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I'm trying to compile a huge list of quotes - everything from the sarcastic things House says to the constant advice Wilson offers. Quotes from all the episodes both amusing and thought provoking.
I'm doing my best, but its hard to make a dent in the huge amount of quotes there are. So here's what I have, I'll update it as much as I can, and if you have anything you want me to add - let me know and I will!
Thanks and I hope you enjoy!

Last Updated: 20 May 2008

*NEW* Wilson's Heart quotes
(More to come) - Please comment any you may have!

House: Life shouldn't be random.... lonely misanthropic drug...
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posted by DemzRulez
House Season 1 Episode 13: Cursed

Full Recap

In a dusty attic, a young boy, Gabriel trips as he gets together with some other boys for a club. They start playing with an Ouija board and when asked who will die in a year, it "spells" out Gabe's name. A week or so later, Gabe comes down with a fever then collapses. He's taken to the clinic where House suspects pneumonia, particularly since Gabe's parents are major donors to the clinic. Signs of a rash suggest something else and they suspect ticks or any sexual activity. It soon becomes clear that the father is a bit of a control freak and the parents...
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At first I have to say that these are just my thoughts on what might happen to Thirteen in season 5. Most of these thoughts came to me at 4 o clock in the morning, so don´t expect something brilliant or world-shaking. I don´t know how the brains of David Shore and the screenwriters are working and to be honest, I have no idea what is going to happen in autumn, but I love making speculations and looking at different possibilities and thought it might be interesting for one or two to read.

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So, let´s start.
It´s easy to recognize that there are two possibilities.
1)Thirteen won´t get...
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House: His name is not Wilson and he's screwed up worse than I am!

Well, his name is Wilson and he's most certainly not as screwed up as House, but then...


How screwed up is Wilson?

I don't think we get to really see this side of Wilson until the episode with that quote I just used, "House vs God". Almost two complete seasons into the show and only then we get to see Wilson's screwed-up-ness exactly as it is.
Why did the writers take so long to introduce such an important feature of such an important character? Did it occur to them only just then that Wilson should be this way? I don't think so....
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You Can't Always Get What You Want
You Can't Always Get What You Want
Anyone who watches House M.D. on a regular basis will have by now picked up on two phrases that seem to be the slogans of the show: “Everybody Lies” and “You Can't Always Get What You Want.” The first slogan of the show, “Everybody Lies”, seems to be House's philosophy about people. Knowing that Dr. House is the antisocial, misanthrope and very miserable person that he is, this statement which he utters frequently, very nicely sums up the entire view House has for humanity. He finds them un-useful, un-trustworthy and not worthy of spending time with because you'll never get the...
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posted by rose2
"House M.D.: Three Stories (#1.21)" (2005)
Dr. Gregory House: I choose to believe that the white light people sometimes see, visions this patient saw, they're all just chemical reactions that take place when the brain shuts down
Dr. Eric Foreman: You choose to believe that?
Dr. Gregory House: There's no conclusive science. My choice has no practical relevance to my life, I choose the outcome I find more comforting
Dr. Cameron: You find it more comforting to believe that this is it?
Dr. Gregory House: I find it more comforting to believe that all this isn't simply a test.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [talking...
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posted by DemzRulez
House Season 1 Episode 18: Babies and Bathwater

Full Recap

A couple are driving through the streets and the pregnant wife is driving her drunk husband. The woman temporarily blacks out and they barely manage to avoid a car wreck. The police show up and think she's drunk as she begins to act woozy. Then collapses.

Foreman is checking up on the couple and her brain tests prove negative but her kidney and liver look odd – she's only 28 weeks pregnant. House is indulging in a dream about Vogler when Foreman brings him the news. House in turn gives them the news that Cameron has quit. When Chase...
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posted by GlassyBlooEyes
Wilber | That One Water Bed

The piano echoed the apartment. Wilson dragged himself to the foot of the entry way. He sighed & ignored the nights of restless sleep under his eyes.For some reason cancer likes rear it's ugly head at the worst of times
He waved desperately at House "Piano. Please. Sleep" He entered his bedroom and the music roared louder.
"Thank you"
he whispered sarcastically to no one on his bed. His ear hit the pillow, his mind went blank. Peace. The alarm went off ringing. 5;30.
Peace over. He itched his back and smiled over his shoulder. "Good Morning". Last night was...
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posted by DemzRulez
House Season 1 Episode 5: Damned If You Do

Full Recap

House's new patient, Sister Augustine, has hands red with boils. While her fellow nuns suspect stigmata, House suspects dermatitis brought on by an allergic reaction to dish soap. He gives her an antihistamine, suggests over-the-counter cortisone cream, and sends the good Sister on her way. Unfortunately, the antihistamine leaves Sister Augustine gasping for air. House believes it is an asthma attack caused by an allergic reaction to the pill. He notices a rapid heartbeat and calls for a nurse.

Dr. Cuddy is certain that House made a mistake...
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*SPOILERS FOR SEASON 5, ESPECIALLY 5x20 'Simple Explanation'*


I'll start by saying that this is a selfish article. I am writing so that I can vent. I need an outlet, and you guys are always so supportive, so I know you won't mind my venting.

I saw a Star Wars poster today and nearly cried.

