began, "I was thinking....maybe...no, it's stupid."
"Come on, Hayles! There isn't a right or wrong answer in this one," Josh assured me.
"Okay...well..." I started pausing again but the curious look in all their faces had begged me to go on. "I was thinking...Paramore."
The rest of the band turned towards each other in some silent conversation that they seemed to only understand. There was some kind of compromise being worked out, and based on the looks on their faces, they were considering the idea. "It's not bad. I actually like it," Zac said, nodding.
"Yeah, how did you think of it, Hayles?" Josh asked.
"It means secret lover...well, the homonym, that is. I just changed up the spelling to P-A-R-A-M-O-R-E. And it's from one of my old friend's maiden names. I just thought it sounded cool."
The rest of the band had adopted the name and soon we became so used to it that it was official. It became more comfortable introducing the band as Paramore on our local shows. We usually did one live show every week or two, and continued writing songs. The other half of the time I was studying hard for our final exams. If I didn't pass, I would kill myself. Okay, so not that drastic, but still, I really think I'd explode. The more I stressed, the more I felt myself drift from our band. Each rehearsal I'd have my head stuck in a book sometimes. The guys would have to snap me back into reality and out of study-world. I couldn't believe myself. I'd blow Josh off sometimes just to study harder. I wasn't making much progress with my personal relationship with him. I couldn't blame him if he started to hate me. I hated myself right now, completely stressed about finals and tests. If I wanted to patch things up, this might be the right time to.
"Hayles?" Josh answered on the other line.
"Josh...I miss you."
"Yeah...I've been missing you, um, the past two weeks. You've been super busy." Josh stressed the word busy, saying it in a way that made me feel shame for lying to him for the tests.
"You want to go out tonight?" I offered.
"Nah...I'm busy studying," Josh replied honestly.
Ironic, I thought to myself. "You think I can study with you?" I asked.
Josh laughed softly and agreed. "See you here, then."
I appeared at his doorway only minutes after the conversation with a pile load of books. "Hey," I greeted, as Josh opened the door with a bright grin, a grin so happy that I was almost sad to see it go. "I think we need to catch up on more than the studying. Sorry I haven't been," I sighed to myself, "Josh, I'm sorry I was blowing you off every time you offered to go out. It's just I'm freaked over these tests. I don't know if we will pass. I mean it's not like I don't want to do music for a living, because I do, but what if we don't make it so well in the music industry? I'm stressing over a plan B, so to speak."
In a gentleman like manner, Josh took the books out of my arms and led me inside. I rubbed the temples of my forehead gently and sighed again. "I really need some tea right now."
Josh handed me my tea and sat down next to me in the living room. I smiled up at him as he handed me the cup, feeling completely undeserving for a person who cared so much; too much. "Thanks," I said, sipping, wishing I could give him more than words. Almost as quickly as I had gulped the tea down, I spit it out and blew it all over his shirt. Josh just laughed and shrugged it off. "Sorry, forgot to tell you it was hot." I got up and began trying to help him. My efforts weren't working out so well, when all I had were my hands. "Don't worry Hayley," he said, grabbing my fretting hands off of his shirt, "it's okay. I've got another shirt in the laundry room."
He rushed over somewhere and was back out in the living room with another shirt. As he lifted it over his head, my damn hormones started kicking in. Although it should have been so easy to watch him now, his bare chest exposed, considering how completely comfortable we were around each other, I found myself being unable to breathe. Dear Lord, I was fucking hyperventilating.
"Umm..Hayley?" He asked, his face confused.
I entered back into reality and gaped at him for a while. "Huh?"
"You ready to study?" He asked with a laugh, realizing what was going on. I sighed. The embarrassment sent a flush of red into my cheeks.
"Yes," I squeaked, sitting next to him.
It didn't take too long for us to stop focusing on studying and start pitching ideas for songs. We had a manuscript paper in front of us and I started writing lyrics. I had already let my feelings about Josh write the song out for me. It only took thirty minutes to produce my own melodic lyrics for it. I entitled it Brighter, and showed it to Josh. As he read over it, I could tell he had already started making little guitar melodies in his own head. He faced me, looking impressed.
"I love it," he said. "As usual."
I smiled and laughed. "It was really for you."
The corners of Josh's mouth pulled up into a wide grin. "Aaww. Thanks Hayles," he said as he wrapped one arm around me.
I smiled at the intimate moment. It felt good to be in Josh's arms again.
He leaned in and kissed me softly. Once he had pulled away, I grabbed the thread of his shirt and pulled him in, kissing him madly. Good the dude didn't fight back, and I found myself being lied down into the carpet as we shared a much needed kiss.
