The first ever episodes of House i ever saw were "Under My Skin" and "Both Sides Now." They remain my favorite episodes and I've seen them more times than any other episode (I often lump them into 1 episode in my mind because I always watch them together).
When I first watched "Both Sides Now" the title seemed obviously manifested in the idea of the patient. The guy's brain hemispheres are fighting so both sides....get it? Haha ha. It was obvious.
But what the title made me think of immediately was not the patient but that old Joni Mitchell song "Both Sides Now." You know the one? "I look at love from both sides now...?"
link
After the initial shock of the episode was over and I went back to re-watch the seasons and then the finale again, I thought of the song again and it made me think of a certain part of the lyrics: "its love's illusions I recall, I really dont know love at all." I was like aha! I get it. House hallucinated that he was in love with Cuddy and it turns out...he really doesnt know what he feels let alone what hes thinking. I was satisfied with this for a while and recently came across the song again. I realized that the entire song is really actually a manifestation of Huddy. Whether that was the intention or not, I think that the song, when analyzed, says a lot about the episode, Huddy, and even the aftermath of the episode (season 6). I will be addressing only the second and third verse.
The Second Verse
"Moons and junes and ferris wheels. The dizzy dancing way you feel, as every fairy tale comes real. I've looked at love that way."
At the beginning of "Both Sides Now" we are presented with a shockingly happy House. He's in a good mood (he finally slept with Cuddy YES!), and he's actually considering a relationship with her. For House this is a HUGE step. Especially in the span of a couple of hours. We think that something might actually happen, that a relationship might happen! There is excitement and anticipation for the audience as well as for House. He actually thinks that he might be in love. Of course, he goes to Wilson who says that he should take action. But Wilson makes House question himself. Does he really love Cuddy? Or is this another obsession that is taking the place of Vicodin? House isnt exactly sure either.
"But now...it's just another show. You leave 'em laughing when you go. And if you care, don't let em know. No, don't give yourself away."
This part really stuck with me. While this applies to "Both Sides Now" I also feel like it's significant to their entire relationship. Everything with House and Cuddy is a show. The foreplay, the sexual tension, its a game. Its a cover-up for their real feelings. Why? Because if you care dont let them know as the song says. If you do...well...you're making yourself weak and vulnerable especially to that other person. With House's case, especially, he uses everything in his power not to admit or give into his feelings about Cuddy. So, his subconscious takes over for him. At the end of season 4, who does he imagine? Cuddy. Who does he hallucinate in season 5? Cuddy. It's always Cuddy. In "Both Sides Now" he never once tries to tell her how he feels. He skirts around it and makes something ridiculous up about her taking medication, he tries to make her angry...he never just tells her how he feels. And Cuddy is guilty, too, of not being direct (Let Them Eat Cake, Saviors, etc).
"And still somehow, its loves illusions i recall, oh i really dont know love at all."
Then we get the bombshell ending. House hallucinated EVERYTHING. They were all illusions. But they said a lot. His chosen hallucinee (is that even a word? lol) is Cuddy. He doesnt have sex with just anyone its the person he WANTS to be with. But when this comes crashing down around House...it turns out he doesnt know anything at all. What he was thinking about his relationship with Cuddy wasnt real. His perception about his feelings or "love" and Cuddy's feelings werent real. His reality had escaped him and he lost it.
House had now seen both of love's sides in his relationship with Cuddy. He had given himself to her, and it was taken away in an instant. It destroyed him. This verse of the song just masters the entire relationship of Huddy to me, and made me think both about them and about their relationship. Then I listened to the 3rd verse and realized, that season 6 now applies to the 3rd verse. While TPTB couldnt have been thinking about this while writing season 6, I found it interesting nonetheless.
Third Verse
"Tears and fears and feeling proud. To say i love you right out aloud. Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way."
The beginning of season 6. Oh my. House is in a desperate place. He's "Broken." When he returns from Mayfield, hes had the opportunity to think about his life and his feelings for others. He's had a short relationship with Lydia and actually felt something. He knows now that he is capable of loving and caring (Alvie also comes to mind). When he returns to PPTH much of his pride is gone. And now he knows what he wants. Cuddy. But he's still afraid. Afraid of what might happen if he lets her know that he's in love with her. But House decides to pursue her. In "Known Unknowns" he starts letting her know how he feels and then...Lucas. Some would say "you snooze you lose!" But House doesnt give up. He "dreams and schemes" and tries to break them apart. But when all that does is alienate Cuddy, House gives up and lets her be happy. That's life...right?
"But now old friends are acting strange. They shake their heads they say ive changed. Well somethings lost but somethings gained in living everyday."
Season 6 is the season of change. For House and Cuddy. When House comes back, Cuddy's changed. She's moved on. But House has changed too. He's softened, and he's actually doing things to help people. They arent direct (thats not House) but they dont go unnoticed by Wilson or Cuddy. In fact, part of Cuddy's guilt, IMO, is the fact that House has changed. And for her! And she's with someone else. So they've both gained. Cuddy has the picture perfect bf, a daughter, the white picket fence....and House has learned to open up some again. But they've both lost something too. Each other.
"I've looked at life from both sides now. From win and lose, and still somehow...its lifes illusions i recall. Oh i really dont know life at all."
House and Cuddy really dont know about life. At all. Cuddy thinks that she finally figured it out...and she's unhappy. She has what she thinks is the perfect life. But she is finally figuring out that its an illusion. Shes not happy with Lucas and I think its upsetting her that she doesnt know as much as she thinks. House is learning that his problems outside of Mayfield are continuing. His leg pain (as made especially evident in "Knight Fall") is getting worse again. So we are back to winning and losing. Cuddy's won the perfect family and House won the battle over his addiction through Mayfield. But they've lost now too. And again what they've lost is...each other.
The song "Both Sides Now" can be interpreted in many different ways. I see it as a cycle. The cycle of life and love. Winning and losing, giving and taking, crying and joy, and starting all over again. Well House and Cuddy are a cycle themselves and have gone through these cycles repeatedly since they first met back in Michigan. And at the end of the episode "Both Sides Now" things had taken a bad turn. They had seen both sides of love and it had hurt them both. But now in season 6, they are learning a bit about both sides of life. they've grown, developed, and changed. and they see each other differently now. some fans have disliked the change but i see it as a growing process. they've learned more about one another, themselves, and what they want.
And now that they are figuring out that they dont know anything about love and life, soon (hopefully) they will find each other and explore that path together.