I have seen a few comments around the place saying "its just a tv show" and "get over it". The thing is, it isn't just a tv show. If it was just a tv show to us, we wouldn't be here, on this site. For a lot of us, 'House MD' is a huge part of who we are. We eat-sleep-breathe the show and we are emotionally...
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What could've happened...What could've been said...What could've been done...What we all dream...In the eyes of a Huddy fanatic....
(Starting from original sequence. Extended at certain point)

House was sitting on the bus, all the way in the back. He was just sitting there when Cuddy appeared.
"Didn't know you road the bus."
"I used to drive home after getting drunk, but some mothers got mad-d."
He paused for a second, remembering.
"Wait a second. What are you dong here? You weren't on the bus with me."
"Then I guess this isn't a memory. It's a fantasy." She got up from her seat and stood in front...
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posted by HugeEgoSorry
Cuddy’s Place. House stood up from bed still naked. His head hurts like hell and he could feel the muscle pains starting to move from his feet, to this thigh, waist then now shoulder. He entered the bathroom to pee and was surprised when he heard the shower turned on. He smiled and turned to see if he’s right and indeed he was, Cuddy’s taking her morning bath.
House: I didn’t know you were in there.
Cuddy: Bluffing. I left the ---- <House entered the shower and they both looked at each other and she tried to hide her bare breast>
House: <smiled> You have nothing to hide, I...
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Here's chapter 3 of my fanfic.
Note:I had to cut a huge part of this chapter out and had to rewrite the part.
I have already written this chapter.
These chapters are from my Livejournal.
There are currently 9 chapters.I'm currently suffering writers block.
ENJOY :D


"Yes and could it be this Friday?"Cuddy said into the phone.She was already at Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.House's team barged into her office."I have to go."Cuddy said hanging up the phone."House isn't here."Thirteen said.Thirteen's hair was in a low ponytail.She wore a tan shirt that had long sleeves,suspenders,a gray shirt...
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Here's chapter 2 of my fanfic.
ENJOY!:D



Cuddy tossed and turned in her bed.She couldn't sleep.She kept thinking about what had happened.Cuddy awoken fully and sat up in her bed.'Quit thinking about him Lisa!'said her conscience."I can't help it!"Cuddy said aloud.'Don't go to his home!Don't!'her conscience yelled at her.Cuddy got up out of her bed.She took off her nightgown and put on a long sleeve shirt,jeans,and boots.She put her hair into a low ponytail.She walked in front of her bedroom mirror."Perfect."she whispered.She walked out of her bedroom,and went to find her keys."Where are my keys?"...
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Dr. Gregory House
Dr. Gregory House
Dr.Gregory House

“I teach you to lie, cheat, and steal, and as soon as my back's turned you wait in line?”

“Like I always say, there's no "I" in team. There's a "me" though, if you jumble it up.”

“So what's your plan? You take the big dark one, I'll take the little girl, and the Aussie will run like a scared wombat if things get tough.”

[Houses' patient has just collapsed] "This is exactly why I created nurses. Clean up on aisle three!”

"It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what."

"You talk to God, you're religious; God talks...
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It has been so long that I figured most of you will have forgotten about me completely... well, I'm not dead, as it happens. And I recently, after months, wrote this... It's intense and involves my usual ingredients: angst, friendship, drama and hopefully insight. I thought I'd post it here to notify all of you that I'm still here, and not just those on the fanfic spot. It's really quite long, but it has a certain flow to it (I've heard... you know me, I won't believe its good until someone says so) that makes it very easy to read. This follows House fresh out of Mayfield... the rest will...
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I was bored earlier and made up this House MD personality quiz...not sure how good it is, but I hope you enjoy it! (Answer key at bottom)


1. Your favorite type of patient is...
A: One that I don’t have to break bad news to.
B: One whose case lets me use my skills.
C: I don’t have to deal with patients, thank god.
D: One who won’t ask me too many questions about myself.
E: One who’s impressed by me.
F: One with some freakishly rare disease.
G: One that I can use the defibrillators on.
H: One that I can talk to.
I: One who won’t make fun of my height.

2. How many hair care products...
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First of all.. lemme say it has been a while since I reviewed a whole ep generally. I always tend to settle down on discussing how Huddy is progressing (or rather, not progressing) in the eps. :P
I wonder why is that XDDD

Anyway, I just loved this episode! It spoke volumes!
It actually took my breath away at times!
(and don't jump to any conclusions, it has nothing to do with House being naked XD )


First, let's focus on the, what you would think, not so important patient's (William's) story.
We see a man, a knight, willing to give his 'life' for his queen. And not just life. He is willing to let...
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posted by ToriH389
Lollipop Isues

Liz-hello...r u doctor house
House-yes...wat do u want...and make it quick
Liz-well...I'm liz and I'm your daughter....
House-u can't be...who's your mother..
Liz-stacy warner....why...
House-oh my god....u r my kid...but why r u here...
Liz-my mom kicked me out.....
House-why....
Liz-reasons....if u don't wan me than I will just leave......
House-wait.....u can stay...but tell me why she kicked you out....
Liz-I'm pregnant.....r u happy now....
House-who's the father...
Liz-this guy named...Lucas.....
House-what does he do for a living...
Liz-he's a PI....why...
House-I'll be back.....
------------------------------------------------...
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First this article contains a LOT o spoiler but it isn't about spoilers! So stop reading if you don't want to get spoiled










Hey ya House MD Fans! Long since I wrote an article here! First of all: if after reading this little article you feel like bashing me, nehhh go ahead I can take it! And second of all: try not to because it’s not nice.

Ok so the big question, what the heck are you writing about this time?

I’m talking about THE kiss. Dun Dun Dun Daaaaannnn!!! Really I’m talking about it because GOSH! Would you please chill out?
Why should I chill out? Didn’t you see the promo she kissed...
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