JAELYN'S POV:
I felt like such a stupid idiot for standing outside Josh's wide open window. But what I saw hurt the most. It's not like I didn't see it before, but Hayley and Josh were smack in the middle of a make out session. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to act. I hated Hayley Williams with a passion. I couldn't bear this whole going out thing anymore, I really just could not let him go.
It was a warm and breezy Saturday night when my plan went into action. I left a pile of roses in front of Hayley's doorstep, with a card attached to them.
HAYLEY'S POV:
There was a knock.
I looked up from my books, startled. I cracked the door open to look around for who it was, but there was no one in sight. At my feet though, was a pile of red roses. I smiled as I grabbed for them. Attached was a white card, with 'To: Hayley' written on it. I carefully held the roses in my arms as I tried to open the card.
Hey Hayles,
Meet me at my house tonight.
Love,
Joshie
I grinned and put the roses in one of mom's unused vases before I slipped on a jacket and some Vans. I sprinted towards Josh's house in such a pace that left my legs aching, but wasn't ready for what I saw.
There was Jaelyn, sprawled across Josh's lap, stroking his hair. He looked like he was fighting back, trying to push her off him, but then her lips landed on his, and he didn't pull away. Well, I wouldn't know, because I started to cry. I started to cry so hard it felt like my eyes would blast out of my face. Jaelyn then pulled away and Josh turned towards the window, watching me watch them both. A wave of shock and pain washed over his face as he watched me cry, but I couldn't take it any longer. Jaelyn just smirked. I ran away quickly before he could call after me, locked the door and fell against it, burying my face in my hands.
My phone had constantly rung throughout the night, so much so that I had ended up turning it off. By the morning, I had 48 missed calls, and they all came from Josh. No matter how much I wanted to reply, I couldn't. Jaelyn was involved though, no doubt there was something she had done. He obviously hated her. But why let her into his house? I started to cry as I thought about that night again, such a crisp memory recalling in my brain. I couldn't decide if it was right to talk to him or not. I bottled up all my feelings at once. He knocked constantly on my door that morning, but I begged my mom not to let him in. Although a look of questioning had fallen upon my mother's face, she did not bother to ask me about my decision, and I didn't expect her to. She turned Josh away and his attempts at making contact with me.
It was late night while I sat in front of the television. I was trying to focus on South Park and not my ever recurrent memories, but I couldn't forget. It was all too fresh to forget. Josh knocked again. "Ugh!" I groaned aloud. "Hayley! Let me explain!" He cried from the outside. I rolled my eyes. No chance that was happening. "Hayles I've been knocking since this morning and I swear I won't leave until you open the damn door. Please let me explain!"
I tried to drown out all his knocking my grabbing my Ipod and blasting the music, but somehow his knocking overpowered even my loudest tunes. "Leave me alone, Josh!" I hollered at the door. "Not until you let me talk to you!" He shot back. I groaned in annoyance again. "Josh, you are extremely messed up. Can't you understand English?!" I yelled. "Leave. Me. Alone!"
The knocking had finally stopped, but Monday morning Josh's body was slumped against my door. It was definitely surprised when I noticed his haphazard body shlump into my house as I opened up the door that morning. "What the..." I began. "Josh!" I screamed.
His eyes opened and looked up at me. "Get out!"
He stood up on his feet. "Hayley please," he started.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Stop begging. I'm not ready for your damn explanation."
"Hayley..." he tried to say.
"Don't Hayley me. Just go! Now! If you really cared about me you'd leave me alone, Josh!" I almost cried, I didn't mean what I said, but it's what came out.
He nodded slowly in defeat and started to walk away. The choked up guilt had crept to my throat and I felt as if it was trying to suffocate me. What did I do. The pride swallowed me whole, didn't it?
What perfection was there in pride?
That next school week, Josh didn't show up once.
As school was coming to a close, I thought we would go somewhere for another live show, out of Tennessee during the summer. But for now the final tests were coming, and I was stressing way too much. If this band thing didn't work out, I needed a Plan B. The more I thought of it, the more I doubted our band. We didn't even have a band name yet. We did some live shows without even saying our band name. That's when I knew we needed one, and fast. I called another band meeting.
"Can we go back to Hot Wheels?" Zac asked, hopeful.
Josh groaned and looked over at his brother. "I thought we settled this already."
The answer set Zac's expression into a deep-set frown, well, more a pout, really. "Come on!!"
I only laughed as the two shot back and fourth at each other with words. "Stop it, you guys," I finally said.
