Bizarre fan art

Me, Myself, and I

By Rita Skeeter

Exclusive interview with notorious Death Eater Bellatrix Lestrange

Here I am, sitting in the private dungeon of the notorious Bellatrix Lestrange, most feared follower of the Dark Lord, and having a completely normal interview. Read on to see if there’s more to Bellatrix than just madness and a nasty reputation!

RS: Hello!

BL: *growls*

RS: Do you mind if I use a quick-quotes quill?

BL: What’s that?

*fingers wand handle threateningly*

RS: Oh, nothing, erm, moving on…Can I call you Bella?

BL: No.

RS: How would you describe your relationship with the man known as...

I would like to start by quoting Susanna Laitala, who wrote a review of Breaking Dawn for a Finnish newspaper: "... by Stephenie Meyer, who, in my opinion, is a very talented writer." I disagree: I do not think Meyer could write even a decent children's book, with a plot culminating in a giraffe finding his lost scarf. She would probably decide that the giraffe is suddenly carnivore who has green stripes instead of brown spots - she has already done so to the beloved villains of literature, vampires. Meyer's vampires are in fact 'vegetarian': they drink only animal blood. In addition, they...

1.A lot of trees have been sacrificed for Twishit
2.It's deathly boring
3.Sparkling vampires?Really?
4.Edward is a pedophile and a stalker.To every girl who thinks Edward's the perfect boyfriend: a guy who watches you when you sleep,is not romantic,but creepy.
5.There are a lot of plotholes
6.Bella has as much personality as the spoon I'm looking at right now.
7.Quotations like 'liquid topaz eyes' (since when are eyes liquid???)and 'it's an optional choice'(Where does Smeyer live,because it's obvious they don't have a dictionary there)
8.Bella is the stereotype of the woman before feminism.She's completely...

Publishers Weekly-"After her transformation into a vampire, it's almost impossible to identify with her in Breaking Dawn"

Lilah Lohr of the Chicago Tribune-"Bella's character, compared to the Quileute wolves, is less satisfying"

Kirkus Reviews-"Bella's appeal is based on magic rather than character, but her and Edward's portrayal of dangerous lovers hits the spot"
"Bella's personality is flat and obsessive"

Laura Miller of salon.com-"In regards of Edward and Bella, neither of them has much personality to speak of"

Jennifer Reese of Entertainment Weekly-"You may wish she had loftier goals and a mind...

Ron just wouldn't can it. We were all at the table, while Ron was blabbing about how Professor Snape had gave him detention. For crying out loud, if he just payed attention in class he wouldn't have!
"'Mione, can you pass the butter?" he said with mouth full of chicken. I scowled at him and passed him some. "'Mione, you don't look so good are you ok?" Harry whispered in my ear. I shook my head. After riding a broom and falling off because of stupid Malfoy hadn't done wonders on the headache i already had. "You want to go to the infarmery, im pretty sure the med-witch has." he began but Ron...

I honestly don't hate, dislike, like or love Twilight. It's just neutral with me. I never really had any problem with it until I saw an article saying that Harry Potter copied Twilight. The person who wrote it also went so far as to say that J.K. Rowling is ugly and that Stephenie Meyer is the pretty one. It just irked me, because the looks don't even matter (they're both equal too) and it's not a valid point.

She said something about Sirius Black being copied from Jacob Black - who is commonly described as a big wolf in his werewolf form. And Sirius (she spelled it as 'Serious'. I laughed...