Well, after the finale, after the shock of Lisa’s decision to quit House, after all this season which was so full of hope what Huddy concerns, and which then turns to be a “Huddy hell”, I wanted to write a new fiction with “my dreams”. Here is the first chapter - a short one - it begins a week after the finale. I hope you’ll enjoy it :)
Cuddy is in her office at PPTH. One week is already over since House devastated her house. But Cuddy is still shocked. Rachel didn’t really understand what happened and Cuddy didn’t tell her the truth, she didn’t want Rachel to know who made this horrible thing, because she knows how much Rachel cares about House, she knows that her daughter wouldn’t believe that her “dad” did such an horrible thing. And Cuddy doesn’t want Rachel to get angry at House, to be scared by him. In spite of his crazy, stupid and dangerous act, Cuddy cant’ help but keep on carrying, worrying about House and … yes she still loves him, she shouldn’t, she wishes she didn’t, but she can’t help it. After all they went through, after all these years of teasing and bantering, after this fast complete year of dating with him, after all these unforgettable nights with him, how can she simply moves on ? How can people expect that she moves on just like that without thinking things over, without remembering all the good time she had with House? How can Julia think that she could get over him easily now that he’s done this! Why can’t she understand that she needs time! Instead of leaving her alone she insists that Cuddy dates this guy. But Cuddy hates this guy, it’s not his fault, he tries to be nice with her and with Rachel, but … he’s not House, he’s just a guy, a “normal” guy, a “common” guy, boring, tasteless, not even funny or witty. She misses House so much! Of course he went far too much far this time, she never thought he would hurt her deliberately, she never thought he was so hurt to do so bad things, so horrible things! He could have deeply hurt Rachel or her by driving into her house like that! But she knows why he did it. Wilson explained her what happened just before, he told her how heartbroken House was as he saw her through the window giggling with this guy, how mad he was at her because he had taken a great decision, he wanted to talk to her, he wanted to tell her how lost he was without her, he wanted to tell her how sorry he felt, he probably wanted to ask her to give him another chance, to forgive him, and then he saw her and this guy, and he saw red and certainly didn’t realize what he was doing. Why can’t she have simple relationship with men, why is it always so complicated? Her mother is maybe right, she probably has “impossible standards”, and unless she wants to end her life alone, she has to make a change. But right now, she doesn’t have the strength, the will to move on, to go forwards, and she knows she has to. Rachel needs a mother, not a zombie, she deserves a good life, she deserves to be happy. Cuddy looks sadly around her, she loves her office, she loves her job, she fought so hard to be what she is now, one of the few women to run a teaching hospital like the PPTH. She perfectly knows that if she quits this job, she will never find another one like it. And nevertheless it is the only option she has if she really wants to move on and to have a chance to get over him, over their story. She stands up, walks around her desk, and leaves her office. She wants to walk one more time in her hospital, in the different medical departments, but when she arrives in front of the Diagnostic Department and of House’s office, she can’t go on, she stands there and stares at House’s chair, which is empty, just like his office. She remains here a long time, unaware of the people around her, some nurses hesitate to ask her if she needs something or if she feels ok, but they continue their way without disturbing the Dean of Medicine. Her phone rings, it’s Marina, she wants to know if Cuddy can be back a little earlier today, because her boyfriend wants to take her to the restaurant.
-It’s ok Marina, I’ll be there in about 30 minutes, says Cuddy and begins slowly to go back to her office in order to take her bag and then she leaves PPTH.
House is in a small town on the west coast, he has a room in a hotel with view on the ocean, and spends his days in the bar on the beach when he’s not walking along the beach, thinking of the recent events, of the crazy thing he did one week ago, of the fact that Cuddy probably hates him now. She looked so scared, so terrified and so fragile when he gave her her brush back. When he looked at her straight in the eyes, he saw a deep fear, she was shaking indeed, but he saw some question and some tenderness too, and he understood how wrong he was, she absolutely didn’t care about the other guy, she was still in love with him and as usual he destroyed everything. In the hall of the hospital, when he pushed her against the wall, she was scared but he saw in her eyes that she still cared about him and really wanted to know how he felt, he saw the care and the love in her eyes, he was under the impression she expected him to kiss her with passion, but … he couldn’t… he just walked away from her, walked away from the fear to really lose her… He still hoped at this moment that he could find a way to get back at her, to make her forgive him… with time … But now… it is impossible, she would never forgive him, she would never talk with him again, not after what he did… And now what? What should he do? He can’t go back to PPTH, she probably called the police and they probably have to look for him, and he really doesn’t want to go in jail, he needs time for him, he needs time to think things over, to make a point on his life, to face his own fears, he wants to make a change in his life, and this time he’s ready to make a real change, not just a try, this time he has no more choice. Not after what he did to Cuddy. When he remembers the moment when he drove into her house, the awful noise, the shock and then the most painful moment when he saw her shaking, the fear in her eyes, her incredulity when she understood what happened and who provoked this, he feels nauseous, dizzy, he’d like so desperately that all this was only a nightmare, that all this never happened! What has he done? He could have killed her or Rachel! No, he definitely can’t go back to PPTH. She would have no choice but to fire him, he has no more job there, no one will hire him, he has to move, so why not here? Furthermore he knows he couldn’t live near her without her, he couldn’t bear to see her every day without the possibility to talk to her, to tease her like they used to do before, before they dated, before he destroyed her house and at the same time the symbol of their love, of their happiness. Maybe, in ten or twenty years, he’ll be able to go back to her and to ask her to forgive him, maybe then they’ll have the possibility to be friends again. Maybe…
