Mother was a handful as usual and as usual she was able to find fault with everything I did.
I am the "Dean of Medicine", graduated medical school in the top of my class, and I run a hospital and it is still not enough to earn her respect.
She called me a slut. How could she actually call me....?
Then there is House. You were going to stand up for me. You felt defensive of me. I should tell you that I loved the way that felt. You whom I have loved forever and wanted to pay some attention to me. You felt like a hero to me in that moment. I know you needed time alone. I have done nothing but order you around and keep you jumping through hoops.
I don't know why everything you do makes me more afraid that this is not what you want. I wish I could tell you that I am scared. I have never wanted many things in my life. My life has been based on gaining approval. But, "I want you." I have always wanted you.
"I am screwing this up." I am screwing us up.
I wish I could tell you that when you walk into the room I just want to touch you. I think about what it feels like when your lips brush across mine. I can feel you inside me and how amziing you feel to me. I can feel you in my core. The moment that you took me in your arms and you picked up and I laid underneath you. I never imagined that you would feel so good to me. I felt like I was.........................Home.
I knew from the beginning that day in the bookstore I would never meet another man that I wanted the way I wanted you. But I know it doesn't seem that way. Lately I can't hold a smile. Lately...... Lately I am so afraid you will find out I am not what you want. You will realize I am not good enough.
She put her head in her hands and tears began streaming down her face. I need you House. I need you so much. Please ........
At that moment she felt a hand touch her. She didn't jump because she knew the touch.
Cuddy come here. House pulled her up gently and he sat down and she sat in his lap and she buried her head in his shoulder. He held her and he rocked as she cried.
Cuddy talk to me. Tell me what's wrong.
She just hung on to him tighter and cried harder.
Why are you so upset now? Is it because I drugged your mother or I tried to get out of being here? I am sorry. Cuddy do you want out of this?
She raised up and she put her hand on his face. Maybe that would be the best. Maybe this is just more than you can handle.
With that he stood up. "What?!" More than I can handle? I am not the one who looks miserable all the time or barks out orders like they are a drill instructor. You wait on me to screw up or to let you down.
House maybe that is why you lied to me or tried to get out of my birthday dinner. You are just sabtoging this.
Again with the lying. Cuddy I did that to save my patient. I didn't tell you afterwards because you made a production out of me respecting your wishes. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to hurt us. I didn't want to lose you.
I drugged your mother because I didn't want to spend the evening with her and her ranting. I didn't want to listen to Wilson whining.
For someone who didn't want me to change you have done nothing but try to change me. I feel like I am on a tightrope.
Well you can leave. You don't have to be here. You are free to leave anytime you want. I have always survived. I cried myself to sleep many nights because of you. One more is not really a big deal.
He approached her and she tried to pull away but he held on. I don't want to leave Cuddy. I.....
We have everything but the truth Cuddy.
"Cuddy what is the truth?" He put his finger under her jaw and raised her face upward until their eyes met.
"I can't..................."
"Cuddy", the truth?
Her eyes were so full of fear and then she just said it.
I'm afraid!!! ok I am afraid.
You are not the only one who is broken and screwed up. I am so in love with you. You were my fantasy House. You were in my head and now you are in my............ And again the tears streamed down her face.
You're in my heart now and I don't know how to deal with it. I know what it feels like to be touched by you and how you feel when you make love to me and I can't imagine how that would feel if I...... if I lost........
He wrapped his arms around her little frame and sighed and as he began to speak a tear escaped his eyes.
Cuddy I was drowning in my self pity and my pills and you put your faith in me and you found a way to breathe life back into me. That chasm that we talked about a few years ago; you turned a deaf ear to it and you just dealt with me from your heart.
I am a different man now. I am here because I want to be here and I am trying to reach you. Cuddy come here to me.
Cuddy, "I love you. He led her to the piano and he began to play.
"Wilson had it sent over from his condo to Cuddy's." It was therapuetic for House and Wilson had bought for him.
As he played the tension in her body eased and she watched his hands move across the keys.
"That is beautiful House. What is it?
"Cuddy's Serenade." I composed it the night of Rachel's Simchat.
"What?"
I wrote it that night.
House I wanted to invite you. "I wanted you there." I didn't know how to say it or how to ask you.
There was a moment that I realized you had always been there to save me Cuddy and you took the hit and my wrath. I realized how much you have given up and sacrificed for me. You put yourself out there for this hospital, patients, and for me.
I was so mad at you about the surgery you did but you did it to save my life. You knew I would be furious.
House did you forgive me?
Cuddy You have been there every step and took everything I had to dish out. The question is now,
"can you forgive me?"
"I love you Cuddy." "The way you draw your bottom lip in when you want something and you don't know how to ask for it. The way you raise your eyebrow and square your shoulders when you are trying to put your foot down. The way you flirt with me and even the way you look at me at the dinner table when I am getting ready to put your mother in her place."
"House", I thought you wanted the night alone.
"That's the thing Cuddy." I am never alone. I don't feel alone and I like the way that feels. The only thing I could think of anyway was you naked. So here I am.
"She laughed" and then she laughed harder. He watched her but then as he was watching her he just leaned into her. Cuddy I want you.
House you always want sex.
No. I want you. I want you to hear you laugh. I want you to stop preparing for defeat and open up to me. I want you to wear low cut blouses to get my attention. I want you to put me in my place when I am being a jerk. I want you to let me in.
"House." And she drew her bottom lip in as she stood up. She raised up on her tip toes and she kissed him. She took his hand and led him to the bedroom and began to undress him and with all abandon she made love to him.
She left him breathless all night.
They were slowly forming a bond and they were beginnning to show they had the ability to bend and not break.
As the light came in from the morning sun they looked at each other and they realized this was a new day and a chance to make history.
"Their history."