"So Hayley, you haven't pitched in any ideas at all lately. Got any?" Josh asked. Everyone turned their heads toward me. It was strangely awkward, and there was a pause. "Well, since you put me on the spot," I began, "I was thinking....maybe...no, it's stupid."
"Come on, Hayles! There isn't a right or wrong answer in this one," Josh assured me.
"Okay...well..." I started pausing again but the curious look in all their faces had begged me to go on. "I was thinking...Paramore."
The rest of the band turned towards each other in some silent conversation that they seemed to only understand. There was some kind of compromise being worked out, and based on the looks on their faces, they were considering the idea. "It's not bad. I actually like it," Zac said, nodding.
"Yeah, how did you think of it, Hayles?" Josh asked.
"It means secret lover...well, the homonym, that is. I just changed up the spelling to P-A-R-A-M-O-R-E. And it's from one of my old friend's maiden names. I just thought it sounded cool."
The rest of the band had adopted the name and soon we became so used to it that it was official. It became more comfortable introducing the band as Paramore on our local shows. We usually did one live show every week or two, and continued writing songs. The other half of the time I was studying hard for our final exams. If I didn't pass, I would kill myself. Okay, so not that drastic, but still, I really think I'd explode. The more I stressed, the more I felt myself drift from our band. Each rehearsal I'd have my head stuck in a book sometimes. The guys would have to snap me back into reality and out of study-world. I couldn't believe myself. I'd blow Josh off sometimes just to study harder. I wasn't making much progress with my personal relationship with him. I couldn't blame him if he started to hate me. I hated myself right now, completely stressed about finals and tests. If I wanted to patch things up, this might be the right time to.
"Hayles?" Josh answered on the other line.
"Josh...I miss you."
"Yeah...I've been missing you, um, the past two weeks. You've been super busy." Josh stressed the word busy, saying it in a way that made me feel shame for lying to him for the tests.
"You want to go out tonight?" I offered.
"Nah...I'm busy studying," Josh replied honestly.
Ironic, I thought to myself. "You think I can study with you?" I asked.
Josh laughed softly and agreed. "See you here, then."
I appeared at his doorway only minutes after the conversation with a pile load of books. "Hey," I greeted, as Josh opened the door with a bright grin, a grin so happy that I was almost sad to see it go. "I think we need to catch up on more than the studying. Sorry I haven't been," I sighed to myself, "Josh, I'm sorry I was blowing you off every time you offered to go out. It's just I'm freaked over these tests. I don't know if we will pass. I mean it's not like I don't want to do music for a living, because I do, but what if we don't make it so well in the music industry? I'm stressing over a plan B, so to speak."
In a gentleman like manner, Josh took the books out of my arms and led me inside. I rubbed the temples of my forehead gently and sighed again. "I really need some tea right now."
Josh handed me my tea and sat down next to me in the living room. I smiled up at him as he handed me the cup, feeling completely undeserving for a person who cared so much; too much. "Thanks," I said, sipping, wishing I could give him more than words. Almost as quickly as I had gulped the tea down, I spit it out and blew it all over his shirt. Josh just laughed and shrugged it off. "Sorry, forgot to tell you it was hot." I got up and began trying to help him. My efforts weren't working out so well, when all I had were my hands. "Don't worry Hayley," he said, grabbing my fretting hands off of his shirt, "it's okay. I've got another shirt in the laundry room."
He rushed over somewhere and was back out in the living room with another shirt. As he lifted it over his head, my damn hormones started kicking in. Although it should have been so easy to watch him now, his bare chest exposed, considering how completely comfortable we were around each other, I found myself being unable to breathe. Dear Lord, I was fucking hyperventilating.
"Umm..Hayley?" He asked, his face confused.
I entered back into reality and gaped at him for a while. "Huh?"
"You ready to study?" He asked with a laugh, realizing what was going on. I sighed. The embarrassment sent a flush of red into my cheeks.
"Yes," I squeaked, sitting next to him.
It didn't take too long for us to stop focusing on studying and start pitching ideas for songs. We had a manuscript paper in front of us and I started writing lyrics. I had already let my feelings about Josh write the song out for me. It only took thirty minutes to produce my own melodic lyrics for it. I entitled it Brighter, and showed it to Josh. As he read over it, I could tell he had already started making little guitar melodies in his own head. He faced me, looking impressed.
"I love it," he said. "As usual."
I smiled and laughed. "It was really for you."
The corners of Josh's mouth pulled up into a wide grin. "Aaww. Thanks Hayles," he said as he wrapped one arm around me.
