When I was 18 years old I went all by myself to Israel to work in a kibbutz and later in a moshav. I travelled in the country and met lots of interesting people. I spoke to volunteers, tourists, druze, jews, palestinians, a twin that worked for the cantonese police and many others.
In the moshav I was one of 4 girls (there were about 96 male volunteers: drug-addicts, refugees, criminals). It was very rough.
A German refugee (had an open hospital account in Egypt) was pissed on daily by a group of drunken English.
I was scared! I was offered a job in the housekeeping of an Israeli man, but I was afraid of being raped. The way he looked at me was so scary.
One sabbath an American drugsaddict and an Englishman that I liked a bit went for a walk in the mountains. I asked if I could come along. The brought me to a very steep mountain of 600 meters. I am afraid of heights, but I followed them. I saw some lines on some places and decided not to step on them, although I didn't know what those were for exactly.
Later on, I was told that they took me through a minefield. They knew, I didn't. Afterwards a girl offered me an orangejuice, but I tasted the Arak that was mixed with it. I don't drink alcohol.
After 3 works of hard work on the fields and after that in the housekeeping, my boss (the man in whom's house I stayed and worked for) was called for an ambulance duty. He took his gun and the 3 volunteers working for him went with him, me included.
In his 4wheeldrive he took us to a scene. Helicopters were flying over, shots sounded in the mountains and there was a bus. It was fallen down from a mountain. Lots of children were wounded. The army put them on a truck. The smallest children first and also the dead corpses had to be stapled on that same truck. The one ambulance of the moshav was of no use.
I couldn't understand what was happening, because I spoke no hebrew. I was afraid the bus was sabotaged, but later I found out that the breaks were not working. I don't understand. Israel is doing so much to protect it's citizens, but the traffic is a mess. Specially on the Westbank were I lived by that time. A broken armytank was a sign to turn right for example. If you're not familiar with that, an accident can happen.
When I turned back to Holland (after this I was totally confused and it scared the hell out of me) I was depressed for 3 months.
There was nobody I could share my experience with. After that, I became psychotic. I was forced to stay in a mental hospital, where the real abuse started. I was mistreated, forced to take pills I didn't want and saw the worst cases of society's lack of understanding. It felt like torture and rape in the worst way...
When I finally went out of the mental hospital I picked up my studies, got a relationship of 6 months with an Ugandese teacher who was 18 years older than me and went to Leiden to study. Again I became psychotic. This time because fellow students kept me out of my sleep by asking silly questions.
Well, I can go on. My life is a mess, I have problems keeping relationships, jobs and serious healthproblems. I learned a lot in real life, but rather read books or surf on the internet. Recently I decided to go to a krav maga teacher. I want to be prepared in case I become helpless again. My "enemies" always strike when I am tired, crying or alone on the streets or in an isolation cell.
You know how they rape you? They tell you nice stories so you are interesting to have sex with them. Once you trust them into your bedroom, they suddenly rape you in the ass. It hurts, it's dangerous and they should thake another homesexual to have fun with.
Nobody ever told me that rapists are so tricky. Even my own mother who was having a bad marriage with a homosexual man.
I felt so lonely and ashamed.
In the moshav I was one of 4 girls (there were about 96 male volunteers: drug-addicts, refugees, criminals). It was very rough.
A German refugee (had an open hospital account in Egypt) was pissed on daily by a group of drunken English.
I was scared! I was offered a job in the housekeeping of an Israeli man, but I was afraid of being raped. The way he looked at me was so scary.
One sabbath an American drugsaddict and an Englishman that I liked a bit went for a walk in the mountains. I asked if I could come along. The brought me to a very steep mountain of 600 meters. I am afraid of heights, but I followed them. I saw some lines on some places and decided not to step on them, although I didn't know what those were for exactly.
Later on, I was told that they took me through a minefield. They knew, I didn't. Afterwards a girl offered me an orangejuice, but I tasted the Arak that was mixed with it. I don't drink alcohol.
After 3 works of hard work on the fields and after that in the housekeeping, my boss (the man in whom's house I stayed and worked for) was called for an ambulance duty. He took his gun and the 3 volunteers working for him went with him, me included.
In his 4wheeldrive he took us to a scene. Helicopters were flying over, shots sounded in the mountains and there was a bus. It was fallen down from a mountain. Lots of children were wounded. The army put them on a truck. The smallest children first and also the dead corpses had to be stapled on that same truck. The one ambulance of the moshav was of no use.
I couldn't understand what was happening, because I spoke no hebrew. I was afraid the bus was sabotaged, but later I found out that the breaks were not working. I don't understand. Israel is doing so much to protect it's citizens, but the traffic is a mess. Specially on the Westbank were I lived by that time. A broken armytank was a sign to turn right for example. If you're not familiar with that, an accident can happen.
When I turned back to Holland (after this I was totally confused and it scared the hell out of me) I was depressed for 3 months.
There was nobody I could share my experience with. After that, I became psychotic. I was forced to stay in a mental hospital, where the real abuse started. I was mistreated, forced to take pills I didn't want and saw the worst cases of society's lack of understanding. It felt like torture and rape in the worst way...
When I finally went out of the mental hospital I picked up my studies, got a relationship of 6 months with an Ugandese teacher who was 18 years older than me and went to Leiden to study. Again I became psychotic. This time because fellow students kept me out of my sleep by asking silly questions.
Well, I can go on. My life is a mess, I have problems keeping relationships, jobs and serious healthproblems. I learned a lot in real life, but rather read books or surf on the internet. Recently I decided to go to a krav maga teacher. I want to be prepared in case I become helpless again. My "enemies" always strike when I am tired, crying or alone on the streets or in an isolation cell.
You know how they rape you? They tell you nice stories so you are interesting to have sex with them. Once you trust them into your bedroom, they suddenly rape you in the ass. It hurts, it's dangerous and they should thake another homesexual to have fun with.
Nobody ever told me that rapists are so tricky. Even my own mother who was having a bad marriage with a homosexual man.
I felt so lonely and ashamed.