YURI TIME //shot
“Scottie? Open up. I need to talk.” I knocked on her door, standing outside her house, dripping wet. It was about a two-hour drive from my house to hers, but I had walked the entire way, braving the huge thunderstorm raging overhead. Brooding about it all night, I decided to ask dear Ascot about what I should do. I shivered at the thought out yesterday.
“Zana! Come on in, you're soaked!” A small voice popped out from the door, and a hand reached to pull me in. “What do you need to talk about? The whole Prussia thing?” She gestured to the couch, wanting me to sit, but I stayed standing. “Here, I'll get juice...”
“Scottie...” I started, but she disappeared into the kitchen. She soon returned with two glasses, handing one to me and sitting down herself.
“Sit. Then talk.”
So I did as I was told, fearing her wrath. She's small, but she packs a punch. She can bring Germany to his knees. “Now can we?”
She nodded and sipped her juice.
“I don't think I'm going to tell Prussia that I like him.”
Scottie jumped up from the couch, pumping her fists and doing a silly dance. “I KNEW IT! I knew you liked him! It was so painfully obvious!” She shouted.
“I... You're completely missing the point!” I tossed a pillow at her.
“So this is how you Americans show love? By stabbing them?” She muttered something that sounded like “kismesis”, but I didn't dare ask.
“I don't know what that means, but I don't 'love' him.” Stop lying, Zana. “It's like... I hate him, but not entirely.” Lies. You love him.
“Please Zana, cut the crap. You love him and you know it. Now, how are you going to approach this situation?”
“Well, I can't exactly go up to him and say 'Hey there Gilbert, guess what? I love you, let me be your girlfriend!'. That would be idiotic. I've been so wrapped up in my own thoughts lately, I've been drowning in my own angst. Why am I such a drama queen? Saying I want it all to end. Because of a guy? One single guy? If this is what having a crush feels like, I don't want it. It feels as through my heart is trying to crawl out of my mouth and do a canon-ball into my stomach, making my innards splash and short out my brain. I feel woozy, and I can't think straight. I think my inner workings fizzled out. After a long night of barely any rest, I've been thinking a lot about it. I'm stupid. This is all stupid. So stupid. Everything. I don't have a chance anyway, and it wouldn't be fair to Mass. Of course I love him. But because I love him, I'm going to give up on him. No one needs heartbreak right now. No one deserves it but me.” Staring at the ceiling, I wondered whether Mass suspected anything. Then it hit me how much I just said.
“Zana, you don't deserve heartbreak. Don't be like that.” She reached over and brushed a hair out of my face. “All you're going to do by telling yourself that is make yourself feel worse.”
“But that's the point! I deserve to feel worse! I deserve to DIE!” I lost it. I started bawling like crazy, while Scottie patted my back. “I've been so horrible and cruel to him... I just...” I hiccuped. “I just want to be a normal person! I want to be able to love. I want to BE loved! Instead, my heart is a cold, uninhabited place! The only person to able to get in it.. is.. him...” I sobbed.
That's when she kissed me. I didn't expect it at all, sitting there wailing, but it happened. Scottie kissed me. Our lips touched, and for a brief moment, I imagined it was him. But shortly. Then reality struck me like a bowling ball and I pulled back from her, shocked by the experience.
“Did you just....?” I gaped. I was off of the couch by then, backing towards the door. She kissed me! She actually kissed me!
“I'm so sorry, I got caught up in the moment and...” Then SHE started crying. “Why can't you see that what you want is right in front of you! I've been here this whole time, Zana! You could've come to me any time, and I'd be waiting with open arms!” She shook. “I love you, Zana!”
I still couldn't grasp the situation. She loves me? We're best friends, how could she love me! Not knowing what to do anymore, I bolted. Running out into the wet street, I screamed at the sky. The person closest loves me, and the person farthest away I love. Everything hurts. My head, my heart, my stomach. The world was a blur. Why can't I be like Washington? She has two men who love her. She gets BOTH. She spends all day happily drinking her life away, in her own little world with her “Rushy”, while England is off somewhere, missing her and wanting to come back home, only to find that she's in a relationship with someone else. I guess I don't want to be her, really. I have no idea how much she's suffering. I don't want to be like Dennis, god knows what he's thinking. I want to be Mass. I want to be HER. She's pretty, and she gets the love of my life. Of course, she loved him before I did, so I have no right to. I screamed again. The world has always been harsh. Too harsh. I was so blinded by my anger and jealousy, I didn't hear the horn. I didn't see the headlights getting nearer. I didn't hear the squeal of the tires on the asphalt. All I heard was nothing, as the world quickly faded to black.