I smiled at the intimate moment. It felt good to be in Josh's arms again.
He leaned in and kissed me softly. Once he had pulled away, I grabbed the thread of his shirt and pulled him in, kissing him madly. Good the dude didn't fight back, and I found myself being lied down into the carpet as we shared a much needed kiss.
JAELYN'S POV:
I felt like such a stupid idiot for standing outside Josh's wide open window. But what I saw hurt the most. It's not like I didn't see it before, but Hayley and Josh were smack in the middle of a make out session. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to act. I hated Hayley Williams with a passion. I couldn't bear this whole going out thing anymore, I really just could not let him go.
It was a warm and breezy Saturday night when my plan went into action. I left a pile of roses in front of Hayley's doorstep, with a card attached to them.
HAYLEY'S POV:
There was a knock.
I looked up from my books, startled. I cracked the door open to look around for who it was, but there was no one in sight. At my feet though, was a pile of red roses. I smiled as I grabbed for them. Attached was a white card, with 'To: Hayley' written on it. I carefully held the roses in my arms as I tried to open the card.
Hey Hayles,
Meet me at my house tonight.
Love,
Joshie
I grinned and put the roses in one of mom's unused vases before I slipped on a jacket and some Vans. I sprinted towards Josh's house in such a pace that left my legs aching, but wasn't ready for what I saw.
There was Jaelyn, sprawled across Josh's lap, stroking his hair. He looked like he was fighting back, trying to push her off him, but then her lips landed on his, and he didn't pull away. Well, I wouldn't know, because I started to cry. I started to cry so hard it felt like my eyes would blast out of my face. Jaelyn then pulled away and Josh turned towards the window, watching me watch them both. A wave of shock and pain washed over his face as he watched me cry, but I couldn't take it any longer. Jaelyn just smirked. I ran away quickly before he could call after me, locked the door and fell against it, burying my face in my hands.
My phone had constantly rung throughout the night, so much so that I had ended up turning it off. By the morning, I had 48 missed calls, and they all came from Josh. No matter how much I wanted to reply, I couldn't. Jaelyn was involved though, no doubt there was something she had done. He obviously hated her. But why let her into his house? I started to cry as I thought about that night again, such a crisp memory recalling in my brain. I couldn't decide if it was right to talk to him or not. I bottled up all my feelings at once. He knocked constantly on my door that morning, but I begged my mom not to let him in. Although a look of questioning had fallen upon my mother's face, she did not bother to ask me about my decision, and I didn't expect her to. She turned Josh away and his attempts at making contact with me.
It was late night while I sat in front of the television. I was trying to focus on South Park and not my ever recurrent memories, but I couldn't forget. It was all too fresh to forget. Josh knocked again. "Ugh!" I groaned aloud. "Hayley! Let me explain!" He cried from the outside. I rolled my eyes. No chance that was happening. "Hayles I've been knocking since this morning and I swear I won't leave until you open the damn door. Please let me explain!"
I tried to drown out all his knocking my grabbing my Ipod and blasting the music, but somehow his knocking overpowered even my loudest tunes. "Leave me alone, Josh!" I hollered at the door. "Not until you let me talk to you!" He shot back. I groaned in annoyance again. "Josh, you are extremely messed up. Can't you understand English?!" I yelled. "Leave. Me. Alone!"
The knocking had finally stopped, but Monday morning Josh's body was slumped against my door. It was definitely surprised when I noticed his haphazard body shlump into my house as I opened up the door that morning. "What the..." I began. "Josh!" I screamed.
His eyes opened and looked up at me. "Get out!"
He stood up on his feet. "Hayley please," he started.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Stop begging. I'm not ready for your damn explanation."
"Hayley..." he tried to say.
"Don't Hayley me. Just go! Now! If you really cared about me you'd leave me alone, Josh!" I almost cried, I didn't mean what I said, but it's what came out.
He nodded slowly in defeat and started to walk away. The choked up guilt had crept to my throat and I felt as if it was trying to suffocate me. What did I do. The pride swallowed me whole, didn't it?
What perfection was there in pride?
That next school week, Josh didn't show up once.
HAYLEY'S POV:
As school was coming to a close, I thought we would go somewhere for another live show, out of Tennessee during the summer. But for now the final tests were coming, and I was stressing way too much. If this band thing didn't work out, I needed a Plan B. The more I thought of it, the more I doubted our band. We didn't even have a band name yet. We did some live shows without even saying our band name. That's when I knew we needed one, and fast. I called another band meeting.
"Can we go back to Hot Wheels?" Zac asked, hopeful.
