House and Cuddy are sitting in a room with a person interviewing them about their lives in the hospital.
Interviewer: What is your job here?
Cuddy: I'm the dean of medicine.
House: I'm the head of the diagnostic department.
Interviewer: And what do you do in that position?
Cuddy: I run the hospital and keep House from getting into trouble.
House: I save lives.
Interviewer: How hard is your job on a scale from 1-10?
Cuddy: A 10.
House: With or without Vicodin?
Interviewer: Dr. House, please answer the question.
House: Answer mine first.
Interviewer: Do you usually take Vicodin?
House: Yes.
Interviewer: Then with Vicodin.
House: Well, everyday is different. It varies.
Cuddy: Just answer the damn question so we can get this over with!
House: Fine, uhhh, roughly 7.8.
Interviewer: OK. Dr. House, it says here that you have been to rehab. May I ask for what?
House: Yes you may.
Interviewer: So?
House: Heroin relapse. Tragic really.
Cuddy: House, stop playing and just tell him!
Interviewer: Tell me what?
House: It was the Vicodin. I was hallucinating.
Interviewer: But you're still taking Vicodin?
House: Yeah, hallucinations help me think.
Interviewer: Is he serious?
Cuddy: He's never serious. He fine now, no more hallucinations.
Interviewer: Then why do you still take it?
House: To help my pain! Why else would I take it!
Interviewer: What pain?
House: My leg! Are you blind or retarded! I walk with a cane!
Interviewer: Dr. Cuddy, it says here you have a three-year-old daughter. How do you manage to take care of her and a hospital at the same time?
House: She can do anything with an ass like that.
Interviewer: I didn't ask you the question Dr. House.
House: And I didn't ask to answer these damn questions!
Interviewer: You two have had a relationship. How was it?
Cuddy: It was a big mistake but I enjoyed every minute of it.
House: What kind of questions are these?
Interviewer: Please answer the question.
House: It was great...until she ripped my heart out and stomped it to hell.
Cuddy: I did not!
House: Oh please, I was trying to cope with you dying and you dumped me! That's a huge bitch move!
Cuddy: I'm done here. (Attempts to walk away.)
House: See, you have to leave because you can't face the facts!
Interviewer: What facts?
House: That she captured my heart and threw it away like a retarded Pokemon.
Cuddy: (In tears.) I'm so sorry. I didn't try. I regret it so much.
House: Then why don't you get back together with me.
Cuddy: I don't know. I'm scared.
House: Scared of what?! Love?! Cuddy, I love you.
Cuddy: I love you too.
Interviewer: So you two are back together?
(They look at each other for a moment then say in unison) Yeah.
Interviewer: Good, my work here is done.
House: What?
Interviewer: Dr. Wilson hired me to pose as an interviewer. I'm actually a therapist.
House: Thank you Wilson.
(House and Cuddy kiss)
OH THAT WILSON!
The End.
Interviewer: What is your job here?
Cuddy: I'm the dean of medicine.
House: I'm the head of the diagnostic department.
Interviewer: And what do you do in that position?
Cuddy: I run the hospital and keep House from getting into trouble.
House: I save lives.
Interviewer: How hard is your job on a scale from 1-10?
Cuddy: A 10.
House: With or without Vicodin?
Interviewer: Dr. House, please answer the question.
House: Answer mine first.
Interviewer: Do you usually take Vicodin?
House: Yes.
Interviewer: Then with Vicodin.
House: Well, everyday is different. It varies.
Cuddy: Just answer the damn question so we can get this over with!
House: Fine, uhhh, roughly 7.8.
Interviewer: OK. Dr. House, it says here that you have been to rehab. May I ask for what?
House: Yes you may.
Interviewer: So?
House: Heroin relapse. Tragic really.
Cuddy: House, stop playing and just tell him!
Interviewer: Tell me what?
House: It was the Vicodin. I was hallucinating.
Interviewer: But you're still taking Vicodin?
House: Yeah, hallucinations help me think.
Interviewer: Is he serious?
Cuddy: He's never serious. He fine now, no more hallucinations.
Interviewer: Then why do you still take it?
House: To help my pain! Why else would I take it!
Interviewer: What pain?
House: My leg! Are you blind or retarded! I walk with a cane!
Interviewer: Dr. Cuddy, it says here you have a three-year-old daughter. How do you manage to take care of her and a hospital at the same time?
House: She can do anything with an ass like that.
Interviewer: I didn't ask you the question Dr. House.
House: And I didn't ask to answer these damn questions!
Interviewer: You two have had a relationship. How was it?
Cuddy: It was a big mistake but I enjoyed every minute of it.
House: What kind of questions are these?
Interviewer: Please answer the question.
House: It was great...until she ripped my heart out and stomped it to hell.
Cuddy: I did not!
House: Oh please, I was trying to cope with you dying and you dumped me! That's a huge bitch move!
Cuddy: I'm done here. (Attempts to walk away.)
House: See, you have to leave because you can't face the facts!
Interviewer: What facts?
House: That she captured my heart and threw it away like a retarded Pokemon.
Cuddy: (In tears.) I'm so sorry. I didn't try. I regret it so much.
House: Then why don't you get back together with me.
Cuddy: I don't know. I'm scared.
House: Scared of what?! Love?! Cuddy, I love you.
Cuddy: I love you too.
Interviewer: So you two are back together?
(They look at each other for a moment then say in unison) Yeah.
Interviewer: Good, my work here is done.
House: What?
Interviewer: Dr. Wilson hired me to pose as an interviewer. I'm actually a therapist.
House: Thank you Wilson.
(House and Cuddy kiss)
OH THAT WILSON!
The End.