“Scottie? Open up. I need to talk.” I knocked on her door, standing outside her house, dripping wet. It was about a two-hour drive from my house to hers, but I had walked the entire way, braving the huge thunderstorm raging overhead. Brooding about it all night, I decided to ask dear Ascot about what I should do. I shivered at the thought out yesterday.
“Zana! Come on in, you're soaked!” A small voice popped out from the door, and a hand reached to pull me in. “What do you need to talk about? The whole Prussia thing?” She gestured to the couch, wanting me to sit, but I stayed standing. “Here, I'll get juice...”
“Scottie...” I started, but she disappeared into the kitchen. She soon returned with two glasses, handing one to me and sitting down herself.
“Sit. Then talk.”
So I did as I was told, fearing her wrath. She's small, but she packs a punch. She can bring Germany to his knees. “Now can we?”
She nodded and sipped her juice.
“I don't think I'm going to tell Prussia that I like him.”
Scottie jumped up from the couch, pumping her fists and doing a silly dance. “I KNEW IT! I knew you liked him! It was so painfully obvious!” She shouted.
“I... You're completely missing the point!” I tossed a pillow at her.
“So this is how you Americans show love? By stabbing them?” She muttered something that sounded like “kismesis”, but I didn't dare ask.
“I don't know what that means, but I don't 'love' him.” Stop lying, Zana. “It's like... I hate him, but not entirely.” Lies. You love him.
“Please Zana, cut the crap. You love him and you know it. Now, how are you going to approach this situation?”
“Well, I can't exactly go up to him and say 'Hey there Gilbert, guess what? I love you, let me be your girlfriend!'. That would be idiotic. I've been so wrapped up in my own thoughts lately, I've been drowning in my own angst. Why am I such a drama queen? Saying I want it all to end. Because of a guy? One single guy? If this is what having a crush feels like, I don't want it. It feels as through my heart is trying to crawl out of my mouth and do a canon-ball into my stomach, making my innards splash and short out my brain. I feel woozy, and I can't think straight. I think my inner workings fizzled out. After a long night of barely any rest, I've been thinking a lot about it. I'm stupid. This is all stupid. So stupid. Everything. I don't have a chance anyway, and it wouldn't be fair to Mass. Of course I love him. But because I love him, I'm going to give up on him. No one needs heartbreak right now. No one deserves it but me.” Staring at the ceiling, I wondered whether Mass suspected anything. Then it hit me how much I just said.
“Zana, you don't deserve heartbreak. Don't be like that.” She reached over and brushed a hair out of my face. “All you're going to do by telling yourself that is make yourself feel worse.”
“But that's the point! I deserve to feel worse! I deserve to DIE!” I lost it. I started bawling like crazy, while Scottie patted my back. “I've been so horrible and cruel to him... I just...” I hiccuped. “I just want to be a normal person! I want to be able to love. I want to BE loved! Instead, my heart is a cold, uninhabited place! The only person to able to get in it.. is.. him...” I sobbed.
That's when she kissed me. I didn't expect it at all, sitting there wailing, but it happened. Scottie kissed me. Our lips touched, and for a brief moment, I imagined it was him. But shortly. Then reality struck me like a bowling ball and I pulled back from her, shocked by the experience.
“Did you just....?” I gaped. I was off of the couch by then, backing towards the door. She kissed me! She actually kissed me!
“I'm so sorry, I got caught up in the moment and...” Then SHE started crying. “Why can't you see that what you want is right in front of you! I've been here this whole time, Zana! You could've come to me any time, and I'd be waiting with open arms!” She shook. “I love you, Zana!”
I still couldn't grasp the situation. She loves me? We're best friends, how could she love me! Not knowing what to do anymore, I bolted. Running out into the wet street, I screamed at the sky. The person closest loves me, and the person farthest away I love. Everything hurts. My head, my heart, my stomach. The world was a blur. Why can't I be like Washington? She has two men who love her. She gets BOTH. She spends all day happily drinking her life away, in her own little world with her “Rushy”, while England is off somewhere, missing her and wanting to come back home, only to find that she's in a relationship with someone else. I guess I don't want to be her, really. I have no idea how much she's suffering. I don't want to be like Dennis, god knows what he's thinking. I want to be Mass. I want to be HER. She's pretty, and she gets the love of my life. Of course, she loved him before I did, so I have no right to. I screamed again. The world has always been harsh. Too harsh. I was so blinded by my anger and jealousy, I didn't hear the horn. I didn't see the headlights getting nearer. I didn't hear the squeal of the tires on the asphalt. All I heard was nothing, as the world quickly faded to black.