Josh groaned and looked over at his brother. "I thought we settled this already."
The answer set Zac's expression into a deep-set frown, well, more a pout, really. "Come on!!"
I only laughed as the two shot back and fourth at each other with words. "Stop it, you guys," I finally said.
"So Hayley, you haven't pitched in any ideas at all lately. Got any?" Josh asked. Everyone turned their heads toward me. It was strangely awkward, and there was a pause. "Well, since you put me on the spot," I began, "I was thinking....maybe...no, it's stupid."
"Come on, Hayles! There isn't a right or wrong answer in this one," Josh assured me.
"Okay...well..." I started pausing again but the curious look in all their faces had begged me to go on. "I was thinking...Paramore."
The rest of the band turned towards each other in some silent conversation that they seemed to only understand. There was some kind of compromise being worked out, and based on the looks on their faces, they were considering the idea. "It's not bad. I actually like it," Zac said, nodding.
"Yeah, how did you think of it, Hayles?" Josh asked.
"It means secret lover...well, the homonym, that is. I just changed up the spelling to P-A-R-A-M-O-R-E. And it's from one of my old friend's maiden names. I just thought it sounded cool."
The rest of the band had adopted the name and soon we became so used to it that it was official. It became more comfortable introducing the band as Paramore on our local shows. We usually did one live show every week or two, and continued writing songs. The other half of the time I was studying hard for our final exams. If I didn't pass, I would kill myself. Okay, so not that drastic, but still, I really think I'd explode. The more I stressed, the more I felt myself drift from our band. Each rehearsal I'd have my head stuck in a book sometimes. The guys would have to snap me back into reality and out of study-world. I couldn't believe myself. I'd blow Josh off sometimes just to study harder. I wasn't making much progress with my personal relationship with him. I couldn't blame him if he started to hate me. I hated myself right now, completely stressed about finals and tests. If I wanted to patch things up, this might be the right time to.
"Hayles?" Josh answered on the other line.
"Josh...I miss you."
"Yeah...I've been missing you, um, the past two weeks. You've been super busy." Josh stressed the word busy, saying it in a way that made me feel shame for lying to him for the tests.
"You want to go out tonight?" I offered.
"Nah...I'm busy studying," Josh replied honestly.
Ironic, I thought to myself. "You think I can study with you?" I asked.
Josh laughed softly and agreed. "See you here, then."
I appeared at his doorway only minutes after the conversation with a pile load of books. "Hey," I greeted, as Josh opened the door with a bright grin, a grin so happy that I was almost sad to see it go. "I think we need to catch up on more than the studying. Sorry I haven't been," I sighed to myself, "Josh, I'm sorry I was blowing you off every time you offered to go out. It's just I'm freaked over these tests. I don't know if we will pass. I mean it's not like I don't want to do music for a living, because I do, but what if we don't make it so well in the music industry? I'm stressing over a plan B, so to speak."
In a gentleman like manner, Josh took the books out of my arms and led me inside. I rubbed the temples of my forehead gently and sighed again. "I really need some tea right now."
Josh handed me my tea and sat down next to me in the living room. I smiled up at him as he handed me the cup, feeling completely undeserving for a person who cared so much; too much. "Thanks," I said, sipping, wishing I could give him more than words. Almost as quickly as I had gulped the tea down, I spit it out and blew it all over his shirt. Josh just laughed and shrugged it off. "Sorry, forgot to tell you it was hot." I got up and began trying to help him. My efforts weren't working out so well, when all I had were my hands. "Don't worry Hayley," he said, grabbing my fretting hands off of his shirt, "it's okay. I've got another shirt in the laundry room."
He rushed over somewhere and was back out in the living room with another shirt. As he lifted it over his head, my damn hormones started kicking in. Although it should have been so easy to watch him now, his bare chest exposed, considering how completely comfortable we were around each other, I found myself being unable to breathe. Dear Lord, I was fucking hyperventilating.
"Umm..Hayley?" He asked, his face confused.
I entered back into reality and gaped at him for a while. "Huh?"
"You ready to study?" He asked with a laugh, realizing what was going on. I sighed. The embarrassment sent a flush of red into my cheeks.
"Yes," I squeaked, sitting next to him.
It didn't take too long for us to stop focusing on studying and start pitching ideas for songs. We had a manuscript paper in front of us and I started writing lyrics. I had already let my feelings about Josh write the song out for me. It only took thirty minutes to produce my own melodic lyrics for it. I entitled it Brighter, and showed it to Josh. As he read over it, I could tell he had already started making little guitar melodies in his own head. He faced me, looking impressed.
