As his plane landed the knots were building up in his stomach. Images of past demons suddenly flooding his mind and enormous regrets that had been much easier dealt with thousands of miles away. He knew coming home would prove a difficult task and one he had many doubts about.

As he stepped off the plane he was shocked to find Wilson waiting for him there at the gate. He stood there for a moment looking at his friend. He noticed a cast on Wilson’s wrist. Dominica had told him that Wilson had gotten hurt that day. It had been several months so he wondered just how bad Wilson had gotten hurt. They maintained eye contact and held it as House made his way slowly toward Wilson.

Wilson was prepared for the usual sarcacism from House, but he was met with a completely different man.

“How did you know I was flying home today?”

"Dominica called me."

"You can't tell women anything."

House waited for Wilson to break the silence but he was not forthcoming with conversation.

“How is the wrist” House asked him?

It’s in a cast House. How do you think it is?

“I am sorry Wilson.” I wasn’t thinking ………..

“No you were thinking! You were thinking about the same thing you always think about!”
“You were thinking of yourself!” You are your highest priority!

“You’re right”, but I am trying to make some changes.

“I know House I have heard this speech before.” Why are you here? Why did you come back?

Apparently so you could meet me at the airport and yell at me.

“Don’t worry, the only thing I wanted to do was come and face you and tell you what a bastard you really are! It has nothing to do with your real father not claiming you either! "I want nothing to do with you House!”

They started to walk away but House stopped. He had come to face his wrongs and to amke peace.

Wilson! Wilson! Please wait! I am sorry. I know that doesn’t fix it but I am sorry. I have had time to deal with who I am and what I have done. I know I hav ebeen a jerk.
Wilson began to walk away.

Wilson!!.... You are family. The only one I have left.

“Then you don’t have any family House because I am done with you.”

Wilson please!

There is one thing House, “Cuddy left a letter and told me if I ever saw you again to give it to you.” He pulled the letter from his coat and handed it to House.

Wilson I ……………………….
Wilson heard him but he kept walking.

“I am done with you.” Those words beat against his soul like a hammer. He had heard them before in the same tone with the same frustration and aggravation. He had heard them from “her.”

With an envelope in hand that held a letter from her he headed home and he had asked Dominica to give him the night alone. When he walked into the apartment he thought all the memories would be there waiting on him. They were but the ones that flooded his mind now were of her and them. He sat down and pulled the letter from his coat and he slowly opened it wondering maybe if she had lined it with anthrax.

He began to read:

House,
You really are a self centered son of a ………… I can’t believe that you would have done this. Did you ever think about Rachel? She could have been in that dining room House. How could you have done this? I knew you were capable of hurting me but I never thought you would do anything like this. I never thought you would do anything that would endanger Rachel or me physically. I see I gave you too much credit.
You said,” give me another chance.”
“I can do better”, you said.
"I care about you and I care about Rachel."
Do you remember any of that?
You do anything to avoid pain and you pour your pain out on anyone stupid enough to care anything about you. For years I lied for you, I broke every rule that I put into play at that hospital because I believed in you. I gave you everything you son of a ...I hate you for this House.

He put the letter down for a moment and tried to find a way to take a breath. "She hated him." He deserved it but she had loved him in a way noone ever had.
He went to the closet and pulled out a tennis shoe that held the last friend he had in it. He pulled the bottle from the shoe and popped the cap. He would always be able to count on vicodin.
Then her words rang in his ear:
“You do anything to avoid pain.” Those words he remembered so well. She had been right all along. Everything he had done in their relationship had been to avoid anything that would have caused him to lose her. Every decision, no matter how bad was to avoid pain. He stared at the pills for a moment and he realized that Cuddy had been the most beautiful thing in his life and he had done all the damage he wanted to do their memories. He went to the sink and poured the vicodin out. He began pouring all the alcohol out too.

"As he went back to the table he picked the letter back up."
A few spaces down he saw the words:

“I also love you.” You were the day I fell in love House. You were the most exasperating man I had ever met. You always thought you were right and most of the time you were. I remember all those years of your crazy antics and anyone else would have run away screaming but I just kept getting closer and closer to you.
I knew you though. I knew who you were on the inside. I knew you had been hurt and I also knew how warm and loving you were capable of being.
You were right when you said I gave you everything you wanted because one night you gave me everything I wanted.
You were my first and ultimately you were my last because nobody ever came close to showing me the love and affection that you did. Noone ever loved me the way you did. You were so tender and so passionate.
I remember how your hands felt sliding down my waist and lifting my blouse over my head and the way you looked at me sent waves of passion through me. You looked at me as if I were the most beautiful woman you had ever saw.

He paused for a moment", as he thought to himself, "you have always been the most beautiful woman I have ever known."
He comtinued reading.

I remember what your lips felt like as they claimed mine and when your body was pressed against mine. I remember the way you looked at me when you had taken every piece of clothes from me. I remember the groans that escaped your lips when you were inside me.
Because I remember those things I will always love you. You did make me better. But I didn’t make you better. I became your problem. You kept me at arms length distance with pills, alcohol, and lies. Anything to avoid what you thought would end in ultimate disaster.
The day of my surgery you sent people in, hacked my schedule, paid for my test results. But you refused to go through it with me. Instead of doing eveything you could do to figure out what to do you hid and panicked because oyu were afraid of pain.
You thought you had to be miserable to be a good doctor and I would have gladly listened to you about any case. I wanted to be a part of your life and share your life but the only thing you shared with me of yourself was sex. I wanted "you." I loved "you."
House, "you are the most incredible man I have ever known", but I am not what you need.

I am still so mad at you and so hurt that you could put my life and Rachel’s in jeopardy. For that I could never trust you again. I can never do that to Rachel.
I am leaving to get a new start. I will drop all the charges. But all debts are paid in full and we are done. Everything I have done to hurt you or cause you pain is now "paid in full."We could have had it all but you couldn’t take a chance and ultimately I can’t take any more chances on you.

Cuddy

As he held the letter tears began to pour from his eyes like rain. No vicodin, no alcohol, no pain numbing methods would be used. This time he would allow himself to feel the pain.