The following is from The Whimsic Alley Book of Spells. Any irony present is not intended by me.

A Commanding Spell and Potion
by Dan "Rad" Cliffe

INCANTATION
Impero homo

DESCRIPTION
This is a spell and potion to make people do as you say.
Potion ingredients:
Five grams of salt from the Dead Sea
Ten spoons of honey
One full ink cartridge (any color)
A drink the victim likes
50 ml. of your sweat

SPELL
First make the potion in the following way:
You need to take a glass,
Add salt from the sea of the dead,
Add the 50 ml. of sweat,
And stir with a spoon of lead.

Take the honey in a bowl,
Add it to the ink,
Stir the mixture 'round and 'round,
Then you're ready to add the drink.

Thirdly, add the favorite drink.
The potion wil need to wait a year.
After that the potion is ready,
And tell the victim to drink a beer.
Wave your wand over the ingredients and say, "Impero homo." Now they will bed yours to command.