"I love it," he said. "As usual."
I smiled and laughed. "It was really for you."
The corners of Josh's mouth pulled up into a wide grin. "Aaww. Thanks Hayles," he said as he wrapped one arm around me.
I smiled at the intimate moment. It felt good to be in Josh's arms again.
He leaned in and kissed me softly. Once he had pulled away, I grabbed the thread of his shirt and pulled him in, kissing him madly. Good the dude didn't fight back, and I found myself being lied down into the carpet as we shared a much needed kiss.
JAELYN'S POV:
I felt like such a stupid idiot for standing outside Josh's wide open window. But what I saw hurt the most. It's not like I didn't see it before, but Hayley and Josh were smack in the middle of a make out session. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to act. I hated Hayley Williams with a passion. I couldn't bear this whole going out thing anymore, I really just could not let him go.
It was a warm and breezy Saturday night when my plan went into action. I left a pile of roses in front of Hayley's doorstep, with a card attached to them.
HAYLEY'S POV:
There was a knock.
I looked up from my books, startled. I cracked the door open to look around for who it was, but there was no one in sight. At my feet though, was a pile of red roses. I smiled as I grabbed for them. Attached was a white card, with 'To: Hayley' written on it. I carefully held the roses in my arms as I tried to open the card.
Hey Hayles,
Meet me at my house tonight.
Love,
Joshie
I grinned and put the roses in one of mom's unused vases before I slipped on a jacket and some Vans. I sprinted towards Josh's house in such a pace that left my legs aching, but wasn't ready for what I saw.
There was Jaelyn, sprawled across Josh's lap, stroking his hair. He looked like he was fighting back, trying to push her off him, but then her lips landed on his, and he didn't pull away. Well, I wouldn't know, because I started to cry. I started to cry so hard it felt like my eyes would blast out of my face. Jaelyn then pulled away and Josh turned towards the window, watching me watch them both. A wave of shock and pain washed over his face as he watched me cry, but I couldn't take it any longer. Jaelyn just smirked. I ran away quickly before he could call after me, locked the door and fell against it, burying my face in my hands.
My phone had constantly rung throughout the night, so much so that I had ended up turning it off. By the morning, I had 48 missed calls, and they all came from Josh. No matter how much I wanted to reply, I couldn't. Jaelyn was involved though, no doubt there was something she had done. He obviously hated her. But why let her into his house? I started to cry as I thought about that night again, such a crisp memory recalling in my brain. I couldn't decide if it was right to talk to him or not. I bottled up all my feelings at once. He knocked constantly on my door that morning, but I begged my mom not to let him in. Although a look of questioning had fallen upon my mother's face, she did not bother to ask me about my decision, and I didn't expect her to. She turned Josh away and his attempts at making contact with me.
It was late night while I sat in front of the television. I was trying to focus on South Park and not my ever recurrent memories, but I couldn't forget. It was all too fresh to forget. Josh knocked again. "Ugh!" I groaned aloud. "Hayley! Let me explain!" He cried from the outside. I rolled my eyes. No chance that was happening. "Hayles I've been knocking since this morning and I swear I won't leave until you open the damn door. Please let me explain!"
I tried to drown out all his knocking my grabbing my Ipod and blasting the music, but somehow his knocking overpowered even my loudest tunes. "Leave me alone, Josh!" I hollered at the door. "Not until you let me talk to you!" He shot back. I groaned in annoyance again. "Josh, you are extremely messed up. Can't you understand English?!" I yelled. "Leave. Me. Alone!"
The knocking had finally stopped, but Monday morning Josh's body was slumped against my door. It was definitely surprised when I noticed his haphazard body shlump into my house as I opened up the door that morning. "What the..." I began. "Josh!" I screamed.
His eyes opened and looked up at me. "Get out!"
He stood up on his feet. "Hayley please," he started.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Stop begging. I'm not ready for your damn explanation."
"Hayley..." he tried to say.
"Don't Hayley me. Just go! Now! If you really cared about me you'd leave me alone, Josh!" I almost cried, I didn't mean what I said, but it's what came out.
He nodded slowly in defeat and started to walk away. The choked up guilt had crept to my throat and I felt as if it was trying to suffocate me. What did I do. The pride swallowed me whole, didn't it?
What perfection was there in pride?
That next school week, Josh didn't show up once.
As school was coming to a close, I thought we would go somewhere for another live show, out of Tennessee during the summer. But for now the final tests were coming, and I was stressing way too much. If this band thing didn't work out, I needed a Plan B. The more I thought of it, the more I doubted our band. We didn't even have a band name yet. We did some live shows without even saying our band name. That's when I knew we needed one, and fast. I called another band meeting.
"Can we go back to Hot Wheels?" Zac asked, hopeful.
Josh groaned and looked over at his brother. "I thought we settled this already."
The answer set Zac's expression into a deep-set frown, well, more a pout, really. "Come on!!"
I only laughed as the two shot back and fourth at each other with words. "Stop it, you guys," I finally said.
"So Hayley, you haven't pitched in any ideas at all lately. Got any?" Josh asked. Everyone turned their heads toward me. It was strangely awkward, and there was a pause. "Well, since you put me on the spot," I began, "I was thinking....maybe...no, it's stupid."
"Come on, Hayles! There isn't a right or wrong answer in this one," Josh assured me.
"Okay...well..." I started pausing again but the curious look in all their faces had begged me to go on. "I was thinking...Paramore."
The rest of the band turned towards each other in some silent conversation that they seemed to only understand. There was some kind of compromise being worked out, and based on the looks on their faces, they were considering the idea. "It's not bad. I actually like it," Zac said, nodding.
"Yeah, how did you think of it, Hayles?" Josh asked.
"It means secret lover...well, the homonym, that is. I just changed up the spelling to P-A-R-A-M-O-R-E. And it's from one of my old friend's maiden names. I just thought it sounded cool."
The rest of the band had adopted the name and soon we became so used to it that it was official. It became more comfortable introducing the band as Paramore on our local shows. We usually did one live show every week or two, and continued writing songs. The other half of the time I was studying hard for our final exams. If I didn't pass, I would kill myself. Okay, so not that drastic, but still, I really think I'd explode. The more I stressed, the more I felt myself drift from our band. Each rehearsal I'd have my head stuck in a book sometimes. The guys would have to snap me back into reality and out of study-world. I couldn't believe myself. I'd blow Josh off sometimes just to study harder. I wasn't making much progress with my personal relationship with him. I couldn't blame him if he started to hate me. I hated myself right now, completely stressed about finals and tests. If I wanted to patch things up, this might be the right time to.
"Hayles?" Josh answered on the other line.
"Josh...I miss you."
"Yeah...I've been missing you, um, the past two weeks. You've been super busy." Josh stressed the word busy, saying it in a way that made me feel shame for lying to him for the tests.
"You want to go out tonight?" I offered.
"Nah...I'm busy studying," Josh replied honestly.
Ironic, I thought to myself. "You think I can study with you?" I asked.
Josh laughed softly and agreed. "See you here, then."
I appeared at his doorway only minutes after the conversation with a pile load of books. "Hey," I greeted, as Josh opened the door with a bright grin, a grin so happy that I was almost sad to see it go. "I think we need to catch up on more than the studying. Sorry I haven't been," I sighed to myself, "Josh, I'm sorry I was blowing you off every time you offered to go out. It's just I'm freaked over these tests. I don't know if we will pass. I mean it's not like I don't want to do music for a living, because I do, but what if we don't make it so well in the music industry? I'm stressing over a plan B, so to speak."
In a gentleman like manner, Josh took the books out of my arms and led me inside. I rubbed the temples of my forehead gently and sighed again. "I really need some tea right now."
Josh handed me my tea and sat down next to me in the living room. I smiled up at him as he handed me the cup, feeling completely undeserving for a person who cared so much; too much. "Thanks," I said, sipping, wishing I could give him more than words. Almost as quickly as I had gulped the tea down, I spit it out and blew it all over his shirt. Josh just laughed and shrugged it off. "Sorry, forgot to tell you it was hot." I got up and began trying to help him. My efforts weren't working out so well, when all I had were my hands. "Don't worry Hayley," he said, grabbing my fretting hands off of his shirt, "it's okay. I've got another shirt in the laundry room."
He rushed over somewhere and was back out in the living room with another shirt. As he lifted it over his head, my damn hormones started kicking in. Although it should have been so easy to watch him now, his bare chest exposed, considering how completely comfortable we were around each other, I found myself being unable to breathe. Dear Lord, I was fucking hyperventilating.
"Umm..Hayley?" He asked, his face confused.
I entered back into reality and gaped at him for a while. "Huh?"
"You ready to study?" He asked with a laugh, realizing what was going on. I sighed. The embarrassment sent a flush of red into my cheeks.
"Yes," I squeaked, sitting next to him.
It didn't take too long for us to stop focusing on studying and start pitching ideas for songs. We had a manuscript paper in front of us and I started writing lyrics. I had already let my feelings about Josh write the song out for me. It only took thirty minutes to produce my own melodic lyrics for it. I entitled it Brighter, and showed it to Josh. As he read over it, I could tell he had already started making little guitar melodies in his own head. He faced me, looking impressed.
"I love it," he said. "As usual."
I smiled and laughed. "It was really for you."
The corners of Josh's mouth pulled up into a wide grin. "Aaww. Thanks Hayles," he said as he wrapped one arm around me.
I smiled at the intimate moment. It felt good to be in Josh's arms again.
He leaned in and kissed me softly. Once he had pulled away, I grabbed the thread of his shirt and pulled him in, kissing him madly. Good the dude didn't fight back, and I found myself being lied down into the carpet as we shared a much needed kiss.
JAELYN'S POV:
I felt like such a stupid idiot for standing outside Josh's wide open window. But what I saw hurt the most. It's not like I didn't see it before, but Hayley and Josh were smack in the middle of a make out session. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to act. I hated Hayley Williams with a passion. I couldn't bear this whole going out thing anymore, I really just could not let him go.
It was a warm and breezy Saturday night when my plan went into action. I left a pile of roses in front of Hayley's doorstep, with a card attached to them.
HAYLEY'S POV:
There was a knock.
I looked up from my books, startled. I cracked the door open to look around for who it was, but there was no one in sight. At my feet though, was a pile of red roses. I smiled as I grabbed for them. Attached was a white card, with 'To: Hayley' written on it. I carefully held the roses in my arms as I tried to open the card.
Hey Hayles,
Meet me at my house tonight.
Love,
Joshie
I grinned and put the roses in one of mom's unused vases before I slipped on a jacket and some Vans. I sprinted towards Josh's house in such a pace that left my legs aching, but wasn't ready for what I saw.
There was Jaelyn, sprawled across Josh's lap, stroking his hair. He looked like he was fighting back, trying to push her off him, but then her lips landed on his, and he didn't pull away. Well, I wouldn't know, because I started to cry. I started to cry so hard it felt like my eyes would blast out of my face. Jaelyn then pulled away and Josh turned towards the window, watching me watch them both. A wave of shock and pain washed over his face as he watched me cry, but I couldn't take it any longer. Jaelyn just smirked. I ran away quickly before he could call after me, locked the door and fell against it, burying my face in my hands.
My phone had constantly rung throughout the night, so much so that I had ended up turning it off. By the morning, I had 48 missed calls, and they all came from Josh. No matter how much I wanted to reply, I couldn't. Jaelyn was involved though, no doubt there was something she had done. He obviously hated her. But why let her into his house? I started to cry as I thought about that night again, such a crisp memory recalling in my brain. I couldn't decide if it was right to talk to him or not. I bottled up all my feelings at once. He knocked constantly on my door that morning, but I begged my mom not to let him in. Although a look of questioning had fallen upon my mother's face, she did not bother to ask me about my decision, and I didn't expect her to. She turned Josh away and his attempts at making contact with me.
It was late night while I sat in front of the television. I was trying to focus on South Park and not my ever recurrent memories, but I couldn't forget. It was all too fresh to forget. Josh knocked again. "Ugh!" I groaned aloud. "Hayley! Let me explain!" He cried from the outside. I rolled my eyes. No chance that was happening. "Hayles I've been knocking since this morning and I swear I won't leave until you open the damn door. Please let me explain!"
I tried to drown out all his knocking my grabbing my Ipod and blasting the music, but somehow his knocking overpowered even my loudest tunes. "Leave me alone, Josh!" I hollered at the door. "Not until you let me talk to you!" He shot back. I groaned in annoyance again. "Josh, you are extremely messed up. Can't you understand English?!" I yelled. "Leave. Me. Alone!"
The knocking had finally stopped, but Monday morning Josh's body was slumped against my door. It was definitely surprised when I noticed his haphazard body shlump into my house as I opened up the door that morning. "What the..." I began. "Josh!" I screamed.
His eyes opened and looked up at me. "Get out!"
He stood up on his feet. "Hayley please," he started.
I rolled my eyes at him. "Stop begging. I'm not ready for your damn explanation."
"Hayley..." he tried to say.
"Don't Hayley me. Just go! Now! If you really cared about me you'd leave me alone, Josh!" I almost cried, I didn't mean what I said, but it's what came out.
He nodded slowly in defeat and started to walk away. The choked up guilt had crept to my throat and I felt as if it was trying to suffocate me. What did I do. The pride swallowed me whole, didn't it?
What perfection was there in pride?
That next school week, Josh didn't show up once.